I'm not going to put a prefix on this, I just need to write this out and see if I can reach a answer or not. January 2012 my boyfriend took his own life. May 25th is the day that was his birthday. These last two years I've visited his grave near the date of his birthday and this year I won't be able to. Last fall I started studying again so I've been fairly busy with school and getting a job to help with the economy. I live alone and with the monthly expenses, food etc a job has been a necessity to lighten the worries a limited funds the student loans granted by the state in Norway has a tendency to bring. Rent takes at least half of the funds for a student here. I've recently gotten a fulltime job, which is great, and I start working starting May. Thing is, as a new hire I can't suddenly request several days off, and I don't have the money to cover for travel in any case. I'm not comfortable with not going, not being able to and skipping out on the one time of the year I take a seven hour trip to visit his grave and catch up with people I know. I know I can't help it. I know that if I explained myself to my employer she'd be understanding, but I know that even if I did ask for those days off it wouldn't do good for my responsibilities as a new hire. I also have exams at the end of May. Urgh, so in short: I don't like the way things have turned out. It's a situation I have to live with but I don't like it. Being an adult bites.