Voluntarily Sterility?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Lady Sabine, Aug 15, 2013.

  1. There are a growing number of people in leading nations of the world who are choosing to delay having children, or even to not have them at all. Between lengthy secondary education, time-consuming careers, and a general change in attitudes, marriage & children are much lower on our totem poles than they were in our parents' or grandparents' generations.
    Childfreedom, however, is a difficult issue to discuss. Of the three main ways of preventing children (contraception, abortion, and sterilization) all three are controversial, with two out of three practically unobtainable in many parts of the world. One of the least discussed issues is sterilization.
    While vasectomies for men are relatively risk-free and inexpensive, they are uncommon. For women they are neither cheap nor easy, and furthermore, a huge number of doctors refuse to perform the procedure on young, childless women, whereas young, childless men can easily get one. Most doctors refuse to tie the tubes of a woman until she is at least 35.
    Personally, I find that absolutely terrifying. If I were to wait until I'm thirty five to get "fixed", I'd have been sexually active for two whole decades. My mother had the same issue- she had me by accident when she was 36 because her doctors refused to tie her tubes, and she had recently switched birth control when I was conceived. Literally a few weeks after my birth, the same doctor that refused to tie her tubes performed the procedure. It was a useless gesture; due to a rare blood incompatibility she cannot have another child with my father anyway.
    My parents and I have a very happy life and she's never regretted having me, but I'm still terrified of winding up like her. I hate children like certain people hate spiders. I recognize on an intellectual level that they can be beneficial are are normal, but on an emotional level they're all slimy grotch-goblins to me. I don't want to be in the same room as one. Watching toddlers eat makes me physically ill; I can't sit in the same restaurant as a group of children. I break out in psychosomatic hives when I hear an infant crying. I just hate children.
    I'll be turning seventeen in three days. As far as I'm concerned, getting my tubes tied would be a great birthday present. My mother agrees, but finding a health care provider that also agrees would be a meaningless gesture. I'll most likely start looking for a willing doctor as soon as I turn eighteen, but I don't have high hopes.
    Without insurance, my prescription for Seasonique costs me around a dollar a day. There are other benefits to the hormonal birth control (PMS symptom reduction, 4 periods a year, low sex drive, no acne...) but I'd still trade it in a heartbeat. I'm always terrified that the one pill I missed two months ago will result in a pregnancy when I finally get a chance to go to Hawaii and see my bf. He's a fellow child hater, and generally wears a condom for extra prevention. I still worry that it won't be enough. If my period is a day late, I flip shit.
    Honestly this is just something I'm sick and tired of worrying about. I don't want to sacrifice my sex life, scarce though it is, and there isn't any reason for me to change my opinion concerning children. I'll most likely start my search for a doctor willing to sterilize me as soon as I decide on a college. Really, I just wish there was an easier solution- cheaper, lower risk, and commonplace. :c
    What do y'all think?
  2. I used to want kids until I started totaling the costs of having one and babysitting my nieces. =/ It's not that I don't love them or anything, but realizing that dealing with some hyperactive balls of energy is not high on my Relaxation List my boyfriend and I crossed kids off of our list. Like you, I get grouchy when I am around toddlers or babies. I realize that yes I was like them when I was their age, probably worse, but I definitely don't have the patience for taking care of them. It's okay to not have kids, and I think it's a perfectly legitimate conclusion especially considering how explosive the human population is and our work schedules.

    As far as sterilizing goes, I wasn't aware that there was an age limit for women to get their tubes tied. Perhaps I'll research it on my own when I get home. I'm on birth control and my boyfriend uses a condom when we have sex, so far that's worked for us. Maybe in the future we'll look into getting one of us fixed but so long as you're careful and responsible I doubt anything will happen. Do not rely on just the pill though. I repeat DO NOT. My boyfriend's sister relied on just that and she ended up getting pregnant. Double up on protection.
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  3. At one point, before we knew I had PCOS, I had a nurse practitioner tell me that even if I had something severely wrong, I shouldn't do anything that would make it so I couldn't have children because I was too young to know what I wanted.
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  4. You could look into more effective methods of birth control. There's the shot, for instance. You have to get it only 12 weeks at a time. There's also this new, awesome thing called an implanon. It's this tiny implant they put in your arm that's supposed to work for 3 years, I think. It comes with little to no side effects, too. How fucking awesome is that? Every three years, just get this tiny implant that helps keep you from having babies AND reduces the symptoms of your period! I myself really want one, but for now I'm just stuck with the pill.

    There are other options as well that involve getting things put inside you. Like the cervical cap, and the NuvaRing. Those have never appealed to me, but I've heard from other women that they work great.

    If you ever want some more suggestions or have questions, feel free to ask me. I'm a mother with an unplanned child, and I've tried a few different birth control options before that I can share experiences about. I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world. I just don't want another one for a long, long time. xD

    In the meantime, just be as careful as you can. Nothing is ever 100%. I actually know a couple who got pregnant even though the man got a vasectomy. The doctor might have sucked, so there's that too. Make sure you find a doctor with a good reputation and knows what they're doing. >>; (Though, you don't need me to tell you that.) Also, you're young. You might change your mind later in life, so don't do anything hasty, okay? For most of my life, I was anti-children. I still hate them, I just love mine! Which is perfectly okay! :D
    #4 Fluffy, Aug 15, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2013
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  5. I don't really like babies, but children aren't that bad as long as they aren't raised to be terrible little creatures. I don't care whether I have kids or not, but I certainly don't want any until later in my life. I want to have finished school and be a few years into my life beyond college. As for sterilizing myself I suppose I could do it, but only if it wasn't permanent.

    What if ten years from now something drastic happens to you and you want to have children?
  6. I also can't stand babies. I love kids, but I have ZERO. ZERO mothering instinct for babies. Baby cries and I am a annoyed and angry. Babies count as people, so constantly being around a needy little person makes me start to feel drained and depressed. This was just 8 hours four days a week. If I had to deal with a baby 24 hours a day, every day, I couldn't handle it. I do not want to be a mother, I know I don't have the mental capacity to raise a kid.

    And FUCK EVERY SINGLE PERSON that says "Oh, it's different if it's your own baby!". NO. IT'S NOT DIFFERENT. I KNOW HOW I FEEL AROUND BABIES, BEING "MINE" IS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT LESS SHITTY. I am being a responsible adult by NOT having children and potentially neglecting, resenting and harming a helpless kid.

    Some people just aren't designed to have kids. Thank god some of us RECOGNIZE that and CHOOSE not to have them. Where there's tons of people out there getting pregnant and being abusive, neglectful parents. >:/ This culture of making people feel guilty because they choose not to procreate is really stupid.

    If a doctor turns you down, find a different doctor. Someone out there WILL do it. You might just have to search around for a responsible doctor. *Points at above stuff!*

    And it's not like you can't freeze some eggs or something if there's the off chance you might change your mind. Or adopt! Adopt a poor kid that needs love and a home!

    [EDIT] I also don't mean to sound like a crazy screamy woman about the "if its your own baby" thing. I am just so soooo frustrated with my family always giving me that line. x____x
    #6 Diana, Aug 15, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2013
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  7. I just want to thank everyone for your replies. This is kinda a big issue for me right now and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who is concerned by this.

    I know exactly where you're coming from. I realize that I used to be one of them, but that doesn't make me enjoy it any more. Everyone is a hypocrite in a way; at least I'm honest about mine. I'll also be sure not to rely on the pill alone. It seems like the 99.9% might be a bit of an exaggeration, since I know of quite a few accidental pregnancies even while taking it. :c

    I really hate that. Too young to know what we want? IMHO if you're old enough to fight & die for your country, you're old enough to say that you never want kids. The entire concept that we can still be "too young" for things after we become legal adults really grinds my gears. What's the point of adulthood if you're still treated like a child in certain situations?

    I hope everything is going great with your kid. ^^ It's not that I dislike other people having them (unless they're being little shits in public) but I know it's not for me.
    I'll definitely look into the implanon thingie. That sounds like it might be an awesome alternative until I can find a doctor willing to tie my tubes. I really appreciate your offer, and I'll probably take you up on it at some point. I realize that I'm young, but I really understand my priorities in life. Money, free time, and independence are enormously valuable to me. I'm not nurturing; in fact I'd probably wind up killing the poor squealing thing, and I can't even say with certainty it would be an accident. :/ It's not a risk I want to take with another person's life.

    [MENTION=1829]Super Cat[/MENTION]
    If something changes, it's not like I'm having anything removed, I'm just disconnecting it. Take the needle, get a few eggs out, fertilize 'em, and stick 'em back in the womb. If that's too much hassle, adoption is an option... and it's rhyming which makes it 10x cooler.
    But honestly, what if nothing changes? Contingencies are one thing, but planning my entire life with the assumption that my entire value system will do an about-face is stupid. I'm more likely to be angry at an accidental pregnancy than I am to be angry that I got my tubes tied, and I'll go with my percentage odds.

    Thank you! Everyone says how irresponsible and selfish it is to completely blow off the entire idea of having children. Personally, I think it's very responsible to recognize the fact that I would be an awful mother. If more people realized they were unfit parents before a pregnancy (or worse, after) this world would be a better place. Some people will never be artistic. Some people will never be organized. Some people will never be parents. Yeah, I can take classes and learn the skills, but I can't give myself a passion for it.
    I'll probably wind up searching around quite a bit. There's got to be a doctor somewhere that's willing to let me make my own choices about my own body, right?
  8. [MENTION=1829]Super Cat[/MENTION], there are some times you just know. For example, I have a ton of genetic stuff I don't want to pass on and, even if I didn't, I know for a certain fact that I never want children and if I did, I'd adopt.
  9. If being a terrible person is genetic, I know I don't want to pass that on...