Things the Hero wouldn't say...

"oops I don't think was suppose to happen"
 
Was it supposed to make THAT sound?
 
"wait what button did he say was to dissable the laser cannon... red button, or the green button... To hell with it I will press both see what happens.

*Mnay years later*

and I pressed both then a big white light flashed and then... poof.
 
"This plan of yours would have been perfect...if I cared about your hostage."
 
"alright I'm coming to save... oh icecream man... Me first me first, I want a fudge bar please"
 
"Somehow, I thought that would have worked better."
 
Oh, so you're the big bad guy eh? Okay, good luck with your plans of world domination.
 
"Sorry Princess. I don't swing that way."
 
"...So all I have to do is navigate my way through the Pass of Painful Death, traverse the Desert of Nightmares, slay the Hideous Beast of Calcutta, and retrieve the Shield?

...Dude, fuck that."
 
"What do you mean I have to go through all this shit to get the legendary weapon that will harm the great darkness. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!"
 
"...I have to fight Voldemort in a magical duel? Dude, seriously, get with the modern age. See this? This is a Barret .50 Cal Rifle. Now you go distract Voldemort; I'll be up on that hill."
 
"M....m...mole...."
 
I think I just pissed myself!
 
"An army of orks...

Here, watch this...

DIVISIONAL ARTY!!!

Problem solved, bitches!"

"Alright, princess. I saved you, now put out.

On, not me, not yet. My horse wants your thanks first.

Yeah, that's right. Go down on him. Yeah, just like that..."

"I just went through hell and back and all I get is a kiss?"

"King, I don't want your daughter's hand in marriage.

I want your son. He's got a pretty mouth..."
 
".....What do you MEAN the princess is a PRINCE. SHE'S WEARING HOTPANTS AND HEELS AND.... oh god.... it's tucked..."
 
"I save your fucking kingdom and all you can say is 'thanks'? Screw that, I call upon the dark gods to turn your fertile valley into a waste land."