Hecatoncheires
un jour je serai de retour près de toi
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DONATING MEMBER
FOLKLORE MEMBER
[/SPOILI]A good evening to you, Mister Hammond. I trust this letter finds you well.
No doubt this city still seems vast and bizarre to a recent arrival such as yourself, and so allow me to introduce myself in case you are unfamiliar with me. I am Harry Rothstein, proprietor of the 'Elysian Fields' nightclub (amongst others) and Baron of Camden. I count myself amongst the Anarchs of this city, independent from the authority laid down by the Ivory Tower of the Camarilla.But I am not writing to discuss Kindred politics. I am writing to extend an invitation to you.Your clan is notoriously illusive amongst our community, yet your knowledge and information-gathering skills are always given much credence. Though I understand completely that social gatherings may not seem overly appealing to you these nights, I nonetheless wish to invite you to a gathering of our kind at my club in a few nights. It is my intention to discuss matters I believe to be of grave importance to the Kindred of London, regardless of clan or loyalty, and I believe the presence of a Nosferatu would greatly add to this meeting. I have always valued the skills and ability of your clan, and your attendance would be greatly welcomed.I understand that your... disposition makes walking through the front door somewhat problematic. Thus I have arranged an alternate route of access to the function room of my nightclub for you; you will find attached details of these arrangements. I am all too aware that information is currency for your clan, but it would be greatly appreciated if you did not spread word of this gathering too much. There are many in this city I would not wish to be made aware of it.I hope to see you soon.Yours,- Harry Rothstein, Baron of Camden
[/SPOILI]It's funny, you'd think having your face turned into a boil riddled pulp would scale back tea party invitations in this day and age. This country's weird.
While I greatly appreciate the extents you seem to have gone to kiss my ass, my ability to comprehend bullshit in this country has found itself to be rather lacking in light of recent developments. Thanks to the rise of the internet however, there seems to be no shortage of online tools used to help decipher even the most silver tongued attempts at brown nosing. Being the uncivilized Yankee barbarian I happen to be, I've taken the liberty of attaching a ledger of what I understand is the meaning of your sent document. Please do inform me of any corrections you might have as my translator is only in its beta stage.A good evening to you, Mister Hammond. I trust this letter finds you well."Knock knock you cheeky Nosferatu fuck. I've managed to track down your PO Box information. I'd come visit you in person, but you probably live in a rat piss infested section of the Thames more appropriately suited for county sewage. Also you're fuck ugly and I'd like not for your visage to offend my eyes quite yet.No doubt this city still seems vast and bizarre to a recent arrival such as yourself, and so allow me to introduce myself in case you are unfamiliar with me. I am Harry Rothstein, proprietor of the 'Elysian Fields' nightclub (amongst others) and Baron of Camden. I count myself amongst the Anarchs of this city, independent from the authority laid down by the Ivory Tower of the Camarilla."Being from America, I can safely assume you have the intellect of a dead pig fetus and as such will update you on who the fuck happens to be stuffing your mailbox this evening. I am Harry Rothstein, a filthy rich night club owner the likes of which would make Tony Montana piss himself with fear. Kindred of this region spend their time sucking my cock because they want things from me that I can provide. Being such a badass of the private sector, I don't share especially peachy views of Cammies and abide by the mantra: Fuck tha' Police."But I am not writing to discuss Kindred politics. I am writing to extend an invitation to you."But since we've already established that you have the brain power of shit paper, I won't waste time pretending that you have the attention span to understand kindred politics. Quite the contrary, I want something from you."Your clan is notoriously illusive amongst our community, yet your knowledge and information-gathering skills are always given much credence. Though I understand completely that social gatherings may not seem overly appealing to you these nights, I nonetheless wish to invite you to a gathering of our kind at my club in a few nights. It is my intention to discuss matters I believe to be of grave importance to the Kindred of London, regardless of clan or loyalty, and I believe the presence of a Nosferatu would greatly add to this meeting. I have always valued the skills and ability of your clan, and your attendance would be greatly welcomed."Normally I wouldn't waste the dead tree pulp this paper is ground from to converse with you, but for some reason or another it happens to be fucking difficult to track down fellow road kill looking mother fuckers like yourself. I've probably managed to track down your contact information because you're new to the game and thus haven't properly spent the appropriate time covering your trail yet. Now I completely understand that you look as if you've been pulled by a truck along 60 miles of asphalt and the idea of going clubbing probably isn't topping your bucket list. That being said, I'd like you to swing by my club house because I believe you'd make a promising little lap dog provided the incentive." I understand that your... disposition makes walking through the front door somewhat problematic. Thus I have arranged an alternate route of access to the function room of my nightclub for you; you will find attached details of these arrangements. I am all too aware that information is currency for your clan, but it would be greatly appreciated if you did not spread word of this gathering too much. There are many in this city I would not wish to be made aware of it."Seeing as how you've fallen face first from the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down, I would rather like you not to grace my establishment's front door. Because of this, I have provided you an alternate route for you likely through the nearby sewer passage so you can feel right at home. Please wipe your feet on the mat before you come in. Also in case you were wondering, this meeting is probably illegal and if any cammy fucks hear about it we'll both have quite the headache on our hands. I don't know about you, but I'd very much like not to get staked and cast in cement for 60 years."I hope to see you soon."We have free Beer"Yours,- Harry Rothstein, Baron of Camden"I'm humoring you,-Harry Rothstein, I'm really fucking Important."Now that we've that out of the way...Dear Mr. Baron. Please don't bullshit me. Cute as your intention to butter me up happens to be, the both of us clearly know that the only reason you're wasting your time with me is one of the following.A. You want something dead.B. You want something found.C. You want something exploited. D. You want cannon fodder.E. You just happen to find my wit endearing.F. All of the above.... except E.If it's not apparent to you by now, my patience regarding games has grown rather slim since I became a walking advertisement for AMC's The Walking Dead. Now then, as my Netflix account seems to have dried up, I've managed to found that I have a surplus of free evenings at my disposal these days. That being said, I don't see any reason why I couldn't show up to your little shindig and see what you have to say. In the future however, I would greatly appreciate you save the both of us some time and get to the point.I'm an independent contractor, not a charity case. You don't have to appease to my good graces as I seem to have left them in my other pants. If you would like to do business, you'll find my rates are much more agreeable when I am leveled with.Mine,- Deadward, Nossie Bastard
[/SPOILI][SPOILI][/spoili]Dear Mr. 'Deadward',
I must confess I was not anticipating any responses to my invitations, certainly not such a passionate one. While I would imagine most vampire elders in this city would currently be dispatching unscrupulous individuals with stakes and other assorted pointy objects to your location after receiving such a reply, I find it quite endearing; I even have it pinned up on my office wall and everything.You are quite correct on your assumptions as to why I chose you out of the many Nosferatu in London. When dealing with your clan, I have always found that is best not to trust them for about as far as I can have them thrown, and since you are rather new to this city I figure that, should the worst come to the worst, I will not have to throw you far.Perhaps out into a quaint little summer's day. Or into the Thames, with your feet encased in cement.The matters I wish to discuss are of grave importance, yes, and they are also likely highly profitable. Since you seem to be taking a more mercenary approach rather than being motivated by Kindred spirit and human kindness and other charming things, I am more than happy to pay you for services rendered should it come to that.As for talking straight to you about these matters, I shall comply to a certain extent. I do not trust you. When it comes to these issues, I do not trust anyone; this is one of the reasons I have managed to remain alive for the last century or so in this rather cut-throat society of ours. The wolves are at my gates, dear Deadward, and I have no intention of composing a letter containing all my dirty little secrets to the likes of you.You are, of course, still extremely welcome at my little "tea party", as you put it. Your concern for the hygiene of my establishment is greatly appreciated; I will be sure to have a doormat laid out in the sewer for you where you can find entrance.I do hope to see you soon,- Harry RothsteinPS: We do indeed have free beer.
"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough."
―
Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland