My eyes strained open, blinking a few times to make sure that my eyelids still weren't touching the bottom lids. I still couldn't tell if I was staring at the back of my eyelids or just if the whole room was dark. I reached my arms up to try to rub my sore eyes, but my hands banged into a ceiling of some sorts before they could reach my face. Confused, I then decided to move my arms outward, but was stopped again by walls just a little bit out further than my shoulders.
My breathing hitched up and my brain was going haywire trying to find out what direction and position I was in. My legs were numb - assuming that my legs were still there - as I tried to move my hands closer to my thighs to see if I could make out any area of my skin. In the pitch black, my fingers could feel the surface but my legs could not. I felt my fingers move over the top of my thigh and curve down to the side, letting out a sigh of relief to know that I still had my legs intact.
Now I had to know if my face was there as well. I awkwardly positioned my wrist and elbow to my bellybutton in that cramped space, slowly traveling up to my ribs. I took a deep breath as I let my fingers slide past my breasts and touch my collarbone, and my whole body shook in fear as I wondered whether my face would still be symmetrical or whether my fingers would be greeted with a gaping, liquid hole where my nose was supposed to be. I let my fingers walk up to my chin, feeling the dry, cracked surface of my skin for the whole way through. Ever so carefully, I outlined the bottom of my lip with my pointer finger, moving onto outline the rest of my lip, then my cheekbone, then over my nose and nostrils, up to my eyes, eyebrows, and finally reaching my hairline on my forehead.
I closed my eyes in appreciation of my perfectly healthy face, letting my hands massage my temples to try to calm my headache down. I tried to stretch out my body in the cramped space I had by rolling my wrists and shoulders.
Then I awkwardly moved my hands back to my sides, feeling my heartbeat settle down again. I didn't know where I was or what direction my body was in still, but knowing that I was still intact if I ever need to make a run for it calmed me down.
Not knowing what to do now, I spent about 10 minutes just staring into the darkness, feeling weightless, before I started to think harder. Using my brain was the only thing I could do right now in the cramped space that I was in. So, I was recalling the history of my family members, friends, teachers, houses, pets, and every else that I had gained in life to try to adjust myself back to who I was as a person. However, as I thought more and more, and the deeper I went into my own life, the lonelier I felt. Those memories and thoughts didn't feel connected to me anymore, like they were all from my past. I was truly alone now, and unless I could find my way out of here then I would continue to be forever lonely. I didn't even get a chance to find love or have a child; did I even have enough time to find a job? I could barely remember anything now. It was like someone scooped my memories out of my head and I could see then evilly grinning at my paralyzed body, pouring my memories into a polluted river.
I wish someone would've told me that it would be like this, because if I had known earlier then I would have been cremated instead.
