THIS SHIT'S WHY I'VE BEEN STUCK INSIDE ALL DAY

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Tegan, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. I don't even think I joined the last one. Haha.
     
  2. I doubt it'll top Winter 2018, ngl.
     
  3. HER OWN BITCHFACE IS WHY SHE'S BEEN STUCK INSIDE ALL DAY.

    I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!


    *laughs at all your rain & flooding*
     
  4. Name: John Constantine
    Codename: Hellblazer, The Laughing Magician, The Constant One (often mistaken for British Rocker “Sting”)
    Origin: Saga of the Swamp thing #25, June 1984.
    Birthdate: May 10, 1953
    Age: Actual 65, Physical apparent 35
    Race: Human (Demon blood enhanced)
    Hair: Blond
    Eyes: Blue
    Height: 6'0”
    Weight: 158 lbs
    Education Level: Indeterminate
    Occupation: Stage Magician, Conman
    Citizenship: British
    Level: Superhuman

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    When the merging and subsequent Reality Shards incidents happened he "disappeared in the chaos" to start fresh. Unfortunately, the demon blood in his system reacted oddly to each shard and reset his physical body to age 35, and also gave him the urge to urinate. Since Con men and stage artists were gaining popularity (The Mentalist, Now you see me) He went back to his street con-artist days traveling with various circuses, fairs, and conventions where he would find the most obnoxious jerks to con or pickpocket in order to squeak out a living while performing stage magic or Cosplaying “Patrick Jane”. Due to the varied locations and times of these events, he assured himself of never making the mistake of staying in one place or with one person more than a few days, so as not to endanger them.

    His Synchronicity always put him in the right place at the right time, just not always "the right place" that he wanted...hence he would often find himself stumbling upon heroes that he knew or had heard of. Annoyed with these apparent misfires of his ancestral Synchronicity power, feeling as if the Almighty himself were forcibly calling in some of his markers, John would use all of his considerable cynicism and snark to dispense tidbits of Arcane counsel to the interrupting heroes so that he could disappear again and be on his way.


    Powers:

    The Constant One – the singular remaining version of John Constantine across the entire multi-verse

    Synchronicity Wave Travelling - instinctually alter the course of natural coincidence to his own benefit aka make his own “luck”

    Ad-hoc Sorcery – In the course of his many travels, readings, interactions with powerful beings, and powerful artifacts, Constantine has acquired an inhuman amount of skill and power with magic. He has not however had any formal training, therefore only those spells that he has mastered through repeated use will work without the chance of causing potentially world ending side effects, which is why he rarely uses his magic.

    Knows the Paths – Constantine is aware of and can connect with and travel the pathways between other realms, most notably Heaven and Hell. As with his other powers however he rarely makes use of this power, hoping to avoid side-effects and complications.

    Demon Blood Infusion – After an agreed to but grudging possession by the demon Nergal, Constantine was able to defeat his dark-impulse-born-demonized self. However, the after-effects of the possession left him with corrosive acidic blood that somehow keeps him in peek health and allows him to recover faster than a normal human. It also has unknown affects on his physical aging.

    Soul Entourage – Constantine is constantly surrounded by a large number of tormenting souls, most often friends and enemies alike. These souls repeatedly attempt to berate him however he often uses them to support, enhance, or be sacrificed to the workings of his spells, or as supernatural currency. This also makes him a target for those attempting to steal the souls away from him.

    Weirdness Magnet – For good or Ill, the strange, bizarre, or unusual is drawn to or springs up around Constantine.


    Skills:

    Stage show magic, Con-artistry, Mentalism, Various esoteric lores, Jack of all Trades, “I know a Guy”

    Equipment:

    Ensorcelled trenchcoat, Ensorcelled blue suit, lighter, large quantity of “Silk Cut” brand cigarettes. Several secret magically secured storehouses for artifacts that Constantine finds dangerous or useful (or both) including a few Reality Shards.
     
  5. *cries as Amp pushes her in the mud and calls her bitchface*
     
  6. Tegan is just having trouble dealing with all the water because she doesn't have a man like THIS who can deal with any situation.

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  7. WHAT A COINCIDENCE I USE OLD SPICE
     
  8. HOW DID YOU KNOW THE BF WAS OUT OF TOWN AND THEREFORE CANNOT ROMANCE ME IN MY TIME OF NEED?!
     
  9. Kendra Lindler

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    I let loose a long whistle under my breath as I walk on in behind Sylvie. "Well, shi-at! Man, I think we done missed out on one lit ass party or somethin'," I say, though there ain't much of a jokin' tone in my voice. I probably sound just as surprised as Sylvie. Seriously though, why in da actual fuck does dis place reek of bleach 'n shit? Da craters in da wall don't exactly give off da whole "home sweet home" vibe, if y'all get what I'm sayin'.

    Despite all my jokin', I do make sure I'm aware of Sylvie's every step 'n I keep her in my line of sight. Walkin' up to one of da craters, I squint 'n analyze it real close. Da bleach smell is extra strong from here 'n, when I look close enough...I think I see some kinda reddish-pink stain on it. "Da fuck...?" I mumble under my breath. A'ight. Okay. Dis shit ain't a game no more. Where da hell is everybody?

    "Aye yoooooo," I call out to da empty space 'round us. My hands are still in my pockets, but they start curlin' up into fists. Dis betta not be some sketchy shit.
     
  10. Yeah.

    Totally true, that.

    I once stopped a truck with just a whiff of the body wash.
     
  11. I heard Old Spice was really just Agent Orange.
     
  12. *Uses Old Spice on Tegan's face*
     
  13. I'LL SHOW YOU SOME OF MY OLD SPICE

    IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
     
  14. I JUST KNOW THINGS TEGAN.

    I JUST KNOW THINGS.
     
  15. D:

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  16. Orion is nicholas Cage all along?
     
  17. Or Nick Cage was Orion. . .*beats the hell out of Orion*

    YOU RUINED WICKER MAN!!!
     
  18. I THINK YOU RUINED IT

    BY WATCHING