This is what I typically do. Tonight, however, I wondered what would happen if I were to say something to an extent. Perhaps this is a perpetual problem because those who are affected ignore it... This type of situation isn't talked about often, for some reason or another. Either out of embarrassment or "strength." What happens when people stop being embarrassed and speak up instead?
As long as you had said situation controlled (and you have the block button, so you probably did) then cool.
It would be interesting to see how these people persist/react when not shot down, but seeing so by someone who was experimenting and not some poor kid who was being legitimately fooled by the perv.
As long as you had said situation controlled (and you have the block button, so you probably did) then cool.
It would be interesting to see how these people persist/react when not shot down, but seeing so by someone who was experimenting and not some poor kid who was being legitimately fooled by the perv.
I definitely handled the situation. It's not a thing anymore... However, I can't help but wonder, judging by some comments they made, how many other people they objectified in the name of self-proclaimed boredom? How many others have they insulted, bullied, or pressured into something they didn't want to do for the sake of how others view them? It's not right.
I have been harassed in the past. Though, nowadays sites have ways of blocking users, and means to report harassment, so leaving a site or community isn't always the required action, which is good.
I definitely handled the situation. It's not a thing anymore... However, I can't help but wonder, judging by some comments they made, how many other people they objectified in the name of self-proclaimed boredom? How many others have they insulted, bullied, or pressured into something they didn't want to do for the sake of how others view them? It's not right.
I saw one screenshot before about an incident on omegele where a guy would aim his webcam at a mouse, with a snake clearly being held back in the distance.
And then he'd type in "Tits or I feed it to the snake".
So people tend to go pretty low with this kind of shit.
People... They can be really revolting. >.<
I saw one screenshot before about an incident on omegele where a guy would aim his webcam at a mouse, with a snake clearly being held back in the distance.
And then he'd type in "Tits or I feed it to the snake".
So people tend to go pretty low with this kind of shit.
People... They can be really revolting. >.<
They can be. I can't help but think this person fucked with the wrong girl. I don't care what people think of me, whether they think I'm a bitch, abrasive, or "prudent" and "halfway intelligent" as the person in question previously mentioned. It makes me think of others, who would easily crumble with that sort of comment. Would they have subjected themselves to something they wouldn't deem as respectable to prove them wrong? Agh. People are disgusting.
They can be. I can't help but think this person fucked with the wrong girl. I don't care what people think of me, whether they think I'm a bitch, abrasive, or "prudent" and "halfway intelligent" as the person in question previously mentioned. It makes me think of others, who would easily crumble with that sort of comment. Would they have subjected themselves to something they wouldn't deem as respectable to prove them wrong?
Back on other forum sites I've seen that happen to people a few times. :/
One of them had the news spread across the entire site, and everyone was boiling to get on a mad hunt for the guy responsible.
Some actually did get some info on the guy I believe and sent it to the police.
This was years ago though, so my memory about it is fuzzy.
This is what I typically do. Tonight, however, I wondered what would happen if I were to say something to an extent. Perhaps this is a perpetual problem because those who are affected ignore it... This type of situation isn't talked about often, for some reason or another. Either out of embarrassment or "strength." What happens when people stop being embarrassed and speak up instead?
It depends on the situation. Most of the time, people have fairly harmless infatuations and keep pushing--compare to children who cry in a store when their parents won't buy them the thing they want. They keep pushing because, somewhere, in the back of their mind, there's this little voice saying "don't give up now! (S)he is only saying no because (s)he doesn't know how wonderful you are!" It's as pervasive as concepts such as 'true love', 'the one', and my personal favourite: Love is eternal. Ergo, if someone keeps pushing after you've declined their invitation, they've made their hand clear: Date me because I can't see ourselves having any other kind of relationship. Ergo, push them away, but don't make a big deal out of it: It's unpleasant enough, the last thing you want is to make the fire bigger.
If, however, they begin to stalk you, seek out your personal details, use blackmail or other threats, or circumvent your attempts to end contact in pervasive manners, get help. On Iwaku, get the moderators and admins involved. Get people of authority to address the situation at hand, depending on severity. Remember the restraining order joke? Not a joke here.
Outside of that, if it's an event that has troubled you, talk to people you trust about it. Threads like this aren't out of the question, but be aware that public commentary draws public ire, and said infatuated people may be part of the public that notices...
tl;dr... Equality of response to force: Social skills edition!
EDIT
As for you, personally? Sounds like you did the right thing. If it means anything, I find you to be an intelligent, upstanding person from what little I know of you.
I, for one, am highly impressed that you made this thread. There are so many people out there that get harassed every day and are too shy or afraid to do anything about it or speak their minds. You may have given someone the courage to put their foot down and stand up for themselves.
I have also had advances made on me for sexual endeavors. When denied, I've been called things similar to prude, stick in the mud, goody good, plain, and so on. As many others have said, it is one thing as a harmless request and when denied just leave it at that. However, when it comes to pushing or bullying someone into doing what they want, or making them feel inferior for denying them, that is unacceptable.
The bottom line is respect. Respect one another and treat others as you would be like to treated. Or rather treat someone how you'd like your son or daughter to be treated.
My methods for handling the situation are pretty straight forward. First comes "No." If that isn't enough it elevates to "No means no, Bitch." If by that point they don't get it and choose to be rude, or degrading I will use the block/ignore buttons immediately and said person has lost my respect forever. If that isn't enough for them I usually take @Brovo route and alert a mod or admin. I ain't got no time for that bullshit.
Oh Internet, with so many steps forward, there were bound to be so many steps back. I think this question concerning sexuality, desire and wanton solicitation is quite a complicated one. But before I try and unpack that, I'll share two examples of sexual harassment that has been directed towards me (violent and otherwise).
EXPLICIT CONTENT BELOW!:
Random Internet Girl: Why don't you show me you **** you ******* ******. You know you want me.
(this went on for an entire game of Halo 3)
Random Internet Guy: I'm going to make you choke on my **** you ******* ******.
So, as we all are probably more than well aware of, this conversation has a variety of dynamics and contributing factors which can make it difficult to isolate reason or rationale on a case by case basis. Everyone is different and their motivations are, to a certain extent, unique. As far as I've been able to gather, there are a few key factors which contribute to how pervasive harassment has become and why it has taken root in younger and younger minds. These factors include but are not limited to: commercialized sex and sexuality, commodified sex and sexuality, anonymity, deconstruction and disconnection from social barriers and the rise of imagined communities.
Phew! Now, anyone who is reading this post is probably thinking, "Those are some pretty broad strokes." And you're right, they are. But that's because there is so much out there to talk about and I've only really got anyone's attention for so long. So what exactly do these factors actually speak to? How do they build on one another and contribute to the problem of sexual harassment online?
At least in America, we live in an age in which sex and sexuality go hand in hand with products, advertising and entertainment. No matter what's being sold, what's being promoted, there is almost (provided it's age appropriate) always some sort of sexuality injected into it. Anyone old enough to remember the Herbal Essences shampoo advertisements will know precisely what I'm talking about. The curious thing is that all of this has become so normalized that people are less sensitive to it. The connective fibers between sex and consumption become that much stronger and thus there is little dissociation between the two. What can this mean for some people? It means that sex just isn't a big thing anymore. Why not ask to see a woman's breasts? Why not demand it? Our entertainment culture has allowed for it to be consumed it on a daily basis, actively or passively. It doesn't matter if you're buying a new razor or looking up your favorite fetish, it's all consumable.
The internet has been both a blessing and a curse. We can find anything we want at the drop of a hat, we can watch movies and music videos, we can talk to people from around the world and we can be the person who we want to be from the comfort of our home. But at the same time, we're also nobody. When given the opportunity to be anyone and no one at the same time, the possibilities are endless. But with those possibilities comes the reality that there is a lack of responsibility and accountability. Thus, people who were unable to indulge or satisfy certain needs before, have been enabled to do so unrestrained and en masse. Was once but one man who loves big butts and he cannot lie, now has become many men who love big butts and they cannot lie. And this is definitely a double edged sword. It has been liberating and freeing to people who felt they had no where to turn and has made them more comfortable in their own skin and with their own wants that they may have been shamed for in their daily lives. But it has also been empowering to those who probably shouldn't have been encouraged in the first place. But why wouldn't they feel empowered, untouchable or untraceable? They can be anyone and no one all at once. And with one click of a button, they're gone.
So what happens when you put all of this together? What happens when you have a culture that consumes sex, a tool that allows you to do what you want and be who you want without ramifications, the disconnect of another's humanity in favor of their figure and a bunch of people cheering it all on? Well, you get what everyone has been talking about. You get a 13 year old demanding to see your privates. You get revenge pornography. You get to see the malice of someone who once talked sweet to you.
And there's so much more to talk about, I can't even say that I've done more than scratch the surface with this post.
So what can we do about it? When it's happening to us, don't engage. Block, report, walk away. When we see someone else doing it? Speak up, don't let it go on anymore than it already has. How do we stop it from happening? Shit, I have no idea.
I've been online for over a decade and I have never been seriously harassed. Not even back in the day when I was pretending to be a girl (pay2win game turns to date2win game when your avatar changes gender) did I ever get any serious harassment. I mean "lol u n00b my dmg is better ur my bitch" turns to "plz show tits lol fapfapfap" and that's pretty much all it ever did for me.
Then again... I'd have a field day with anyone who seriously tried.
What happens when someone you know online tries to pressure you in a way that may qualify as sexual harassment? Have you ever been insulted or shamed for not committing to another person's unwanted requests online?
I will be treated with respect or you do not get the privileged of talking to me. Friend or stranger. Period.
Anyone that has ever ignored my NO THANKS or has made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe gets blocked immediately. And if they tried to manipulate or blackmail, I made sure their ass got banned and other people knew what kind of person they were so other ladies would not end up in a bad situation. >:[
I find it terrifying how many people keep talking to these people that are abusive like this. D: They are so afraid of hurting someone's feelings, or have been shamed in to thinking it's THEM that's wrong because they said no or are a prude. AND THAT'S NOT TRUE. Even in the few rare chances where you might have gotten wrong impressions or over reacted THEY SHOULD HAVE RESPECTED YOUR NO.
You deserve to have your body and space respected. BLOCK THEM IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND A NO. It doesn't matter if they are an old friend, a family member, someone popular, or in power. People have to learn appropriate behaviors and respect boundaries.
I'm a gamer, and a female gamer at that. My husband plays most games with me, and most of the guilds/linkshells I am in have Skype. My previous linkshell when I was playing FFXI was full of guys. I was literally the only female in the group, and being the only female I was hit on quite frequently. The linkshell leader was the biggest one to make inappropriate comments to me. He would always talk about how he'd 'bang me so hard my tubal would be reversed' which was disturbing, but the fact that he made those types of comments in tells made it worse because I couldn't come outright and tell the rest of the linkshell what was being said. Eventually I moved on to another linkshell run by a married couple, but the problems didn't end there. @_@
I can't count how many guys would follow my toon around and flirt with me. One guy went as far as to take naked pictures of my character with some kind of mode. I've had another guy tell me he was in love with me, and referred to me as his 'girlfriend' to his family in real life.
However, for every asshole I've had to deal with, I've also met some cool guys who were awesome enough to tell people to back off and leave me alone. One guy even spent a week while I was leveling up my character to keep other guys from harassing me. I will never understand the fascination with some guys and pixelated boobs, but apparently it's a trend that isn't going away anytime soon.
My husband and I have a very strange relationship. When we're playing a game together, in a group, he tends to make suggestive comments to get a laugh out of me. Usually most people laugh it off, but I think that guy took it that I'm a bit freakier than I actually am. That and he fact that he was unhappy with his girlfriend made it easier for him to flirt shamelessly. @_@
My husband and I have a very strange relationship. When we're playing a game together, in a group, he tends to make suggestive comments to get a laugh out of me. Usually most people laugh it off, but I think that guy took it that I'm a bit freakier than I actually am. That and he fact that he was unhappy with his girlfriend made it easier for him to flirt shamelessly. @_@
My husband and I have a very strange relationship. When we're playing a game together, in a group, he tends to make suggestive comments to get a laugh out of me. Usually most people laugh it off, but I think that guy took it that I'm a bit freakier than I actually am. That and he fact that he was unhappy with his girlfriend made it easier for him to flirt shamelessly. @_@
Yeah, some people just tend to take liberties that they shouldn't in situations like that. I've had married friends who I game with who make those kinds of jokes towards or about one another and I've never taken that as invitation, only as comedy.
Then again, when I'm gaming, I'm all about the task at hand. There are people to kill, flags to capture and quests to complete. Who the heck has time to make advances on married people or otherwise? THERE ARE MONSTERS WHO WANT TO CHEW ON OUR BONES!!!!
For one, my lips are real. For two, I've never even considered doing porn to support my kids. For three, I only have four kids, and they all came about naturally. :P
Yeah, some people just tend to take liberties that they shouldn't in situations like that. I've had married friends who I game with who make those kinds of jokes towards or about one another and I've never taken that as invitation, only as comedy.
Then again, when I'm gaming, I'm all about the task at hand. There are people to kill, flags to capture and quests to complete. Who the heck has time to make advances on married people or otherwise? THERE ARE MONSTERS WHO WANT TO CHEW ON OUR BONES!!!!
Yeah, that's how most people usually are. We don't hide the fact that we're happily married, so I have no idea why anyone would assume I'd be interested in anything. Like I tell my husband, dealing with one man is enough. Why in the hell would I want to deal with another one?
Honestly. I haven't encountered this problem with RP specifically. Though my case is where one of my RP friends (Not on Iwaku, so don't worry admins) who was like 10 years older than me, I was 15 at the time, wanted to be more than just RP friends. I guess she got the picture that because I put sexual content in my RPs, mainly to add realism, she thought that I had sexual feelings for her. I'm not going to lie, she wasn't bad looking, and we had video chatted a few times (Never doing anything sexual, I might want to add), but I was only 15 and I had a girlfriend at the time. Not to mention the fact that I wasn't into older woman at that time. I am now but that's okay because I'm 17 and am legally allowed to make my own choices when it comes to sexual relationships, and I'm actually turning 18 in about two months. This issue brought up many problems for me. The woman no longer wanted to RP with me, instead she made it a habit of sending me nude pictures of herself doing some weird things with candle wax, which I promptly deleted. This also caused problems with my relationship at the time because my girlfriend had gotten her hands on my phone just before I received such a message. Even after I was dumped, and flipped out on the woman for sending those things, she still continued to try to start a sexual relationship with me. I told her no, one final time, and blocked her from every form of social media I had, as well as changing my phone number. That was the end of that, but it still makes me wary about opening up to my RP partners, though currently I do have some amazing partners who I feel I can share pretty much anything with.
However, for every asshole I've had to deal with, I've also met some cool guys who were awesome enough to tell people to back off and leave me alone. One guy even spent a week while I was leveling up my character to keep other guys from harassing me. I will never understand the fascination with some guys and pixelated boobs, but apparently it's a trend that isn't going away anytime soon.
Males (at least sexually active heterosexual ones--sorry my fabulous friends of the Takei variety, but we're gonna focus specifically on heterosexual creeps this time ) are biologically hard wired via four billion years of evolution to do two things exclusively: Breed, and fight. We outright have a drug coursing through us 24/7, called testosterone, that makes us more aggressive, and acts as a steroid for muscle growth. We can have upwards of fifty times the testosterone of women.
It can be quite a powerful sensation. Combine with the millions of losers who never learn how to be men, or who are teenagers still learning how to be men, with easy access to the Internet that provides anonymity to escape should they feel the need? You've just painted a recipe for losers with no control to hit on women everywhere.
On behalf of my gender, I apologize for the two hit combo of mother nature and idiocy. If 90% of everything is shit, that includes the human race. At least you know some decent men too though.
