What am I to do?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Xander95, Jan 19, 2015.

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  1. I just found out my new GF, whom loves me very much, is going to be moving out of the country soon because her family is getting kicked out of the US. What am I to do? We both love each other so much and it pains us to not be able to see each other offline. How does one get kicked out other than treason? And I should mention she is native born so she can't be deported. What may have caused this and what am I to do? I love her very much and she loves me and I don't want to see her go.
  2. Can I ask you an honest question? Like. A really honest, candid question.

    Let me be frank here, I haven't exactly stalked you around but I do see a lot of you in counselling. Now that's not a bad thing in and of itself. I mean I post in a lot of threads here to make me feel better about myself to try and genuinely help out others, but while my posts can be dumbed down to GET YO SHIT TOGETHER FIND A PASSION AND PURSUE THAT SHIT, yours, well, it feels like you really want people to rely on you. While at the same time when you post your own issues which are... Kinda... Well, making you look like you can't even handle yourself. Honestly I'm talking to a full-on puberty drive that puts highschool drama shows to shame. Yet, one quick profile check tells me you're 19. Not too long ago you fancied some dude who didn't like you and now there's this girl who is the love of your life. Which I imagine can't have been more than a week. Also you have like 2 deleted threads in this section, one of which seemed to be explicitly looking for a lonely newyears love interest, but I digress.

    Look, I have a feeling that tells me you aren't that sure of yourself. You seem a little socially awkward, maybe some people mighta given you a hard time for that. I don't know I could be wrong, but I'm sitting here and I'm thinking; why? Is this really about genuinely wanting to help people, or just to be seen as a nice guy? To try and make people like you, because you seem like you're brought down so easily? Are others their opinions of you what really keeps you afloat? Why you appear so invested in this girl you can't have been dating for more than a week? Is that really what's going on? What if it's not actually just online people you're looking to for sympathy?

    Now, I'm aware I'm being a tactless jerk, hate it or love it, do your thing. Whatever I just typed is an educated guess at best (and I'm being generous to myself here) too, because there's no way I can tell for sure. Which does bring me to my question;

    What is really going on? What is really the thing troubling you? Be honest. What you're doing right now isn't going to fix anything. Maybe if you do put your cards on the table, people will be able to give you advice you can genuinely use. It might not be the kind you're looking for, heck maybe it will be confronting and hurtful, but sometimes (well, most of the time) that's the only way things are gonna have a chance at working out.

    So, if you really want help, I suggest you make that wager.
    #2 Kestrel, Jan 19, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2015
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  4. I start off noting that thanks to Kestrel I went back and gave a closer look to the Counseling Threads first, and Kestrel's right.
    It was only slightly more than a week ago you were talking about some guy you were interested in.

    Which leads me think one of three situations is going on.

    1) This is a girl you just met, hormones are running rampant and you're confusing it for love.
    2) This was a girl you knew well before hand, broke up with, had a break and very recently got back together.
    3) You're in an open relationship.

    Note: This is not including all the "What's your real motivation" stuff, this is me taking your post at face value.
    However I'd be lying if I also wasn't concerned/curious was to what the motivations with you are, but for now since nothing in that regard seems to be concrete I'll go with face value for now.

    If it's Hormones run rampant? Tread very carefully, teens and young adults tend to make silly mistakes that mess up most of their life for a reason. And hormones play a large (if not the largest) role in that. Be sure to be well aware of the feelings you have are a chemical reaction to having a new mate, and it should not be guiding your decisions. You should be putting your head upfront and using logic and reason to be guiding your choices, evaluate the situation, the pro's, the con's and choose what you know makes the most sense. Even if the choice pains you at the time. In fact, if this is a case of hormones and you only knew her for about a week... Then honestly I'd let it go. Online relationships are possible, but very difficult to maintain and it's not something someone is bound to be dedicated/loyal to if they only knew you for a week. And this next part might sound overly cold/cynical, but if only after a week she's telling you about being deported (even if born there, in which case I'm damn sure deporting her is illegal) it's probably a bluff. She's probably trying to tell she isn't interested, but instead of being upfront about it she's coming up with an excuse, as to either not have to deal with someone feeling rejected, or maybe she tried telling you upfront but it wasn't getting through.

    If it's someone who knew before hand? Then that right there should tell you there's a bad track record between you two. If your relationship struggled to stay functional even when in person, it is not going to get any easier long distance. Trust me on that, I've been in an online relationship before and it ain't easy. This is something I'd be cautious of even if you were both staying local to one another, but because it might be turning to long distance? That's even more reason to let it go and try to find someone you get along with better.

    If it's an open relationship though? Well, considering you had an earlier thread showing interest in getting together with some guy I'm assuming she is fine with you seeing other people (Hence: Open Relationship). So something you might want to look at is finding someone else, not forcefully mind you, and not rushed either. That might help you feel more comfortable/at ease. As for the girl in question? It honestly depends on how well you do you think both you and her can function without physical contact? Is it something you two can push on without? Or is it bound to cause too much pain and disconnect to work out? And don't give the "Yes we can make it work! I love her and she loves me!" response. That's coming right out of current feelings and emotions, which are going to be clouded given the situation. I want you to sit back, look at the situation calmly and rationally, just like you're an outsider to your own relationship and from that mindset decide if it's something the two of you can work through or not. If in the end you decide you two can't, the best option would be to peacefully end it, and agree to go your own ways. If you deice that you two can do it, then give it a shot. But take efforts to see each other fairly often, communication and talking to each other often is even more vital in an online relationship than one that's in person.
  5. Had something similar happen years ago. She moved to Thunder Bay, Ontario and I had no choice but to stay in my own roots in the heartland. I can only offer the subjective meandering experience I once had to face. We communicated for a time, two years in fact. Keeping each other in the loop, talking daily and sharing our lives as we had done before. Though whether it be my own petty desires or simply the need for physical affection, we grew further apart. What struck me was how quickly she seemed to remiss the entire journey with but a handful of words. Though I never asked, years later I can only guess she too had reached the same page as I and it was time to go our separate ways. Do note we were young, teenagers longing to connect in a world ruled the superfluous and superficial with a plastic angst which eventually slipped out of grasp as reality set in to our maturing lives.

    I can offer nothing more but the prospect that all things will continue, no matter the tenacity the present situation may hold. Cherish the time you have to continue that love, no matter how fleeting it appears to be; for many years from now that sense, that feeling shall wash over as a warm summer breeze, nostalgia being that old friend you never truly forget.
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