What are the most important lessons you've learned in life?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Hatsune Candy, Jan 24, 2016.

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  1. We all make mistakes in life, it's our job to learn from them. So tell me, what are some of more important things that you've learned from these mistakes? Just so we're clear, this is not a thread for dwelling on the past, this is a thread for positive reflection; any sort of regrets you have about the past should be either kept to yourself or saved for a more suitable discussion.

    I'll share some of the stuff that I've learned after I hear what some of you guys have to say.
  2. Let it go. Don't hang on to anger, grief, sadness, guilt, etc. There is no sense in wasting your energy on something that is over and done with! Traumatic childhood, shitty ex, asshole on a forum... just let it go. O_O ESPECIALLY if that problem is no longer in your life.

    And my other favorite CALM YOUR TITS. Because no problem is as horrible as you think it is. Calm down, take a step back. Ride it out, let it go, whatever has to be done. You don't have to freak out!
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  3. Just these:

    1. Face your fears

    2. The truth will set you free

    3. If it isn't better today, try tomorrow, and then the day after. It rarely gets worse in the way you think. If it does get worse, it truly is upon yourself.
  4. Nobody and nothing gives even the slightest remote shred of a slight inch of an ounce of a tiny rat's assed fuck about your feelings. Not unless it either validates their political/religious beliefs, or satisfies their own internal cravings to do good things. People tolerate each other when they're upset, they don't enjoy the company. Ask anyone who struggles with depression what most of their friends do when they hit an episode. I'll tell you now: It rhymes with "they don't talk to me." What do loved ones do? They either try in futility to "fix" them in order to make their company pleasurable again, or they tolerate it for greener pastures because they find themselves in the enviable position of valuing the good times sufficiently so that they can tolerate the bad. Then you get people who pretend to speak on your behalf, because they share the same religious views, or because they view you as a minority in need of a white horse and silver shield. They don't talk to you, they talk at you, and shove you in a box of expectations. If you fail to meet those, they'll shout at you, and tell you that you're wrong, and berate you. They'll bully you, and mock you, and deride you, until you leave or they do.

    The universe don't care either. If there is a god, he's so far beyond nebulous in form and purpose, that my belief in him is irrelevant: It won't change how it treats me. There is no karma: Bad people sometimes win, and win big, and become billionaires and run corporate or political empires that keep everyone in line. That is, until they die... Rich, and happy, and surrounded by beautiful looking people who wouldn't pay you even a half a second of their time because they're too busy selling their looks for an easy ride that you'll never get. Life isn't fair, life doesn't care, one day you will curl up and die and the most people might do for you is show up to a funeral where they will mourn their loss, not your death. Where they will bury you, and you'll get a nice headstone that after a few years, will be entirely forgotten. Your existence, all your emotional turmoil, all your trials and tribulations, everything you were, all your hopes and dreams, all your accomplishments and failures... Will all be wiped away. Not out of some force of malevolence, but out of simple apathy: Nothing will care. Nobody will care, because they all have their own lives, and like you, they have too much shit to deal with to care about you. Even if you somehow end up famous enough to end up in a textbook, or as a popular film star, you will die... And then people will only study you and your work to become your better, or because they find personal enjoyment out of it: Not out of some sincere love for you, the person they never met. Your ghostly image will be used purely for their own entertainment, nothing more.

    Everything sucks, and then you die.

    But there's something liberating about that.

    You can't fail. There's no greater destiny. No greater purpose, or point, than that which you give your own life. That point or purpose being purely that which satisfies your own needs, and dreams, and desires. Trying to impress upon your sky daddy by being a good person? Good for you. Trying to get rich and fuck as many hookers as you can before you die? Fantastic plan, sir, just beware the STI's. You want to settle down, have a family, kids, a house? Pursue it. Find what drives you and pursue it without shame or fear. Others will berate you, but their words will fade. You will have failures and embarrassments, but those things will fade.

    The only way you can possibly fail to live your own life, is to be so scared and so cautious, that you never end up living it. That you become scared of others berating you, and attacking you. That you become scared of failure. Get that word out your mind: Failure is a temporary state, like everything else. There is no failure, only setbacks. If you don't accomplish your goals before you die, that's not failure: That's life. You got to spend your whole life pursuing what you wanted. Congratulations, few ever find such motivational purpose, and perhaps you paved the way for another to take up the mantle and finish your work.

    Don't put your emotional needs on others. Don't expect the world to conform, because it won't. Don't create and follow political doctrines that require you to berate and attack other people who refuse to conform to whatever your feelings might be. "Feels be realz yo" is the shittiest way to go through life, because you will be constantly miserable. Put the burden of your emotions on yourself, and carry them. They'll be heavy sometimes, you'll fall and cry sometimes, you'll feel defeated sometimes, you'll feel pain. That's all normal. We all feel that. Get back up and keep trying. Not because I told you to do so, because the world won't stop spinning anytime soon, and if you don't move yourself, you'll get flung off into space... Or used as a political puppet for others to publicly berate people with.

    This isn't to say that you won't find people who care. You will.

    They'll just only care because they get an emotional satisfaction out of it themselves... And if things change, and they don't get it from you anymore, they'll leave. Be it a wife, or a husband, or a partner, or family, or friends, or whoever else in life.

    All love is unrequited, there is no such thing as pure altruism. It's all tinged with a hint of emotional satisfaction in one's own self. Get past that, get over it, we're an egocentric species. We value ourselves more than individual ants do, that's just who we are. Live your damn life, knowing that you will die and everything you knew will fade in time. Both the good, and the bad, and then? There's no more strings attached to you. You're free.
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  5. Don't get yourself caught up with drama and bullshit. Your life will be a lot more fulfilling if you're able to turn a blind eye to dumb internet arguments and inflammatory comments and cut out problematic people from your life, trust me.

    Throughout life, you'll make numerous acquaintances who are a part of your primary circle of friends at different points in your life. Your true friends are the ones who try to keep you in their lives over the years, regardless of how long and how far you go between seeing or even speaking to each other. Nothing's quite as sobering as finding out the person you thought was your best friend for nearly a decade can't be bothered to keep in touch when you move.

    Never change who you are for somebody else, especially if it's in the interest of impressing somebody you want to date. If you have to change who you're comfortable with to be with somebody else, then they want that person, not you. That said, that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to better yourself or stop bad habits you're aware of if you think it'll make somebody else happy - just make sure that the mean reason you're doing it is because you'll feel better about yourself.

    Likewise, don't try to change somebody else to suit your own desires. If somebody has hobbies or interests that you don't care for, that's okay. The key to a happy, healthy relationship with anyone, friends and significant others alike, is to accept we're all different and sometimes that means letting them do shit you don't care for.

    If you are dating someone, for the love of god, give each other some space. The most miserable and destructive relationships I've ever seen are the ones where the couple spends every waking moment together and don't maintain separate groups of friends and hobbies. Nothing causes arguments and rifts nearly as much as people who get so used to each other that the prospect of them spending time with other people is terrifying. If you want to go out to the bar with your friends, your SO should be totally comfortable with you doing that. You don't have to do everything together, and you should be able to maintain a healthy, happy life apart from each other. Do not let a relationship destroy the social lives you maintained before hand.

    You are the force of change in your life, do not wait for something to come along to motivate you. If you want to be active or get shit done, just get up and do it. The biggest enemy you'll face is being lazy and inactive. Take some time to clean, do chores, go for a walk, do something. You will feel a hell of a lot more fulfilled as a person if you're getting things done instead of letting them pile up. This is especially important when you hit a point in your life when you aren't in school and your life outside of work starts to really quiet down. Don't be afraid to try new things like learn recepies, rearrange the apartment, pick up a book, go out and see somewhere new, whatever. Keeping your body and your mind active will go a long way in making you feel a lot more fulfilled and happy.

    Take pride in your work. It doesn't matter if you're a cashier or a rocket scientist, your satisfaction from your job comes from what you put into it. If you go in with the mentality your job sucks and you hate everything about it, guess what? It's going to be just that. But if you can see the good things about it and do your best to make the most of it, you might find work is a lot more enjoyable. You can't do much about shitty bosses or coworkers, but you can totally own the shit out of making that grocery shelf look the best in the entire store, and nothing's better than actually going out of your way to help somebody in need. I've worked a lot of jobs where I got no recognition for what I did from the higher ups, but the fact I was able to make a coworker's day better by giving them a hand was worth more to me in the long run. Also, don't be afraid to have a little fun with your job. For example, when I worked at a deli in Walmart, I hung up signs all over the place with goofy shit like "HERE BE DRAGONS" over the walk in cooler, and "(!) WARNING THE OVEN WILL ALERT THE HORDE" just out of sight of the public, but where my coworkers could see it. We also did shit like throwing the end pieces of meat against the interior windows of the deli counter and would decide who cleans the windows at the end of the shift by which ones slid down the furthest. Long story short, even your most shitty thankless jobs can be pretty fun if you go at it with the right attitude.

    That said, you are not paid enough to care for a lot of those customer service jobs, so take pride in your work but don't stress over it. Like I said before, there's nothing you can do about a shitty boss or coworker other than putting up with them, and they will make your shit miserable if you let them. If you're having a crappy shift or feel like the world's on your shoulders, take a few minutes, catch your breath, and remind yourself that you're literally getting paid minimum wage and working for people who lost their humanity somewhere two promotions ago, so why the hell should you kill yourself pleasing them? Work for you and the people who appreciate you, even if that means following some dumbass instructions from the most out of touch knucklefuckers this side of Target. And don't feel like a dead-end job is the end of the road; there will always be opportunities that come along and your life is what you make of it.

    And finally, where you end up in life isn't necessary where you set out to reach. Sometimes you'll follow your dreams or a career path and find it isn't for you, or you'll get an opportunity to try something you didn't expect to do for a living and find you really enjoy it. Don't be afraid to say yes to an opportunity if it sounds like a good deal, and don't confine yourself to a single career path. You might have your heart set on a certain job but something else comes along that you take just to pay the bills to get where you were going and find out you really enjoy it. Ultimately, all the things you learn in school and work experience you pick up are just tools in an ever expanding toolkit that will help you grow as a person and don't define who you are, just what you're capable of. Never stop learning, and never think that you've hit your peak. You can always take a new path if your current one doesn't make you happy, it just might take some more time and work to change course, but ultimately, life's about the journey. Enjoy it.
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  6. You are utterly alone in how you experience reality.
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  7. No one has more potential to love you more than yourself.
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  8. I'm going to keep mine short and sweet. So, top 2.

    1. Life is too complex for us to invent new problems for ourselves, so focus on what you actually have the power to change.

    2. Approach everything with humility and an open mind because the majority of our world and interactions are beyond our understanding.
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  9. A little something I realized, striving to become a better person: People don't like conversations. They like talking, and being heard.

    I noticed it, since it happened to me all the time, that I'd be with a group of people, and I'd try to talk only to get someone talking all over me, louder than me, leaving me unheard. I thought it was me just being awkward and speaking with little volume, but it isn't just that. Everybody wants to talk. Extroverted people, with little shame or who aren't shy, if they want to say something, they will raise their voice. And if someone interrupts them, they'll wait all that time until they get the opportunity to say what they wanted. I started observing people, and noticed the more shy ones are exactly like me, covered by everyone else, and I see them sitting awkwardly because they wanted to say something but they lost the chance and are too afraid to speak up. This results in people not listening to other people. Those aren't conversations, just a bunch of people waiting for their turn to talk.

    Hell, I noticed it in myself. I'd be talking with someone, and as they spoke to me, they'd say something that sparked a memory or something, and I'd want to tell them about it. Hence, instead of listening, I was actually waiting for my turn to speak.

    Start listening to people. Lots of conflicts are caused because people just won't listen to each other.

    Lots of people are lonely because no one listens to them. That old lady that started speaking to you at the bus stop? Listen to her. She's lonely, and it'll only take five minutes of your time to brighten up her day.

    Just last semester, a college partner who I rarely talked with, vented to me all of her frustrations related to college. She then thanked me for letting her let all of that out, because apparently in the group of 'friends' she has at college, nobody will take the time to listen to her problems because they'll just start talking about their problems instead. That was so sad :/
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  11. Some people will ALWAYS talk shit about you behind your back.
  12. 1) Don’t stress out about the things you can’t control. Focus on your own problems first — and take them on one at a time. You’ll be a lot happier when you can shut out all that extra noise.

    2) You can’t always be there for your friends. You might want to make them happy again, you might want to solve all their problems, but it just isn’t feasible. If there’s something within-reach that you can do for them then by all means, go ahead. If not? All you can really do is offer them a shoulder to cry on and let them vent if they need it. Don’t get worked up about someone else’s problems — just comfort them when you can, wish them the best, and then get back to your own life. Getting upset about what you can’t do for them just brings you back to lesson #1.

    3) It can be sad to watch a friend group get torn apart when two of its members suddenly decide they’re through with each other. It can be sad to watch your friends fight or avoid each other, and it makes sense to be nostalgic for the days when your whole gang could hang out together and have fun. But you cannot push other people to make up. You can’t dictate who other people want to be friends with. You don’t know what pain the other person caused them and, even if you did, it would be incredibly selfish of you to ignore all that just so you don’t have to keep planning separate hangout sessions. It’s sad, but you have to move on.

    4) It’s ok to admit your own limitations. You aren’t perfect, and you don’t have to act like you are.

    5) You don’t have to feel guilty about not giving it your all. No one can put in 100% effort 100% of the time. It’s ok to take a break, it’s ok to treat yourself, and it’s ok to have bad days where you just aren’t feeling it. Just try not to beat yourself up about it. Don’t push yourself too hard — just relax when you need it.
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  13. This was a huge problem I had with my one group of friends. I often felt like my opinion didn't matter in a group setting because I simply kept getting talked over. I always enjoyed small gatherings over going out as a big group for that reason.
  14. I'm bit surprised no one's mentioned this so far, but I think one of the most important things that I've learned in my life is to never be too stubborn and always be willing to admit when you're wrong. It's not an easy thing to do, no one likes being wrong, but it's definitely worth it in the long run.
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  15. Jesus Christ.

    Let's delve into some positive things we've taken from life!


    Silk Spectre II: My life is just one big joke.

    Dr. Manhattan: I don't think your life is a joke.

    Silk Spectre II: Yeah, well. I'm sorry if I don't trust your sense of humour.

    Dr. Manhattan: Will you smile? If I admit I was wrong?

    Silk Spectre II: About what?

    Dr. Manhattan: Miracles. Events with astronomical odds of occurring, like oxygen turning into gold. I've longed to witness such an event, and yet I neglect that in human coupling, millions upon millions of cells compete to create life, for generation after generation until, finally, your mother loves a man, Edward Blake, the Comedian, a man she has every reason to hate, and out of that contradiction, against unfathomable odds, it's you - only you - that emerged. To distill so specific a form, from all that chaos. It's like turning air into gold. A miracle. And so... I was wrong. Now dry your eyes, and let's go home.

    Also, don't sleep with a co-worker.
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  16. 1. People don't like perfection. People want you to be flawed. Be yourself and let your flaws show; in doing so, your good qualities become more evident. You will begin to forget why you cared what people think, because you will begin to like yourself.

    2. Don't make yourself miserable to please other people. It isn't worth it, no matter how much you love them.

    3. You can't fix everything. Let it go.

    4. You do not deserve to be treated like shit, no matter how much you think you do. If you are trying to be a better person, you have already become one.

    5. No one can complete you or make you whole. You are already complete. Don't be afraid to stand alone.

    6. People will try to tell you that you don't matter. They will try to guilt you for asking for what you need to simply survive. They will tell you that you will fail. Tell them to go fuck themselves.

    7. Life is short. Opportunities are fleeting. Don't wait.

    8. You can say or do whatever you want, but there will always be consequences. Take responsibility for your actions. Admit when you're wrong. Don't delude yourself. The real weakness is in denying accountability and refusing to learn from your mistakes or misdeeds.
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  17. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
    -Albert Einstein
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  18. +1 @Astaroth

    UGGGHHH I can't emphasize this enough: DO NOT LIVE YOUR LIFE TO PLEASE OTHERS. You'll be miserable, and unhappy, forever-and-ever.
  19. Note: Some of this may be repeating stuff already said above.
    But it's nice to see things through different people's perspectives on the same thing, and know just how many people agree with _____ point.

    1) Everyone looks at matters with the perspective of 'self'. Take the most wicked individual and the most kind individual, but them side by side and truly ask 'why' they do what they do. And it will always come down to the same thing, because it gives them a sense of happiness, belonging, purpose etc. This is a very powerful tool humans have to motivate us to do amazing feats, but it is also a double edged sword. If you've always wondered why people go on moral crusades, why family can turn on you once your views differ, why usually rational people will suddenly get outraged or defensive? it's because they're not truly thinking in regards to others but rather how taking the stance they do makes them feel about themselves. It's a sad fact of life, but the sooner one can understand this the easier it becomes to understand why people react they way they do and how to use it to avoid a lot of ugly situations. Or Alternatively, use it to better understand yourself, know when you are guilty of this and try to catch yourself when you notice you're following the 'feel good' route rather than the logical route, or the caring route.

    1a) Everyone is the Protagonist of their own life. It's their life and their priorities first, and others second. For as much as they may love or care for someone else, that love doesn't exist once their in the dirt. This can manifest in the stuff I mentioned above, or even more minor things such as simply preferring to focus on your own problems opposed to someone else's.

    2) In order for anybody to be truly helped they must first be willing to help themselves. You can try to be there for everyone every step of the way, pull them through it, push them forward, fix their problems for them. But when you do this you are not trying 'fixing' anything, you're just a life jacket. The individual being helped never develops an inner/personal desire to change things, they aren't gaining any of the skills from conquering their problems if you're always solving it for them. By all means be a shoulder to lean on, humans evolved as a social species for a reason, we thrive in communities and through bonds with others. But there's a difference between benefiting from a group, and relying on a group. "You can give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. If you teach a man how to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime".

    3) You will never succeed at everything, failure is unavoidable. It happens, and there's no reload button to reverse it. So you're left with two choices, sit and wallow about it or get up and try again. Also remember that failure ultimately means little, there's no divine scoreboard marking away high scores for people who fall. It just means you'll take longer to complete what you aimed to do. Difficult to imagine when in a world whose education and work lives love to drill a fear of failure into people's heads. But these failure's are artificial, they are marks of ink on a piece of a dead tree. They don't ultimately mean anything rather than what those people up above want you to think it means.

    3a) You will never get everyone to like you, people are simply too diverse to always get along. And in some cases too similar to get along. Take pride in the positive relationships you have, but don't let those who dislike you drag you down. It is only hurting yourself, and if they person is actively going after you over it then they are a sad individual who are likely dealing with problems of their own.

    4) Do not let others define you, life doesn't give a shit. Who you are, what you do, what that means to you is all up to one individual, yourself. Others may scream, may complain, but they aren't you and are looking at through the lens of their own selves (which isn't you). This extends from strangers, to friends, to family and even your significant other. Find those who you can be happy around, not those who constantly make you feel down. However, that doesn't mean you are inherently perfect, you are human. You will have flaws, so sometimes it can pay to be mindful of others words and advice. Sometime's you will find flaws with yourself that you may desire to change, but when you do it should because you want to, not someone else does.

    5) Family =/= Blood Relation. You may be truly close to your blood relatives, and that is amazing. But make sure you are close to them because you two genuinely respect and enjoy each other, and each other's company. A big and common mistake I see people make is to cast friends aside in favour of a blood relative that couldn't give a shit about them. To see people be willing to drop friends like flies because they'll 'make new ones' but cling on like all hell to keep their blood relatives because you'll never get anything else. Well, that belief is bullshit in two different ways. First, there are many people I can point to whose blood relatives have all but abandoned them, they are not an unwavering/unshakeable source of infinite support *Looks at all the LGBT kids kicked out of home*. Second, if you define Family by sharing genetics then you're casting out a lot of potential family. Family at it's core is a group of people who care about each other so much that it would take a hell of a lot to shake and separate them. If you get that from your blood relatives than great, but if you get that elsewhere then don't turn it a blind eye nor take it for granted. Also don't confuse this as being one or the other either, you can have both as separate families, or in some cases have them merge into one bigger family.

    6) Don't settle for an unhappy career. By all means try to take pride in your work wherever you work at the time. But don't let that substitute for simply adapting with a job you don't enjoy. You'll spend the majority of your life there, even if it's not ideal currently you want to work towards making it something you will inherently enjoy, and not need to resort to fun little tricks to have fun out of. Being able to make fun out of bad situations is an amazing skill, and you should hold onto that as much as you want. But don't let that skill become a complacency for being unhappy, your future self will thank you.

    7) Life is not all about business, money or prestige. Another thing I've seen happen a lot, people focusing their whole lives away on getting that one job because it pays well, or it has prestige and they get so absorbed into it that the job becomes their very identity. There's more to you than how much money you have and how you obtain that money. Live a little, have fun, if you have a family make sure to spend time with them. And I'm not just saying giving your hobbies token amounts of time like 1-2 a week simply so you can pat yourself on the back and say "I'm a family man!", actually invest into it. Now, if you're in poverty and forced to work long hours just to survive? That's one thing, it sucks but you gotta pay the bills to live. But once you reach a point that working such hours isn't a need for survival but rather luxury? That's when you need to start expanding yourself.

    8) Always remain Logical. Emotions are a powerful and beautiful aspect of humanity, one that can be used to great effect in enhancing our own lives and the lives of those around us. But when it's taken in unregulated large doses? Problems arise, people make mistakes, they hurt themselves, hurt others, they close themselves off from learning about new perspectives. Always have Logic be your friend, emotion doesn't need to be your enemy. In fact emotion is a powerful friend indeed, but you don't want it to be your only friend.

    9) Bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to do something regardless of it.

    10) Hate is too strong an emotion to invest in those you don't like, including yourself.
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  20. Cooking is great. Do it more often!
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