What's your favourite clean joke?

[Mundane Monster]

An addition to your joke, Minibit

"
How does batman's mom call him in for his evening meal?
DinnerdinnerdinnerdinnerdinnerBATMAAAAN!

If he had a mom that is.

xD
--

What did the rabbit drink before he went to his defense 101 class?

Carrot tea!

--

Why are all Black and Hispanic jokes the same?

Because once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

--

 

[Insidious Joe]

This is terrible, but I think all of us have laughed at jokes pertaining to hair color.

Three blonde women are walking through the woods when they come across some tracks. The first blonde announces, "These are moose tracks!" They all agree on this for a while and continue along. Suddenly, the second blonde announces, "These must be wolf tracks!" They all agree on this for a while and continue along. Then the last blonde announces, "These are clearly deer tracks!" Then they are hit by a train.

 

[fatalrendezvous]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a stage?
Mike

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill

And as a followup to the "woman with one leg shorter than the other" being Eileen:

What do you call an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene!

*cackles maniacally*

I can make that joke because I'm Asian. Don't hate.

Here is one though, for real:

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no.

So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

 

[Lonely Angel]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A white horse rolled in the mud

My grandpa got us with that one alllll the time XD

 

[Cerulean]

A dyslexic walks into a bra....

 

[heliacalRebirth]

I'm pretty sure this joke is clean. At least I got a kick out of it when I was in 6th grade, and boy, was I a surprisingly good kid back then.

*Ahem*

Three men were on a plane. One was your average Joe, one was a psychic, and one was really, really stupid. Suddenly, the plan crashes. The three men find out that they have landed on an island… inhabited by cannibals! The chief of the cannibal tribe approached the men. After much pleading, the chief finally said, "Fine. If you do not want to be eaten then you must pass my tests".

The first test was to gather 10 fruit. So off the men went, trying to find some fruit. When they came back, Joe brought 10 oranges. The psychic, being able to see the future, brought back 10 berries.

The stupid guy didn't show up.

Next, the chief said, "Now you must stick the fruit up your butt hole. If you cannot stick all ten fruit in your butt, we will eat you,"

Joe only managed to get three oranges up his butt. He was promptly eaten.

The psychic got nine berries up his butt, and just as he was about to stick the last one in, he looked into the distance and burst out laughing. This caused all the berries to pour out of his butt.

The chief asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost made it, but now we have to eat you,"

And the psychic replied, "Because the stupid guy brought pineapples"

 

[Alan]

Since this is a thing...

Two baby seals walk into a club.

 

[Shokkou]

Since this is a thing...

Two baby seals walk into a club.

 

[Levusti]

A guy in prison has been digging a hole using a plastic spoon for twenty years and ends up digging a hole right into a preschool. "I'm free! I'M FREE!" He says.

The little girl next to him says, "So what? I'm four."

===

Three cops were on the chase after a brunette, redhead, and a blonde. The three women go in a barn and hide in potato sacks. The cops follow and inspect the sacks. They kicked the first sack where the brunette was. "Meow! Meow!" she said.

"Oh, this must be a cat," they said and passed onto the next sack.

They kicked the second sack where the redhead was. "Ruff! Ruff!" she said.

"Oh, this must be a dog," they said and passed on the the next sack.

They kicked the third sack where the blond was. "POTATO! POTATO!"

===

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?

"OH SNAP!"

===

Why did the cowboy get a weiner dog?

Cause he wanted to GIT A LONG LIL' DOGGY!

===

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Dude, park your car, man!

===

A virus walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve viruses here."
The virus replaces the bartender and says, "Now we do."

So, so sorry.

I don't understand.

The worst, the WORST. The one I didn't get until FOREVER and I was all grown up:

(Points at the wall) Look! There's a nail with meat on it!

>:[ Took. me. forever.

I still don't understand.

 

[Scrap Iron]

When a virus enter's a host's cell, it replaces part of its DNA stuff so that instead of producing whatever it was producing before, like other cells just like it, it'll now produce the same kind of virus that "infected" it.

 

[Levusti]

When a virus enter's a host's cell, it replaces part of its DNA stuff so that instead of producing whatever it was producing before, like other cells just like it, it'll now produce the same kind of virus that "infected" it.

OH MY GOD.

So there really wasn't a punchline at "Now we do?" OH MY GOD.

See, I understood the virus replacing stuff. But I was overthinking the joke.

I feel so stupid. I even do virology where I work at. D:

This is why most people don't crack jokes around me. I never understand. The ones above that I told were ones I actually learned like eight years ago. and finally understood maybe two years ago lol.

 

[Scrap Iron]

Well, that kind of was the punchline, at least/especially with referring to the bartender/bar as we.

 

[Ashi]

Okay, so this one takes a particular sense of humor, but I thought it was funny: In the woods, there's a rabbit and a bear, each squatting by a tree. The bear looks over to the rabbit and asks, "Say, do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why no, I don't." The bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his butt with him and says "Now you do."

Why couldn't the pirate get into the movies? Because it was rated Arrr.

What would you call Youtube, Facebook, and Twitter if they ever combined into one? YouTwitface.

Old Spice High Endurance Deodorant contains odor fighting atomic robots that shoot lasers at your stench monsters and replaces them with fresh, clean, masculine scent elves.

Apparently, there is a musical group called "Garbage." Makes me wonder if their music is trashy.

Dear vegetarians, if you love animals that much, why do you eat all of their food?

Studies show that a Starbucks coffee tastes better after taking a photo and posting it on Instagram.

Miley Cyrus is releasing a new fragrance called "Twerk", its just Billy Ray's tears in a bottle.

If Apple made cars, would they have windows?

When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

Not a joke, but a humorous poem: My beard grows to my clothes, I never wear no clothes, I wraps my hair around my bare and down the road I goes.