To little to Late

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Original poster

It is wrong to live a lie when your surroundings are comfortable, your present life is viewed as good one, and its assuable that everything is fine, since you hide your true feelings and just act like everything is perfect, for the sake of everyone else.

Besides why rock the boat when you dont have a lifevest on and neither does anyone else. The would be victims rely on you so much that the guilt is worse than dead and lastly... what if.. just what if Its all in you mind that things are wrong and in truth your just not willing to become the monster you thought would never ask to be free.

The life you faked, is now real and your dreams are now dead. Is that whats suppose to happen. For each thing you gain a part of you has to die?

I know I ask to much, therefore I shall stop talking. And perhaps its best not to kick up dust when its windy.
You know I'l here for you, you should have my other PM by now.
if you dont hae a life vest, perhaps its time to learn to swim, and swim as hard as you fucking can.
Lies, no matter how comfortable they are, don't last. Whether it's in your mind or no, I'd brace yourself anyway. Whether you choose to wait it out or break the glass yourself, there will be guilt, but it dulls with time, if it doesn't heal.

It's hard to find the right comfort to offer when I don't know your situation, all I can say is that lies are never good, in the end, no matter how much good you meant by them. I think it's best to have out with the truth of it; I didn't, and I can't imagine my situation could have gone any worse. Even if it's all in your head, as you say you fear... well, it's like lancing an infection. Messy, but the alternative is a slow and painful death nobody who deserves your loyalty wants for you.
I think Im angry with wanting the very thing that I dont trust or believe in. My mom sent me this clipping and it reads

Begin deeply loved
by someone gives you

Loving someone deeply gives you

Lao Tzu

Im not sure what to do with that since I hate myself for everything Ive ever gained, its great to have a house, cars, things* and a son, but now I feel like HOLY FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! Is this REALLY what I want, or is it what I THOUGHT I should have by now. Im in my early 30's so I tell myself suck it up and move on. You asked for all this, and your a bitch for hating the very thing you created.. hence my life. God what the fuck is wrong with me?
Mid-life crisis come early? The real question is whether you're asking yourself "Is this really what I wanted" ....or are you really asking yourself "Should I have wanted something more?"

Regardless, there's another question to ask yourself. Self-doubt aside...are you happy with what you have? Because, if you are....does it really matter what you set out wanting?

Anways...I'm here if you need me, Joey.
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