To Mend a Broken Heart

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Ryah could hear movement downstairs and outside the bathroom door and could smell the two boys and then hear them. But she said nothing to them for quite a while. How ironic that Az only seemed to care for her when another male was stealing her attentions away from him. But she had to admit this was just as much her fault as it was theirs. It had been Lukan's idea but she had agreed to it. She had wanted to do it and now she was pain. Like her heart was falling apart. God, falling in love was so painful and so much work. Especially when the other party felt nothing for you. Nothing remotely close to what you felt.

Alright, so Az didn't like it when she flirted with another male. All that proved was that he was protective of her, territorial even it seemed. He didn't like it when she was upset. That proved nothing. She was sure most people didn't like seeing others upset. She kept trying to explain away with Az's feelings for her. Trying to make herself believe he felt nothing for her. It would have made this pain so much easier to deal with.

"I thought I knew what love is." She finally spoke. "But...but I've come to realize....what I felt for..Tamar...it wasn't love." As she spoke her sobbing slowly quieted to nearly silence, save for a few hiccups and sniffles. "I could care less when he brought other women home or when his....friends....he didn't care either." Obviously, there was something she wasn't saying here but all the abuse she suffered, it was something she only wanted Az to know. "You care though. But then...you don't care. It's like one minute I mean so much for you and the next I mean nothing. I'm both a burden and someone you want around."

She knew she would never have the relationship she wanted with him. He would never hold her when she woke up from nightmares or when her memories reared their ugly heads like they had last night. He'd never kiss her like she wanted, he'd never love her. She knew this but now was the moment that he needed to know everything. Now before she opened the door and faced him. "Last night I had the worst nightmare I've had in so long. I was terrified of falling asleep afterwards and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed with you but I was terrified of that because last time I did you almost killed me. It shouldn't matter, I've dealt with nightmares by myself for my entire life. But I finally find my one safety blanket and...." She trailed off as she gulped back a sob. "He doesn't even want me near him."

She was bearing her heart and soul by telling him all this. She didn't even care if Lukan heard or not. "Its hurting me, Az, and I can't keep doing this." Assertive. Thats what she needed to be. She was putting her foot down and giving him a choice. Standing from the floor of the bathroom, she opened the door and turned her bicolored gaze first to Lukan. "I need to be alone with him, please." Once Lukan left she turned her gaze to Az. "I want you to want me, Az. I won't force you to love me but I want you to give me a chance. So I'm giving you a choice, you can give me a chance and give yourself a chance instead of shutting yourself out like you always do. Or, I will leave." She said it as simply as that but her mind was set. She needed to know. She had enough knowledge of the outside world to know to survive on her own now. She probably won't do a good job but she'd survive.
 
Az wasn't sure what to do with Ryah's silence toward the two men. He wasn't sure what that meant. He ran a hand over his face and gave an uneasy glance toward Lukan and the other male met his gaze with a similar expression. When she finally spoke, Az almost breathed a sigh of relief. But her words quickly stopped him. He stared at the bathroom door, listening intently to her every word.. He had a very bad feeling about what she meant about Tamar and his friends, but he certainly didn't ask. Especially with Lukan around. When she spoke about him caring, but then not, his brow furrowed and he glanced at Lukan again, who just gave him a blank look.

When she told him that she had had the worst nightmare she had had in a long time, that she had wanted to crawl into the bed with him but didn't because he had almost killed her last time, Lukan sighed heavily, almost like he was expecting something like that to have happened. The she called him something that threw him off guard. He was her safety blanket? But she also thought he didn't want her around? He shook his head, wanting to say something but not daring to just yet.

When she opened the door, he almost reached out and pulled her into a hug, but he stamped that down as quickly as it had come, almost frightened at the desire. When she told Lukan she wanted to be alone with him, Lukan gave a hesitant smile and then left them, trotting down the stairs. He could hear him go to Kandice and they started speaking, but he didn't care what it was about, he turned his attention back to Ryah once more.

When she gave him an ultimatum, he blinked in surprise and stared at her for a moment before he straightened and squared his shoulders, glancing away. "Ryah, it's not that I don't want you around.. I do.. I really do.. And that's what scares me.. I-i'm not used to this.. I want to open up, trust me, but it's so hard for me.. I don't know how to do that, Ryah," he groaned and bowed his head, staring at the ground as he took a step back. "Emotions are not things I am accustomed to. I don't want you to leave. I really don't, but I can't say what I feel for you, as I don't know. I don't understand them.. But, Ryah, if you're willing to stay, willing to put up with me, I would like to learn.. Learn how to understand what I feel.. But the question is; are you willing to stay, to teach me? I know I care for you. I care for you much more than I thought I would ever care for another person.. But I don't know how far it goes, what it means," he groaned, feeling completely flustered that he had actually started rambling.
 
Ryah listened to him quietly, trying to find the meaning behind his words like she always had to with him. She'd never been in such a complicated relationship and saw men as simple creatures with a one track mind. Az was challenging her view on that. He was such a confusing person, maybe thats why drew Ryah to him initially. That he didn't act like all the men she'd had in her life. As much as she wanted him to touch her, he never had. Not in the way she was used to at least.

At first she didn't say anything just watched him with careful eyes before she stepped forward and took both his hands in hers. Her movements were slow and deliberate, as if she were with an injured animal. That way he knew what she was doing ahead of time and could pull away when he wanted to. Though she prayed to god he wouldn't. This was like the final straw for her. He could talk all he wanted, write a whole novel, but Ryah tended to place actions above verbal communication.

Carefully, slowly, she would place his hands on her hips before she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. She needed this, the physical representation of his words. If he pushed her away now she wouldn't hesitate in taking her things and leaving. If he was giving her the chance she would teach him slowly, for his sake. Maybe she'd rushed it in the kisses. Hugs were slow, they weren't as intimate as kisses. Well, usually they weren't. This one wasn't.

"I want you to trust me enough to let me help you." She spoke low but she knew he'd be able to hear her. "I don't ever want to do what I did with Lukan again. Ever. I saw the look on your face and I know you don't understand what that meant to me, to see that look of betrayal and jealousy in your eyes." Her wolf hadn't been a happy camper either. Pulling back from the hug slightly to look up at him she raised her fingers and stroked his cheek softly, like she used to do. "Can you forgive me?" She murmured softly.
 
He didn't look up when he heard her take a step toward him, kept his head down and he watched as he hands reached for him. He didn't move away when she grasped his hands gently, almost like she was expecting him to pull away. Not that he could blame her. That's what he'd constantly been doing. He had been running away, trying to push her away, not wanting to understand what he may feel for her. But if continuing to do that meant losing her, he would try to understand. Try to learn.

He let her guide his hands to her hips and though he tensed when she wrapped her arms around him, his survival instinct telling him to bolt, to break the break the hold, but he didn't. He stayed where he was as she buried her face into his chest and he vaguely wondered is she could hear his erratic heartbeat just beneath his ribcage.

When she spoke, he listened, hearing her low words clear as day. When she said she didn't want to do what she did with Lukan ever again, he felt a swell of agreement. His Wolf liked the idea of her never doing something like that again. And Az wouldn't argue the fact. He certainly hadn't enjoyed the ugly emotion that had surfaced in him. If he never felt that again, it would be too soon. He watched, blue eyes regarding her gently, as she pulled back slightly and then raised a hand to stroke his cheek. Aztrex instantly leaned into her touch. Her touch was gentle, almost unsure.

When she asked if he would forgive her, he raised one hand from her hip to gently grasp the hand against his cheek and he turned his head slightly and kissed her palm, lips feather-light on her skin. "There's nothing to forgive, Ryah," he murmured softly. For there wasn't. It wasn't her fault. It was his for being thick headed.. And Lukan's for putting the stupid idea in Ryah's head. He was still going to make the Cheetah pay some day. But, right now, that wasn't his focus. Ryah was. "I'll learn.. I'll get there some day.. I just hope that you will stay with me through that time," he murmured against her palm, lips dusting against her skin, flicking his brilliant blue gaze to the side to gauge Ryah's reaction.

It was a bold move on Az's part, to kiss her palm, something he wasn't used to, it made him feel slightly uncomfortable, but elated at the same time. But he wanted Ryah to know, more than anything, that was in this. Understand that he was going to give it his best shot to understand. But, his thoughts were snapped away when he heard feet stamping up the stairs and then come down the hallway. He slowly let go of Ryah's hand and turned to look at Kandice showed herself, hands on her hips and looking relieved and impatient at the same time. "Look, you two lovebirds," she started, "now that you two have sorted stuff out, hurry up and get down stairs. Lunch is getting cold," she grumbled, glaring at the two of them playfully before turning and practically skipping back downstairs.

Az was a little surprised, but shrugged nonetheless and he glanced at Ryah and gave a hesitant half smile, "come on," he said gently and waited for her to move before following her downstairs. Lukan and Kandice were at the dining table, on one side and the other side was vacant for him and Ryah. Each seat had plates in front of it on the table, with salad and steaks, with a couple strips of bacon on the side. Az sat down, opposite Kandice as the other pair were bickering, Kandice telling Lukan to shut up and Lukan lecturing her about steak not being a suitable meat for lunch, but Kandice shot back with something to do with the fact that all 4 of them were carnivores so it didn't matter. Meat was meat. az shook his head lightly, amused by them before glancing at Ryah.
 
Ryah was silent as she watched him. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her blood pounding in her ears as she listened to him speak and watched as he kissed her hand. As featherlight as the kiss was, the feeling of his lips set her skin on fire wherever he touched her. Her mouth was suddenly dry. He was willing to learn for her, all he asked is that she stay with him. This was an interesting turn of events for her, someone who was used to being in his shoes not the other way around. She understood the implication of the tender, almost loving moment between them. That he'd be willing to try for her meant more to her then he would ever understand.

She wanted to hug him again but Kandice chose that moment to ruin what time they had. Ryah wasn't very hungry as she made her way downstairs to the table. Her stomach was full of knots anyway, she was surprised she'd managed to hold her breakfast down. She knew if she didn't at least eat a bit Az would throw a fit. She was silent all through lunch, having said all she needed to upstairs. Ryah was by far more talkative then Az but that didn't make her a social butterfly. She listened to Lukan and Kandice bicker over meats and their use at the lunch table. She wanted to speak up, to let them know that technically speaking heavy meats should be eaten at lunch time. But her mind was on the conversation she'd had with Az upstairs.

Ryah ate most of her steak, a few strips of bacon, and a few forkfuls of salad. She wasn't a fan of leafy greens....unless she drenched them in salad dressing but she didn't want to be rude and use the entire bottle of dressing for herself. After lunch Ryah still hadn't talked. She'd given Az a few smiles, to reassure him that she was fine but other then that she didn't really do anything. "I need to breathe." She murmured softly to Az before stepping out the door into the cold outside.

Immediately she would shift into her wolf form. It was comical, watching her small frame push at the snow and make a path from the house to the forest. The only thing that could really be seen of her were her perked ears. Her heart was still hammering in her chest, her skin on fire from where he had touched her. She didn't make it very far from the house, the snow wasn't exactly fun to walk in despite her fur. She wasn't as fluffy as Az was. So she laid down to think on all that had happened.
 
Aztrex ate his meal in silence, listening to Kandice and Lukan bicker like children. He glanced across at Ryah a few times through the meal, mostly to make sure she was, in fact, eating. She was just as bad with eating habits than he was, but his body was able to handle the small amount of food without a problem.. Someone like Ryah, it wasn't healthy. After a few minutes Ryah murmured to him that she needed to breathe before she stood and walked outside. She stared at the door for a time for before sighing and then looked back at his plate.. He had eaten around half of it.. Kandice had eaten a little under half and Lukan had demolished his and quickly started on the rest of the food on everyone else's abandoned plates. H was such a glutton. He glanced at Kandice and the girl turned her attention from Lukan stuffing his face to Az and then glanced at the door in a silent gesture.

Az hunched his shoulders for a moment as he sighed before standing. He wasn't entirely sure why Kandice wanted him to go out there to see Ryah, she had said she needed to breathe. To Az, that meant, needing space. But, he did as he was told and stepped outside, shifting into his large wolf form with ease and loped through the snow until he came to Ryah's side. He shook off the snow from his fur and sat down his tail casually draping over the female's body. It was because she seemed cold. He knew she didn't deal with the snow too well.

"Are you alright?" he asked her lightly, ears flicking lightly as he looked down at her. She looked even smaller with half her body beneath his tail.
 
As much as Ryah tried, she'd been shivering like a fallen leaf in the snow. Tough it out, she'd told herself. She was a big girl and she could handle it. The cold was liberating in a way. It cleared her mind and cooled her heated skin. He was willing to try for her but could she set goals for him to reach? She was terrified of asking him for anything, both because of her past and because she didn't want to push him away. They'd gotten so far, she felt like she walked on eggshells around him. Maybe something simple like sleeping in the same room? He'd explained at one time that he didn't like her so near to him because of his bad side but she'd seen his bad side, she'd lived through it. He hadn't hurt her.

Her mind was a jumble of thoughts when she felt something warm drape over her. Immediately, she knew he'd come out after her. So unlike him, it must have been Kandice's doing. That was another thing, she wasn't entirely sure how to feel about his friends. Candice she'd grown rather used to, after their spat, Lukan.....she still wasn't too sure about. Honestly maybe it was her lack of social ability that left her so limited in making new friends. They'd done nothing wrong to her so she had no reason to fear them.

It took her a bit to realize that he'd spoken to her. Maybe the cold was getting to her. Cautiously, she'd crawl closer to him so she was able to warm her freezing body. "I'm alright." She answered. She wasn't sure what to tell him. "I was just thinking is all. About what you said and all that." She paused. "I thought it might be a good idea to set...boundaries...so we know what we're comfortable with doing, what we're interesting on working on and whats off limits for now." There was hesitation in her words as she didn't know how he would handle it.
 
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