Unwanted Sexual Advances

Have you ever been sexually harassed online?

  • Yeah, fuck that dick/bitch

    Votes: 30 63.8%
  • Nah, life's peachy keen

    Votes: 17 36.2%

  • Total voters
    47
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For one, my lips are real. For two, I've never even considered doing porn to support my kids. For three, I only have four kids, and they all came about naturally. :P


Yeah, that's how most people usually are. We don't hide the fact that we're happily married, so I have no idea why anyone would assume I'd be interested in anything. Like I tell my husband, dealing with one man is enough. Why in the hell would I want to deal with another one?
ok fiiiine. QUADROmom.
 
For one, my lips are real. For two, I've never even considered doing porn to support my kids. For three, I only have four kids, and they all came about naturally. :P


Yeah, that's how most people usually are. We don't hide the fact that we're happily married, so I have no idea why anyone would assume I'd be interested in anything. Like I tell my husband, dealing with one man is enough. Why in the hell would I want to deal with another one?
And seriously, all that loot. That loot isn't going to drop itself.
 
Well, not sure if this is exactly sexual harassment so much as it was being taken advantage of for being a young teenage idiot who was just coming to grips that I might want to be treated like a girl. My first experience with being treated like a girl was over an online game called Wizard101. I had a relationship with a girl(using relationship to mean something quite meaningful to me at the time but not involving any actual sexual behavior) under the name Michelle Pixiedust. It started out with me using a male avatar, but sometime like 3 months in, I ended up confessing that I'd always been curious what it would be like to be treated as a girl. She was surprisingly ok with this, and it would have gone really well if it wasn't for an incident where we got silly and traded accounts for a day. I don't think the individual is aware, but there is a lot of personal information you can view when you log on someone's account. Learning that this person who I shared intimate details with was a 35 year old man was more than a little heartbreaking to me... All the other lies about things they had shared with me quickly fell apart after that like the many people he had paid in game items to pretend they knew him IRL, claims of being bullied, and the like fell apart. It was a very harsh way to teach me about what it means to trust someone on the internet, as well as how people use it. I also learned that part of what presenting female on the internet is constant harassment. After all, as everyone else has said, people are not accountable for their actions on the internet, so of course they'd explore the feelings that they can't share IRL. I mean, it isn't like I'm wasn't doing the same. The only difference is that people are hurt by their actions, and they are so distanced from that pain they inflict that they can't realize how destructive their actions are. Its a bigger problem than I have an answer to.
 
This is the internet. It's not like you can stop it. Nothing stops you from mentally castrating them.
 
It happened one time when I used to play wow and another time when I used to play this one game called Dream of Mirror Online.

For WoW I was totally using a male character too. In hindsight, I think it was someone trying to scam money/items/my account but jokes on them, they were trying to make advances on a kid who as in like 5th or 6th grade who was too busy playing video games than wanting to make an online gf.

And then there was the other time, when I was still in the same grade in that other online game. You see there was a shota race to choose from, and at the time I was all "well I'm about that age, why not choose them?" So extremely early in this game I run into a duo of a girl and guy character. I joined their party to kill some things and I guess they were roleplaying a lovey dovey couple. Before I knew it, I ended up becoming the child/adopted son of the couple, which as a child I had no problems doing since it was fun. One time though the person playing the guy had to leave and it was just me and the female character. Thats when the shit started to go down. She started to talk about how horny she was, which at the time I was imagining her literally covered in horns, and suggesting I should go over and help her out. I think instead of thinking I was an actual child, they thought I was playing as an innocent/hard to get shota and became more and more aggressive. I ended up not playing the game anymore since I was on a serious MMO jumping spree, but they never did figure out I was an actual child.
 
This was a brave thread to start, Muna. Mad respect!




Guys, there's no excusing the behaviour of ourselves or our fellow men. Of course, I'm guilty of soliciting nudes. I'm not going to say I'm not, or sugar coat it. And don't you fucking bullshit me: a good many of you have done it too. Hell, I'll go so far as to say 9/10 of you have asked a girl you really liked, or was dating, for nudes. It's not a wrong thing to do. It is a wrong thing, however, when rebuffed, to go fucking haywire and start brow-beating, bullying, and doing a whole slew of other things that paint you out to be a fucking sexual predator.

The solution to this, as people have said, can't simply be "Ban him or block him." There needs to be more. There needs to be education, and honestly? Ostricizing. If someone is being cruel, bullying, pushy, or just making you feel uncomfortable, and you've given him your honest and firm NO (the Real No, not the cutesy little flirty "No" or that stupid "I don't know..."), then fucking blast him and tell the world who did it. Raise the flag, and tell his loved ones so that he can be shamed into being a better person if he can't be a good person all on his lonesome.

Now that we've settled this generation's lack of manliness, the next generation need to be taught that women aren't a sexual fucking object.

Cheers.
 
This was a brave thread to start, Muna. Mad respect!




Guys, there's no excusing the behaviour of ourselves or our fellow men. Of course, I'm guilty of soliciting nudes. I'm not going to say I'm not, or sugar coat it. And don't you fucking bullshit me: a good many of you have done it too. Hell, I'll go so far as to say 9/10 of you have asked a girl you really liked, or was dating, for nudes. It's not a wrong thing to do. It is a wrong thing, however, when rebuffed, to go fucking haywire and start brow-beating, bullying, and doing a whole slew of other things that paint you out to be a fucking sexual predator.

The solution to this, as people have said, can't simply be "Ban him or block him." There needs to be more. There needs to be education, and honestly? Ostricizing. If someone is being cruel, bullying, pushy, or just making you feel uncomfortable, and you've given him your honest and firm NO (the Real No, not the cutesy little flirty "No" or that stupid "I don't know..."), then fucking blast him and tell the world who did it. Raise the flag, and tell his loved ones so that he can be shamed into being a better person if he can't be a good person all on his lonesome.

Now that we've settled this generation's lack of manliness, the next generation need to be taught that women aren't a sexual fucking object.

Cheers.
I couldn't agree with you more, Seiji. So much yes to everything that you said <3

The solution really can't be "ban or block" because this person would just go to another woman, and for all I know, probably be successful with some while taking advantage of their need for attention or whatever the case may be. I find it unfortunate for this man because I'm so opinionated and... well, stubborn, as it were. I have absolutely no problem telling a man what's up and what's not and, if need be, I'll call him out in front of everyone if it means he'll finally realize that I won't sit back and allow him to disrespect me simply because he's been successful with it before with someone else.

However, my thoughts expand well beyond that. I'd love for others to stand up and realize they do not have to be treated with anything less than respect simply because it's a "thing that happens" and it's on the Internet. Yes, it happens, but people don't have to sit by and actually let it happen to them.
 
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I hate to say it, but there's really no way to avoid someone online. You can block/ignore them, but there's ways to go around that. The only real way to avoid it is to simply not acknowledge them. Don't tell them you're ignoring them, don't say anything at all to them. Let them say whatever they want to you, and simply act as if nothing was said. Even then, that doesn't always work.

I will say this though; if I had a penny for how many times I've been asked by someone to show them my boobs, I'd probably have a hundred dollars. Go out and get the real thing to grab, people! Geesh. @_@

ok fiiiine. QUADROmom.

Don't make me hurt you, Raz. :P
 
I hate to say it, but there's really no way to avoid someone online. You can block/ignore them, but there's ways to go around that. The only real way to avoid it is to simply not acknowledge them. Don't tell them you're ignoring them, don't say anything at all to them. Let them say whatever they want to you, and simply act as if nothing was said. Even then, that doesn't always work.

I will say this though; if I had a penny for how many times I've been asked by someone to show them my boobs, I'd probably have a hundred dollars. Go out and get the real thing to grab, people! Geesh. @_@



Don't make me hurt you, Raz. :P
I'm going to have to politely disagree with not acknowledging them. All this is doing is letting them know it's okay to continue, whether it's with you or someone else. Sure, not letting it bother you is a great way to cope, but it doesn't address the actual problem: enabling.

If my daughter were to come home and tell me something similar happened, I certainly would not tell her to ignore it. This is only letting the other person continue that behavior and thinking it's okay. They'll more than likely continue regardless, but there is a huge difference between them thinking their actions aren't minded/received versus them knowing they are pushing the boundaries and if they don't stop, there will be consequences.

Here's my crazy idea: Instead of pretending the problem doesn't exist, what if those who were bothered by these advances actually did something about it instead of turning a blind-eye because it's such a common occurrence?
 
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I'm going to have to politely disagree with not acknowledging them. All this is doing is letting them know it's okay to continue, whether it's with you or someone else. Sure, not letting it bother you is a great way to cope, but it doesn't address the actual problem: enabling.

If my daughter were to come home and tell me something similar happened, I certainly would not tell her to ignore it. This is only letting the other person continue that behavior and thinking it's okay. They'll more than likely continue regardless, but there is a huge difference between them thinking their actions aren't minded/received versus them knowing they are pushing the boundaries and if they don't stop, there will be consequences.

Here's my crazy idea: Instead of pretending the problem doesn't exist, what if those who were bothered by these advances actually did something about it instead of turning a blind-eye because it's such a common occurrence?
I'm not saying it works in all cases, but there are cases where pretending they don't exist doesn't work. Most people do it because they want the attention. When they're no longer getting attention from you, they'll usually go off and find someone else to get that attention from. Reporting them, depending on the game/place does work at times, but just like with ignore/block, there are ways of getting around it. Online, there's really no 100% way to get these people to leave you alone, because there's too many ways there's too many hacks out there that work against you. If someone is determined enough though, nothing you do is going to stop them, not even if you carry it out into the court system. How many people violate restraining/protective orders every day? The police won't do anything about it until those orders are violated, and even then they usually only get a slap on the wrist. Nothing is going to change until the laws catch up with technology, and it's a slow process. Even then, it's still going to be an uphill battle for the victim.
 
I'm not saying it works in all cases, but there are cases where pretending they don't exist doesn't work. Most people do it because they want the attention. When they're no longer getting attention from you, they'll usually go off and find someone else to get that attention from. Reporting them, depending on the game/place does work at times, but just like with ignore/block, there are ways of getting around it. Online, there's really no 100% way to get these people to leave you alone, because there's too many ways there's too many hacks out there that work against you. If someone is determined enough though, nothing you do is going to stop them, not even if you carry it out into the court system. How many people violate restraining/protective orders every day? The police won't do anything about it until those orders are violated, and even then they usually only get a slap on the wrist. Nothing is going to change until the laws catch up with technology, and it's a slow process. Even then, it's still going to be an uphill battle for the victim.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the victims don't need to have that uphill battle - it would just be beautiful if they realized they have rights and understood that they deserve to be respected, by others and themselves. How that other person reacts - what they take from the situation and how they continue their lives - that's their problem. If more people focused on protecting themselves instead of looking at a larger group and saying "It can't happen," the men and women who are harassing others will have far fewer targets thanks to a personal respect keeping them from getting any satisfaction out of it in the first place.
 
Well, the broad title threw me off so... I haven't had any unwanted sexual advances online, but life hasn't always been "peachy keen" for me.
 
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the victims don't need to have that uphill battle - it would just be beautiful if they realized they have rights and understood that they deserve to be respected, by others and themselves. How that other person reacts - what they take from the situation and how they continue their lives - that's their problem. If more people focused on protecting themselves instead of looking at a larger group and saying "It can't happen," the men and women who are harassing others will have far fewer targets thanks to a personal respect keeping them from getting any satisfaction out of it in the first place.
The issue with this is that it turns from "I really wanna see you naked" to a much more nasty "I want to assert my dominance over you." Combine this with the shield that is the interwebz and a little thing called cognitive dissonance where people, even if they know something they're doing is wrong, internally rationalise it to be okay to protect their own feelings. It's like telling a racist that the colour of your skin doesn't necessarily affect who you are as a person. You can throw all the arguments you want at it, it's going to be really difficult to change their belief.

I agree that with more social control it would be more difficult to do publicly, but most serious online harassment nests itself in PM's and IM's. When it goes public, it's often played off as a joke. "I was just joking, don't be a prude bitch." Or when there's a guy defending the target in question, get ready for fedora mentions and being told you're a beta male under the illusion he can get some of dat ass through the act of white knighting. I mean if we knew a surefire way to change this we'd already have gotten rid of playground bullying. It pretty much uses the same methods. Except there's also a lot more distance between people.

Meanwhile you have to understand that the guy with the best gear or kill streak is more likely to stay in the team than the person who is in the right. Because ultimately everyone is about playing the game. You can't kick one of your top players without affecting your team's performance. I'm not saying that is right, but I am saying this is a factor a lot of people weigh quite heavily in their judgement. At the same time, know that if you are entering a conflict by protecting yourself, you risk losing your place on the team and your reputation. Suddenly you're not nearly as anonymous as you thought you were when the internet turns into a digital render of Mean Girls, even though you just (and completely reasonably) want to feel safe and enjoy the game.

The most effective way to get rid of it is to take their safety away. Skew with the risk/reward ratio. However, in certain instances you have to stoop far too low for that for me to post on Iwaku.

However, I do encourage people to stand up for their selves. Just because a problem is difficult to fight, doesn't mean they should surrender. If a positive message can be spread across, like-minded people will be able to find each other and share with each other. A lot of people are silent because they don't want to lose power, connections or reputation, but if they're giving the option to minimalise their losses while maintaining their moral values; they will flock towards that option. You create new spaces within a space and as is the law of the playground; the biggest group wins.
 
I had a friend who told me he got an online friend to send him pics in sexy underwear and masturbating. ...She was engaged, mind you.

I once asked him to do me a favor and he did it. It was a harmless favor, a phone call to an ex which resulted in "you owe me and that means you give me whatever I want. I want nudes."

It made me so uncomfortable. This was a person I spoke to for YEARS. So I blocked him; MSN, Deviant art, anywhere we had contact. And one day, a few years later I get a message on FB asking why I blocked him from everything to which I blocked him again. And sometime last year, he added me on Live journal...an account I don't even use so I deleted that.

I had someone random add me on MSN talking about how he saw my pic on DA and basically wanted nudes so as a result, I told him that if I give him those then he has to rip open his man parts and play with them. It got more graphic (perks of enjoying being an rp'er and writing gore scenes) to which I think he blocked me after being scared off lol.

Now, I've had an issue with "boyfriends" and pressuring me into giving pics and well, it resulted in a lot of "if you love me, you'll do this for me blah blah" and because I guess, I was desperate for love, I gave in. I regret it and I'm sure it's been shared and I've been made out to be a thot for being "intimate" with my person(s) at the time however it hasn't killed me. I now know better and have learned to say no and mean it.

Technology has made it so much easier to be predators and prey, we don't even realize it. Many get courage they would never have in real life while others deal with the anxieties/stress of maintaining friendships or relationships. Definitely need more awareness, especially from those who have experience these kinds of things and given into the pressures. Don't be ashamed, you're not alone.

And props to you, @Tribs for being a stronger person then you were yesterday.
 
I had a few creeps try to show something on their webcam. Back when I was twelve/thirteen, I was curious about those kinds of programs where you talk to strangers, and some anonymous user told me they wanted to 'show me something' and turn on my webcam. My dad prevented anything else from happening, though. He told the guy off and deleted the program from the computer.

The other case isn't an online harassment, though. It's more of through the phone. Someone dialed my number and I answered, and they kept on asking me 'questions'. They kept on calling and calling through different numbers >_<, but my dad straightened him out. Geeze, it was an old man and I was sixteen.
 
I've had some cases of someone (normally men, despite me being straight) I wasn't attracted to try to hit on me.
But nothing I would classify as harassment, they were pretty responsible and sensitive about it.
you make my vagina go hard
 
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I had a few creeps try to show something on their webcam. Back when I was twelve/thirteen, I was curious about those kinds of programs where you talk to strangers, and some anonymous user told me they wanted to 'show me something' and turn on my webcam. My dad prevented anything else from happening, though. He told the guy off and deleted the program from the computer.
NANI DESU KA?
I SHALL SEND THE WARSHIP AFTER THEM NOW.
 
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7-8 years ago, during my first year as a mod. Iwaku was a very very small community. Asmo just got promoted to global mod and Rory just became a mod. We haven't even met Dianerp yet. I held a pageant type contest.

It was called "Iwaku Jailbait" or something.

hahahaha what?

19yr old me thought 'jailbait' just meant attractive teenager. And none of the staff thought to stop me. Not sure if none of us knew, or they just allowed it coz the premise was so innocent, or we all had collective cognitive dissonance or maybe the entire staff was insane..but hey, Orochi was being productive for a change. And so the contest was allowed.

There were 8 who entered, I think. They basically just answered a series of questions I prepared and tried to out-MOE each other. No photos. Just a series of interviews through PM that I published. Basically, a regular contest but with "jailbait" in it's name.

The pageant was a success, Sakura won. She even had her profile title changed to "Official Iwaku Jailbait" for a month or something. She was what, 14? Now she's an adult and yells at me on facebook all the time. :E

It was weird that NO ONE pointed pointed out anything about the contest title and no one made creepy or inappropriate comments. It even became a running gag to warn the new female members to stay away from me coz I'd put them in a sack and run away like a sex-offender version of Hambuglar or something. For months, no one said "hey, man, that's kinda creepy". Maybe they just thought I knew exactly what I was doing. Or I was just a weirdo. Probably the latter.

It was only when and old mod returned from a long hiatus and he/she (I forget who, probably Coffee) lurked the staff-only archives section and found the contest threads and said "hey, man, that's kinda creepy".


Fin~

Dunno if this is on topic, but I already typed it so yeah..
 
7-8 years ago, during my first year as a mod. Iwaku was a very very small community. Asmo just got promoted to global mod and Rory just became a mod. We haven't even met Dianerp yet. I held a pageant type contest.

It was called "Iwaku Jailbait" or something.

hahahaha what?

19yr old me thought 'jailbait' just meant attractive teenager. And none of the staff thought to stop me. Not sure if none of us knew, or they just allowed it coz the premise was so innocent, or we all had collective cognitive dissonance or maybe the entire staff was insane..but hey, Orochi was being productive for a change. And so the contest was allowed.

There were 8 who entered, I think. They basically just answered a series of questions I prepared and tried to out-MOE each other. No photos. Just a series of interviews through PM that I published. Basically, a regular contest but with "jailbait" in it's name.

The pageant was a success, Sakura won. She even had her profile title changed to "Official Iwaku Jailbait" for a month or something. She was what, 14? Now she's an adult and yells at me on facebook all the time. :E

It was weird that NO ONE pointed pointed out anything about the contest title and no one made creepy or inappropriate comments. It even became a running gag to warn the new female members to stay away from me coz I'd put them in a sack and run away like a sex-offender version of Hambuglar or something. For months, no one said "hey, man, that's kinda creepy". Maybe they just thought I knew exactly what I was doing. Or I was just a weirdo. Probably the latter.

It was only when and old mod returned from a long hiatus and he/she (I forget who, probably Coffee) lurked the staff-only archives section and found the contest threads and said "hey, man, that's kinda creepy".


Fin~

Dunno if this is on topic, but I already typed it so yeah..
Sakura was lurking earlier. She said hi
 
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