When Five Becomes Four

[Cartoonicat]

Standing outside the coffee shop, Kenna waited for both Corey and Joane. As always, she was early by fifteen minutes. In truth, she'd arrived at 11:15AM due to nerves and spent the last half hour or so perusing the plaza, but nobody needed to know that. Even if she had walked into the same pet store a total of four times and bought absolutely nothing. Kenna was pretty sure the woman behind the desk didn't like her much.

Now, though, she waited at the entrance to the place she actually came to visit. Her hands felt clammy, so she brushed them against the pockets of her jeans.

I should not be nervous, she told herself. I have done nothing wrong. Yet it felt that way. Felt as though she was leading the troops here to corner Abel, the runaway, and force him to talk. That wasn't the case at all, though; all she wanted to do was present him the opportunity to speak, since he'd made his presence known last night in the group chat, and hope he'd take it. She'd be disappointed if he remained silent, but that had become something she expected of him. Besides, I would not have to do this if he would just talk to us like a responsible adult. If he would just stop running.

"Kenna!" She turned her eyes to meet familiar grey-blue pools of excitement. "Wow," Corey said, looking her up and down, "you look just like you did in my dream last night." Kenna frowned. She'd dreamt of him, too. Him and the others. "Uh, I mean, not in that way, obviously! You read the texts, so you know it wasn't- erm- ugh... I just didn't mean it like that. N-Not that you're not pretty, because, dang girl-"

"Corey."

"Right, sorry. It's just, you haven't changed since I last saw you in person. In real life."

Talking too much, as always. Kenna gazed out into the parking lot, searching for any sign of Joane, and when she spotted her car pull into the parking lot she waved her over. If Corey had dreamed of her and she him, did that hold true for the others, as well? If it did, what did that mean?

Had it really been Sammie, or was this just a fluke?

After discussing orders, they set inside.

Corey didn't know how often the other two had been in the coffee shop as of late, but in his attempts to get his best friend to talk to him again, he'd practically lived there for a time. He'd stopped for a little while; not long enough for anything drastic to change, but long enough for him to step inside and be hit with the strong smell of coffee beans that'd he'd once gotten used to enough to hardly smell.

He saw Abel behind the cash register. Their eyes met briefly and, suddenly, the confidence he'd gained from having not just Kenna, but Joane show up seemed to evaporate. An itch formed beneath his skin, begging him to scratch it, but he couldn't. Abel was working. Kenna said she'd handle it. Yet, the more he ignored his need to say his piece, the more Abel's text messages from the night prior flitted through his mind. Mocked him, like demons.

Rly?

You wanna be a ghost buster now?
​

Whatever you're smoking, keep it to yourself.

Keep it to yourself.

Stop texting me Corey.

This is fucking stupid.​

Stupid.

​

You're stupid.

Stop texting me Stupid.

Stop texting me.​

Stop texting me.

Stop.

Texting.

Me.​

ABEL has left the chat

ABEL has left you
​

A hand, delicate and with long fingers, came to lay on his shoulder. Gave it a gentle squeeze. Brought him back to reality, out of his downward spiral of thoughts. He didn't know who did it - Kenna or Joane - but in the next moment, Kenna stepped around him towards the counter. He shuffled back, out of the way.

Always in the way.

"A large vanilla frappuccino, a shot of espresso, and a simple medium black coffee," Kenna said. Corey gnawed at the inside of his cheek. Would she leave it at that? Would she say something else? Kenna said she would handle it, but she wasn't handling it - she was just ordering drinks - and there were people lining up behind them and soon they'd be leaving and then Abel wouldn't-

"Also," she continued, halting Corey's thoughts. "When you get the chance, we'd like to speak with you. It's important." He watched as she paid for all three drinks, grateful but also amused, because apparently old habits died hard even for Kenna Johnson. Yet, to Corey's dismay, she said nothing else. Just took their order ticket and walked away.

That was it? She wasn't going to say anything else?

He followed her, if only because he trusted her. Kenna had arranged the meeting, after all. He had to trust her.

He had to.

 

[Fox of Spades]

​

So this was the plan? Confront Abel then give him the chance to talk to them? Joane watched nervously as Kenna said her piece then began to walk away. Corey had done this time and time again (back when she hadn't left them yet) and Abel had always ignored him with expert coldness, what was to say he wouldn't do the same today?

"He didn't look too happy to see us," Joane mumbled as they shuffled into a corner booth. Sitting with Kenna and Corey at the Espresso Express like everything between them all was okay and like Sammie wasn't dead was the epitome of uncomfortable. The tension in the air was palpable and it was like an invisible wedge was resting between them. They used to be best friends, but now even sitting with absolute strangers was less nerve-wracking because somewhere along the way summers at Sea World turned to mourning the death of their friend and it was clear none of them had dealt with it well, not even Kenna.

There was an awkward silence before she finally spoke.

"You said you saw Sammie?" She looked to Corey then Kenna. "I thought it might have been a coincidence too because... well, it's crazy. But Kenna, you saw her too?" Why else would the responsible girl bring them here to confront Abel? Why else would they all be back together? "Did we all have that same dream? The talking animals partying on the beach and Sammie by the dunes?" She couldn't believe the madness spilling out of her own mouth but if Kenna had dreamed it too then it couldn't be just a coincidence. Once was an accident, twice meant something was up.

"So... is this like a Poltergeist? Is she trying to contact us from the dead?"

What were they trying to do? Abel narrowed his eyes when Kenna walked away. He was so close to to telling them to get out of his face and leave him alone, but Gavin was working the kitchen so he pulled it together at the last moment and accepted the order with his usual blank expression. He pretended they were just another set of customers to feed, people he knew absolutely nothing about. What part of 'Go Away' was so difficult to understand? He knew why they were here, they were going to confront him for being an ass and Corey would probably try to guilt him into reuniting with them because of Sammie.

Sammie was dead. Sammie had been dead for close to two years now.

He thought about the dream he'd had a few nights ago and scowled. Yeah, that was one can of worms he didn't want to open anytime soon. Abel continued to work, pretending as if he didn't see them waiting for him at the corner booth. Minutes turned to hours and soon enough, the Espresso Express was empty. He continued to ignore them.

By then they'd finished their orders and were merely waiting for Abel to join them at the table. The last customer (aside from themselves) had left nearly 15 minutes ago, but Abel had yet to make a move toward them. At this point, Joane doubted he'd come to them or that he'd be willing to talk. "We should just go," she said because she was a quitter who found it much easier to run away from her problems and abandon her friends than confront them head on. "He doesn't want to talk."

 

[Cartoonicat]

​

Fiddling and wringing his fingers, Corey spared several glances in Abel's direction. "We can't go," he said, "not yet. This involves him, too; he was in my dream. We all were." Despite Kenna having wanted to talk about things while they waited to Abel to join them - or not join them, as it seemed would be the case - Corey insisted they wait. They had to wait for Abel.

"Corey," Kenna started, "he doesn't want to-"

He shook his head. "No, he has to. Kenna-"

She stood, slamming the paper cup of her espresso on the table, and gave him an icy glare he knew all too well. Granted, it was usually directed at people outside their friend group but, on occasion, she'd used it on them, too. Corey didn't like that look much, so he fell silent. Watched without a word as Kenna gathered their empty coffees and proceeded to drop them in the trash.

Then, she went and ordered round two.

​

"A large vanilla frappuccino, an decaf iced tea, and a simple medium black coffee," Kenna said through pursed lips, "plus three water bottles." The purpose of their meeting had been completely derailed by Corey, well-intentioned as he was, and his insistence on waiting for someone who would never show up. Kenna had figured Abel would not take the bait but had presented it nonetheless, just in case. Sure, there'd been a little hope there, but not enough to put the meeting off.

So far all they'd done was make basic, awkward small talk. They hadn't gotten anywhere. It irritated her, but at least she had managed to keep Corey under control.

"And, yes, we would still like to speak to you," she stared Abel down after paying. Passive-aggressiveness boiled to the surface and she left with a sharp: "It's no less important just because you choose to ignore us." Then she took their ticket and returned to the others, paper crinkling in her fist.

​

Kenna was pissed and she wasn't hiding it well. Corey wanted to blame it on Abel - or, if anything, the caffeine - but he knew he caused it just as much as anything. Wilting, he picked at his fingernails. He shouldn't have derailed the purpose of their meeting, but he wanted Abel there the first time they talked about Sammie and what happened last night. To talk of those things without him felt wrong, even if he'd become a major jerk.

But he couldn't afford to play around anymore. Not with Joane wanting to leave and Kenna getting increasingly irritated. Her tactics weren't working and, though Corey's never had, he could at least try to make Abel understand. There was nobody else in the Espresso Express, so it wouldn't be bugging Abel if he just... went to the counter. Right? Right.

So when their orders were up, Corey cut in front of Kenna and bolted for the counter to catch Abel before he dropped off their orders and retreated into the back room. "Hey! Hey, man, we need to talk to you. Seriously, I know you don't think Sam-" without a word, Abel walked away, "-mie... Ugh."

Snatching up the orders, Corey dropped back down in his seat and offered the girls their drinks. Chewed more on the straw of his frappuccino than actually drank from it.

***
​

"Alright," Kenna said after downing half of her iced tea in one go. He watched her fingers tap against the table, rhythm growing more erratic as time went on. She'd never been good with caffeine; why she ordered a shot of espress in the beginning was beyond him. "We're talking about last night, with or without Abel. I'm not waiting anymore."

"Wait!" Corey stood abruptly, earning that tested, cold stare once again.​

"That's exactly what I said I wouldn't do- Corey!"

All but sprinting to the counter, where Abel was nowhere to be seen, Corey brought his hand down on the service bell not once, not twice, but several times in rapid succession. Shot the girls a worried glance. Were they talking about the dream already? Were they leaving both him and Abel out now? The sound of the bell had interrupted whatever they were saying. Kenna rose from her seat, wallet-phone and water bottle in hand, and headed towards the door.​

Hurry up. Hurry up!

 

[Fox of Spades]

​

Abel's patience was wearing incredibly thin. Corey didn't know it yet, but he was in a precarious position between icy apathy and unbridled rage. If the blonde so much as made one wrong move, it would be over. Abel had tried his darnedest to be patient and quiet, and to meet their unreasonable (ghost-centric) requests with indifference instead of anger. He'd made it crystal clear from the get-go that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with this madness. They could talk about Sammie and stay stuck in past for as long as they wanted to, but he wouldn't allow them to drag him down and tear open old wounds just because they wanted to play Ghost Buster for a day. He expected this shit from Corey, but not from Joane or Kenna.

Annoyed beyond measure, he went about his day and ignored them. It was a miracle he didn't snap, and he managed to hold it together even as Kenna ordered a second round of drinks and repeated her offer. Didn't she see the obvious answer on his face? He retreated to the back room and waited for them to finally give up and go home.

Abel thought they were just about to leave when Corey struck again, this time ringing the bell over and over and over again. Something inside Abel snapped and he made his way back to the counter with a furious scowl. "Okay, that's enough. You guys are disrupting the peace and being loud and annoying." Even though there was no one around, Abel continued to speak. "In fact, you're disturbing the other customers. It's time to go." Roughly, Abel grabbed onto the collar of Corey's shirt and pushed him away from the counter. He lowered his voice for Corey. "I suggest you leave before you do something you regret."

​

Kenna was right, if Abel didn't want to talk to them, they couldn't make him. Joane was still skeptic about the whole Sammie thing, but they'd already opened that can of worms. That, and they were already here. "Corey, let's just listen to Kenna."

Even back when they were kids, Kenna always seemed to know best. The girl had a sixth sense for danger and always kept them safe with her wisdom. When Kenna said to wear a helmet or walk slowly when the floor was wet, she'd always been right. This sixth sense seemed to carry on into adulthood and Joane had seen enough not to doubt her.

She prepared to follow after Kenna when Corey just had to try again. Things escalated from there, and Abel got mad. It was odd to see the once shy and socially awkward boy practically glaring daggers at Corey. Abel was a bright red and held onto Corey's shirt so tightly that his knuckles turned white, he was the picture of repressed anger.

Surprised, and not willing to witness a fight, Joane stood up. "Corey, just let it go, okay?" Abel didn't know it, but he was probably hurting Corey horribly with both his actions and his words. The two had been friends even before they'd met her or Kenna after all. "We should leave if we're not wanted."

 

[Cartoonicat]

Abel sounded madder than Hell. "What?" Corey asked, feeling dumbfounded. He looked to Kenna and Joane, as if for guidance, but he found none other than the one bit of advice he wanted to ignore: Leave Abel alone. He couldn't just let things go, though. Was he the only one who still cared about their friendship at all? Their history? Everything seemed to be moving fast, because in the next moment, someone - Abel? - grabbed his shirt and pushed him back. Corey took two steadying steps before gawking.

He didn't know what to think, what to do. What could he possibly say other than-

"You're horrible." It had slipped from his lips faster than his brain could stop it, yet saying the words aloud felt... good. Balling his hands into fists, Corey shot a glare across the counter. "You're so fucking horrible! We just wanted to talk to you, Abel! Why can't-... why can't you just talk to us?"

"Corey-"

"No!" He didn't want to hear what Kenna had to say. He was tired of being told 'no', tired of being told to go away. He just wanted his friends back; was that so much to ask? It hurt enough that they lost Sammie, but the fact nobody but him wanted to survive the aftermath together made everything so much worse. "We were supposed to be friends forever."

​

Staring in uncomfortable awe, Kenna watched as Corey bit back at their old friend. Stood up for himself with tears in his eyes. For all three of them that'd come to the coffee shop, really. Making a scene was definitely not the approach she would have taken, much less condoned, but she found it hard to look away. She doubted this encounter would end happily - if anything, Corey probably just made things far worse - yet she looked on, effectively silenced by him not only yelling at Abel, but her.

It was like a car crash. Horrible and awful but mesmerizing at the same time.

The spell was broken as easily as it'd befallen her, however. Talk of forever friendship forced her eyes downcast. Kenna stared at a chipped piece of tile. Pursed her lips.

Even if they'd come here with good intentions, Joane and herself had done the same thing Abel did. They jumped ship after Sammie's death blew a hole in it and left Corey to try, hopelessly, to repair the damage. Kenna wanted to be pragmatic; wanted to blame Corey for holding on so tight when the logical thing would be to let go, but she couldn't.

She had known there weren't enough life rafts on that ship. Knew it even as she took the last one and left, leaving Corey with nothing to do but drown.

"Corey," she sounded calmer than she felt. "I know you're upset-"

 

[Fox of Spades]

Icy apathy melted away into searing rage. He was a horrible person, yes, but Corey was an overly dramatic and incredibly annoying waste of goddamn space. Abel stood silent as the blonde unleashed a tearful tirade against him. In fact, Abel even endured the friendship-is-magic garbage Corey pulled out of his ass before he so much as made another move toward the other boy. Kenna and Joane were watching with worried glances, but he didn't care, this was between him and Corey.

"Are you finished? Did that little speech make you feel better?" He interrupted Kenna then, his eyes narrowing as he took in Corey's actions. If any of them looked hard enough they'd see the burning irritation beneath Abel's clam facade. Back when they were kids, they rarely ever got to see Abel angry, he'd always been shy and quiet and eager to please when he wasn't shrinking into the background. "Do you know the difference between you and me Corey? I can tell when things are an absolute fucking waste of time. Sammie is dead. Sammie has been dead for almost two years." Cruel words continued to spill from his lips like poison. "You playing ghost buster won't bring her back, and I know I'm a terrible person, I've been trying to be terrible to you for more than a year so you'd finally get the point through your thick skull and leave me alone. I don't want you here."

Abel's body seemed to tense as he took another step towards the teary blonde. "I don't want to talk to you or see your face. And just... just cut with the friendship is magic crap. I made a decision to leave you." What started out as fury shifted into something much crueler. "Didn't Joane and Kenna make the same decision too? You don't even have to answer that. You know what Corey, I may be fucking horrible, but you're fucking annoying - so annoying everyone left."

"Abel. Just... just stop, Corey sees your point." Joane didn't know it, but her voice quivered with each word. When had their sweet fish enthusiast turn into such an asshole? It was like watching a natural disaster unfold before her very eyes. Everything Abel had said hurt deeply because it was - in some shape or form - true. They had left Corey and their so called 'forever friendship' to rot in the garbage bin after Sammie had died. "We'll go now, just stop. You didn't have to be such a jerk."

The tears in Corey's eyes were painful to watch. Joane closed the distance between herself and Corey and reached for his arm. "Corey, we're leaving, alright? Just forget about Abel."

"The same way you and Kenna forgot about Corey, right?"

Joane froze as her fingers dug deeper into Corey's arm. That had been such a low blow, but like everything else he'd said before then, it had been the truth. She ignored his words and began tugging Corey away. Abel was a ticking time bomb and they were all in the blast radius.

 

[Cartoonicat]

About now would be when, during a car crash, the paramedics covered the victim with white sheet. It hurt to watch. Kenna should have done something, even if that something was drag Corey away. She might not have to look at the broken expression on his face, otherwise.

What happened to Abel? What happened to them?

At least Joane reached for Corey. As it were, Kenna stood rooted to the spot, sucker-punched with shame. Abel was a jerk but he hadn't lied. Kenna knew it; Joane knew it; and, judging by the way Corey ripped his arm from Joane's grasp, he did, too.

"Corey, wait-" The Espresso Express door chimed behind him. Go after him. Go. He needs someone. Yet she could not move. What would she say if - when - she caught up to him? There was nothing to say, because everything that had come out of Abel's mouth was true. Cruel, but true.

She shot Abel a look, though it lacked the intensity it would have had his words not pierced so deep. Kenna wanted to read him the Riot Act. Instead, she headed for the door.

He wasn't worth it.

​

Run. During the dark hours of night he'd often blamed his friends of running away from their problems. Prided himself, even if it was painful and tiring and downright discouraging, on his determination to fix what had been broken. Yet, as he left the familiar chime and faces of Espresso Express behind, he couldn't help but feel like he was running, too. Running from the truth.

Isn't that what he'd been doing all along, though? His feet stopped at the driver's door of his car. As he stared into his window's reflection, he met eyes with a liar.

Liar.

Worse than run, he'd blatantly lied to himself every time his friends never texted back. Each time Abel told him to leave, to go away. He knew they wanted nothing to do with him, that they would never speak to him again if he just let things die, but instead of face the truth he fought to convince himself it would all be okay. That, after they were done grieving, his friends would help him stand back up, too. Those were all lies, though.

"...Corey."

"Don't," he opened his car door between them. "Don't, I can't-... I just-..." want to hit something, "I need-..." to break something. "Time. I need time, so... just..." give me time. "Please?"

Kenna stared at him so long that he thought she might refuse. But, of course, Kenna respected his wishes. She gave him a simple nod and mentioned texting him later, but he didn't know if he believed her. His hand tightened on the metal door frame. Why couldn't she do that before? His eyes flicked to Joane. Why couldn't they when I practically begged?


Because I'm annoying.


The prospect of being alone had always scared him; it's what made him lie to Sammie on that first day about something so small as a band he liked, and it's what made him pretend Joane and Kenna and Abel actually still loved him.

Now, he wanted to be alone.

​

As Corey drove off, Kenna let out a sigh. "Today was my fault," she admitted. "I shouldn't have suggested this place." While she had genuinely wanted to discuss the whole Sammie's ghost issue, now she found she didn't really care. At least, not enough to try rescheduling right away. Something told her that, even if she did, nobody would agree to it.

The whole thing had proved more trouble than it was worth.

 

[Fox of Spades]

​

When Corey pulled away, Joane let him. Maybe a better friend would have followed him despite the protests, but she wasn't a better friend—she wasn't even a good friend. She left Corey and Kenna the moment the ship started to go under. She left them because she'd seen the hurt on the horizon and just didn't want to deal with aftermath and picking up the pieces. Joane was a selfish coward, and her acceptance of her horribleness made it far easier to let Corey go.

Ignoring Abel, she followed Kenna out of the coffee shop and into the parking lot, but she didn't go any farther when Corey stepped into his car and pulled out of the driveway. She merely watched as his car disappear onto the road.

It was just her and Kenna. Joane stood silently as the car crash that was their friendship played out before their very eyes. "It's not your fault," she whispered. "It's no one's fault." Kenna and Sammie were Joane's oldest and dearest friends, but ever since the latter had passed away, it seemed as if she and Kenna had drifted further and further apart. Kenna had tried to keep them together but Abel left and she committed the most grievous of crimes - she abandoned Kenna and Corey while they were still reeling from the betrayal. Corey had been more forgiving, but things were never the same with Kenna afterward.

To be honest, Joane didn't expect things to ever be the same again. She'd hammered the last nail into the coffin that housed their friendship when she didn't even bother to visit Kenna during her stay at the hospital.

Heard you were sick, get well soon.

What kind of shitty message was that? Her halfhearted text had probably been worse than her silence.

You left them too, Joane.

Abel's words continued to burn hotly even after they'd exited the Espresso Express and Joane found herself standing idly beside Kenna. She wanted to say something, anything to make things better but the guilt weighed down on her far too heavily. Kenna probably hated her, words wouldn't fix anything. "I..." say something you idiot. "I gotta go, class in a few hours." No you don't, you're just running away again. "I guess I'll see you around, Kenna." Another lie, but she was good at lying and running away from her problems. It's fine, it's fine—I'm fine. Say something enough and it eventually becomes the truth.

"See you, Kenna."
​

---

Three Days Later - Sunday

---

​

​

It had been more than a year since she'd stopped by Corey's house. Joane parked her car by the sidewalk before stepping out into the sunny Sunday afternoon. She pulled out a box of jelly donuts from the backseat before locking her doors. Abel's words had haunted her nonstop during the past 3 days, and that was why, she was heading over to Corey's house to right some wrongs. The donuts wouldn't change what had happened, but maybe it'd cheer him up just a little.

She walked over to the front door and rang the doorbell. Joane had to wait a little, but eventually Corey went down to greet her. "Corey, how are things?" She held up the box to him and waited for some sort of answer. "Just wanted to see how you were doing after... all that." She didn't want to bring Abel up. "Do you still like jelly donuts?" Not addressing the elephant in the room and pretending that they were still friends felt like swallowing glass, but then again, Corey still seemed to believe they were - if Abel hadn't shattered his idealism back at the coffee shop.

"Can I, uh, come in? I've got an hour to spare if you want to talk or anything."

If she went back to her dorm room, it'd just be her and her thoughts and she didn't want to think of ghosts today.​

 

[Cartoonicat]

​

Answering the door in a face mask would probably make whoever rang a little wary, but Corey didn't care at this point. He had the house to himself until Tuesday thanks to his Dad's big business trip and he was going to enjoy every bit of it as much as he could. What weed couldn't lull, spa days might.

He just didn't expect Joane.

Corey stared a solid fifteen seconds. "Uh... Hi, Joane," he instinctively made to adjust his hair, only to grimace at the thick moisturizing product he'd forgotten about. "I'm alright," he wiped his hand on his oversized t-shirt and took the donuts. Truth be told, he felt like shit, but donuts were donuts and Joane seeking him out surprised him enough to push aside what bitter feelings he'd been nursing since Thursday. "Jelly?" He peeked inside the box, already feeling the pounds piling on. Smiled at the pastries, then at Joane. "Yeah, my favorite," he said, "thanks." She remembered.

Maybe it was the sweet smell of donuts, but he didn't feel so bad anymore.

"Come on in but, uh, it's kind of a mess." And it was. The front door looked relatively decent but not far in the Harper household dissolved into chaos. Somehow, in the two days his parents had been gone, Corey managed to turn their once beautiful home into a training camp for hoarders: Jackets and other articles of clothing were strewn across the back of chairs, some on the floor, none of them even remotely close to his room; leftover take-out containers littered the coffee table of his living room which, along with the couch and recliner, had been pushed aside to make way for a big space in the center; and the smell. It smelled so strongly of cat and weed, yet Corey hardly noticed at all.

Leading her into the living room, he replaced the empty take-out containers with donuts and went to toss them. When he returned several minutes later, his face mask was gone and his hair, disheveled. Wet spots darkened the fabric on his shoulders and neckline. "My, uh... my parents are out of town, so, y'know," Corey shrugged, gesturing lamely to the empty space. "Figured I'd try dancing again. And when is it not a good day for a facial, right?" He chuckled nervously.

And he had done that. Tried, at least. After several failed attempts to remember high school choreography he'd resorted to sitting on the floor while his laptop replayed old videos. He didn't know if his red eyes were from smoking that morning or time spent tearing up over dug up memories.

"So... how are you? Or, ah, wait. Do you want a water or something? I think there's some instant coffee in the cupboard. Doritos, too, if you still like those." Corey ran antsy fingers through his hair, feeling overwhelmed and incompetent. Hosting had never really been his thing; his friends would just make themselves at home whenever they visited.

After a year, though, things had changed.

 

[Fox of Spades]

Joane was mildly surprised when Corey allowed her inside without so much as skipping a beat. They'd spent plenty of summer days at Corey's house (the same way they'd spent summers at everyone else's) but she hadn't visited him in over a year, and stepping inside, made her realize how much of stranger she felt in his presence.

How did one even start conversations with a friend they'd willingly abandoned? She'd never been good at words, that had always been Sammie (with her natural charm and sunshiney smiles) or Kenna (with her knack for knowing what to say and when to say it). Joane wasn't capable of either of that, so she fumbled awkwardly, answering Corey's own hesitant words with her own. "My room is a war zone right now, I'm sure it's not that bad." The old Joane would have flipped at the sight of crooked calendars and unfolded clothing, but she didn't really have the energy to care about messes anymore.

Smiling politely, she followed Corey into his living room and tried to keep her eyes off the out-of-place furniture scattered about. Everything about his home was both foreign and familiar at the same time. "So... is Mrs. Peggy doing well? I haven't seen her in ages." You haven't seen her in ages because you haven't bothered to visit. "I mean...she was always such a sweet cat." She paused as the smell of weed hit her hard. A tinge of concern flashed across Joane's face, but she kept smiling politely because people grieved in their own way and who was she to tell him this wasn't healthy? She found peace at the bottom of bottles on her bad days, she had no right. "It's good that you're dancing again, Corey. You always loved it and you were good at it too." Empty small talk that refused to tackle the elephant in the middle of the room. She wanted to ask Corey if he was okay after the whole Abel fiasco, but she didn't want to dredge up bad memories either. Talking about Abel meant talking about Sammie.

"I'm fine," she lied. "You know, just had some time to kill. Figured I'd check on you." See if you were taking the fight okay. "I just ate brunch, but I won't be here for long. You should eat those donuts though, treat yourself to a facial and a donut."

Is this all they'd be able to talk about now, donuts and Doritos?

Running out of things to say, Joane found herself preparing an excuse to leave. She stopped before she could say anything when her eyes fell on Corey's laptop. It was a video of their school's Talent Night, freshman year, the first time Corey had performed onstage with The Miracles. It had been a passionate attempt at dancing to one of Beyonce's albums, and Joane remembered how happy Corey had been as he danced flawlessly to the beat. Kenna had been beside him throughout it all.

That night, she'd made matching bracelets for Corey and Kenna to wear to the dance. Sammie, Abel, and her had sported bedazzled t-shirts with pride and had entered the auditorium an hour early to get front row seats. Once the dance had ended, all three of them stood in unison so Corey and Kenna could see their names embedded onto the shirts in pink glitter.

It had been a good day, no, a great day.

After the dance, all five of them went out for ice cream then spent the night at Sammie's place. She'd give almost anything to go back in time and re-live that day just once more "You were re-watching the talent show?" Joane smiled. "You guys were great that day, you guys won 2nd place and had the entire auditorium howling."

Was it okay to bring this up right now when Corey was red-eyed and tired? She didn't know, but the words spilled out of her mouth before she could gather her thoughts and agonize over the right thing to say. "We were so proud of you and Kenna. Sammie recorded the whole thing - I... sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."

You're so stupid, Joane.

"It was a nice day though." Another bout of awkward silence enveloped them. "Corey, I'm sorry for everything. I don't even know if I should be here right now? I just wanted to check on you after the fight with Abel went down."

 

[Cartoonicat]

At the mention of Miss Peggy, Corey felt himself smiling a little more genuinely. "Miss Peggy is good," he peered behind one of the chairs pressed against the wall. "She was down here with me earlier. Not sure where she went, though." Not that they weren't joint at the hip before, in recent years it would be rare for Corey to go so much as a few steps in his own home without his cat following at his heels. Miss Peggy ran from strangers, though. Maybe... Corey glanced at Joane, smile slipping. No, she'd recognize Joane. I know she would.

She halted his train of thought by mentioning dancing. Eyes wide, Corey noticed his open laptop, "Thanks. It's been a bit since I practiced, though." Took a subtle step towards it, mind distracted. "Also, ah, thanks again for the donuts." He itched to close the screen but the damage had been done; Joane saw the video. He didn't know why he felt so embarrassed - ashamed? - to have been caught watching old memories, but he did. Did she think he was pathetic for clinging to the past? Did she think the same as Abel? Despite the high he currently nursed, Corey felt his heart race; Why did Joane come here? What do the donuts mean?

Does it mean anything at all?

But then she smiled.

"I, um... yeah," he fiddled with the tips of his hair again. "Yeah, it's the talent show, hah." Corey tried not to let the lightness growing in his chest overwhelm him, but it was hard; someone wanted to reminisce. They wanted to think of the good times, back when everything was okay, instead of pretend he didn't exist. Pretend their friendship didn't exist. Well, it may not now, but it once did. Corey would never let himself forget.

He felt himself smiling, too. "We did, didn't we?" Oh no, "And those shirts you wore," don't do this, "and the bracelets - I actually still have-... mine." Stop. Corey swallowed. He'd gotten so excited that, for a second, things felt normal. Then Joane mentioned Sammie and he mentioned the bracelet and, suddenly, it felt like one big clusterfuck of awkward again. He didn't know what to say; didn't know how to justify holding on so strongly to something from the past that the others had probably discarded by now.

"It's okay." Truth be told, he wanted to talk about Sammie. What had they missed? Why did they not notice? How long had she suffered? Corey laid awake at night torturing himself with questions that might not be so painful if he just had someone to talk to. If he just had someone to cry with. "Really, it's-..." Corey's voice faded when she spoke again. Her words weren't even mean, yet they punched him in the gut.

The fight with Abel.

The fight he, after replaying it over and over and over again in his head since Thursday, had finally managed to smoke out. Corey frowned. Rubbed at the hem of his shirt; picked at his imperfections of the fabric; fidgeted and fiddled because he had a thousand words to say but just couldn't say them. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Why couldn't he speak?

Something soft rubbed against his ankle. A vibration, a purr. It gave him his breath back, his voice, with a simple mew. Corey sucked in air sharply through his nose and looked down at Miss Peggy. She stayed there and anchored him. "I-..." He cleared his throat. Met Joane's eyes, though only briefly, and ended up staring at a family portrait on the wall behind her. "I'm angry. Really angry. A-and not just at Abel, but at all of you, and-... but..." he tightened the grip on the hem of his shirt, "...I miss you guys more than I am angry." Miss Peggy's tail wrapped around his calf as she proceeded to lean against his other leg. His eyes flicked to Joane's. "I'm, uh... I'm actually happy you're here, Joane. Really happy."

 

[Fox of Spades]

He kept the bracelet. Corey's words hit their mark and Joane realized just how hotly shame could burn. Leave it to Corey to keep pieces of beads and string when the person who'd strung them together had abandoned him. She couldn't meet his eyes then, so she hung her head low and stared at her feet as Miss Peggy's familiar meow filled the weighty silence.

Corey had every right to be angry. She braced herself then, for an angry spiel or something. It never came, instead, Corey donned his heart on his sleeve and told her how much he'd missed them - that he was happy she was here.

At that moment, Joane's heart broke for Corey and then for Kenna and Abel and herself. What had they done to him? What had they done to each other? I've missed you all too. She swallowed the words before she could say them, but the walls she'd tried so hard to build, came crumbling down anyway. It was Corey. He'd forgiven her even when she'd left.

"Yeah, it's good. It's good to see you again, Corey."

How are you dealing with our best friend's death and all the abandonment, Corey? Just trying to have a conversation with him was painful, heavy in a way their conversations had never ever been. Had he noticed how awkwardly stilted the whole thing was? "God... I don't even know where to start. I've been terrible to you, a really shitty friend." She'd gotten one foot into the door already, and it was time to see this through. "I... I'm glad you're okay." He obviously wasn't, but he was taking the Espresso Express fiasco much better than she thought he would. "I want to apologize, for everything."

Things would never go back to normal, but just saying the words felt almost freeing.

 

[Cartoonicat]

Something in the air around them changed. It felt like a dam breaking, but instead of bring fear of drowning, Corey saw the shoreline for the first time in over a year. He just had to swim to it. "I-... thanks, hah. Thanks for checking in." Yet, no matter how he tried, he couldn't quite get past the barrier Abel's words had built over the last few days.

Then Joane started calling herself a bad friend and, even though she most certainly hadn't made the greatest decisions lately, she used to be one of the best. Besides, he was kind of shitty, too, in a clingy, suffocating, annoying way. He'd always been aware of it but only come to acknowledge it fully since Thursday.

At least it'd lead to this, though, so he couldn't feel one hundred percent awful.

"No, you're-..." He caught himself and frowned. "We all messed up. A lot. But you reached out. Plus," his frown turned into a tentative smile as he gestured to the box on the coffee table, "you brought donuts." Whether his attempt at lightening the mood fell or not, he continued. "You guys... you grieve differently than I do, so even if sucked, I don't blame you. Even Abel-..." he paused. Was that the truth? Did he not blame Abel? He'd started it; had lead to their collapse. But who was to say if Abel hadn't left, nobody else would have?

As much as he wanted to blame Abel, he wanted him back far more. Corey missed pulling him along on wild adventures and having him try new things, if only to see his reactions. He wanted to make jokes and have him - have all of them - laugh again. Corey missed their smiles.

"I don't blame Abel," he said with finality. "Not completely, anyway. He's a total ass now, though. I just try to ignore it," that last part had been a lie, but things were going well and he didn't want to showcase how obsessed over the coffee shop incident he'd been. Smoking until he puked? Not a good look.

"Speaking of, um... I want to apologize for Thursday," he started, "there was a lot we needed to talk about and I kind of messed that up." A hand went up to mess with his hair again. It'd gotten long enough for a snub of a ponytail, but he couldn't be bothered to keep going to the stylist. "I should have left him alone, but..."

There was no 'but'. As compulsive the desire had been to talk to his old friend, he should have heeded the signs. Should have listened to Kenna.

 

[Fox of Spades]

​

Corey had always been good at lightening up the mood. Even now, in the midst of their loss, he'd managed to crack a joke. "Donuts always used to solve our problems. Ice cream too." She didn't know if all the reminiscing would tear open unhealed wounds, but for now, it seemed to bring them back to better and happier days. "Mom would always get so pissed when we used to sneak snacks up into my room. Thankfully Sammie's folks never seemed to mind." One of the reasons they'd made their deceased friend's home their official headquarters, Joane's own parents were too strict and Kenna's grandmother hadn't exactly been any better. Sleepovers at her own house usually ended with them choking on weird vegetable smoothies for dessert.

It was a welcome change in atmosphere, but like all good things, came to an end.

The conversation shifted to more important matters, Abel and their group's deterioration throughout the years. She didn't blame Abel either. Corey was right, they'd all retreated into themselves to mourn in their own ways, it was no one's fault. Things happened and they dealt with it how they could. She wasn't proud of how she'd chosen to cope, but they played with the cards they were dealt. "Don't apologize. It wasn't anyone's fault. Abel... he'll come around when he's ready, Corey." She didn't know if she believed her own words."Sammie really messed us up, huh?" Two years later and they were still grasping at straws for answers that slipped further and further away.

She never told us she was hurting. Do you ever wonder if we... could have saved her from herself?

Why do you think she did it?

Those were questions Joane swallowed because it would be too painful for the both of them if she asked. Instead, she reached for her phone and checked the time. "I should probably get going soon." She hesitated. "Before I go, how's Kenna? I know she hasn't been feeling too well lately?" She also knew she needed to talk to Kenna eventually, but the guilt held her back. It was easier to just ask Corey because she didn't even know if Kenna wanted to see her at all.

 

[Cartoonicat]

​

"Haha, donuts and ice cream, yes!" Memories of staying up late and sneaking around Grandma Johnson's strict No Boy policy flitted through his mind. Corey felt his smile widen. Hadn't their first five-person sleepover been at Sammie's? "Yeah," he said, "they were cool." He remembered how they promised not to tell Kenna's grandma that him and Abel were spending the night there, too. Several times, actually, after Sammie's place became their designated headquarters. Granted, Joane's parents would have probably been understanding, but they hadn't exactly divulged Kenna's sleepover rules to them. You'd think Kenna would have a better poker face, he thought, thinking back on the times she had to lie to her grandma about this or that and floundered. Strict parents don't always result in sneaky kids, I guess.

His good mood sobered when Joane mentioned Abel again. Someone needed to slap a hashtag trigger warning on the subject, because every time Corey caught mention of his old friend he either tensed or grew downtrodden. He knew Sammie hadn't exactly been the one to make Abel's name hurt so much, but... "Yeah, she really did."

Did Sammie know everything would fall apart? Did she think they'd last?

Is that why she visited him?

Corey meant to bring up the Other Place, but stopped short - Joane wanted to leave. No, no, he thought, no, please. What time is it? His eyes glanced towards the clock as he answered. "Ah, she's okay. I think. We haven't talked much, honestly." Ten minutes until the hour was up. Corey knew he shouldn't try to convince her to stay - knew that Joane had her own life to attend to - but he missed this. "A-Actually, we did sort of talk about something," he said.

Time to go out on a limb, here.

"We went to the beach together, uh, two Fridays ago. Yeah... not anything local or nearby, but this crazy weird beach that was having some bizarre party." What did I see there? The Green Men? I don't think she saw those, though. What did... Shit, I can't remember any- The parade! "They had this... weird anthropomorphic parade, too. We, uh, actually saw some people we hadn't seen in a while." It was vague, he knew, but he hoped and prayed that Joane had actually been there. That she would pick up on the details.

Please. Please, please, please.

 

[Fox of Spades]

Corey's words were the equivalent of a freight truck barreling towards her at a hundred miles per hour. The Beach. How was that possible? How could any of that - the anthropomorphic animals and microphone-toting mermaids - hold so much as a sliver of truth? Joane suddenly felt ill. That night, she'd rationalized that the strange occurrence had been nothing more than an alcohol-induced dream, but if Corey was bringing it up then... this was crazy, even considering it was crazy.

"The beach... I see." We saw Sammie by the sand dunes, and she was alive and real... and entertaining these kinds of thoughts is was stupid. "Um, tell Kenna I hope she feels better. I gotta go, Corey." And just like that, the moment of re-connection they'd shared had been lost, and Joane was back to running from her problems.

Somewhere in her heart of hearts, she knew she'd seen Sammie by the sand dunes as she stood by her childhood friends, but it was far too crazy to admit and Corey's words hurt far too deeply. She didn't want to open that can of worms, didn't want to resurrect Sammie years after she'd been laid to rest. Joane couldn't do it. "I really have to go." Evading all talk about fantasy creatures on a strange beach, she awkwardly shuffled toward the door and reached for the doorknob.

 

[Cartoonicat]

​

There! It was there, that connection! Realization! He felt his heart soar, because Joane had to know what he was talking about, otherwise she wouldn't be looking so startled as she did now. Kenna and Joane had been there - they all had. Even Abel. The thought boiled his blood a little, but he forced himself to ignore it for now; he could deal with Abel later.

"Yeah, the beach-" she interrupted him, saying she needed to go, and his glass statue of hope began to crack. "Wait, Joane!" He followed her to the door, daring without thinking to reach for her arm. Retracted his hand just as quickly as she reiterated her desire to leave. As much as they needed to talk, he couldn't force her to stay. Talk her into it, maybe: "Joane, please. You were there. We-"

She opened the door and he stamped down the desire to shut it before she could leave. In the next few seconds, he found he wouldn't have to.
​

"Cor-" That wasn't Corey. Kenna stood there for a moment, confounded, as Joane answered the door. Then, concerned as she saw the look on her face. Their old friend looked pale, almost sick, and Kenna did not know what to attribute that to but had quite the idea. She looked at Corey, brows lifted. "Did you tell her?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Kenna said and gestured for Joane to let her through, hardly giving the woman a chance to speak. "With that out of the way, we can discuss what it means." As an afterthought, handed Corey the small bag of jelly filled donut bites she'd bought on the way over, smile strained if not sheepish. She had come here both to apologize for her actions the past year and discuss the 'dream' or 'not-dream' they'd shared about Sammie, as well as how to tell Joane should she ever come around again after the Espresso Express fiasco.

One third of that mission had already been completed, thanks to Corey. She did not plan to leave until they sorted out the rest, even if his home smelled like weed and felt foreign after so long. It made her uncomfortable, sure, but his house - like all of her friends' - had once felt like a second home to her. Homes they had left to rot.

It was all the more reason to fix this mess.​

 

[Fox of Spades]

Just a few more steps and she would have been free. So close yet so far. Joane's dreams of escape were dashed when the door in front of her was flung open by an all too familiar face. She fumbled awkwardly then, the words dying in her throat when she realized who their latest guest was - Kenna. The way she'd broken things off with Corey and Kenna - the latter especially - was the thing she regretted the most. What kind of friend sent a text and never followed up when one of their best and oldest friends wound up in the hospital? A bad friend. She had proven herself to be the kind of friend, and the tension between her and Kenna spoke volumes about damage it did to whatever friendship remained. Even back then, Joane had already begun to distance herself, had already begun to brush them off whenever they made an attempt to reconnect.

She'd apologized to Kenna at the beach, but did that count when she pretended it never happened?

It came as a bit of a shock when Kenna (the most logical person in their friend group) brought up what Corey had been trying to say. She wanted to discuss the beach and Sammie's ghost and all the things that were far too crazy to be true.

"I... yeah, I don't think I know what you guys are talking about," Joane answered. "It was, um, good. It was really good to talk to you again, Corey." Why was running away so much easier? Why couldn't she be as brave as Corey. In some regards, she was probably worse than Abel. At least he had the guts to commit to one thing instead of flip-flopping between one thing and another. "It's good to see you too, Kenna. I'm glad you're doing better these days. I have a uh someone to meet." It was the first lie she could think of. Joane didn't even notice that it was a different lie than the one she'd told Corey.

 

[Cartoonicat]

She didn't understand Joane's reaction - at least, not at first. Then it hit her. She's running away. Just like she did before; just like she did when it came time to actually be a friend and visit Kenna at the hospital. Joane could go to as many classes and earn as many degrees as she wanted, but she'd always hold a Doctorate in avoiding her problems. Corey only confirmed her suspicions when he called Joane out on what was apparently a lie.

"Meeting someone? Didn't you say you had class or something, earlier...?" Corey frowned. "Joane, please-"

Irritation, hot and warning, bubbled in her chest. "It's fine," she said without thinking - something Kenna didn't often do. "If she wants to keep running, let her." Having not stepped inside yet, she moved out of Joane's way. Gestured towards Joane's car without a word, and without taking her eyes off of her old friend.

She was mad, of course. To say she wasn't would be a lie; a lie, she realized now, she couldn't make true through the act of pretending. Be it with the real Joane or some sort of odd dreamscape one, she'd resolved herself to at least trying to make things normal, even if she were fooling herself. The whole "fake it 'til you make it" motto would not work here, though. Over Joane's shoulder, Kenna saw Corey's face fall.

And then turn tense.

​

"Would you stop letting everyone walk away?" Corey asked Kenna, a small bite to his voice. He was tired of her acting like she knew everything, simply because she was the least apt to act with her heart. Sometimes people needed heart. He'd had Joane in his house - his house! - after so long. Things were going good! He could have convinced her to listen, Corey was certain, yet Kenna had shown up and not only let her leave, but now insisted on it.

She let Abel slip through their fingers, and now she was letting Joane.

Instinctively, Corey reached out to rest a tentative hand on Joane's shoulder, eyes pleading. "Please, just-... just give us ten minutes? We really need to talk about this." He ignored Kenna's cold expression in his peripheral vision and instead squeezed Joane's shoulder lightly, trying to convey the importance of just ten minutes.

 

[Fox of Spades]

​

Kenna's words burned hotly, but it was that look that sent blood rushing into Joane's face. They'd caught her red-handed and had stopped her mid-lie. She could make all the excuses she wanted, but was smart enough to know that nothing she said would dig her out of her self-made hole. Shame washed over her, the feeling obvious on her burning face.

"I... need to go." Just go, they all know it's a lie. "I'm sorry."

Joane took a step out the door, practically withering when Kenna called her out once more. The other girl spoke in a calm manner, but Kenna had never been good at lying, and the anger bubbled clearly underneath the surface. Her friend had every right to be angry, but it still stung when Kenna insisted she leave.

"I'll get out of your way," she answered quietly.

Corey's hand on her shoulder was enough to stop her, but he and Kenna were starting to bicker and Joane wanted nothing more to shrink into the very ground beneath her feet. If she stayed, Corey would say the same thing about Sammie and the Other Place and that crazy night on the beach. She couldn't deal with that now, she just couldn't.

Joane locked eyes with Corey only to pull away from his grasp. "I have to go." And just like that, she stepped out and left them, just like she always did.