The Threaded Path for Two RitaXGoran

R

Rita ArchFena

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"Dear Diary,​
Today I have felt like I made the biggest mistake in my whole life. I guess some of my friends are right, I am nothing but I mistake. They are my friends right? I couldn't tell you for sure, but I know I did lose the best friend of them all. I stuck to close to my Daemon that lives with me and ending things with Masou. I don't know why I did, he was the best thing, did everything he could for me. But I listened to everyone but myself. I should of stuck by him, but I didn't, I turned my back and retreated in my frozen shadows.​
Even though I am slowly killing myself mentally, there is a small light high above telling me "It isn't over." But it is. He's gone, he isn't coming back. I have destroyed him feeling I have left nothing but ashes in my eyes. We made a promise before things ended officially.... I don't know where it came from. But I have my doubts.I don't want to hurt anyone any more...."​
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Standing in my room, I have begun to pack. It was time from me to run away from this Daemon that I lived with, I have been given the chance to move in with a friend. My friend, Kyle, hasn't arrived yet but I didn't care because someone else was coming to help me...
It has been so long since that grey day, but we have slowly worked up our way to talking again. Just like then, he was always there for me. I never understood why. All I kept doing is hurting even after the fact. Bad luck was all I was. But he came, Masou, his biggest part was to get out mentally because I was trapped in more than one way. Like a scared little pup that always ran back home, chained up, and abused. I walked across that filthy, stained, pink carpet and opened the door where Masou stand. I ain't gonna lie, I was excited to see him but scared at the same time.
"Hey Masou..." ​
I let him in and we headed to the small kitchen that usually held my baby pup, Angel, but she was out playing this time. We sat down facing one another. It took a moment before either of us said anything. He asked me how I was doing and I started to go on about how I was trapped and couldn't pull myself together to get out of there. Masou listened as I became "Negative Nancy", and again he was there supporting me and telling me I can and so forth.
After moments of his wonderful words, Kyle arrived and it was time to get things moving...​
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Today was the day, the day that I help Breccia leave the Daemon that traps her and keeps her locked away from everyone. I made a promise to her oh so long ago that I was going to help her move when the time came. I wasn't going to let the promise be broken. I never stopped caring about her. But I think I have finally been able to look at her as just a friend. We shall see.

"Hey Breccia, may I come in?" as I was let in I looked around. It was the same as I remembered it. The couch where we could sit and just be together when her Daemon was at work. The dogs that I watched were outside at the time. I had to focus though, I had a job to do. I had to get her out of the house, away from the Daemon. We just had to wait for Kyle. As we were waiting I asked her about where she was going, it sounded like a dream come true. At some point she decided to write a letter to her Daemon. As she was writing it, I saw something I could never handle from her. Tears streamed down her face. I hated it when she cried, I never wanted to see her cry. I took her in my arms and whispered it'll be ok, I promise you. You can do this, you're strong. She's just a friend, right? Right? Then why did I feel this way again? Why did I feel that wonderful feeling that I felt when we were together? Kyle arrived and it was time to load things up and get going. Didn't take long, but all the while all I could think about was that feeling...
 
One by one things got packed. The Daemon's Ford that was suppose to be rightfully mine was swiped right under my nose, so I decided I could take her for a spin one more time. Most of the boxes and bins were packed in the Ford, as my bed and Tv was packed in Kyle's pick-up truck. We went redneck style and duck tapes the bed down so it would fly away like I wanted to. Then my cousin came. Even though I have slowly gained my confidence I needed that female support who understood where I was, she annoys me to dust, but she can be very funny and let me show my "goofy" side as she called it. Well no need to dwell right? It was time to leave. Kyle drove alone, My cousin drove alone, Masou rode with me.
Masou rode with me...
I knew he would be, well sort of. I wanted to doubt myself. Down my street we went, then Vine, then 91. 91, I started to get uneasy. I had bad anxiety and depression, the doctor diagnosed it with my cousin too. He said it was how we were raised, but she was able to get medication and I wasn't. Masou was able to calm me down a bit and keep me focused, but not completely, it was too much for me. Though I will admit, if he wasn't there from the beginning, I wouldn't of left and even if there was that chance I did, I wouldn't get far. I would be running with my tail between my legs crying like a bitch. Now that I think about it, Kyle probably would of dragged my ass anyways...
We get to the location. Masou and Kyle stayed to unpack, because why would I lift a finger nail? I laughed in my head. But, no that isn't me, bless their hearts but I had to race back with my cousin to return the vehicle and disappear before the Daemon got home.
Doing so we all decided to meet up and go out to dinner once the boys finished unloading, me, Masou, Kyle, and my cousin.
 
I was happy to help unpack things, hell, I had every intention of staying until everything was done, everything. I was willing to stay until Breccia had a proper room set up. I wasn't leaving until I was no longer needed. Even then I wasn't wanting to leave. I don't really know why, I mean, I made promises to others, but I've never been this committed to them before. Breccia is something else, that's for sure. I just wish things didn't end the way they did or ended at all. But it's ok, right? I mean, she's right there, well was. Me and Kyle are hurriedly unpacking as much as we could before she got back. We were going to go over her cousins for dinner; I was to ride with Kyle. Plans changed though; instead of her cousins it was now a restaurant. Which was just as well. Kyle and I talked a bit on the ride there. He seemed like a good guy; Breccia was in good hands. Away from her Daemon. At the restaurant it was great, socialized with Kyle, her cousin, and of course her. I was hoping to help more after the dinner, but I wasn't needed anymore it seems. Which was fine, I fulfilled that promise to her. Though I had others, they would be fulfilled in time.
 
Dinner, I could eat enough for three men, but tonight I wasn't hungry so I got a salad. Me and Kyle sat next to each other and then it was Masou and my cousin. We all talked a bit but I mostly remained quiet. I just told everyone I was tired, which I was because moving can take a lot out of someone and stress of course. But that wasn't true, I was unfocused and I kept feeling pounds in my head, not a headache though. It was like a wave of energy coming from within from another source. I was ready to pass out, and not the kind of passing out you do when you fall asleep, but letting go of reality. Then came the buzzing in my body, and the ringing in my ears. Like your spirit is being lifted from your own body, been happening a lot lately but I don't understand it.
When I gained my moments of focus I would glance at Masou even when he wasn't looking, but I kept it very limited. When I glanced I wanted to smile, but to be honest, I am not sure if I did or not. I couldn't tell you what I was feeling from what I was thinking. Nothing seemed real, or right.
Then I started to feel me hand touched. It was Kyle. What is he trying to do? Hold me hand? Not now, I can barely feel my own body and now I have my roommate touching my hand. I wanted to move it away but it felt too heavy, when I did manage to move it, he reached further for it. He was just adding to my problem. But most importantly, I didn't want Masou to see...
His hand wasn't anything besides Kyle being fresh. I didn't want anything. But I couldn't do anything. I started to tilt my head, I felt like I was going under. But my cousin didn't understand what was going on because she never experience one of my "episodes", she thought I was being weird I guess but I wasn't. I was ready to let go. Then Kyle gripped my hand even though I disliked it, but it was good he did at that time because it helped me gain some focus. His pressure put some feeling into my hand.
To me it was a dinner I didn't want to be at, even though Masou was there...
Then I had to ride to my new home with Kyle. Lucky it was silent for the most part, except for saying;
"Shit, I left my phone in my Cousin's car... Oh well."
Other than that I laid down in the seat and pretended I was sleeping. Honestly I wasn't, but boy did I have a lot of things on my mind.
 
Dinner was pretty great, I was incredibly hungry, got ribs, they were pretty good. But I kept finding myself looking at Breccia. Dunno if she noticed....Kyle may have. Someone had to have. Kept looking at her, and I don't know why...we weren't together anymore, but I felt drawn to her still. Eventually I just focused on my food. When it was all said and done, her cousin drove me home. Got home, let my parents know that it was a good day, dodged the other questions. Lying in bed I glanced at the ceiling and told myself everything was gonna get better for her. Now that she was away from the Daemon everything was only gonna get better. I didn't really talk with Breccia much after that night. I got busy and had other things on my mind. I couldn't tell you how long it was before we really started talking again. But I was glad that we began again. I never could get her out of my mind for long. Things seemed pretty ok for her, granted she didn't have a car at the time, so it made actually seeing her difficult. But things have a funny way of working out. I could only hope that we could see each other again, the only question was when.
 
When I got back to the new house, I met Kyle's younger brother and some kid that has been staying there for free along with his father. Didn't get to talk with them much at first so I didn't care. I gave my thanks to Kyle's mother for taking me in, then I followed him upstairs to the room. It was decent, smaller but I wasn't complaining. Taking a deep breath, I unpacked somethings but not much then got ready for bed. One of the things I brought was my SnowBear, Snow. Corny of course, but it was soft and was great as a pillow... Or a cuddle buddy. But Snow had a cig burn on one of his ears that carried some bad memories from my father. I try not to think about it when I see it. I unfolded my blankets and tucked in by the wall in fetal position. Being in a new house at night always made me uncomfortable.
Though I was free from the Daemon, so I thought only good things can come from this and Kyle would keep his space. But I was wrong....
Kyle came in before the light was turned off because I wasn't going to sleep right away the first night, he asked if I was ready to go to sleep. He was in his own garments.
"Yeah, I am just thinking a bit."
Kyle asked if he could turn the light off. I didn't think to much of that, I just cuddled snow.
Lights went off, Kyle tucked himself in my bed. I was furious, but I didn't say anything. Didn't he have his own bed, but now that I think about it, the beds were swapped. It's his room.
He stayed on the edge of the bed so I had a lot of room, but all I could think;
What did I get into this time?
Morning came, and I asked him a few questions that concerned me. His answer only made me feel stupid. Though the people there made me feel like family, and made nicely cooked meals for dinner...at first anyways.

Throughout the day, I thought to myself much of it was how I should plan things out for rent and transportation to work. Didn't think of Masou much. Talking to him was slow moving too. He became busy I guess, probably school or something. But work was taking half my week, and the other half I walked around or was with my grandfather. For awhile it was just a constant repetitive schedule. Should I have moved or just stayed back "home"?
 
The morning after everything was pretty normal. I thought about Breccia a lot that day, hoping that she was ok. I knew she was strong, I knew she could live on her own. But I had other things to attend to. I needed to find a job and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to return to school or not. Either I was going to drop out entirely and start working somewhere, take a year off, or come home to go to a community college. I just didn't know. Job hunting sucked. But it kept me busy. When I wasn't job hunting I was writing code, anything to keep my mind busy. Her cousin would call me every now and then asking me if I could get my hair cut and all this stuff. I wanted to, but she was always a day late it seemed. Funny, any time her cousin called, my thoughts always turned back to Breccia. But I had to stop thinking about her and let her live her life. She'd contact me when she wanted to. When, I didn't know. But I knew that she would. Days went by, then weeks, felt like years. Then out of the blue she called me.
 
Through my repetitive cycles, I started to become unhappy. I worked in an automotive shop as a painter and office assistance, but at the shop everyone were heavy drunks. I didn't know one man who didn't drink. After the work days everyone would head to the back or go to the bar next door and begin drinking. I loved most of the people who worked there, they were like family. Even had a mom. But, I was starting to follow their tracks. Something broke in me after being surrounded by everyone who talked about drinking and what it does to them. That night, I arrived home with Kyle since he usually picked me up after work. His mom and her boyfriend were drinking wine and vodka. I started to talk to his mom casually, just about different things then we got on the subject of alcohol. She asked if I drink, I told her yes. Told her that the Daemon never cared, which I lied. Or so I thought till I learned she really didn't. Kyle's mom poured my a glass of wine and we cheered to a good night. Then I had more. Third glass and his mom walks up to me and tells me or more like begged me to not become a drunk.
"Ok..."
That was all I had to say.
Weeks went on, then a month or two. I couldn't recall, because I started drinking every other day, or was it everyday? I usually hid from Kyle's mom so she wouldn't know. They were loaded on booze. Everything. Kyle would enjoy a drink with me but no more then one. He knew what I was getting myself into. I would plaster myself so I wouldn't have to feel pain, or think. But at the end of the nights I would be lying in bed with Kyle talking about every last detail on my mind about the past in general. I could of sworn I was sleeping, or too drunk to remember but he told me everything I said. I started to hate being there not out of thin air though I had good logical reasons. Then I started to hate Kyle, then his Mom's boyfriend, then his son that we all just learned had Autism. Kyle's younger brother was the only one I didn't hate, I actually felt bad for him...
The house we lived at, was always trashed, Mom's boyfriend was a rude drunk that I didn't completely acknowledge at the time. There are four-five cats that pissed and shit where ever they felt like it. I asked Kyle to help out and clean. He never does. I was going insane and there wasn't a moment I wasn't drunk unless I was working, but by this time I got laid off, I started to drink even more...
Insanity, was it a disease or was it a way of saying I needed help politely?
Today I have decided to get a hold of some old friends to catch up, honestly I probably couldn't give two shits about half of them but I needed someone to talk to. Probably wasn't a good idea to be trashed at the same time, but I scrolled through my contacts and saw Masou. It has been awhile since I talked to him, but when I saw his contact, I realized I needed help. Last I remember he was going to school for some psychology thing. I texted him;
"I'm drunk. I need therapy."
Wow looking at it now, I probably could of chose better words like;
"I need you. Help me. I miss you."
No those wouldn't be good either.
Then I called him...
Too bad I don't remember what I said.

-See through the time period all this was going done, I felt like I made another mistake but I had to in order to stay there.
I got in a relationship with Kyle, one of the worst ones in my opinion. But I almost felt forced into it because his mom wanted us together thinking it would be cute, then it turned to it would allow me to stay longer and since I didn't have a job at the time, Kyle's mom would be kind about rent IF we were together.
Fuck my whole life.
Kyle was nice for the most part though, like everything else, at first. Did a lot of things for me too. -
 
I don't remember much of the phone call, I just remember how she acted. She laughed a lot, she seemed to be in a good mood. Yeah, she texted me saying she was drunk beforehand, but I shrugged it off. Breccia never drank, she hated it. She always had a weird sense of humor though. But it was a nice call for what I remember. I missed her. I loved her laugh. Reminded me of Spring/Summer. Dunno why, it just always put me in a good mood. We talked for a little bit, then she went to call other people. Didn't really talk with her too much after that till she asked if I could front her $20 for some car part I knew nothing about. I agreed, and she finally came over. First time seeing her since I helped her escape. It was nice in a way. Her car hated me though, damn thing stabbed me when I put my hand in the trunk. But seeing her was nice. I had to push the feelings away though, they had a habit of coming up whenever she was around. I did get good at controlling them though. Not sure if even she knew what lurked beneath the surface. After that day we started talking more, I was working having decided to come home and go to a community college. We hung out more often, I enjoyed it. Went back to her place after hanging out for a few hours. It was kinda awkward though. I didn't know these people...i was too shy to socialize. So I hung back in the kitchen area while she and Kyle's brother's watched an anime. Till she abruptly told me that I had to go home. Which I never understood. Why did I have to go, Breccia? Did I do something wrong...? Ok, I guess I can go home....it was nice while it lasted. I hoped that I would find out why I was sent home after what I thought was a pretty nice day. I was worried I was to lose her again....
 
I finally got to hang out with Masou! I was so excited, but too bad it started off with my bumming money off of him. But I needed brakes for my new car, well I guess I didn't need them. I probably wouldn't of mind killing myself, or others. Now that I think about it, I would mind. What a terrible thought of mine. I told him I would pay him back, but when I went inside I got confused on what I needed, yes brakes but there was something else.
Damn
I had to call Kyle to figure it out, but he was being an ass and was making things more difficult then they had to be. So he came up to the auto store after his work. Till then me and Masou chilled in my car, more like I curled in my trunk while Masou was standing there with me. Ok so I was still drunk, I wasn't a bad driver though. No one got hurt. We talked a bit, Then he came back to the house with me and Kyle.
We all were in the back entertainment room, well most of us. Masou stayed in the kitchen a couple feet away. Kyle watched the anime Fairy Tail with his younger brother and the other one. I felt bad for Masou just standing back, I wanted him to join us. Then something clicked in me and I met my gaze with Kyle. If looks could kill we both would be dead and end in a draw. Something told me I had to get Masou out of the house but at the same time I was feeling guilty, I didn't want Masou to get hurt. I didn't want Masou around Kyle anymore. I wanted things to bleed in my eyes, and end them all. All those.... I wanted to end the past and keep it in the past, but something is forming in me...


So I rushed him out, I thought it was the safest thing but I didn't do it in the greatest of ways let alone explain myself nor did I know how. I drove Masou home and left it at that. When I got back me and Kyle started to pull triggers at each other through looks.
Kyle, slob. Recently all he has been doing is watching Fairy Tail nonstop or playing video games. I am not even there. I have to play mommy with him, clean up after him. Save his ass. I am starting to see how nice I had it, Back home with the Daemon... Masou? Wait am I just nit picking on Kyle, no I been hating this since the first week of us.
Masou... What have I done?

My thought are changing. Why am I thinking about Masou? It was over long ago. But why am I so nervous around him, my heart aches, then all I think about is him and then.
 
I sat at home in my room, confused by the events of the day. W-Why was I rushed out? She needs to text me, no I need to text her, ugh no. There was a reason why I was told to leave. It's on her to explain herself. But ugh, this is torture. The not knowing what I did is killing me. Hours pass, I finally give up the thought she'll text me. Suddenly she texted me...."Masou, it's difficult being around you." Difficult being around me....what did I do? Is the end of us, wait what? There was no us. But difficult being around me...I ask her what she means, but all she does is dodge the question. This is taking hours, Breccia, why can't you just be straight up and tell me why I was sent home and why I am so damn difficult to be around?
 
After me and Kyle calmed down, I headed up to the room and laid down. I didn't know what to do now. I felt like things were falling apart around me, but most importantly I had to tell Masou what was going on. Wait no I can't. What if he doesn't understand, what if he thinks of something completely wrong? Finally I texted him;
" Masou, it's difficult being around you."
Oh shit, what did I mean by that? I don't even know what I am saying! Here I go again messing up.
Masou replied confused, and asked questions that I just dodged. I suppose I am good at that along with not being straight forward. Here I go, being that scared girl ready to run off again. Why do I keep doing this shit, then afterwards I just hurt people. Don't mind me I am just gonna go into my frozen shadow again...
It was a long night...
 
I kept playing that back in my mind, "Masou it's difficult being around you". Why? What have I done? I don't know, but it feels like I'm gonna lose her again, when I just found her once more.
After much prodding she finally told me. "Fuck it, I discovered today that I have some form of feelings for you. Do I want them? Probably not."
She still has feelings for me??? And that's why I am so difficult to be around? That confuses things even more, as I have feelings for her too, but I don't know what to do....
We talked some, after a time we both admitted we regretted the break up and wished for things to be different. At the time, I knew, or thought I knew her to be single. So there was a chance for us.....but then she disappeared for the night. Which left me even more confused about my feelings than I already was. But it didn't matter, I knew what I wanted. I wanted my Breccia back.
 
I wasn't able to sleep that night, not one bit. I just kept thinking about what I said, then Masou, then the trouble with Kyle. I knew I had to get away from Kyle but I couldn't, I was stuck. Only if I had somewhere to go, then I could get away but I didn't have anywhere to turn to. I probably shouldn't have said what I said but I wasn't sure how to go about what was going on.
Damn am I such a fool. Finally I got some rest, but only for a few hours and morning came like a cheetah on speed. The morning came with a lot of surprises, especially with Kyle. Why was he being so nice? Give me a break.
My day went by smooth, but I couldn't think for the life of me. Was I suppose to figure something out? Can't remember... Nothing made sense.
Maybe if I had a drink it will. Naw, not in the mood. Somethings wrong here. But what is it?A couple of days went, then it happened. Me and Kyle fought, like gladiators.
"Why can't you do anything around here? I have to do everything! All I ask is for a little help!"
Kyle said he helps when I ask, but he doesn't exactly unless I bitch about it for an hour or two.
"That's it I am leaving you, you slob!"
I drove to my cousins that night and planned on spending the night. Me and my cousin talked a bit about the situation, then Kyle texted me he wanted to talk. At first I refused, but... I was tripped;
"Breccia you mean everything to me. I want to make things right, let's work things out." Classic
I have no clue why I tripped, probably because I was scared I wouldn't have a place to stay. My cousins's boyfriend didn't exactly like the idea of me living with them. I told Kyle to come over and we would talk in person, thus he did and we stood outside in silence for a very long time. No one wanted to say a word. Not a word...
Finally;
"Where do we start Kyle?"
He didn't know, saw that coming. After his sobs and what I now find pathetic words, we made a promise to each other:
I would stop drinking (Except Occasional Drinks- He gave me that one) and he will start cleaning.
Fine. Wish granted. Luckily stop drinking wasn't hard for me, breaking habits were never too hard for me when it was something like drinking.
Kyle's cleaning didn't even last a week...
I started drinking again in spite within a month.
When I would bitch about the promise, he would say I started drinking. Yes because you won't do a damn thing. I live in filth thanks to you. Later down the road I learned he doesn't keep any promises...
 
Time went by, I learned more of Breccia's situation at Kyle's. I found out that she was in fact drinking, she would text me three to four days a week drunk. I hated to see her like that. I tried to find other ways for her to channel her emotions, something that wouldn't hurt her in the long run. She meant a lot to me, I didn't want to see her go through what I have seen a cousin go through....I know how hard it can be, I know what can happen. For a time it seemed that it was working. I was happy to help her with whatever, I made promises to her. I was bound by my promises. I keep them. With Breccia I never broke a single one. And I wasn't about to start. Time kept passing...not one mention of her bombshell from that day she took me home so suddenly. It almost took a backseat, in a way it did. She had other things going on and that was much more important to me than what she had said that day. At one point she ended up losing her job at this car place she was working at. That was tough on her, we did hang out more after that though. It was nice, but something was different. Couldn't really pinpoint what. One day it was brought up again, but it was my doing. We went to a steak place, almost like a date. I told her that I wasn't opposed to "seeing where things take us" basically saying, yeah I want to date you again Breccia, but I am too scared to outrightly say it. She seemed somewhat bothered by what I said, not really sure why. We both admitted feelings for one another, and she was single, right? So what was stopping her? It was a nice "date" nonetheless.
 
One day me and Masou hung out, we actually been hanging out a lot which made me happy. Masou also been helping me out a lot which I am grateful, for the most part. But this particular day we ended up going out to dinner and it felt like a little more.
Food! I am starved!Almost literally, things been tough and eating was slim along with some other things so when Masou bought food or whatever, I felt like a little kid. Good thing I didn't act like it, that would be embarrassing, or did I? Naw, I was calm.
While we were there, some things were brought up that slightly scared me. Masou said he wasn't opposed to "Seeing where things take us..." Was that a sign of a relationship?! Oh boy, I wanted to cover my face. I mean I wasn't opposed to it either... But I couldn't.
There was still a lot I haven't told Masou, things that could change everything. My biggest thing was the things between me and Kyle. Even though our relationship was under the bridge, flooded, then bombed, living with him made things beyond complicated.
Me and Kyle knew the facts, but the way things were, it didn't feel that way. I still had to sleep in the same bed with him, be in the same house, same things. Who can explain that?
No we are not dating but at the same time we are still together?
I couldn't find the courage to say anything...
I felt like a traitor and a lair...
 
Coming off the "date" I felt pretty good about things. Wasn't gonna bring things up till she did, but I still felt good about things. There was a chance for us again. Something my heart longed for for the longest time. We got to see each other a little bit more after that. Which was nice. But things still bugged me about her reluctance to answer. I soon discovered why. I was at school talking with one of my friends when I saw a familiar face: her brother. Haven't seen him in awhile, so we struck up a conversation. it soon turned to Breccia, of course. We talked a bit about her, about her living situation, and how he would be happier if she lived with me, when he mentioned something that tore a hole in my heart. He said how much he hated her boyfriend Kyle, that he wanted to kick his ass. That confused the hell out of me. I never noticed anything that would indicate that they were dating. "He's not her boyfriend, they're just good friends." I told him. Which just confused him. So I just ended it with a one off statement that didn't mean much. "Well you know how Breccia is". It was a cop out. An easy way to get off the topic. He left shortly thereafter. "I've never seen them close, never seen them hold hands, or anything. They don't seem like they're dating." I told my friend that really didn't care. Regardless, I refused to believe him. They can't be dating, not after our "date". She would have said something, she wouldn't have let me say what I had if they were. I told myself. Later on, I don't remember how much later, I would learn that infact he was correct. Confirmed by Breccia herself. But I don't think she realized it. She made a facebook status about learning stick shift and being so happy about it. Which I thought was cool, so I liked it. Shortly after Facebook decided that it was time to shoot him in the heart with a poison dart. She liked a status. Not just any status but Kyle's. "Taught the girlfriend stickshift, couldn't be prouder of her." "Taught the girlfriend"..... So many emotions welled up after that. Everything I thought I knew was false. I wasn't talking with her again, nope, not after this. Not gonna happen. But goddamn it, I can't just turn away from Breccia. We fell out of contact after that...until she messaged me asking if I was at work, being vague as all hell. All she would give me is that she wanted to talk in private. That she was coming over and to not ask questions. What would come of that night, I have no idea....but damn...."taught the girlfriend"....
 
Me and Kyle were out and about one day just driving around, I thought a cruise was fine but he wanted to talk. He began to explain to me how one things he always wanted to do was teach me to drive stick shift. I always wanted to learn!
Well er, even though learning went smoothly.... We didn't. We were suppose to be broken up, but he didn't let me go and I didn't feel like we properly let go. Talk about a roller coaster. Kyle started to be all happy and affectionate towards me for learning. I kept my head away and words small. He asked what was wrong and I just told him I was ill from the thrust in the car. Thankfully we went home.
When we got home, I was excited and proud that I learned stick. Yes I have learned stick! So I posted on Facebook of my accomplishments! Buuut~ I wasn't the only one. Kyle mentioned it too and I liked it because I wanted to boast on my accomplishments, wait what did I just see?
Fuck my life.... I keep digging a bigger hole ain't I?
Kyle called me his girlfriend. It just proved to me how much we really haven't let go and on top of that, I knew someone was gonna see it. I shoved a pillow in my face and screamed.
Why can't I just get rid of Kyle like forever? Oh wait, I'm trapped in his house of ..... of.... oh whatever!
Me and Masou stopped talking again. Again I have hurt him. I keep hurting him. I have to stop it. I'm not even trying..... then again I have retreated to a frozen shadow.On top of ceased communication with Masou, me and Kyle stopped talking and I started to give him death looks and nasty comments. He was ruining my life! But doing so made me pay more in rent.... Rent I can't afford.
After a while I started to have funny thoughts in my head which I am sure was a sign of insanity. I came up with an idea and one hell of a bad one.
I picked up my phone and called Masou, that is my minor mistake. Then I basically forced myself over there demanding to not ask any questions, stupid move. I dressed in an outfit from our Homecoming night when we were still dating, wasn't being smutty though I probably looked it. Then came the biggest mistake, I drove over there and facing him trying to hide any expression which I more then likely failed, I said:
"I hate you. Dislike you. Never want to see you again.Whatever."
Someone better pick up that 12-gauge and shoot me now. What....am...I doing? I don't know what I was trying to accomplish but I think my goal was just to get rid of everyone, or at least Kyle and Masou. Didn't really have others to begin with as friends went.
Masou knew I was lying though, but I didn't want to hurt him anymore so I thought if I could just leave him for good...
 
When she got there she ran up to me and gave me a hug for a good three solid minutes. I was confused, but became even more confused when she spoke: "I hate you. I never want to see you again." That is what you wanted to tell me?? That is what I dropped everything for? I call bullshit, I can always tell when you're lying. "No you don't." I said softly. "You don't hate me, you're only saying that because there's something else. What is it?" I asked as kindly as I could. I really wish she could just tell me what's going on, something's bothering her, did I do something? It went on like this for a good hour or so. When finally...."Ok I don't hate you, I still have feelings for you, I never wanted to break up, I regret it all and just ugh" she said as she placed her hands in her head. I mentioned then that I knew of Kyle, and asked her about him. "We've been broken up for a week." Which suprised me. We talked some more, she put herself into my chest, with her arm up against my chest like she used to when we dated. "Promise me you'll never leave." she whispered. "I promise, I keep my promises." I told her, as well as my future plans. All in all it felt great, maybe we'd be able to have a relationship. I told her we could take it slow, which she agreed to. It was a great night, I hoped for more of these nights to come. Well not exacttly, just more nights with Breccia. I missed her touch, I missed her warmth. I just missed everything about her. And here she was once more....I couldn't help but smile.
 
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