Thinking of breaking up

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Faithviper, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. I'm thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend, I'm pretty sure that he is cheating on me with this fucking bitch who he said that he was mad at because she was mean to him, and now he is STILL fucking hanging out with her, and she is starting to keep stuff at our place and in MY FUCKING ROOM! And she never wants to be around when I'm here either, saying cause she wants us to have time together since I'm never home, I fucking hate them both!
     
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  2. As a guy, I'm saying that it's possible that he's not cheating.

    I have girls that are like sisters to me, and I wouldn't drop them just because of a girl I was dating wanted me to herself. It doesn't mean I'd cheat on my girl, just that I care a lot about the other girls in a familial way. And the 'sisters' are very considerate about my girlfriends. They always stop texting me when I'm around/talking to my girl, so that my girlfriend can monopolize my time for herself.

    I'm not saying that your boyfriend isn't cheating. I'm just saying there's a chance you could be overreacting. But you should definitely call him out on it. Ask him what's going on with his 'friend' and if you find out he's cheating, dump his ass. I know you put this as a rant, not a discussion or a counseling thing, but I'm just trying to help out is all. How would you feel if a guy you were dating yelled at all the males you were friends with and told them never to speak to you again? That could sever your friendships for good, even if the relationship with the SO ends after a while, the friend won't come back, because they'd feel like they meant nothing to you.
     
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  3. BREAK UP WITH HIM.

    If you don't trust him, he's not the right guy. You gotta trust your boyfriend. (And if you are this mad, you gotta have a good reason for believing it, right?)

    And on the off chance it's you that's being crazy and he's perfectly innocent, he will have escaped without getting murdered by you. O__O
     
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  4. I like this better than what I said :heart:
     
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  5. The thing is, he said that he wasn't going to be friends with her anymore because she was being mean to him by hitting him and making fun of him when he had been letting her stay at our place while I wasn't home. I only get to be at on from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. She says that she wants to be my friend too, but never wants to be around when I'm at home.
     
  6. Ditch him.

    Do it quickly and do it cleanly. Cut your losses early. Don't keep in contact. Don't stay friends on favebook. Don't try to stay 'just friends'. Don't reply to any attempts to get back together. Don't accept any messages or requests from this other girl to try and mediate between you two.

    Edit: Didn't see this was a rant.

    Ditch the bitches stuff out of your room. It's your room. Not hers. She does not belong in your private space.
     
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  7. Oh. Had you said that, I wouldn't have even bothered saying what I said. If she's hitting on him, and he lets her stay over at your house while you're not home, and the girl hits on him knowing full well that he's taken. Then there's good reason to think he's cheating.

    My personal opinion. Having friends stay the night (regardless of gender) isn't a problem. But if your SO isn't home, and the friend is constantly trying to steal you from him/her, that's a big issue. And the fact that she contradicts herself, saying she wants to be your friend but never wants to be around you, that's even worse.

    At the very least, I'd say tell him to choose between you two. And if he chooses her, fuck him. Kick him out (Unless the place is in his name, then stay with a family member or whatever)
     
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  8. Not hitting on, hitting as in pushing, shoving, slapping, things like that
     
  9. oohhh
     
  10. Dishonesty can cause some really shitty feelings. I completely understand how that feels, Viper.

    You have to get in his face and demand the truth. The whole truth. No matter how scary it may be. Be calm about it, because sometimes a person is just paranoid about nothing at all, or the disturbance you sense in the Force might be something else entirely. He could have a different secret that's not as bad as you think. (At the same time, it could be exactly what you think, or worse.) Significant others must communicate, always, and be honest when doing so. If he continues to behave this way, I agree with those who suggest dumping him before your life is poisoned further.

    Set some house rules, too. That bitch is a guest in your home and should be acting like it. :| If you don't like how invasive she's getting, you've got to defend what's yours. Defend your man, too, if she truly is being a jerk while you two are letting her stay under your roof. Otherwise, I wouldn't be surprised if he's just trying to make a stupid cover-up for what's really going on. If they're telling you lies, I hope you'll be able to see right through 'em.

    I hope for the best.
     
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  11. Remember when, as little kids, we used to tease and make fun of the kid we liked. Or had it happen to us by the kid we found out liked us?

    It could be an excuse to simply initiate physical contact with him. She could just be a person who expresses herself in a physical manner.

    Confront her. Demand she stop. Go from there.
     
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  12. Eh, I say cut your losses and separate for the fact that this is causing you tremendous stress and that you can't trust him or her at their word. If you can't trust that, and this is driving you insane, why are you keeping the relationship alive?

    Of course, you can always have it out with him and demand the truth, but if he maintains what he says (as does she), and you're still skeeved out by their version of the truth, and she's still using your room as a depository for her shit...

    ... Well, you gotta ask yourself, why are you putting up with that shit?
     
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  13. This will get worse before it gets better, and after having seen a lot of other people's relationships fall because of somebody slinking around in the shadows and hiding things from their significant other, it almost never ends well. The fact she's keeping shit in your room is a huge invasion of privacy. I'd throw that shit in a box and say that the next time you see that crap left in your place, you're tossing it. She's disrespecting you and your privacy, and she needs to know that that shit isn't acceptable.

    If your boyfriend doesn't come clean or gets really defensive about you trying to get some answers and calling him out on his shit, there's a good chance you're suspicions are right. Best of luck, seriously. Break ups are fucking awful, but it's a lot better than eventually catching them in the act.
     
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  14. O_O Wow that is a LOT of drama to deal with. First of all, if she's assaulting your boyfriend and making him miserable, why doesn't he contact the police and press charges against her or get a restraining order? That doesn't seem like cheating lover to me. Her keeping things in your room is definitely an invasion of privacy and you should totally throw that shit out and tell that bitch to never come back. I don't think your boyfriend is cheating (although the chances are VERY high) but he is definitely hiding something that involves this woman. You should confront him and demand the full truth and nothing but. If it's a dealbreaker, then you should call it quits and cut all contact with him.
     
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  15. I agree with everyone saying that you should confront him. It takes two to build a solid relationship and fix a problem that arises in a relationship. Also in a way you are not being honest with him if you are hiding how you feel, which honestly is just causing more problems for the both of you. Firstly, get the bitches stuff and put it on the kitchen table. Address this problem first. Tell him why you are upset that she is leaving things in YOUR room. Explain that you feel like its an invasion of your privacy and completely disrespectful to you. If he is serious about you he will do something about it or agree with you. Do not get offended if he doesn't agree with you entirely right away, there is such thing as a compromise but it needs to be something that makes both of you happy. Then ask him how he really feels about the girl, and why they always spend so much time alone together when you are not there, and then how she seems to suddenly disappear when you come home. Make sure you use the "I" approach, and not the "you" approach.

    Example:

    " I feel like this shouldnt be happening."

    "This is making me uncomfortable."

    "I think that this is a good solution to the problem."

    "I hate it when...."


    Useing the I approach in an important conversation like this is key to getting your feelings across with out the other feeling like they are being accused or verbally attacked. If he starts getting offended or defensive then it might be a sign that he is hiding something from you. If push comes to shove you can even approach the girl about it. In fact you can surprise them or catch them off guard if you confront both of them at the same time. How you do it is entirely up to you, but results may differ depending on how you approach the issue so try to be careful. Honestly if things just don't seem to be working after trying to solve the problem then you have full rights to leave.

    Oh here is another way you can solve the issue and if both of you have nothing to hide then this is a very good idea. If the both of you have nothing to hide in your relationships then why don't the both of you prove it? The both of you should do routine media checks. That means you both keep your phones unlocked, and often share messages you've had with other people and sort of, in its own twisted way, shows that you both trust each other enough to share your passwords, accounts, and phones with each other. This pretty much eliminates any secrecy that might cause you to be suspicious, and honestly it isn't an invasion of privacy if you are both doing it and have nothing to hide from each other. If you find that he is possible deleting messages before you get to see his phone then it is possible he is keeping things from you, in which case you should break up with him.
     
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  16. Well, he isn't cheating. I think that the other girl is trying to mess with your head, making such that you break up with your boyfriend. There isn't anything wrong with hanging out with your ex. You're just overreacting. Maybe she is trying to make up with him for hitting him. She might have work when you're at home and can't be around. Just ask her some question, don't yell and shout at her.

    You got to think before you react or you'll be fucked for the rest of your life.

    If you still don't trust him, then he or you should break up. Trust in a relationship is important and I am for such that if you guys don't trust each other, then you all need to leave each other. It's for the best.

    Well, I hope that this relationship keep floating not sinking. And I am not being an ass to you, I am just responding to what I have read so far. Of course if you have proof, then you should ask him and show it. Don't just yell and cause more pointless drama in your life.
     
    #16 Rare, Apr 17, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2015
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  17. Honestly! These people telling you to just break it off because there is a lack of trust has me riled up. Viper for the sake of actually being a mature adult please don't do what these people are saying. While it is true that a lack of a trust in a relationship is bounds for a break up, it isn't going to help YOU as a growing individual. Honestly! Ugh! Okay think about it this way, if you can easily break up with someone at the first sight of trouble then it shows that you never really cared enough to begin with. You and I both know that isn't true if you are so mad about it and seeking advice. Relationships are a commitment, and that doesn't change when things are not going your way. When a problem arises it isn't right to run away from it, you confront it! You take it by the balls and you show it whose boss! Confronting him and trying to work towards a solution together would be the mature thing to do. Your trust can be rebuilt!

    HOWEVER, I understand why you'd want to vent and possibly seek advice but at the end of the day it IS YOUR MAN, YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND YOUR CHOICE.

    While this may sound cliche, you should do what YOU THINK IS BEST. As mulan would put it, "follow your heart."
     
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  18. The girl isn't his ex, just someone who has been his friend since before he knew me and we have been together for going on six years in May.

    He says that he is just trying to help people like he always does.

    Anyway though, I'm feeling a little better right now, thank you to everyone who gave me advice.
     
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  19. I hope things work out for you!

    @Rare , @Vio , my point was if Faith legitimately hates them both, then things aren't in a good place and if they're both acting suspiciously with their explanations not lining up, then I'd be concerned, too. Maybe it's because I recently had one of my best friends go through a very similar situation a couple months ago with a worst case scenario result, but I'd rather Faith be prepared to do the hard thing if the signs point to it because struggling to keep something going for a long while to find out the worst about your partner destroys people a lot more than ending a relationship because you no longer trust the person who's supposed to love you.
     
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  20. I'd have to repeat what most others have said.

    Communicate with him, openly and try to get to the root of the matter.
    Communication is important in said relationship.

    But if it turns out in the end that he is in fact cheating on you (violation of trust), or doesn't want to communicate (lack of communication) then a core element have relationships has been removed/violated. In which case it 'might' be best to break up, depending on the specific circumstances in place.
     
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