Weirdest thing you've ever written

[dragonesper]

There's no way people can avoid writing weird stuff at times, be it out of randomness, when drunk, sleepy or both or just because of a minor typo. This is a thread to commemorate those weird writings.




A few years ago I RPed regularly with a friend, often staying up late. In those occasions I got incredibly tired and that messed with a my writing so badly at one time it's hilarious.
Me: I need søevn
Her: Lol, I'm not even going to pretend I understand that.

To explain: I mixed the Norwegian: "Jeg trenger søvn" with the English: "I need sleep." It's pretty funny actually.

 

[Space Cowboy]

One time, instead of writing, "I'm gonna face plant" I ended up writing, "face planet".

It was hilarious in my drunken sleepyness.

 

[Minerva]

I wrote a bunch of weird stuff in 3rd-7th grade.

 

[Marlowe]

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Weird... song thing?
Okami Fanfic?

Keep in mind that these are from years ago, when I had a crush on Luke Skywalker and Oki from Okami and every one of my characters had to be a dragon shifter for some reason.

 

[Halo]

Once when I was really tired and in a habit of writing rather dark/morbid pieces, I decided it would be interesting to try writing a piece as if it were a suicide note. I mean, it's just a first-person narrative/monologueish way of writing a story, but I was quite interested in trying to recreate the mindset of someone with depression or anxiety at the time, and a suicide note was just how it came out.

This all would have been fine, except a friend asked what I'd written recently, and when I told them... well, they basically thought I was suicidal and was writing the fictional character's one as a vicarious method of doing my own. They almost went to tell the school counselor before I convinced them I wasn't about to off myself. x_x

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

Me? No, I've never wrote anything weird. Not ever.

I honestly feel like I've hit a point where I post so much weird and bizarre stuff that weird posts are the norm for me.

 

[Kaddoc]

Boy if only I archived half the weird crap I written in yahoo chat back in the day.

I don't think I can count that high...

 

[dreamshell]

One of my earlier stories was written in elementary school and was about a trio of kids who uncovered a mad scientist dwelling beneath their local cemetery and experimenting on the dead by turning them into werewolf-zombies.

Yes. WEREWOLF. ZOMBIES.

To this day, I may never have topped the pure-spirited, unadulterated megacoolsuperawesome weirdness of that idea.

 

[Minibit]

"We are not having lesbian sex whilst balancing atop your pomeranian EVER. It's cruel to the dog."

=3=

 

[Diana]

DAVID BOWIE EXPLODING OUT OF AN ENCHANTED KARAOKE MACHINE.


That's right. This is the kind of stuff you get with a Diana roleplay! :D

 

[BrattyCommissar]

Weirdest.

Hmmm

I dunno.

OH, maybe the entirety of the 'world of ham' setting?

But discounting that...

Draza in the original Legend of Renalta 2 once defeated a demon through the power of baked goods, song, and dance?

Or maybe that one pen and paper game session that involved Ash from Evil Dead, an alternate Red Riding Hood, a Flamboyant Homosexual Wizard Arsonist teaming up to fight a colossal deadite spider on a train racing down the tracks through a library that was bigger on the inside and also the train was powered by happy thoughts which were hard to have while fighting a giant flaming deadite spider; it was ultimately defeated through the use of dagger golems, shotguns, chainsaws, and axe work and they were able to check the Necronomicon out well enough because they saved the life of the mayor-librarian after defeating the basketball-goal demon who was a doll created by underground goblins to feed their doglizard.

 

[YankeeSamurai]

One late night on a Garrysmod Starship Troopers RP server, where actions are generally a line or two (think chatRP in a video game) I typed out a multiparagraph description of a guy taking a piss.

My friends often did things like this to joke around. One of them was especially adept at describing in page-length minute detail the most inanely trivial of actions, like waving hi to somebody in a hallway. It was so ridiculous.

 

[SlamifiedBuddafied]

Immediate example.
Signature below. Potatoes.

 

[Jorick]

Hmm... One time I wrote a scene in a Game of Thrones RP starring a lord who was a pedophile, which was a rather divisive character to begin with. Then his intro post was him down in his dungeon of shame and having a young boy brought to him. Guy acted all nice to the kid while thinking things along the lines of "oh gods no this is so wrong... but I'm gonna do it anyway." The scene ended with the guy placing his hand on the boy's shoulder, with heavy implications of what came next. That one made a lot of people in the RP rather understandably uncomfortable.

Then there was a scene I wrote for a The Walking Dead themed game of Rabbit Doubt (it's very similar to the game Mafia, murder mystery type of thing). One of the killers was creepy as fuck and had a woman tied up in a chair and blindfolded, and he did some creepy shit with extremely sexual overtones like making her suck on his finger. The site had a PG-13 content rule so that's as far on the smut scale as I could go. The woman tried to convince him that he didn't need to kill her, that she'd suck more than just a finger and never tell anyone what had happened, but then he stabbed her (with a knife and more intercourse innuendo) to death.

But I think what probably takes the cake is some of the weird shit I very briefly wrote about in World of Warcraft roleplaying in order to humor some of my more.. interesting roleplay partners. I did a bunch of sexually explicit roleplaying in those days because young adult male hormones plus women (some assumed, some more or less confirmed by picture and/or voice) asking to do sexual things via text equals greatly lowered inhibitions. I'm not gonna go into great detail here, but I'll give enough to paint a fairly indicative picture. In WoW there's a race known as the Silithid, which are large and not very humanoid insects. Ovipositioning is the term used to refer to something laying eggs inside another living thing, often in a fetish context. Vore is the term used to describe the concept of someone being eaten whole, usually in a fetish context. So, with that in mind, I once wrote a couple male humans.. interacting with a female Silithid in an ovipositioning/vore scenario. It was hilarious and awful and one of the least arousing things ever, and that was just one thing among dozens of weird things I wrote/roleplayed over my years doing WoW RP.