When will you give up?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Fluffy, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. Penelope Hollows | Nellie's Room

    Interactions: Nellie, Demi, Cyrus & Helen @KatSea

    I slap a hand over my mouth just as a giggle threatens to burst out of me.

    Poor Helen; Nellie and Cyrus's timing is just too perfect and her embarrassment is beyond adorable. Gosh, how is she so effortlessly cute all the time?

    No. Wait. Bad Penny. We can't have those thoughts about Helen anymore, remember? Keep that filter in check.

    I pull out of my thoughts and grin at Nellie as she makes her over towards us. However, I openly stare in interest as she grabs hold of Cyrus's hand immediately after he puts Helen's books down and guides him over. It's so sweet how affectionate and touchy they are. Jeez...I really hope I can be like that with someone. One day, I guess. Just wish I knew when.

    I catch Demi snickering while smirking smugly at Nellie and Cy. Oh goodness. Please, Demi, for the love of God. Don't say anything to out Helen. My desperation must've been emitting like heat waves and smacking the bone bender in the back of her head; not a beat after I think this, she locks eyes with me and sighs in exasperation. "I ain't' saying nothing," she says while getting up. To my surprise, she plops down next to me (with a few obnoxious nudges in the process) and watches Nellie closely.

    "So," she starts off casually, "Where be the snacks yo--"

    "Right here, yo," Nellie teases while rummaging through her closet. My jaw almost drops when she pulls out four bags of potato chips, each a different flavor, and carelessly tosses them behind her. Luckily, I catch a big and a second lands on the bed, while the rest are caught by Demi. "Score," Demi whispers under her breath while trying to open it. I stop myself from snorting--she's such a childish glutton.

    "Got more where that came from!" At this point, Nellie had also brought out some more boxes and snacks (fruit snacks, all sorts of cookies and little cakes, nutty bars, etc.), and is now sweeping through her dresser.


    How much food does she have??

    "Aaaaaaaand--Done!" Nellie declares happily as she comes back with a box of...Capri Suns? Oh my god. This is so comedic that it hurts. My friends are so...awesome. No other way to describe them.

    "U-um...Nellie? H-how do you f-find room for all of this?" I ask carefully while passing over snacks and books to Helen. This question should've been casual--simple. Maybe even an opportunity for another quirky joke. However, it seems to have struck some sort of chord...? I think? As soon as the words leave me, the light in her eyes dim for a scan millisecond, only to return faster than the blink of an eye. She shrugs casually while seating herself next to Cyrus, opening the Capri Suns.

    "Vegan Bull magic?"

    "I call bullshit," Demi chimes helpfully.

    Nellie blinks innocently. "Deities can be regular too."

  2. Also, Nellie's got snacks for days yo.
  3. Hmm...... Posted again in the Fated Romance RP.

    Reia...probably going to go into shock.
  4. I love a murder/mystery as well! So you are definitely piquing my interest here.

    Bone2pick made some great points. I felt the same way about the description that you started off with. However, perhaps it may work if you introduce the whole plot later on and switch the first and second paragraph. That way the explanation of who the Havenswood family are comes first, along with their mystique. After you have settled that base you can lead us into the plot with much more knowledge while using the description as a way to set up the mood. 'Start with a base before you build the house', is a tip I was given for academic writing, but it is something useful as well for fiction. In your case the base is the background information of why the Havenswood family -and this person in particular- is so interesting and exciting.

    I just felt personally confused on who the Havenswood were and would have preferred to have had the background history first before being told that I'm intrigued by their invitation.

    Other than that I think you telling us what was written within the invitation is fine, but to dress it up instead of letting it flow in the same paragraph. Perhaps that was already to your intention (I'm not sure in how far clans allow CSS/BBcode), but I don't think it would hurt if you put the invitation text between a simple center align tag, or so.
  5. Fluffy has spoken. That will be all!

    P.S. Don't worry, I'll keep a watch out for her so she doesn't get in trouble.(Jk. :P) She is moving on with her life though which is a great thing. She even moved out and has her own place to live now!!! So like I said, no worries. She'll be fine. Stay cool Iwaku. Swifty - out.
  6. ...you guys can get rid of this now.