What must one do?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by SlamifiedBuddafied, Nov 12, 2014.

  1. Mid twenties and some days I feel like a strong portion of the people I converse with on a daily basis never left their teenage years; incapable of honesty, straightforwardness and most of all incapable of comprehending others emotions. What I hate most about it, is when you have somebody lead you on and on only to have the most cliche words spoken to you when you express your feelings, "Oh, as a friend." Truly trifling words I've come face to face with again and again. So instead I find my solace in being alone anymore.

    Times I feel that too many are destined to face this trivial madness over and over again. Though it may be self pity "Oh poor poor me" it feels like an occurrence which is much to often. To drift over the same fields of desire only to view the same pitiful selfish wants of others. To damn young to become bitter over such an arbitrary issue I know many face in their lives and I know I've so much time in front of me to encounter others who may step outside this ring of madness and this carousel of emotional tides.

    It's like a trap, though I've yet to see whether I set myself up to fall right in or if I've simply bad tastes in women. Whatever the case, it's heart wrenching each time. One can only do so much to give, but this road has become like a one way street rather than a road of supreme compromise in understanding the underlying thoughts and hopes of another; to much given but to little received for the effort.

    Imagine if you will, that you've been chasing somebody for the longest time. So much done, so much love given and always you are given the friendship one seeks, but never deeper 'nor stronger. Friendship is good and I never wish to lose a friend; but when you uncover the deeper thoughts of that person through conflict and find that all your effort is for naught, it truly leaves an impression upon the heart. After years of doing everything you can and it finally coming down to a simple question, you're given an answer which shatters not only your emotion, but effectively kills all the hope you invested into that person. Imagine somebody saying that they fell for your brother after knowing them for but a month after you've vested so much into them over years. What can one do? What's even more traumatizing is the fact that your sibling, your very twin avoids you afterwards, knowing the effort you've put in was swiped away.

    They run off and marry, against the advice of others only for that to crash and burn after but a few months. Then, after all is said and done they dare to return with a heart of pity and a shoulder to rest their head on. What do you do? Do you offer your shoulder because they were once a friend? Or do you turn with a cold heart and deny them, despite all that which you were once willing to offer because of their massive mistake? Was it truly a mistake though? Was it not a lesson learned of the harsh reality of human relationships and the toll it can take on some souls?

    You see them months later, pregnant with a bastard child of some unknown father, you walk by them on the sidewalk and don't say a word. Both continue opposite directions and from that moment on, you don't hear from the person again for yet another period of years... they call out of the blue with so much to say, but then you've become the one who can't listen, you do everything opposite now. You aren't willing to give a thing to this person for they took something important from you and handed it back used and soiled. It's a sad sense of both betrayal and self-loathing intertwined into something I wish not to imagine, yet it remains at the forefront of the mind.

    It was during this period you observe others around you. You find yourself observing couples to heavily, trying oh so desperately to find what it is you missed. You see some who are unhappy with each other much of the time, yet they persist and you can't find even the most simple answer as to why. I know it isn't so simple, but even then finding an answer is like solving trigonometry while chewing a thick bland piece of gum. It's distracting and difficult.

    I don't want to give up, I truly don't. But these days I find myself attracted, but only to rev up my thoughts more than I should, over thinking things; only to be let down when new information shatters any hopes of simply asking that question of 'dinner' or 'going out'. You begin noticing an over-developed sense of fear growing like a tumor on the side of those thoughts of love, romance and the idea of simply having somebody who may go beyond that of a friend, a partner.

    In these November days, when the cold bites my skin and races over my brittle lips do I find myself remembering November pasts of yesteryear. Only to think too heavily on the past traumas without having the ability to find someone new and refreshing in what sometimes seems like a myriad sea of prying eyes and judgmental looks. Whether it be paranoia or a lack therefore of either pride of confidence, I feel I've finally begun to lose myself.

    Again it has happened, to find myself in that cliche place so many have dubbed "the friend zone." You pour yourself into somebody only to have it handed back with an awkward smile and a let down sense of regret in even trying. Why is it that I must torture myself with something which should be so simple, yet has become a harder task than hiking over a mountain or solving a difficult riddle? Each failure seems to make this road longer and yet I bit of hope sinks in.

    I'll think to myself, "That road may stretch and stretch, but one day I can only hope that I'll finally travel that road and reach that sought after destination I've longed for. When I finally accomplish and win that damned road, it will be worth the time, effort and love. But how?"

    I have had some good relationships with some of the finest woman I've had the pleasure to be with, but only for short periods of time before something causes a rift. Whether it be some personal issue or otherwise, I'm unsure. I've dated only six women in my life, five of which felt the need to seek relations with somebody else before breaking it off, which only makes it all the more painful. I am well aware that I have become jaded over the course of this and do my best to leave that far from the forefront of my mind, but it has become weighted and hard to move these days.

    These days the only place I can ever find some minuscule bit of love is when I write and escape for short moments at a time. When I can sink deep within my own fantasy world and escape the grim reality I once thought to be grand and truly beautiful. Though I still see beauty, I now see it is wrought with so much callous decay and acts of selfishness. In the mind of somebody who has been repeatedly told of mental illness, bipolar disorders, aspergers, autism and other seemingly inconsequential mental illness, I question sometimes if I really am socially disoriented from some chemical imbalance beyond my control or if I've just been made to believe them to be true.

    But today, I cannot tell right now whether I've broken my own heart or if that person from years ago finally reached back in and pulled that fragment loose and caused it to crash. Years of mending to be undone by the voice of a deceiver; one who claimed some false love for so long only to place their love elsewhere and then they wish to return it after too much pain. Have I done what I experienced from others for so long? No, it was beyond that. I lost a person I once loved, I lost a friend and I've lost my only brother all because of my extreme desire which started as the need for love but has now ended with the wanting to be alone.

    It's a burn I care nothing for, yet I must suffer through it because I now feel I must suffer what I have wrought. Oh the damned tides drift back out to sea and I only see the skeletons left of what I once aspired to be.
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  2. What can you do about the behaviours of others? Nothing. The only person you can control is yourself. If someone treats you poorly, leave them behind, and carve your own path. The most wonderful part of this populous world is knowing that for every Thundercunt there's a dozen wonderful people right around the corner. Pursue your passions and hobbies and through those, meet people with similar outsets.

    If your friends treat you poorly, they aren't your friends. They're baggage of the past to be left behind if they refuse to listen to you.

    Because at the end of life's journey, the only person who will own up to all of your actions is yourself. It's true that experiences and memories build up your character, but only if you learn from them, only if you use them to improve yourself and don't dwell within them. Life is too short to be spent being loyal to abusers and sycophants! Stand and move forward! Will it hurt sometimes? Yes. Will you feel lonely sometimes? Yes. Will you cry sometimes, feel hopeless, even broken? Of course. "Life isn't easy" is easy to say, but hard to grasp. It's easy to look at others as the source of your misery, see others who didn't empathize who you invested time and care into, people who were to supposed to love you who turned their backs on you in your darkest hour. It's easy to look up into a cold, grey sky, and scream at the world for damning you. The hardest truth in life however is knowing that no matter how loud you scream or with how much dignity you carry your pain, the world will not hear or see you.

    Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey. The destination is death: If you spend your whole life preoccupied with the future, you will miss the present, and die without anything positive to look upon. It isn't about nirvana, it's about how you deal with consequences and pain. It's easy to be a good person in good times, but how do you reflect in dark times?

    I know this doesn't sound sympathetic, I know it sounds harsh and cold, but mate, the only person you can control is yourself. The only person you can hold accountable is yourself. The only person who's actions you can always predict is your own. It's your life, not theirs, own it. Get on top of it. Make something out of it. If the people around you make you feel miserable, tell them. If they don't care, move on, they're not going to start caring just because you expressed more pain they didn't care for the first time. You will find better people. You will have better times... Only if you decide to make something out of all of this.
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  3. Thank you for your words @Brovo. That does mean a lot and no, it doesn't seem harsh or cold. I do understand very much life was never a fair game. There are times when my mind just seems to sink in ways I can barely comprehend. I lose myself at times within my own head. For so long I've tried to take control and I know I've made progress, but something which remains a constant in my life is the genuine inability to grasp the internal conflicts of a relationship. Beyond that of a friend, for I know I've many good friends who would sacrifice for me and I for them. People who I love very much and who have been with me for quite some time, a few I've known since I was but a child.

    I suppose if anything, I'm good at tricking myself. It's something I've bettered, but we know what becomes of some habits. There are those I've openly expressed my own conflicts with and that has made not only us better people, but better friends who have learned to overcome difficult obstacles. But with some, once in a blue moon, I go well beyond the call out of a sense of affection and desire; but after a period of time and even flat out telling your feelings numerous times, one eventually leads themselves to a revolving conclusion which only leads to a jaded view. That is something I've kept a solid track of, keeping myself as far from that as I could.

    I suppose, when it comes right down to it; I have a hard time taking the easy way. Confidence is something I embrace but don't use as I could and should.

    I don't want to control others in any form, I just want to understand; and even then the truth is harsh as I'm sure we all know.

    Once again, thank you. It's always good to share thoughts.
  4. Sometimes it helps to just hear it from someone else. Whether it's a hug or a slap, or both.

    Just glad to help a fellow human in pain. :)
  5. Thank you for sharing with us these thoughts and complex emotions, so many feels.
    I often feel that humans could be far more advanced if we just stopped being so concerned with 'love'. In our youngest years of life 'love' is shoved in our faces and glorified on this toadstool next to things like freedom, and rights.

    I would have to say that Love is very much like...like respect. It's earned. It's like trust, hard to get back once broken or lost. Love is not what we believe it to be when we are young and it become a pandemic of cookie-cutter nonsense. Too many of my former acquaintances, Pre-Iwaku, lost touch with me either as soon as they got pregnant, or thought about nothing but...romance.

    Romance is fine and well, but I couldn't take much of it, not even when I was a teenager. No matter how I warned friends..they never listened to anything I said. That feeling of hating to be right happened too often for me to want friends in the end.

    Fact of the matter was, human beings learn from others...or from their own experiences...Love is not as subjective as people like to say, there is this illusory veil that overshadows the truths about what true love is and it is not marriage, engagement...nor is it holding hands and OOXOXOXOX stuff. It's fucking difficult...if it is not the Hardest thing you've ever done in your life than you are doing it wrong. Love complements and challenges, nurtures and strengthens, laughs and cries.

    Love means always saying you are sorry and always bettering yourself so that the best of you is everything you can give. It's tough work and does not happen at first sight. You know what happens at first sight? Boners and Judgement. Time is the only thing that truly determines love to be true. This is all of course my own opinions. I've lost many people to 'love', it has changed people I used to know into beings I can barely recognize. In good ways and bad ways.

    All I know is you are not alone @DGraves
    you are not alone, this topic in general has reoccurred with me a few times.

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  6. Thank you much @Fijoli.

    I suppose this is a re-occurrence I typically come back to. Just a series of events led to some needed venting and the responses I've received here seem sympathetic and true.

    And yes, romance is something that seems to be pushed toward the youth much more than it needs to be. There are many other great things to experience other than love; I suppose in my mind, it's one of those things that always seems further away than it actually is. But of course, I do have much love in my life. I love some of my friends, in the sense that I would not be whom I am this day without those people. The same goes for my parents and even my siblings (whom I've never really gotten along with). But of course, I've been told and I've told myself that I know all these things will come in due time through patience, but above all else (as you've stated above) respect.

    But of course, I've had a share of personal loves as well. Those whom you share the deepest most intimate places of the mind without fear or judgement. But of course, this goes for family and friends as well, so that need is met five fold. I suppose at the time of that initial post above, I was in a mildly confused place at the time and having a hard time sorting things out. I know what I've got in front of me, I know the people who will be beside me ten, twenty or even thirty years from now. Hell, I wouldn't mind knowing some of the people which are barely acquaintances here on Iwaku twenty years from now. Why? Because their words hold something dear to my heart. Expression to random eyes, revealing secrets in nuance ways which only the author may truly understand, but there are those who relate so strongly to their words, one cannot help but feel a certain sense of peace.

    As my mother told me many years ago (bless her soul),

    "We are survivors. All of humankind. We keep on moving until we are but ash. But do not fret over the outcome we all must travel; know those you hold dear and they too will survive. Even when they pass, that love and joy will continue beating long afterward. There is so much love in the world. I cry to know there are those who cannot find such a plentiful resource which all men and women thrive upon."

    Mmmm, thanks again 'yall.
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  7. Really well said!

    Love is really hard work. Love is what comes after the butterflies in the stomach fade away. It's the boring Tuesday nights eating chicken strips and fries for the thousandth time, then trying to figure out if you should do something together or just do your own thing until bed. It's the snotty, sneezing and coughing fits as you or your partner get sick, and it's seeing your partner in the most unattractive situations you can imagine and not judging them for it (and knowing the reverse is true as well). It's after you know each other's secrets and hopes and dreams, and it's waaay after the first time you have sex. It's being there for them through their failures and successes, good times and bad. When the quirks that you thought were cute now drive you crazy, when you argue over little things and when you realize they're flawed just as much as you are. Relationships are hard work, and they take practice, honesty, integrity, and a positive attitude.

    Being rejected hurts, I know. It's basically having someone taking a look into your very soul, seeing your hopes and dreams and what makes you you -- and then saying no, they don't like it. But if we don't take our failures and reflect upon them, we won't grow as people. Like Brovo said, you've got to pick yourself up, take responsibility for your own life and get yourself out there. If you continually feel sorry for yourself, you'll only continue a self fulfilling prophecy. No one wants to date someone who's unhappy with their life but unwilling to change.

    You seem to hold a lot of resentment towards one girl who made a mistake. Considering the situation, isn't she in the worse position? We're all trying to find our way in this big world and it's even more confusing once we start throwing the 'L' word around. It's easy to judge others for their choices -- especially when those choices can hurt us -- but in the end, that's their choice and they live with the consequences, not you. Resentment towards her will gain neither of you anything. The fact that she contacted you even after so many years says something about how much you meant to her.
  8. I have some base questions;

    Lead you on? How, What words constitutes leading you on. Many times, our mind will put meaning and context there that isn't relavant. Trust me man, I have been in that pit of emotions where I am afraid to make a move becouse bad experiences. But here is the kicker. They owe us NOTHING for our advances and we owe them nothing back. And that is all there is to it. Friendzone is something people tell themselves to either deal with rejection, or in worst cases, use it to make themselves feel better. So many times you have "I am a nice guy, why am I in the friendzone?" The reason is simple. You were not compatible with the person you were interested in. It sucks. You hurt. But you move one. The only friendzone that exist is ones own mental state. Move one, move forth. They like you as a friend? Ok that is great. YOu have a friend! The only reason you were to get angry at that if you had invested time in being nice to her or him for the sole purpose of a relationship. That's manipulative. Just be nice to everyone, regardless of who they are. And if you do that, someone will get interested in you, they will see that you are a good person with a big heart. And friends will feed you positive energy, posetive emotions. That builds you up. Makes you more attractive.

    What you can and should do, it is to pick yourself up by the collar for everytime you are turned down, and trod forward. The world is full of people of all sizes, shapes and personalities. As Brovo stated, sticking to the things you like to do, pursuing hobbies, will lead you to like minded people. That in turn might just help you find the one for you.What you have to do is to move forward and not dwell on what could have been. To not bother about looking what happened to those that wasn't to be. They have their own lives, their own minds and their own sources of attraction. TO observe and try and understand them to better understand is worthless, and harmful for your own self.

    I find a lot things boils down to this;
    Treat people like you want to be treated. Do not expect anything in turn for your own actions, not love not hate. You do what you do becouse its the right thing to do. Be respectful, be yourself and if people give you grief you bite back or ignore them. Have confidence, even when the world stare you down. Do not waver even if your life has been wrecked with mistaken love. There is one way, that way is forward. Put some swagger into your step, keep your chin up and do you. Don't dwell. Do you.