- Posting Speed
- Speed of Light
- Writing Levels
- Douche
- Preferred Character Gender
- No Preferences
Okay, so it was at least better than Iron Man 2, Robin Hood and Clash of the Titans...
So, as a challenge to myself, I shall balance every con with a pro.
ASMO HAPPY: Loved the opening voiceover. Nice memory of the emotional impetus that drives Jeffy boy.
ASMO SAD: What's with the retarded lead character? Did they run out of script after doing Jeff Bridges and had to resort to giving him bits from the office shredder? Everything he says is a stupid dumbfuck American teen pointless jock quip. Oh give me a break! You've got be kidding! You wanna play - we'll play! Now this I can do! IT'S NOT FUCKING SPY KIDS! I think if Porg and Chaos had a rape-child, it would be this guy (hereafter known as "The Retard").
ASMO HAPPY: I found the Arcade very cool, especially with the 80s music. I'm glad the Retard didn't hit the jukebox and make it burst into Justin Beiber or some shit. I think the absence of the father was well portrayed in the montage and backstory, and helped add to Jeffy's mystique.
ASMO SAD: So... Evil Dude sent the page... and he... knew that Retard was going to sit in front of the lazer and get himself zapped... but he didn't know where Retard was going to appear... so instead he went to watch the games while wearing a mask and... then when he found Retard he tried to kill him... even though he was supposed to be bait... but it was okay because he knew that Retard would be rescued and... WHAT???
ASMO HAPPY: The games were pretty cool. There wasn't much of the sense of mortal terror that I got from the original, but it was okay. Shit, wait... this is supposed to be a compliment. Er... Tron was cool with the double discs of doom. Yes.
ASMO SAD: Games happened far too soon. There should've been some "fish-out-water" scenes where Retard is exploring the world. He seems to instantly know where he is and remains completely unintimidated by the realisation that he's been digitally sucked into a murderous cyber-dystopia. It's happened to me twice now, and believe me - YOU FEEL IT.
ASMO HAPPY: I liked Girly Girl - she was pretty cool and had just the right subtlety to suggest a human/programme/digital jazz player hybrid. And the later comment on her being a "rescue" was a nice parity that linked Retard and Jeffy boy together.
ASMO SAD: So she's an "Iso"... which is a spontaneous programme developed inside the system that embodies an epistemological breakthrough in science, religion and metaphysics but deemed imperfect by Clu? If so, then why did Girly-face display neither greater enlightenment nor greater imperfection than any of the other programmes? SHE WAS EXACTLY THE SAME. A bit more cheerful perhaps, but there was absolutely nothing to show how "special" she was. In the end it felt like the ISO subplot was just crowbarred in there, which is a shame because it had the potential to be profound.
ASMO HAPPY: Jeff Bridges was spot on. I loved his astral-plane style home and his esoteric nature. The part where he's in the club and touches the floor made me WARM AND FUZZY inside. He was like some kind of Cyber-Wizard - it was awesome! And the bit where he reprogrammes the guy. He was like the rape-child of Obi-Wan and Gandalf!
ASMO SAD: It was TOTALLY obvious that Jeff would never get home, just as it was TOTALLY obvious that Clu would slaughter all of his well-meaning lieutenants and allies. Why set up the fact that he's homesick and misses his motorbike if you're not going to give any pay-off? It's just sad... genuinely sad. Why does Retard and Miss Apparently-Special get to go home, and not awesome Jeffy boy? No, he has to stay behind to nuke himself or some shit. Seriously, what did he do at the end? How did he blow himself up?
ASMO HAPPY: Clu was also brilliant (yes, I'm lubing up for Bridges - deal with it). He was a classic hardcore villain - one with good intentions gone astray. The little flashbacks he gets when he's going through his creator's house were cool.
ASMO SAD: The Clu/Creator relationship was far more interesting than anything else in the film and should've been given more screentime. The final confrontation was weak, with Jeff just saying "Sorry lol, perfexion sux!" and then nuking himself. They could have shown more remorse and turmoil between these two, as well as drawing father/son parallels with Retard. One son seeking perfection whilst the other seeks an imperfect father. One son confronting his problems while the other hides away.
ASMO HAPPY: I liked the final conversations between the three while they were on the big ship. It was a good break from all the flashy crap and gave a bit of emotional content. Retard explains all of the world's current problems and then Girly-Face is offered as the answer to all of this, as she is a being who takes simple delight in the thought of a sunrise.
ASMO SAD: "She's taking herself out of the equation!" ... WHAT THE FUCK? Someone please explain to me WHY she goes and gets herself captured, and how it benefits the story in any way! It's bad enough that Retard goes to prison for a micro-second at the start of the film. Now we have girly-face voluntarily becoming the damsel in distress just so Retard can rescue her two minutes later? POINTLESS!
ASMO HAPPY: I liked the final Nazi-rally speech that Clu gives to his followers. It mirrors Flynn's utopian speech about the digitial frontier and shows how both men want a kind of progress for their species.
ULTIMATE ASMO SAD: Okay... something I noticed... something I think the writers and director might've missed. It's a very small detail...
THE FILM IS CALLED "TRON"
TRON!
NOT "RETARD" OR "CLU-LESS" OR "I'M SPECIAL, NO REALLY!"
TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRON!!!!
He was like the fucking saviour of the first film and in the flashbacks he's portrayed as a courageous and loyal warrior, helping build the paradise and fighting to save his master. And then for the rest of the film he gets reduced to a mindless peon with a miniscule moment of defiance right before he dies pointlessly. Jeff doesn't seem to give two shits about him and they never explain WHY he decides to serve Clu. Jeff's line "Tron, what have you become?" is never actually answered. He's one of the most intriguing characters and he gets pushed out of the limelight. I guess they'd spent so much money digitally creating Clu's face that they couldn't be bothered with Tron's. I was waiting for the big fight, the big reveal, the big cameo. But instead it's like "Oh hey, that's Tron." and then CRASH! U DROWN NAU LOL!!1!
I feel sorry for anyone watching it who didn't see the first one, because they're gonna be mighty confused that the film seems to be named after 'Generic Henchmen No. 1'
If Kitti and Torsty had a rape-child...
Once again, this is a case of writers either not taking the time to think about their script, or just getting shat on from a great height by everyone else in the movie industry. Yes, you may accuse me of hypocrisy or pedantry, but there is not, never has been, and never will be a good excuse for lazy storytelling.
*kicks a rescue puppy*
So, as a challenge to myself, I shall balance every con with a pro.
ASMO HAPPY: Loved the opening voiceover. Nice memory of the emotional impetus that drives Jeffy boy.
ASMO SAD: What's with the retarded lead character? Did they run out of script after doing Jeff Bridges and had to resort to giving him bits from the office shredder? Everything he says is a stupid dumbfuck American teen pointless jock quip. Oh give me a break! You've got be kidding! You wanna play - we'll play! Now this I can do! IT'S NOT FUCKING SPY KIDS! I think if Porg and Chaos had a rape-child, it would be this guy (hereafter known as "The Retard").
ASMO HAPPY: I found the Arcade very cool, especially with the 80s music. I'm glad the Retard didn't hit the jukebox and make it burst into Justin Beiber or some shit. I think the absence of the father was well portrayed in the montage and backstory, and helped add to Jeffy's mystique.
ASMO SAD: So... Evil Dude sent the page... and he... knew that Retard was going to sit in front of the lazer and get himself zapped... but he didn't know where Retard was going to appear... so instead he went to watch the games while wearing a mask and... then when he found Retard he tried to kill him... even though he was supposed to be bait... but it was okay because he knew that Retard would be rescued and... WHAT???
ASMO HAPPY: The games were pretty cool. There wasn't much of the sense of mortal terror that I got from the original, but it was okay. Shit, wait... this is supposed to be a compliment. Er... Tron was cool with the double discs of doom. Yes.
ASMO SAD: Games happened far too soon. There should've been some "fish-out-water" scenes where Retard is exploring the world. He seems to instantly know where he is and remains completely unintimidated by the realisation that he's been digitally sucked into a murderous cyber-dystopia. It's happened to me twice now, and believe me - YOU FEEL IT.
ASMO HAPPY: I liked Girly Girl - she was pretty cool and had just the right subtlety to suggest a human/programme/digital jazz player hybrid. And the later comment on her being a "rescue" was a nice parity that linked Retard and Jeffy boy together.
ASMO SAD: So she's an "Iso"... which is a spontaneous programme developed inside the system that embodies an epistemological breakthrough in science, religion and metaphysics but deemed imperfect by Clu? If so, then why did Girly-face display neither greater enlightenment nor greater imperfection than any of the other programmes? SHE WAS EXACTLY THE SAME. A bit more cheerful perhaps, but there was absolutely nothing to show how "special" she was. In the end it felt like the ISO subplot was just crowbarred in there, which is a shame because it had the potential to be profound.
ASMO HAPPY: Jeff Bridges was spot on. I loved his astral-plane style home and his esoteric nature. The part where he's in the club and touches the floor made me WARM AND FUZZY inside. He was like some kind of Cyber-Wizard - it was awesome! And the bit where he reprogrammes the guy. He was like the rape-child of Obi-Wan and Gandalf!
ASMO SAD: It was TOTALLY obvious that Jeff would never get home, just as it was TOTALLY obvious that Clu would slaughter all of his well-meaning lieutenants and allies. Why set up the fact that he's homesick and misses his motorbike if you're not going to give any pay-off? It's just sad... genuinely sad. Why does Retard and Miss Apparently-Special get to go home, and not awesome Jeffy boy? No, he has to stay behind to nuke himself or some shit. Seriously, what did he do at the end? How did he blow himself up?
ASMO HAPPY: Clu was also brilliant (yes, I'm lubing up for Bridges - deal with it). He was a classic hardcore villain - one with good intentions gone astray. The little flashbacks he gets when he's going through his creator's house were cool.
ASMO SAD: The Clu/Creator relationship was far more interesting than anything else in the film and should've been given more screentime. The final confrontation was weak, with Jeff just saying "Sorry lol, perfexion sux!" and then nuking himself. They could have shown more remorse and turmoil between these two, as well as drawing father/son parallels with Retard. One son seeking perfection whilst the other seeks an imperfect father. One son confronting his problems while the other hides away.
ASMO HAPPY: I liked the final conversations between the three while they were on the big ship. It was a good break from all the flashy crap and gave a bit of emotional content. Retard explains all of the world's current problems and then Girly-Face is offered as the answer to all of this, as she is a being who takes simple delight in the thought of a sunrise.
ASMO SAD: "She's taking herself out of the equation!" ... WHAT THE FUCK? Someone please explain to me WHY she goes and gets herself captured, and how it benefits the story in any way! It's bad enough that Retard goes to prison for a micro-second at the start of the film. Now we have girly-face voluntarily becoming the damsel in distress just so Retard can rescue her two minutes later? POINTLESS!
ASMO HAPPY: I liked the final Nazi-rally speech that Clu gives to his followers. It mirrors Flynn's utopian speech about the digitial frontier and shows how both men want a kind of progress for their species.
ULTIMATE ASMO SAD: Okay... something I noticed... something I think the writers and director might've missed. It's a very small detail...
THE FILM IS CALLED "TRON"
TRON!
NOT "RETARD" OR "CLU-LESS" OR "I'M SPECIAL, NO REALLY!"
TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRON!!!!
He was like the fucking saviour of the first film and in the flashbacks he's portrayed as a courageous and loyal warrior, helping build the paradise and fighting to save his master. And then for the rest of the film he gets reduced to a mindless peon with a miniscule moment of defiance right before he dies pointlessly. Jeff doesn't seem to give two shits about him and they never explain WHY he decides to serve Clu. Jeff's line "Tron, what have you become?" is never actually answered. He's one of the most intriguing characters and he gets pushed out of the limelight. I guess they'd spent so much money digitally creating Clu's face that they couldn't be bothered with Tron's. I was waiting for the big fight, the big reveal, the big cameo. But instead it's like "Oh hey, that's Tron." and then CRASH! U DROWN NAU LOL!!1!
I feel sorry for anyone watching it who didn't see the first one, because they're gonna be mighty confused that the film seems to be named after 'Generic Henchmen No. 1'
If Kitti and Torsty had a rape-child...
Once again, this is a case of writers either not taking the time to think about their script, or just getting shat on from a great height by everyone else in the movie industry. Yes, you may accuse me of hypocrisy or pedantry, but there is not, never has been, and never will be a good excuse for lazy storytelling.
*kicks a rescue puppy*
