What can I do for my depressed friend?

[Berry]

The entire time I've known my current boyfriend, he's been depressed. From what I can figure out, he has been for awhile now, but he has never told anyone about it so it's steadily gotten worse. Recently he finally told his family and they've been very supportive (both his brother and father have had similar issues), so now he's on antidepressants and going to a week-long therapy session next week.

My concern is that I never know what I can really do for him or how I can help him through dark areas because he's not good at confiding in people or saying what he wants. .-. I do my best to be as supportive as possible but I haven't really been in that place so I don't know what I can do that would help him.

He really doesn't like to talk about himself or his problems, but when he doesn't say anything I don't know what I'm supposed to do. >-< I really want to know what is up with him but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable so I guess it's a fine line. .-. He says that he's told me more than his parents or therapist, but from what he tells me I can't really think of ways to help? And when I press him a little bit, he just tells me that he doesn't want to worry/stress me which inevitably makes me worry/stress more.

He knows that I really want to be able to help and understand him and he tries to accommodate that, but in the end all he comes up with is "you're fine as you are/doing what you're doing". I mean I try to do as much as possible (I visit him at home when he's not allowed to come to school, I make him cards with nice messages, once I wrote a three-page letter about all the things I love about him, etc) but he's so special to me I just feel like it's not enough. >-<

Thank ya'll for any input! <3

Berry

 

[Kagayours]

You said that he's on anti-depressants now and seeing a therapist, and I'd say those two things are certainly the best help he can get. How long has he been on anti-depressants? It might be a while till there's a noticeable improvement in his mood and energy, but, hopefully his condition will improve soon.

As for the rest... well, honestly I'm not sure there is much more you can do for him. I don't mean that in a "there's nothing we can do, all hope is lost" sort of way -- but like, you can't cure his depression. The closest anyone's going to be able to get to "curing" it will be the professional help that he's already getting. I know it sucks, seeing someone you care about suffer and not being able to do anything about it, but, sometimes, there really is only so much you can do.

What I recommend is: be there for him, which it sounds like you already are. I don't think it's necessary to make him confide in you any more than he's comfortable with, since it's not like he doesn't confide in anyone, and he already has professional support. If he didn't have that, and if he refused to say anything to his parents or talk to a professional? Then it would be a different story. But he does have those things, and, that's already great news.

I guess the only other thing I can say is... make sure he keeps taking his meds, and see if you can turn him around again if he ever starts avoiding his therapy sessions or rejecting the help he's been getting. I'm not saying he's likely to do any of those things, but, if you're looking for ways to help, that's the only other thing I can really offer.


It sounds to me like he's already in a much better situation than he could be. All you can do now is continue to offer emotional support when he needs it, and try not to worry about him too much. I know that's a hard thing to do, but, honestly it can be a bit unhealthy to worry too much about another person, especially when you've already done all that you can. Just remember that he is getting help, and hopefully that'll start to show in the near future.

Edit: Oh, and see if you can encourage him to open up to his therapist a bit more. Try to emphasize that his therapist can do much more to actually help than you can. Unfortunately, if he doesn't listen to your advice, then there's really not a ton you can do to change that. You just have to do your best to convince him that his therapist will be a much better source of help for him.

 

[Kestrel]

You say depression is within the family. What this means is, it's going to stay with him throughout his entire life. While his therapist, family and yourself may be able to support him to some degree, ultimately this is going to be his fight alone. It is shit. It is unfair as fuck. But it is how it is.

As far as what you can do for him, Kaga has it covered. Just remember you have a responsibility to yourself before anyone else. If you cannot find a lasting happiness with a depressed partner, don't forget to think about yourself.

 

[howl]

As someone who has depression, I agree with kaga- there's probably not much else you can do for him. It's good to be understanding and be there for him, and maybe offer to help out with keeping his room clean or something if he's in a bad episode and if he's anything like me, gets behind on chores and ends up with a super messy room. :b Feeling bad and being surrounded by your own garbage just makes everything worse lol.

Of course, I don't think you should baby anyone either and do everything for them, but other than that I guess it's up to both of your discretion.

Ultimately there's nothing the average person can do to help out with something like depression- it's up to meds and therapy. if he's on meds for the first time, keep in mind the first meds you try aren't always a perfect match and he might have to try more than one before he finds one that actually works.

He's already told you how he feels, so I'd stop bugging him about it. I tend to get annoyed by that kind of thing easily- idk about him because I don't know him lol.

Everyone's different, and even if they have the same disorder (i.e, depression) different things will help them, so it's hard to give any advice about any mental illness without being vague.

That being said, good luck, you seem to be really nice and you probably are helpful. ^^