Things you don't want the person sitting next to you to say.

*on the phone*

"*COUGH HACK COUGH sniffle* So how contagious did you say it was?"
 
"YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH HOW MANY PEOPLE?!"
 
*as you see robbers getting caught on the news*

Wait...you mean today was my day to drive the getaway car?
 
"Hey, don't be alarmed, but uh...... There's a snake on this plane."
 
"THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW! ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!"
 
"Hey, you didn't see anything, got that?"
 
"I know that you don't know who I am, but I've been watching you, waiting outside your window and silently wondering what it would be like to lay down in your arms. I've admired your beautiful body while you were taking a shower, and I've made sure evil people would not abuse you for their own pleasures. I've fallen in love with you, only I didn't dare say it yet. I would be so happy if you felt the same way about me too, I'd be overjoyed, and I'd probably commit suicide if you weren't accepting me in your life. Please...PLEASE allow me to marry you?

...

Also...here's your cat back...I accidentally forgot to feed him..."
 
Smell that? That's the smell of success...and rotten eggs...and burritos...Lot of burritos...Ah, burritos.....
 
"Hey, mind holding this for me while I fix this detonator?"
 
Can you shove over a bit? I think the vibrator just moved past the sphincter, and I need room to reach....
 
"Excuse me, can you tell me what year it is? Also, I need your clothes."
 
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