Things that make you go....

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Scripturient, Jan 26, 2015.

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  1. What. The. Fuck.

    Flipping through the channels today and I came across a movie called Zombie Strippers. o.O Morbid curiosity didn't force me to watch it though, but I still couldn't stop thinking. What the fuck is this crap, and why would anyone in the world want to watch it?

    My eight year old woke up this morning, rolled over in her bed, looked at me with her eyes still half shut and says "Woman, go make me some coffee." (She inherited her charm, and apparently a coffee addiction at a young age from her father.) Again, wtf...

    Today has been a serious of WTF moments, one right after another. From the weird ass McDonald's commercial that has a song that's talking about marriage (At least that's what I thought it was talking about!) while a bunch of people made egg Mcmuffins, to my dog crashing into the sliding glass door to catch a fly.

    Anyone else have any WTF moments they want to share?

    P.S- Unknowledge's thread on the whole corpse BJ's doesn't count!
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  2. Well remember the Zombie Survival Guide did feel it necessary to state that having sex with a zombie will transmit the disease.

    As for my own WTF moments?

    Only thing I can think of is talking at the volume of a whisper when chatting with friends online, and still having my sister kick my door open saying I'm being too loud.
  3. Blood of Christ guy.

    I've never interacted with him myself, because he comes in in the mornings and I almost never work mornings (probably for the best, I've a hell of a time waking up). He comes in, he's very polite, he has long hair and carries a garbage bag that seems to have a box in it. He's clean and articulate, so we don't think he's one of the local crackhead bums that wander around, plus he has money. He always buys coffee and a breakfast sandwich, and asks for "A red cup, to represent the blood of Christ".

    and there's behaviour ones, notsomuch shocking as just offensive or overreactions. Like the guy who ordered food, paid for it, and then asked where the restroom was. I told him "Oh, it's right around back - you'll need a key" and I reached down to get said key for him. "You need a key?" he asked, incredulously. This was an older man, by the way, I'd say fifties or sixties. Well-dressed. "Yes, bec-" I didn't get to finish talking. He walked out without anything he'd paid for O.O Our cafe is part of a strip, which means the bathroom down the hall is technically not part of the restaurant, but the adjoining hallway. Also it's downtown, and we need a way to make sure bums can't sneak in when we're busy and shoot up in there. My explanation (also true) is just "Our bathrooms are for customers only, so we keep them keyed"

    Then there's the guy who threw his frozen desserts at me and my coworker after we had to inform him that we didn't carry whipping cream. If he'd saved his tantrum two seconds he would've heard that the grocery store across the street did.

    There was one woman also who I swear to god looked like a real life barbie doll. Her hair was bleach blond with black roots, she was COVERED in spray tan, her lipstick was bright pink, so was her eyeshadow and blush and nails, and her earrings and outfit looked like the kind of plastic shit kids dolls come with. Oh my god it was hilarious; I only wonder who let her leave the house that way.

    There was one guy who came in in the morning, I was working with one of my favourite coworkers - very energetic, enthusiastic, talented and friendly girl, and I greeted this guy; I took his order and chatted with him - turns out he works with my uncle. I asked if I got everything, he said "Yeah, thanks, you're awesome" Then I sent him down to the til for missie moo to take his payment. He came back down the counter and I gave him the food, I told him to say hi to my uncle for me, he wished me a great day and went out. When I turned around, my coworker was in tears. Apparently upon arriving at the counter, following the "You're awesome", he'd looked at my coworker and added "You're not." She was suprised, and asked if she'd offended him in some way. "You're rude." he said. Which is preposterous, I've worked with this girl in over a year and when she said she'd never been called rude in her life I believed her. Hell, it took us months to convince her it was okay to humorously rip on us sometimes! So she asked why she was rude, partly because she was confused, partly because she was offended, and partly because she's awesome at service and wanted to salvage his experience. He had no explanation to offer ("You just are", basically). Called her a few more names, suggested a career change and then left. He was perfectly pleasant to me, friendly even! WTF.

    Oh! And the piece de resistance (some of you have heard this one before)

    So I'm working at my old job in the frozen food store, and this guy comes in. I didn't really like him; he would always come in, eat the whole tray of samples, and buy maybe one cheap thing - if it was on sale at a really good price. He was pleasant enough though, and working for a big corporate employer, my wages and hours weren't really affected by his cheapness. Anyway he came in one night, I greeted him, he asked what was on sale, and I started my pitches on some items I figured he'd like (He came in often enough that I could remember that he didn't like things with onion, etc). He complimented me on my salesmanship, and asked why I didn't try to sell cars or something. I said that retail and car sales and other "big" sales jobs were usually commission, and I didn't like the difference between "ah well, didn't make my sales goal" and "Ah well, can't buy groceries". And that besides, sales weren't my life dream anyway; I'm good at them, and they meet the bills, but I don't *love* doing it. He asked what I did love to do and I said I wanted to make a living in the writing industry. He responded "Writers are a dime a dozen" which is rude but true. I shrugged and said "My mom always told me not to worry if my career makes me rich, just if it makes me happy." At this point, I'm bagging his groceries (again, cheap spender, didn't pick out much). I handed him the bag, and he seemed to consider what I said a moment. Then he looked me in the eye and said "So is your mom penniless? Is she a penniless whore?"



    I didn't even know what to say, I was literally struck dumb. He walked out the door (which in fairness was only like three steps away) before I could even bring my dropped jaw back up to form a response. Then I marched to the back, rapped on my boss' office door (that guy... whole nother story) and informed him that if that man entered the store again, I was going to tell him to fuck right off and refuse him service. He asked why (obvs) and I told him what happened. The fucking pantywaste said that well if he came in maybe I can just fake nice to him. I reminded him that I've BEEN faking nice to him. I never liked the guy, I'm just good at service. I reminded him that we're probably not even making any money off him with the way he spends - or rather doesn't spend. He said that if he came in again and I wasn't alone in the store I could ask someone else to serve him. Fucking spineless wimp won't even stand up for his staff when their mothers are called penniless whores to their faces.

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  4. I bet you wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth. You're a better person than I am. I would have thrown the bag at his head and told him to go f himself.
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  5. I was dumbstruck! I was just too shocked, I couldn't even move let alone speak or I'd have clocked him one in the nose. And that's only because there was a counter protecting everything under his stomach.
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  6. The newest alert... It said 'cockcake day' on the tab and yeah... I have a dirty mind... I think it would've been better if it said 'chococake day' to actually represent the message instead of... Well, making people such as myself think dirty thoughts...
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  7. youre 8 year old rules
  8. This weather....

    Last week it was in the eighties and I was sending my kids to school in shorts. This week it's dipped down in the 30's, and even with my heat on, I'm still freezing my ass off.

    Can Mother Nature stop being so damn fickle and make up her mind!?!?!
  9. Saw a man masturbating at the bus stop a few weeks ago when it was about seventeen degrees Fahrenheit outside. Well, 'ya gotta keep warm somehow I suppose.
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  10. Had to babysit my 5 year old cousin one day and things didn't go well. She wanted me to dance with her except I don't dance. So I told her show me your dance moves and she starts twerking. Who taught her this?! Why is anyone allowing this?! So I asked where she learned how to do that and this is what she said. "I saw mommy dancing in the kitchen last night." WTF are you really gonna dance like that, in broad daylight with your child staring at you -_-
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  11. Doctor Who after Moffat took over after RTD. Seriously, wtf.

    Personally, whenever I put down my tablet pen, fetch tea and come back to find said pen not where I left it, but under the desk, in the kitchen, or on the other side of the room. And I know I left the pen by the tablet when I left, but no, it turns up elsewhere after five minutes of panicked searching.

    And of course, when people insist on paying one by one, when it would be much easier to order once, put all the money together and pay once. This is usually seen at restaurants and large groups of people. They all order separately, and thus the waiter/waitress has to run back and forth to deal with all the orders and payments. If they all order together, put the money together and pay once, for everyone, they wouldn't have to waste so much goddamn time.
    #12 Xnijmai, Jan 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015
  13. I was masturbating at the bus stop the other day. And then out of nowhere this RANDOM GUY just starts staring at me. Like WTF, dude!? I'm just trying to keep warm here. It's like seventeen degrees Fahrenheit outside!
  14. that wtf went both ways
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  15. I didn't even watch the movie, so I have no idea who was in it. I just saw the title and was left scratching my head for hours afterwards.
  16. I live in Steven's Point, the town That 70's Show is based around.

    Let me tell you about some of town crazies we have here:


    Wearing a camo jacket at all times and constantly drunk, Carl is one of the best people on this list. He will glady walk up to you on the street and compliment you for no reason. He spends his days walking from store to store, offering to sweep their floors in exchange for gossip and good conversation before going on his way. Apparently he does own a house in town, but much rather prefers to sleep in the Sculpture Park.


    Oh Dave...

    My first year here, I was walking through campus during the daytime on my way for sexy-times with the gf. There was a guy I passed wearing an old dress-suit who otherwise looked very respectable. He stopped me for a conversation, started ranting about what the "cops keep telling me to do," and otherwise acted like I had known him for years and we had been talking for the last 3 hours. Oblivious to my attempts to politely sneak away, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "but it's like I said before right? If you have a problem with someone, you should totally be allowed to kill a man!"

    I see this guy wandering around town as well, he likes to socialize with store owners about government conspiracies and random bits of pop-culture. He's the kind a guy who will just never stop talking to you and not only expects every word out of you to be in agreement, but demands it.

    However, a few months ago during a thunder-storm, I ran into a local place for some quick dinner only to find that Dave followed me in. While I waited, he treated me and the cook to a pleasant, if unwanted conversation about photography.

    So the meds must be working, or else I just left before the photography talk morphed into something worse.

    -Old Dude:

    Normally, I tend to try settling issues on my own or simply let them resolve themselves. The only man who ever propted me to call the cops was Old Dude.

    I normally see him, limping around the library and complaining to everyone he can about his "damn leg," and otherwise giving out greetings that don't match the time of day. (Just a few weeks ago I got a friendly "good evening," at 7:00 AM.) However, I do see him wandering the residential areas sometimes, and one fatefully day he must have been nearby and saw me walk into my house. Old dude spent the next 40 minutes walking in circles around my small home, I could hear him mumbling something incoherent (I assume some kind of incantation) and he also brushed against my front door and walls. I was on the phone with the local police by the time he spotted a young couple walking on the other side of the street, and wandered over to them.

    -"They See Me Rollin."

    A morbidly obese latino woman who patrols the sidewalks on her motor-scooter, flanked by her slightly smaller sister (also on a motor-scooter), and an escort of small dogs. They generally scoot from place-to-place and have no intention of stopping for anyone, (literally, I was tying my shoe on the sidewalk and she just kept charging forward, nothing said, no attempt to stop or divert her path.)

    -The "Deaf" lady.
    Pretty normal actually, this lady looks like a stunt-double for Professor Trelawney and sticks to school areas and gas-station. She hands out little slips of paper that say "I'm death, and I'm perfectly capable of careing for myself. Any money given to help me survive my condition is greatly appreciated. May god bless your soul."

    Out of curiosity, I followed this woman at some length after she moved off. I saw her (speaking) order at McDonalds with the money she earned in front of the University Center.

    She also works at a local grocery store and is very capable of talking, so much that she actually excels at being a bitch.

    -The Incredibly Friendly, if Mysterious Group of Radical Christians.

    This is a whole organization that I have never been able to understand.

    They usually just line up on the sides of streets wearing signs that say "ABORTION" on them, but make no other statement about the topic.

    Two or more make regular appearances on campus where they set up camp with a megaphone and banners and start preaching. Every time they attract a large crowd of students who try to be edgy and make anti-religion signs and chant stupid pop-culture stuff. Thing is, I actually tried listening to one of their speeches and it pretty much had no negative comments in it at all. In fact, I have never hear these guys talk about anything other than your typical "love god" stuff, and I have spent serious time at three of these little encounters. If you can't hear these guys talk about love over the screaming of 20 year-olds, you can always grab a brochure that is pretty-much written in gibberish and makes no coherent sense at all. Complete with an out-of-date website.

    And just last summer, I got a paper slipped under my apartment door (in a locked and secure building) about a religious conference featuring these folks. The wording on the paper was just as incomprehensible as anything else, except some keywords about Apocalypse and love.

    The best part? These people are literally the nicest people in town. I saw one of the sign-wearers go out of her way to pick up and return a long-board to some kid who had fallen. They will reguarlly hand out change to people who ask, compliment you as you pass, and simply wear a lovely smile at all times. The speakers are also really kind, and I saw one of them have a long talk with a flaming gay dude, and both of them hugged after.

    This is literally just the surface.
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  17. o.o Your town sounds like it would make a great shooting location for a sequel to The Watch.
  18. Um, how about this on for size?

    Don't h8 appreci8 (open)
  19. Well, in her defense, it was "last night" and the girl probably got up from bed because kids can't stay the hell asleep. Kids. >.<
  20. I dunno. My friends and I usually do this because we lack the proper change to pool our cash and we're all greedy, poor bastards that don't want to loan eachother a penny. It's probably ultimately better for the waitor/waitress/delivery man that we pay separately if to maintain their sanity and ours. Once we spent a good half hour trying to figure out how to divide a dollar and a quarter change between five of us. It was obvious that we each got 25 cents, but we had to work out how to split the dollar up with what change we had on us. It was like "So-and-so has a quarter, I have 3, dad is lending us another... If person X gives me x money and I give person B y cash, and person C gives person B z cash... Then we'll have the change for the dollar and everyone will get the quarter they deserve!" I think we just threw the dollar and quarter at some random person and said "KEEP IT WE DON'T CARE".

    You live in a Sims town.

    I had a step-sister a long time ago (that part of the 'family' has long since vanished) and we were arguing over something. She was pretty young, and this was long before our dirty-mouthed step-mother influenced us both to start cursing like bloody sailors. Anyways, we were arguing and then suddenly she spits out the F bomb and chases me with a pointy stick to the stairwell. We were in the basement at the time, so she locked the door after she got me in the stairs and ran around the basement screaming the F bomb for a good ten minutes until her mom came around the front of the house and got in through the garage to yell at her. Pretty random WTF moment
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