S
Stein
Guest
My character isn't fully complete, Wraith, but I've got a good chunk of it done at this point, if you'd like to check it out. I'm on mobile, so linking it is kind of a bitch
...Lindsey Stirling... I approve of this messageI'm home from work and reading through everything you all have kindly pointed me towards. I'll have answers o all your questions shortly.
In the mean time enjoy this wonderful song from two very talented ladies.
Well, I guess it time for Edition #3! ~Grabs a pillow and some ink before plucking out a feather and begins to work~@WanderingSpirit The sentence structure in your sheet is really rough. Notably in your first paragraph you used the word 'have' instead of 'had' and in other place it's just awkward feeling. An example of this is the very first sentence which reads a lot smoother when changed to "Being born to a Magni family is not an easy thing for a child to understand." Due to this, your backstory is difficult to follow and fully understand. Having read through it, the most jarring error is the performance of the 'Dark Rite'. A Magni would definitely need to be able to perform Novice level manipulation of the Nox to be able to perform the Dark Rite. If Markus' father was dying, the easiest way for Markus to gain his powers would be to allow his father to simply pass away. If he can't cast any magic, he can't cast the Dark Rite. If you really want to have Markus kill his father, then I'd suggest smothering him with a pillow or something. This would accomplish the same effect and line up with the lore correctly.
@Stein I'm loving this character and the work you're putting into her abilities. Makes me wish I made a Magni haha! Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see a specific conduit noted? Also, this might be because of my rewrite, but the Eyes of Artume would only need to obscure the wearer's features to any individuals within viewing range as Magni can't be seen or capture by any sort of recording device. Backstory is off to a good start, interested to see where you go with it and if I'm right about Avina performing the 'Dark Rite' on her own sister.
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I have listened to that song waaaay to much over the summer haha.I'm home from work and reading through everything you all have kindly pointed me towards. I'll have answers o all your questions shortly.
In the mean time enjoy this wonderful song from two very talented ladies.
Alright I'll give it a quick once over but judging from what I read last night I'm sure it's all good.@Lord Wraith Thanks! I've now finished the CS. Added a few more NPC:s, changed some minor details in the bio and added a section under Thomas' "combat applications".
Room for more indeed, though I'd need a contextual example of your power to give you my honest opinion. From the name alone it doesn't sound like something that would work but I'd like an example before giving a definite answer.Room for one more? If so, would a super power based around rapidly accelerating technological evolution be too much?