Weird Shit You Eat at Ass O' Clock in the Morning

[Astaroth]

It's 3 AM and your stomach growls. You don't feel like cooking, and all the drive-throughs are closed. With no recourse you approach the fridge. Your larder is... lacking. You've eaten microwaved hot dogs every night for the last week and the idea of another mustard-coated dog just isn't appetizing despite the gnawing in your belly.

Then you see it on the bottom shelf. It's left over from a few weeks ago, when you picked it up for a bagel spread. The bagels are long since consumed, but the condiment remains.

Cream cheese.

Do you dare? You do.

You take that cream cheese and you spread it on your hot dog bun. You don't have a knife handy so you use the handle of a fork like the resourceful and classy individual you know yourself to be. You lay the freshly-nuked hot dog on top and watch the cream cheese turn gooey around it. Then you put that shit right in your mouth and you eat it and you like it.

You hate yourself a little more in the morning.

---

What's the weirdest thing you've ever made for a late-night emergency snack?

 

[Kitti]

Is this a cry for help, Ozzie? Do you need us? Have you just eaten a cream cheese hotdog???

Honestly, it's a rare occasion for me (like moving) when I don't have food stashed all throughout the kitchen. Call this a quirk from being poor but it I'm lamenting hunger, it's usually because I want something in particular that I don't have, not that I don't have all manner of things crammed in drawers and cupboards. So I don't eat a lot of midnight snacks, because I probably don't have what I want, the stores are closed anyway, and I couldn't be arsed to go and buy it even if they weren't. That's right, listlessness is a good choice in this scenario. That's an uncommon thing.

I do take tea late at night, though.

 

[Astaroth]

This story is a mildly fictionalized account of real events. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is deliberate.

 

[Kestrel]

I don't. Because if you have a proper eating routine, midnight snacks are retarded.

Eat well. Fix this issue.

 

[Astaroth]

Advisory: This thread contains humor, lighthearted self-satire, and people having fun. It is not meant to be taken as a representation of healthy habits or to reflect any serious patterns of behavior. If you are looking for dietary advice or have a serious eating problem, please contact a professional immediately. If you would like to discuss silly food combinations, proceed to the thread after accepting that you understand these terms.

 

[Greenie]

I don't usually eat midnight snacks... but that's usually because I don't have any around T.T I think the weirdest I had was when I ate some rice with ketchup. It was alright. Could've used some chicken.

 

[Abnormalize]

Noodles with thousand island dressing.

 

[Astaroth]

Noodles with thousand island dressing.

...Hot or cold?

 

[Abnormalize]

Cold. Didn't feel like heating them up because when you gotta snack, you gotta snack.

 

[Hellis]

I perma fucked my stumache from night eating, I'm pretty sure. My dumps made chernobyl proud. My toilet was the bane of all things sane and goodhearted. The coals of hell burned in a porcelain bowl of stained white hatred and all the nightmares of the human intestine reigned in Lovercraft-esque manner. It was the darkest of fucking times. Like, no shit should be that dark.

Y'all are fucking welcome for that mental image by the way.

 

[Brovo]

What's the weirdest thing you've ever made for a late-night emergency snack?

For several nights in a row, I put butter on bread, and then put a coating of garlic salt over it, and sometimes a few slices of ham.

For some reason, I found this not only edible, but quite delicious.

I don't know why.

 

[Hellis]

For several nights in a row, I put butter on bread, and then put a coating of garlic salt over it, and sometimes a few slices of ham.

For some reason, I found this not only edible, but quite delicious.

I don't know why.

Welcome to the world of garlic. It's delicious and your breath will kill vampires.

 

[Abnormalize]

I perma fucked my stumache from night eating, I'm pretty sure. My dumps made chernobyl proud. My toilet was the bane of all things sane and goodhearted. The coals of hell burned in a porcelain bowl of stained white hatred and all the nightmares of the human intestine reigned in Lovercraft-esque manner. It was the darkest of fucking times. Like, no shit should be that dark.

Y'all are fucking welcome for that mental image by the way.

 

[Astaroth]

For several nights in a row, I put butter on bread, and then put a coating of garlic salt over it, and sometimes a few slices of ham.

For some reason, I found this not only edible, but quite delicious.

I don't know why.

Garlic + butter is a winning combination, really.

 

[Hellis]

There is a reason I am now on a strict as fuck diet. It turns out that you CAN'T stuff anything down your throat (insert dick joke here) without consequence. I now eat only at very regular times. I eat boiled greens and am currently considering switching away from red meats entirely (Its gonna be the battle of a fucking lifetime. I love meat more then I love my family...). This all started with me midnight eating pastrami and cheese sandwiches.

 

[Abnormalize]

There is a reason I am now on a strict as fuck diet. It turns out that you CAN'T stuff anything down your throat (insert dick joke here) without consequence. I now eat only at very regular times. I eat boiled greens and am currently considering switching away from red meats entirely (Its gonna be the battle of a fucking lifetime. I love meat more then I love my family...). This all started with me midnight eating pastrami and cheese sandwiches.

I'm sorry to hear that. I should follow a page in your book for regular eating not to mention cut out a lot of things.

 

[Razilin]

Snacking is a crime of opportunity.

 

[Hellis]

Snacking is a crime of opportunity.

I'd argue is a crime of passion myself.....

 

[Razilin]

I'd argue is a crime of passion myself.....

If it were a crime of passion, I'd be doing it more often

Like sex

Since I don't, it isn't

Get on my level already, @Hellis

 

[Hellis]

If it were a crime of passion, I'd be doing it more often

Like sex

Since I don't, it isn't

Get on my level already, @Hellis

I'm fat. Leave me alone.