When Booty Calls (Pirate RP)

[Crono]

Stubb grinned at Serkan's subjection, what was a pirate if he couldn't steal rum? A, uh... useless seaman yea that what! And Which was the perfect partner due to her amazing intelligence. He understood her pain, as a misunderstood genius who not only invented the peg- hand but only gave it to HIM she should be better respected this day and age. Anyway inspirational speech aside, there was thieving to be done. After scanning the area, Stubb's jaw dropped at the site of the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. A barrel of golden rum, so over filled that the liquid gold was leaking out the barrel itself. The massive barrel was being rolled by a team of monkeys, the leader of which was a midget with a hat as tall as he was, toward the same market place that Serkan disappeared to. He then nudged Which and gestured to the holy grail of alcohol,"I believe we have our target." He said with a clever smile.

 

[EchoRun]

"Yes," She says, making a telescope with her hands to view the gorgeous barrel of rum closely. "Yes, I do believe that would be a fantastic target." She puts away her imaginary telescope and crosses her arms, looking back at Stubbs. "And how do you suggest we obtain said alcoholic beverage?" Yes, it was a seemingly harmless group of monkeys and a midget, but both could be very dangerous on their own, and together... The thought of it made her shudder. Not after the incident in the jungles of Dupreana. Never again.

But with her extravagantly average wit and Stubb's awesome peg-hand (which she was still quite proud of), surely they could manage this. She began to think. At first she wanted to make some kind of trap so they could avoid having to deal with the monkeys and midget altogether. But they were a bit lacking in materials, besides what they could find rather quickly without paying for it, since Serkan had taken all the money with him. So there wasn't enough time for that. "Maybe a distraction of some kind?" She suggested. "Something really, really distracting."

 

[Digi-Guy]

"Kale, let us leave! We need to go see her…" Hooks said cryptically as he walked off the ship and into the town. Porttown was you typical port town. That is why it is called Porttown. You had various shops, shipping companies, taverns and of course the bloody royal navy. The Shoddy corsair flew no colors as it sailed in, so hopefully the navy wouldn't attack them. Hopefully. Hooks and Kale walked through the streets in silence. Well, not that Kale could do anything otherwise. At one point Kale had decided that some ones shop was a good place to perform a musical number. The quarter master had to carry Kale out before she was whacked with a giant ladle.

Finally they reached their destination. They were at her shop. Hooks swallowed hard and walked in.

"Dearest Sarina How lo-" Hooks started to say but he had to duck as a pan came flying his way.

"Hooks you yellow bellied red necked blue collared black hearted buffoon! I told you no!" Screamed Sarina as she began throwing a number of household items at Hooks. Somehow he managed to doge most of them.

"Hey! Stop that! No hold on a minute! OW! Listen I'm sorry! Whoa, was that a doily you threw at me!" Hooks said rapidly as he hid behind a chair in the room. "Listen, I have a map!"

"I don't care, get out or die!" she yelled as she picked up what appeared to be back scratcher

"It's written in gibberish." Cried Hooks

"Gibberish?" asked the crazed woman.

'Gibberish." Answered Hooks, still hiding behind the chair. The cowering man looked at Kale, who was laughing. Well, she was either laughing or was in intense agony. He could not tell which it was.

"Well why didn't you say so?" Said Sarina

"Because you were trying to kill me" Hooks mumbled as he came out of hiding.

"What was that?" Snapped the gibberish reading woman.

"Nothing! Here it is!" Hooks said as he sprawled out the map. Sarina looked at the map for a while then looked at Hooks.

"Do you know what this is?"

 

[Crono]

Stubb smiled and winked at Which,"Don't worry, as always I have a ingenious plan. Stay here and wait for the signal." He then started walking behind the monkey drawn carriage of glory. Half-way down the street however, he forgot said ingenious plan. Instead of coming back and facing the unbearable shame of a "Well let's think of something else." He continued walking trying terribly hard to think of a sub-ingenious plan. He then saw a fat guy eating a banana. 'Perfect!' He thought as he replaced the overripe fruit with a moldy pig's foot he found on the ground.(The fat guy didn't seem to mind.) Without any fear or foresight Stubb tossed the banana which landed perfectly in front of the rolling barrel which was currently on a slight decline.

 

[EchoRun]

Witch watched as Stubb threw the banana in front of the barrel, still waiting for the signal. She watched as the barrel slowly gained speed as it hit the decline, then somehow gained more speed and lost control when it hit the banana, leaving the monkeys and midget behind (while the midget seemed furious, the monkeys seemed to be too focused on the squished half-eaten banana to care). She watched as the out-of-control barrel gained even more speed as the slight decline turned into a steep incline. She watched as the barrel hit a cart-missing-a-wheel-turned-ramp and flew into the air, landing on a shop's roof, miraculously intact, then rolled off the roof and out of sight.

That wasn't the end of it though. When the barrel hit the roof, it knocked a few shingles out of place, and they slid down off the roof into a hanging flower pot. The sudden added weight made the flower pot fall onto the upper end of a board leaning on a saw horse. This had a catapult - like effect on the board, which sent the object on the lower end, a watermelon, flying off into the distance (its fate to be decided later).

And that was the single most amazing Rube Goldberg type display of physics Witch had ever seen, and she stood there amazed for a while before it occurred to her: they didn't have the rum. At this point, Witch didn't care if Stubb had given the signal yet. She started towards him. "Peggy!" She shouted furiously, though she wasn't one of the most physically threatening of pirates or pirate doctors. "What on earth was that supposed to do?! We fed these monkeys and sent a melon flying, but We. Don't. Have. The. Rum! Nor do we know where it is!"

 

[Crono]

Stubb admired his work and smiled at Which who was coming up to congratulate him. She didn't. "Look I was under pressure OK? Besides I'm perfectly aware of the location of our rum!" A load scream of,"THE RUM HAS REBELLED!" echoed throughout Porttown. Stubb pointed in the direction of the screaming ",Over there." Stubb then began to run towards the yelling, hit a wall, and continued running. Waving Which over to fallow him.

 

[EchoRun]

Witch looked in the direction of the shout, grinning from ear to ear. "Fantastic!" She says, running after Stubb, who was already way ahead of her. "We still have a chance!" It actually wasn't that hard to track down the barrel; all they really had to do was follow the screams of terror, because it seemed that this rum barrel was a threat to society.

Actually, that wasn't too hard to believe once she saw the barrel's wake of destruction. It had crushed one market place stall, knocked over a cart, spilling it's contents (which just happened to be more barrels of rum), and for some reason one of the stalls was slightly on fire. In the path of where the barrel(s) obviously went there laid a man who had been apparently run over by said barrel(s). (Fortunately, he was still alive from what she could tell.)

As they went further into the heart of Porttown, the destruction varied, but there was no sign of ANY of the rum yet. (Her thought process was something along the lines of: Hey, why don't we just steal all the rum that ended up rolling down the street?) Many civilians were surveying the damage, and a few constables were starting to show up. "Wow," She muttered, "The law actually got here in less than half an hour. Must be a new record. Any sign of the rum yet?" She asked Stubb.

 

[Crono]

Stubb stopped, and began looking around for the glorious rum. They were at the center of Porttown now, and the screaming seemed loudest here so the barrel had to be here. He saw quite a bit of madness here as well. Men flat as pancakes, gipsies waving there arms and yelling there protheses of doom, smaller barrels who were sick and tired of oppression rolling around everywhere, and that guy. That rather familiar guy who dashed out of a alleyway pursued by a rolling barrel of golden rum. "Uhh... Yes." He replied to Which. Then he rubbed his eyes and pointed at the guy chased by there target, "Wait, is that Surkan?"

 

[Digi-Guy]

Suddenly, watermelon.

For whatever reason a large watermelon had come crashing through the window and onto the floor in front of Sarina and Hooks. The impact of the large fruit sent tiny juicy bits all over the shop. Both yelled in surprise. Not from the melon, but because of how fast Kale started to ravenously eat the melon. It was like she had never eaten before. She was practically breathing it in like it was air. Sarina looked about her store in dismay. She hated it when random fruit blasted into her shop. Which seemed to be happening more and more. Hooks wiped away the melon juice that had splattered on him and looked back at Sarina.

"So what is it?" Asked Hooks.

"It's a watermelon" Sarina said as if the answer was obvious.

"No, not the melon!"

"Oh, I think it's a mute crazy woman."

"NO, I know that, what is the map?

"It's a map." Replied Sarina

"Yes, I know that. But you were about to tell me what it was a map to." Hooks said growing frustrated

"Oh…..right. It's a treasure map. It says here it belonged to Neck Beard." Sarina said ominously

"Neck Beard? The terror of the Barber Shop?" gasped Hooks

"The same. It says here that he buried all his gold and rare treasures on a distant uncharted island called Island of Reelybadtings."

"You made up that name just now." Hooks accused

"Well, It's uncharted so I can call it what I want." Harrumphed the Gibberish reading lady

"Fair enough. Here is the payment for your troubles." Hooks took out a hefty bag and set it on the table.

"OOOooo. Sea Cucumbers, may favorite. NOW GET OUT!" Screamed Sarina as she threw the map at Hooks. He caught it and quickly ducked out the door while dragging Kale who was still eating a hunk of watermelon.


The odd pair walked down the streets toward the ship. They casually paroosed some vendors and stopped to eat some large muffins. Because muffins. As they finished their dainty treat, Hooks heard an all too familiar voice behind him. The pirate was really hoping he was wrong.

"Hooks, wanted for arson, domestic violence, theft, pirating, plagiarism, larceny, and loitering."

"Shoot." Grumbled Hooks as he turned to face the voice. It was his nemesis. Commodore Reynolds of the Royal Navy. Reynolds had been pursing Hooks for the better part of 5 years. The man had made it his personal vendetta to do everything in his power to bring the the famous pirate Hooks. The Commodore had even once disguised himself as a bar wench to try and "seduce" Hooks so she could capture him. The thing about that was, Reynolds made a hideous woman. He was also a hideous man. He had a mole the size of grave on his neck. His nose was too small for his face and his ears too big for his powdered wig. He had five soldiers with armed with spears. Each one seemed slightly nervous to stand before Hooks....or maybe the Commodore was smelling exceptionally bad that day. The would-be pirate captain could not tell.

"You are under arr-" Commodore Reyndolds was about to say, except Hooks seized the moment by kicking the man right the "stuff". Usually at the point Reynolds would spout exposition and flamboyant words about how he had finally captured the evil pirate named Hooks. But, the pirate really didn't want to listen to the man any more then he had to. So a swift kick to the junk seemed to be rather fitting. The quarter master turned and ran the opposite way, pulling the Ships musician behind him. No doubt the navy was now on the look out for all of Hooks crew. He had to get back to the ship fast. But it seemed that the navy was there at every turn.

 

[Trignome]

"That'll be 27 doodlies." The shopkeeper stretched out his thin, gnarly fingers. Serkan blinked, once. "Doodlies? Sorry, what-"

"Doodlies, yeh fool. DOOOOOOOOODLIES." The old man at the counter leaned forwards, waving his bony arms around in comical fashion, as if frantically swatting at an invisible seagull. Serkan blinked, again. "You mean, doubloons?" He reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a handful of gold coins. Before he could put the money on the counter, the old man snatched the coins out of Serkan's hand and bit into one of them. "Yeh, these be doodlies." Then, without another word, the shopkeeper hopped off his stool and waved to the tall, muscular person shelving canned beans at the back of the shop. "Louse, git going. We got cats and burrows to move."

Serkan walked out of the store with the shop assistant and began loading the supplies onto a large, wooden cart. "Cats and burrows...the man's pretty funny."

The shop assistant hoisted up a crate and grunted. "E's my daddy."

Serkan realized his invisible shoelaces had come untied again. He knelt down and attempted to tie them, while leaning against a large barrel. "Oh, is that so? I mean that he's lucky to have such a strong son like you...er...."

The shop assistant wound a thick rope across three large sacks of hardtack and cornmeal. "The name's Louise." She paused to glance over the ties and padding on the mountain of supplies. "I'm ah girl."

Serkan suddenly remembered he had left his shoelace tying kit on the ship. Standing quickly, with his invisible laces still untied, he coughed into his hand and nodded at the cart. "So, can I help with the hitchin'?"

The shop assistant gave a slow grin. "No suh. This shop don't 'ave horses."

Serkan eyed the towering heap of supplies with an increasing sense of dread. "I don't suppose, this means...?"

. . . . . . . . . .

The first mate was little more than halfway back to the ship when the sound of shouting and frantic running caught his attention. Sighing, he wiped away the sweat on his brow before tugging on the handles of the cart. "Rotten, gizzard frampin', rum-thievin', black-spotted buffoons...Scupper the bastards..." Before he could say much else, a man dashed past him, screaming bloody murder. "What is it THIS time?" Serkan grumbled, as he settled the cart down and turned to face the great beast that was terrorizing the port town. A barrel barreled into his scowling face, then barreled away down the street. Serkan drew his cutlass and snarled at the wayward rum barrel. "Halt, yeh fiend!" And with that, he gave chase.

 

[EchoRun]

"Wait..." Again, Witch put her hands together for a spyglass. "Yup. That's Serkan." She put away her telescope and jumped up and down. "I think he's helping us!" I mean, this was something to get excited about. How often would-

But then it came to her and that completely ruined her excitedness. "Wait, what if he's just going to steal the rum and take all the credit for himself?" That would be highly unacceptable, especially taking into consideration the monkeys and the midget they had to distract at the very beginning of this mess. Like, seriously, that was probably one Witch's list of top ten most dangerous things to do in your lifetime. "We've got to stop him!" She shouted, starting to run, bumping into some important looking guy, recovering (with a quick Sorry, but I'm not actually sorry type apology) only to realize that it was in fact the original owner of the barrel; the midget.

And he didn't look too happy.

This was only all the more reason to run faster. She sidestepped the vertically challenged man, then continued her chase. "Come, Stubb! We can't let Serkan steal our rightfully stolen rum!"

 

[Crono]

Stubb made a small note that the guy being chased by the barrel was actually a chicken. At the thought of his rum that he went though so much trouble to get being stolen by some pansy deckhand, he quickly dashed after Serkan cursing at him repetitively. As they all ran though the streets of Porttown Stubb knew he had to think of something. He looked at the many carts they passed for anything useful. "Glue? No. Grappling hooks? Temping but no. Barrel stopping kit? How would that help us? Fireworks? N- wait a minuet!" Stubb then ran to the firework cart, aimed at the barrel, and lit the fuse which ,for some reason, was tied to all the other fuses. "Don't worry Which! This will stop the barrel!" He shouted to his fellow thieve.

 

[Digi-Guy]

Running was something that normal people didn't do in town square. Vaulting over tables was something normal people did not do. Sliding under carriages just wasn't typical of people. The average person didn't throw mute musicians onto roof tops. The regular folk of Portown didn't engage the royal navy in combat. Quarter Master Hooks of the Shoddy Corsair was far from normal.

The pirate squared off against three soldiers. The three men had actually grabbed Kale, but she had managed to squirm away. In order to keep her safe, Hooks threw her up onto the roof top. The lead royal soldier, who must have been a higher rank judging by his ridiculous hat, reached for his pistol but found it missing. The man looked incredulously at Kale, who was waving the gun around like a conductor's wand. The gunless man angrily unsheathed his saber and ordered his two subordinates to attack Hooks. The two men rushed hooks with their swords. One went high, the other went low. Hooks caught both swords with his meat hooks. With wild spin he threw the mens sword arms out wide. A quick kick to the chest of the right soldier sent the man crashing through a nearby table. The hooked pirate turned in the left soldier who had managed to bring his sword back in front himself. Without a moment's hesitation the Quarter Master slapped the sword to the side with his left hook and slammed the right hook into the man's shoulder. He yanked and brought the man's face into his knee knocking the man out.

The ranked officer was more than nervous to have to fight the lethal pirate. The officer raised his sword high and started to yell. But a gunshot from behind Hooks hit the man in the femur. Surprised, Hooks looked at Kale. The crazy lady was berating the gun. She seemed rather frustrated that the pistol had hurt the man. Hooks didn't waste time. He got up on the roof and lead Kale from rooftop to rooftop heading towards the ship.

Eventually they had to run back on the street. As they rounded a corner, a barrel flew over them. Hooks looked at it wondering why it was rolling and bouncing down the street. He turned back to see Serkan chasing the barrel like a wild man.

"SERKAN WHAT IN THE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING? Did you buy the supplies? Wait...ugh listen the navy onto us. Get the gear and get to the ship!" Yelled Hooks. Suddenly, two soldiers came running around the corner and rushed Serkan. Two more were running up behind Witch and Stumpy. They would have to fight their way out. Well...they would have if Stub hadn't decided to take up the hobby of pyrotechnics. The fire works exploded sending bright flares of hot magnesium every where. The soldiers nearest Stump caught on fire. Well....just their pants caught on fire. A large mortar rocketed at the rum barrel and exploded that as well. In that moment, Hooks thought he might have been in pirate heaven. The exploded barrel sent rum spewing into the air, making rain rum. The hook wielding pirate might have enjoyed it, if it wasn't for the bright flashes of fire that sprouting everywhere. The five pirates ran...well, Hooks more or less pushed and shoved them because they were trying to drink the rum out of the air. When they got the ship, the navy was already trying to board the vessel. But Mr. Sticky was fending them off with his mop. His very...sticky....putrid...mop. They were going to have to fight through to the ship.

 

[EchoRun]

"Wait, what?" Witch asked, turning to look at whatever genius idea Stubb had had this time. Maybe it would make up for his earlier attempt to get the rum barrel. She ducked as a mortar flew over her, basically eliminating any possibility of getting the rum barrel. Witch fell to her knees, mouth agape. That was it, then. There was no rum to chase anymore. And while her immediate reaction was one of shock, it quickly turned to nothing short of rage. She was going to go and vent at Stubb (despite the approaching soldiers) when suddenly, are miracle happened.

It was raining rum.

And it was beautiful.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much of an opportunity to enjoy it, as Hooks was in a rush to get back to the ship for whatever reason. But why would anyone be in such a hurry in the presence of such a beautiful miracle? She came to realize the answer as they came to the ship.

"Oh," Witch said once she caught a glimpse of the Navy. "So the soldiers on the street may not have been entire our fault, Stubbs." That would make sense. But how in the name of Neptune were they going to get through that? I don't think we have any explosives this time. "Anyone have a rum barrel or two?" She suggested. "Or a good idea?"

 

[Crono]

"I have one!" Shouted Stubb. He then got one of the cannons Porttown used for protection from raiders and shoved Skercan inside. While he aimed the cannon he had to deal with Skercan's whining like "ARE YOU INSANE"and "HOW WILL THIS HELP?!" Ignoring his bickering, Stubb saluted as he lighted the fuse which sent him flying past the ship and the horizon. "Oh... Heh might have miss calculated a bit there..." He sheepishly turned to his fellow crew members, "No harm done right?"

 

[Digi-Guy]

Hooks looked at Stubb in disbelief. He had just fired his first mate into the sea. "STUBB! Did you just? I can't believe…I mean….Stubb….YOU OWE ME A NEW FIRST MATE!" Hooks yelled. "Gah, just stay close to me everyone." The quarter master had no Idea what to do. The navy was almost aboard the ship. The only person defending the ship was Mr. Sticky. The captain was no doubt hiding under his bed. Hooks could not command the crew from where he was. He needed a plan, but nothing was coming to mind. Suddenly cannon went off. And then another. But it wasn't from the Shoddy Corsair or from the Navy. It was from another ship. The cannon balls hit right where the navy soldiers were. Which was also the plank to get on the Corsair. The confused quarter master looked at the incoming ship. It was a ship he did not recognize, but they flew the pirate flag. That was all he needed to know.

"RUN!" ordered Hooks as he and his crew mates ran to the ship. Cannon fire exploded all around them. They lept off the dock and onto the side of the ship. But so too had some of the navy. It then became a desperate race to get to the top. Both the pirates and the navy soldiers got on to the deck at the same time. There were three of them. One for each of the remaining pirates. The mute lady had run and hid below deck. Before they set sail they would need to take care of these soldiers.

 

[EchoRun]

The next bit was a bit of a confused jumble of cannons and yelling and a little bit of swimming. Next thing Witch knew, they were standing sopping wet on the shoddy deck of the Shoddy Cosair. Let's just say there were two ways this could've been handled. The simple way. And the complex way. While most would agree the simple way was probably the faster and better option, that was not the way this pirate crew handled things. Besides, there probably wasn't much of a chance of talking the Captain into coming out here and sitting on the Navy soldiers anyway.

With a very excited skip in her step, Witch raced back into the med bay. Whatever she did in there, we can't say for sure, but there was what sounded like a small scuffle and stuff falling over and possibly cat and a shout of 'What are you doing?'. Within not even a minute, she came racing back out, rolling Tumnus on a makeshift gurney thing. She gained momentum, eventually letting the handicapped pirate loose straight towards one of the Navy men, who was standing precariously close to the ship's railing. The wheeled death trap rimmed into the man, who probably didn't believe his eyes when he saw Tiberious coming to help in the condition he was in. Let's just say that he took a quick plunge into the water.

"Great job Tortellini!" She shouted to the kneecap challenged pirate. He said something in return that she couldn't quite catch, and Witch quickly ran over to the less than enthusiastic pirate, ready to ram another Navy soldier with the now mobile pirate if necessary.

 

[Crono]

Stubb had chosen his target the second he landed, a navy man who's nose looked ever so slightly like a seagull beak. The freak of nature launched hisself at the old man cutlass drawn only to get it stuck in Stubb's peg hand. "Didn't expect pirate engineering did you whipper snapper? Eh heh heh!" ,he laughed. He watched Seagull Nose press charges on him as he tried to dislodge his blade for a bit and then with a quick slap of his peg, sent him to dreamland.

 

[Digi-Guy]

Hooks readied himself for combat. But both him and his opponent got distracted by what transpired around them. As the wanabe captain watched Witch throw the de-knee'd pirate at a man with….a gurney? "Do we even have one of those?" Hooks thought to himself. Did the crazy doctor even realize she just sent one of her crew to his death. The man can't even swim. The Quarter Master was about to order her to save him when he was again distracted by stub. Who had slapped a man with his peg arm and knocked him out. How Stubb ever managed to survive would always be a mystery to him. He didn't even look that strong. He hardly had any skill in which to fight with. Still, he always managed to win and survive. The new pirate ship had turned away from the docks and was now headed straight for the Corsair. Hooks still did not recognize the ship, but he got the feeling that they meant ill for them. They needed to raise sail and haul ass.

"LISTEN UP YOU SCALLYWAGS! Hoist the anchor up. Unfurl the sails. All sails down, we need all the speed we can get. YOU! Untie us from the dock now!" Hooks yelled at the Navy sailor.

"But…I'm…." studdered the confused man

"No time for blabbering boy, get to it! NOW!" Hooks ordered.

"Uh…okay…" Said the navy sailor. Then the "new recruit" went and did just that.

"STUBB, fire at that ship. Now! Witch……coordinate the deck. I have to be at the helm since SOME ONE blew away my First Mate." Grumbled Hooks. Witch would listen for hooks orders then repeat them to the crew and make sure everything was going right. The hook wielding pirate ran to the wheel and turned hard to starboard and the Shoddy Corsair keeled to the right and quickly gained speed. The navys blockade was almost in formation. This was going to be difficult. When the Hooks ship got close to the blockade the navy ships opened fire.
"Grab onto something mates!" Yelled hooks as he turned the boat to port side. "STUBB FIRE!"

 

[Crono]

"BAZINGAAAAA!!!" Stubb screamed with glee as he ran across the cannons, lighting them with a torch. There was a moment of pure silence as the fuses disappeared. In that moment Stubb noticed that the cannon he was standing next to was, in fact, missing a stopper for its wheels. "Oh." Cannon balls flew from the Shoddy Corsair and smashed into the unknown ship. Stubb, however was too busy screaming and holding his flattened foot to see the damage.