Things you don't want the person sitting next to you to say.

"Oh, man, I should've taken that diarrhea medicine when I had the chance..."
 
*on the phone*

"I think the cops just left....no, I didn't do anything stupid. Just planted their wallets in someone's bag right next to me."
 
see this knife? ive gutted 368 people with it. your 369.....LOL SIXTY NINE! GEDDIT
 
*Whilst fully armed, in the back of a MAXX PRO armored vehicle.*

"Oops."
 
*sits down on a plane* are you gonna need your barf bag?
 
"Can you watch my baby while I go to the bathroom?"
 
"can you watch my baby go to the bathroom," >.>
 
oh.....so that's what they mean by "don't pull the pin"
 
"Oh my, this tastes so good, I'm going to piss myself!"
 
Oh shit...I think my water just broke.

(( In honor of Mara! Don't know if anyone has used this one yet... ))
 
"But an adamantium bullets causing amnesia makes SENSE."
 
"Has anyone seen my crotch lately?"