Things you try not to think about

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If someone tried hiding in my closet, they'd be tripping on everything imaginable, and possibly stab themselves in the foot with a bayonet.

I sleep soundly.
lol, I keep my sharp and pretties displayed all around my room including on tucked nicely between my box spring and mattress easily in reach.
I'm just really paranoid.
 
I try not to think about how I must seem insane whenever I stare at my desk for like five minutes without moving. Or when talk to myself while I do math.
 
lol, I keep my sharp and pretties displayed all around my room including on tucked nicely between my box spring and mattress easily in reach.
I'm just really paranoid.
I pretty much have sharp and pointy things all over the place.

Not because I'm paranoid, but because I like having knives handy for all sorts of things. Hell, I have like 3 knives I bring camping alone.
 
I asked my mom if I could get a can of pepper spray or mace. My next sem might get classes that end up a little into the evening, and sometimes I walk back alone. The idea that someone could get the jump on me, as I've heard happens to college students, makes me a little paranoid.
 
The fact that there are many empty days that I will never get back, and the fact that each empty day brings me closer to death without any progress towards my goals.
 
I asked my mom if I could get a can of pepper spray or mace. My next sem might get classes that end up a little into the evening, and sometimes I walk back alone. The idea that someone could get the jump on me, as I've heard happens to college students, makes me a little paranoid.
If your mom doesn't agree to it, just go ahead and buy yourself some dog or bear repellant, or even some spray deodorant. It's your right to protect yourself, and especially at night when it's dangerous. That's not an unreasonable fear or thing to ask for.
 
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I asked my mom if I could get a can of pepper spray or mace. My next sem might get classes that end up a little into the evening, and sometimes I walk back alone. The idea that someone could get the jump on me, as I've heard happens to college students, makes me a little paranoid.
Interesting thing about pepper spray: it may hurt, but it's not going to stop a determined. How do I know? I once pepper sprayed myself by accident once. It was a truly awful experience, but then again, I had no where I wanted to go or be, so I just kinda sat there on the floor and spat and cried for half an hour. My advice, walk home or to your dorm with a friend. Traveling in groups is always the best idea.
 
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Sleep. Sleep is fucking weird.

Sometimes when I'm trying too hard to fall asleep, I can't help but take notice of how strange and almost creepy the actual process of falling asleep is (which then keeps me up, so... yeah...). Like, no one ever remembers the actual moment when you fall asleep. What does it feel like to fall asleep? I don't know. Every morning I wake up, remembering what it felt like to lie in bed and wait for sleep to come, but not what was actually happening when I fell asleep. I can sometimes even recall various things I was thinking about that night that may have kept me up for a while, but I have no idea what I was actually thinking about when I slipped into a dream. And most people don't remember their dreams very well, either. I know I don't. I almost never remember my dreams -- meaning that the entire night just seems blank which is... weird. Because, again, I don't actually remember falling asleep. In fact, hell, even when I do remember parts of my dreams, I never really remember what it felt like for a dream to start -- because, again, no memory of actually falling asleep.

Which is why it's sometimes just weird to think about when, say, I know I need to get to sleep soon so that I'll be well-rested enough for the next day, and I'm just trying to quiet my overactive mind and just go into sleep mode, but like... I feel like I'm waiting for something and I have no idea what that something should be. What should it feel like to fall asleep? I don't know -- I don't know what to expect.

And after this train of thought plagued me for several nights, I started to realize that just the entire concept of sleep is just so bizarre. On a regular daily schedule, you lie somewhere, virtually unconscious as you wildly hallucinate (with your eyeballs darting every which way while it happens...), and then, if you're like most people, you'll wake up with a healthy dose of amnesia. It is just the strangest fucking experience when you think of it like that. It just makes me wonder -- how did something like sleep even evolve? At what point did it become advantageous for a creature to lie defenseless and unaware of its surroundings -- vulnerable to predators and things -- for potentially hours at a time, on a daily basis?

For obvious reasons, when I do try to sleep, I try not to think about the fact that I have no idea what sort of sensation I'm even waiting for, the fact that sleep is a really bizarre concept in general, or the fact that the morning will just be there sooner or later, with me not really knowing how I got from point A to point B.

Edit: OH, and then there's also the fact that, when you wake up, if you somehow do manage to remember at least some of your dream, it often gets erased right in front of you. Like, sometimes, you wake up remembering your dream, but then your thoughts go elsewhere so that, when you think back to it, it's suddenly gone, even though you remembered waking up and recalling more of it. But sometimes, there are mornings when I wake up, having a pretty good idea what I dreamt about, but then, as I try to think about it more, trying to recall more details, I find that more and more of the memory turns blank, so that even portions of it that I remembered a mere two seconds ago suddenly turn up void. And I realize that more and more of the memory deteriorates at an insanely fast pace until suddenly I remember almost none of it. Has that ever happened to anyone else? Because if so you are fully conscious of your memory being erased even as you recall it. That's really fucking weird.
 
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Sometimes when I'm trying too hard to fall asleep, I can't help but take notice of how strange and almost creepy the actual process of falling asleep is (which then keeps me up, so... yeah...). Like, no one ever remembers the actual moment when you fall asleep. What does it feel like to fall asleep? I don't know. Every morning I wake up, remembering what it felt like to lie in bed and wait for sleep to come, but not what was actually happening when I fell asleep. I can sometimes even recall various things I was thinking about that night that may have kept me up for a while, but I have no idea what I was actually thinking about when I slipped into a dream. And most people don't remember their dreams very well, either. I know I don't. I almost never remember my dreams -- meaning that the entire night just seems blank which is... weird. Because, again, I don't actually remember falling asleep. In fact, hell, even when I do remember parts of my dreams, I never really remember what it felt like for a dream to start -- because, again, no memory of actually falling asleep.
Oh my god, this. This right here.
As an insomniac I always found it so incredibly strange that I could spend hours, sometimes days, trying to sleep - only to not remember actually going to sleep.
It's still weird, to suddenly wake up and find that you've enjoyed a night of sleep. It's like "Wow, wow... what just happened?"
I've asked others if they thought that weird before, but no one in my family agrees. (I think it's likely because they all fall asleep the moment their heads hit the pillows.)

I don't understand feeling like there's a big blank space there, though, as I remember at least one (usually more) dreams per night. I literally live lifetimes in the span of a few hours, and I always wake up feeling very very old. :P
There was time when it was hard to get me to do anything besides try to sleep, because I never wanted to quit dreaming.
It's pretty cool, even if most people consider the dreams I have to be bad dreams. It's more exciting than real life, at least.
 
Sleep. Sleep is fucking weird.

Sometimes when I'm trying too hard to fall asleep, I can't help but take notice of how strange and almost creepy the actual process of falling asleep is (which then keeps me up, so... yeah...). Like, no one ever remembers the actual moment when you fall asleep. What does it feel like to fall asleep? I don't know. Every morning I wake up, remembering what it felt like to lie in bed and wait for sleep to come, but not what was actually happening when I fell asleep. I can sometimes even recall various things I was thinking about that night that may have kept me up for a while, but I have no idea what I was actually thinking about when I slipped into a dream. And most people don't remember their dreams very well, either. I know I don't. I almost never remember my dreams -- meaning that the entire night just seems blank which is... weird. Because, again, I don't actually remember falling asleep. In fact, hell, even when I do remember parts of my dreams, I never really remember what it felt like for a dream to start -- because, again, no memory of actually falling asleep.

Which is why it's sometimes just weird to think about when, say, I know I need to get to sleep soon so that I'll be well-rested enough for the next day, and I'm just trying to quiet my overactive mind and just go into sleep mode, but like... I feel like I'm waiting for something and I have no idea what that something should be. What should it feel like to fall asleep? I don't know -- I don't know what to expect.

And after this train of thought plagued me for several nights, I started to realize that just the entire concept of sleep is just so bizarre. On a regular daily schedule, you lie somewhere, virtually unconscious as you wildly hallucinate (with your eyeballs darting every which way while it happens...), and then, if you're like most people, you'll wake up with a healthy dose of amnesia. It is just the strangest fucking experience when you think of it like that. It just makes me wonder -- how did something like sleep even evolve? At what point did it become advantageous for a creature to lie defenseless and unaware of its surroundings -- vulnerable to predators and things -- for potentially hours at a time, on a daily basis?

For obvious reasons, when I do try to sleep, I try not to think about the fact that I have no idea what sort of sensation I'm even waiting for, the fact that sleep is a really bizarre concept in general, or the fact that the morning will just be there sooner or later, with me not really knowing how I got from point A to point B.

Edit: OH, and then there's also the fact that, when you wake up, if you somehow do manage to remember at least some of your dream, it often gets erased right in front of you. Like, sometimes, you wake up remembering your dream, but then your thoughts go elsewhere so that, when you think back to it, it's suddenly gone, even though you remembered waking up and recalling more of it. But sometimes, there are mornings when I wake up, having a pretty good idea what I dreamt about, but then, as I try to think about it more, trying to recall more details, I find that more and more of the memory turns blank, so that even portions of it that I remembered a mere two seconds ago suddenly turn up void. And I realize that more and more of the memory deteriorates at an insanely fast pace until suddenly I remember almost none of it. Has that ever happened to anyone else? Because if so you are fully conscious of your memory being erased even as you recall it. That's really fucking weird.
I completely agree. Every night, I just mess around on my iPad in bed, usually here, then I end up out of nowhere hearing my alarm go off at 5 am. I'm like, "I fell asleep? When? Did I finish that YouTube video first?" And many other things. Worst part, no dreams as far as I remember, meaning that I don't even have a chance to be like, "Yep. That was sleep and not just me zoning out for a long time." So as far as I can tell, I could get no sleep at all, and only be able to tell by how tired I feel the next day.
 
I thought of something!

I try reallhy hard not to think about whether or not there is actually a God. Like, if there is, is he/she moving us all around like little lego people? Or what if we're all just toys for some alien kid, kind of like the Galaxy thing in Men in Black? The more I think about it, the more creative my ideas become, so I stop letting myself think about it. The last time I did, I almost convinced myself that I was the figment of someone's imagination, and when I went to sleep, they were awake. o.O


Another thing I try not to let myself think about is what happens after you die, but I think that's one that everyone tries not to think about.
 
I thought of something!

I try reallhy hard not to think about whether or not there is actually a God. Like, if there is, is he/she moving us all around like little lego people? Or what if we're all just toys for some alien kid, kind of like the Galaxy thing in Men in Black? The more I think about it, the more creative my ideas become, so I stop letting myself think about it. The last time I did, I almost convinced myself that I was the figment of someone's imagination, and when I went to sleep, they were awake. o.O


Another thing I try not to let myself think about is what happens after you die, but I think that's one that everyone tries not to think about.
That's actually a really interesting theory. I'm impressed. I would offer my teacher's theory, but you don't like to think about this. Also, I needed to get a draft that was dumb off of my post box thing so I replied.
 
Oh, speaking of god - my family was always religious, and i'd always believed in him.
It's said that he's existed since forever, that he's never had a thought.
As a child I couldn't stand even thinking about that.
Something without a beginning? It caused my head to spin.
Me and my friends actually used to dare each other to see who could think about it long enough without feeling sick.
Agh, the mere idea of those days testing each other still makes my head ache.
 
The fact that I'm sitting right next to a window, and its nighttime, and the possibility of a face being there if I look over.

The fact that it'd be way easy for somebody to just break a window and get into the house while we're asleep.

The fact that if certain wild animals went rogue and got into the house, I couldn't really hide anywhere.

The fact that anybody in any car that drives past when I'm checking the mail (alone) could be a murderer or abductor.

(to name a few)

I'm a very paranoid person .n.
 
So as far as I can tell, I could get no sleep at all, and only be able to tell by how tired I feel the next day.

YES. THIS.

Sometimes I spend seemingly all night tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, until suddenly it's morning and I think I might've been asleep for one or two short periods of time, but because I don't actually remember sleeping, I might get up in the morning legitimately unsure as to whether I got absolutely no sleep the previous night or just very little of it.
 
The fact that I'm sitting right next to a window, and its nighttime, and the possibility of a face being there if I look over.
I hate windows. Windows in general. It doesn't matter if I'm sitting in a house with windows, or standing outside near a building with windows. They're horrible.
My bed is pushed right up against a window, so I totally understand that feel.
I'm always compelled to check outside of it before I go to sleep, and I'm forever terrified that one day when I open the curtains they'll be a face pressed against the glass.
 
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Oh man, I sleep next to a window too. I try to angle myself so that I cant be seen from the window, but I probably fail miserably xD;
 
Oh man, I sleep next to a window too. I try to angle myself so that I cant be seen from the window, but I probably fail miserably xD;
My window is exactly level to my bed, and I hate it. I actually bought those light-darkening curtains, just because you can't see through them at all.
I still don't like how easily something coming through my window could hit me, though.

When I was a kid, I had this totally irrational fear that I'd be hit by a bullet coming through the window. I used to strategically place myself in positions I thought no one could be able to shoot me from. There's not even that sort of crime where I live. There were maybe two or three people shot in family disputes and things like that since I was a kid, and once a biker gang got in a tiny (and honestly pathetic) little shootout on main street, but other than that nothing. I don't know where I got the notion in my head that someone would be trying to shoot me through my window.
The idea still lingers though, it still lingers....
 
I tried to think of stuff for a while, and the only thing that comes up is what happens when I get old.
Do I became unable to physically take care of myself?
Do I start to suffer memory loss and forget people and myself?
Do I get a condition where I can get delusions, enter fits of rage or bitterness?

Basically, I've always been big on remaining full control over myself.
It's why I don't drink or smoke weed.

So the idea of losing my sense of self and control through age is a troubling concept.
 
i try not to think too hard about all the lives i am responsible for once i sign out of work.
 
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