In life, I'm really, really happy. Not annoyingly bubbly, but witty and smiley and all. I mean, there are moments when I blast Ministry and mope about, but that's because I feel like being broody that day. I expel my dark emotions in writing. Not like emo moping-s and poetry and crying and stuff, but my darkest wishes of evil on others. That way, since in a way, I have gotten my revenge, I can forgive and forget(Occasionally, the black stain on my soul widens a bit, but so does everyone else.) and continue my life without any more ill wish to that person. Coming back to Iwaku though, my insta-on-the-spot stories have started to annoy people and people have gotten angry with me "Hey man, it was funny how depraved you were the first time. STFU now." Slyen was more tactful with his approach "Why don't you get your own thread in the Arts & Writing area, and put all your stuff there." And so I am. All my lightest(The dark stuff would have people running about worried about my mental health(I hope(TRIPLEPARENTHESIS!!!!))) side of the dark side, listed below. Hope I'm not breaking any rules. I was about to post this in the "Redo-ing Twilight" Thread before I had my revelation that it might be annoying to those seriously considering the thread, as I forever fail to do. I suck at being serious overall. ---- So, it starts off, with the camera panning over the river, right? Just this wide, Spanish river.(It's in Sephia tint, of course.) And it zooms around in circle sand stuff, loops the loop, whatever. Then, it does a double twist and a summersault, then the camera rushes over the bank, and plunges down, camera point at the sky, into the ground, down some sort of shaft. It then stops suddenly, as if it impacted. A cloud of dust is thrown up. We hear an agonized groaning, after the initial scream. We hear the putting of an engine for a while after, as the camera just stares up the shaft, to a soundtrack of something like "AAAAGHHGHHGAAA, AAH....*gasp, huff, gasp* FUACAAGHAHAAHA AAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" and assorted sounds. Then, the engine sounds stop, and fifteen minutes later(don't forget the agonized screaming) and a face peers over the lid of the distant mine shaft opening. The audience hears a laughing sound. "YOU LIKE THAT, YOU ****ING TRAITOROUS BASTARD!!!!!???" Cackling is heard. The head sits over the lip of the shaft, looking down on the agonized camera-holder, whoever he may be. "So, I brought us some toys, to entertain us while we wait for 911 in Canada to respond to my call." The man holding the camera managed to speak, his voice thick with pain. "Why.....why are you doing....AAAH....huh...*gaspgaspgasp*.....why are you doing this!?" "CAUSE YOU FUCKED MY WIFE YOU BACKSTABBING DICKWEED!" The man roared down. "Now, this is how it's going to go. I have a pack of knives here. Every time you yell, 'I am a traitorous bastard and I deserve to die, kill me!' I will drop one knife. If you don't, I will drop two knives every ten seconds. I will wait a minute after each time you yell that. I will aim for your neck, except when you are silent. I happen to have bought sixteen one hundred mini-knife packs, so we're gonna be here a while. Either way though, you aren't getting out alive. I also have a bucket of lemon juice here, salt, and a .45 for the small chance you survive the knives. You won't. Now, we'll start in a couple minutes, I just need to grab the camera and we'll be off." The head disappears for a couple seconds. He comes back holding a golf bag. "Now, lets start. Say it." The cameraman simply groaned. After a couple moments the man at the top of the shaft laughs with glee, and disappears reappearing with a gleaming object held out. "3!....2!....1!..." The object descended towards the agonized man. It disappears, and the audience hears a meaty Thud! and then the cameraman lets out a piercing wail. "OOOOH, GOD....AAAHH..... SHIT.........AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" He screeched. "AND NUMBER TWO, YOU F***ING F*****!!" The man's heartbeat is heard, even as he gasps loudly, letting out small squeaks of anger. A low whine is heard as another shiny object falls down the shaft. "No..no...no...pleas-" He escalated into another shriek of agony as the second knife embeds itself in his stomach. "You've got ten seconds, buddy." "I DESERVE TO....AAAAAAHHHHH!!!" He screamed again. The man at the top of the shaft laughs heartily. "That's not what I said..." He said, smiling. "I DON'T REMEMBER, HONESTLY, ***** ***** MAN!!!" "Well, you're going to have a fun time here then." He disappeared. "OH, GOD NO, NONONONON...PLEASE...TELL ME AGAIN!!" The man's heartbeat is going again, faster, as he panics, he fumbles with the words.. "BACKSTABBING, UH....AAAHH, PLEASE....NOOO!!!" "5...4...3...2...-" "BACKSTABBING, I DESERVE TO DIE, PLEASEKILLME!!!!" The man smiled. "I'll take it." He disappeared, reappearing with another knife in hand. He closed one eye, taking aim, and let it drop. The whistle approached, and the heartbeat quickens, then stops. The camera falls away to the side. A gurgling is heard. Rustling is heard from above, and something is thrown down the. A splashing sound follows, then the clatter of a the bucket as it bounces away. A frenzied, guttural, wail emits. "Aaaaaand, I'm spent. See you in hell, asshole." The man disappears. The audience sits there, shocked, and wait. Fifty minutes later, nothing happens, some people start filtering out, muttering and cursing under their breath. An hour and a half passes, and more of the people begin to leave, angrily talking amongst themselves. Three hours later, night falls over the cameraman, who occasionally makes weak hiccup noises. A hour later, these cease. The only man left in the theatre(he's asleep.) hears a rustling. A second later, the camera is picked up, and swung around. It jiggles, and is pointed down. The feet of the cameraman is shown, with knives protruding from the mangled legs. The camera jigs wildly about more, then is slung over the back of the man. The camera shows the back and legs of the man, as he begins to climb, slowly back up the passage. Eventually, after about forty minutes of climbing, the camera points briefly up at the horizon as the man reaches the lip of the shaft. It swings around a bit, as he climbs to his feet. It points at the face of Gerard Butler, with a knife protruding from his throat. He smiles briefly, then the screen goes dark. The rest of the movie is Gerard Butler killing a lot of people in his quest for revenge. Oh, wait...that's been done before. Oh well. --- There were four more paragraphs, but it was repetitive agony. I've cannibalized the names too and movie-d it.