Things you NEVER want to hear your Game Master Say

DM: "You look into the room. Roll a perception check... alright, you see that the entire room has a spiked floor trap."
Me: "Anything else in the room?"
DM: "No."
Me: "No... doors, treasure chests, monsters?"
DM: "No."
Me: "We leave the room alone."
DM: "What? Why? You're not going to check it out?"
Me: "No."
DM: "You're a lot different than my usual players."
Me (Internally): "You play with idiots."
 
"Interesting... huh? Oh, yes, go ahead. MWAHAHAHAA"
 
Comments such as "I'll be opening the poo-gates tonight!" Or "BAG OF DICKS! All for you, my darlings!" Are always classic. Also referring to important/beloved NPCs as "future corpses".
 
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My personal favorite:

"Heh..... hehehehehe....hehehe.... Oh man... Oh that'll work nicely..."
 
"I may have misread the challenge rating on these guys"

or

DM: Roll me a spot check

Me: 16, What do I see?

DM: Nothing. You have my sympathies.
 
"So you're telling me that you've decided to do that? Very interesting..."
 
Basically anytime they say interesting or fun it usually backfires...
 
Me: Yes! I finally got the MacGuffin!
DM: About that... it's just a replica, you have to go through the cave again!
Me: ...
((This really happened to me once. Moral: Never have your eight year old evil mastermind cousin be the DM))
 
"How many enemies are there? Hmm, let me count... let's see..."
 
"Oh sure, you can use your science stats to make those semtex explosives."
 
Aladdin_Jafar_01.jpg
 
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