Having thrown a pillow at the door came almost as a reflex, Ryan returned to laying on his stomach, occasionally sobbing against the remaining pillow. Ryan's head was overrun with mixed thoughts, so Tidrog wasn't in there at all. At some other point, he may have felt terrible for it, but he had no room in his head for it at the moment.
Time passed, but the feelings didn't. He kept feeling sad. Why did he feel so sad? He was used to being alone, wasn't he? But then, what is causing these tears to flow? The confusion certainly didn't help the situation.
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Almeida
Almeida was still a bit concerned about Tidrog's request to talk with Ryan, so she decided to talk to him after dropping Lyka off at Hibiscus and taking back Valerius. She ended up knocking on his door, hoping she'd at least get a reply. If she wouldn't even get that much, this would end up being much tougher than she bargained for, or so she feared.
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Ryan twitched upon hearing the knock on his door. Was Tidrog going to attempt talking with him again? He didn't feel ready to do so.
"Leave me alone, Tidrog". He had spend quite some time crying, so he didn't have the strength to yell at him again. He considered slamming the ever so slightly open door, but he had no energy for it. He hoped Tidrog would get the hint and try again later.
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Almeida sighed.
'Yep... this is going to be a tough one.' Setting those thoughts aside, she spoke up.
"It's me, I was just wondering how you were holding up." She pushed the door open a bit further to check inside, noticing Ryan had clearly been rather upset for quite a while.
"Are you having trouble adjusting?" She figured asking about it in a neutral way might get him to open up a bit.
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Ryan jumped up in surprise.
"A-Almeida!? " Panicking, he flipped the tear filled pillow and wiped his face with the first shirt he managed to pull out of his backpack, then hid it underneath said backpack. All in record breaking speed, but the damn door was already opened, so Almeida might as well have seen all that. Pretending she didn't just hear him tell Tidrog to leave him alone, he sat on the bed, putting a pretty bad attempt at a fake smile. As if the reddened and slightly swollen eyes weren't obvious enough. He still tried his best to appear fine
"Me? Oh. No, not really. I was just… Sleepy, is all. ", he chuckled nervously.
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Almeida shook her head. There was clearly a lot more than sleepiness going on here.
"You know you can be honest with me, right?" She wasn't a professional at child psychology, but if she could at least get him to talk, maybe she could at least come up with something to comfort him of whatever was bothering him. She had her suspicion of what it might be, but wasn't sure enough to start probing just yet.
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The worst case scenario became a reality. Almeida saw right through him. His smile slowly diminished, giving place to a more somber expression.
"I… I…" his lips started to tremble, and his eyes got glassy yet again. He looked at Almeida, he didn't want to let it flow, he didn't want Almeida to think less of him. He didn't want to break down. And yet, here he was, on the verge of tears.
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The biggest downside of working with so many underage companions was that she couldn't just get them drunk to open up, which meant she had to try alternative methods. In this case, it looked like Ryan was on the verge of breaking down, but perhaps that was exactly what was needed to get him to talk. She figured she'd better start probing.
"Are you upset about having to go on this journey and leaving things behind?"
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Ryan's eyes widened as Almeida expertly hit the nail on the head. He slowly brought his knees to his chest and wrapped them with his arms, burying most of his face within the improvised shield.
"...How did you know?" He said, with awe added to the emotions he was portraying.
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Almeida mildly chuckled at Ryan's surprise.
"It's normal to feel like that." She sighed.
"If anything, I feel similar. It's difficult to have finally made new friends and gotten used to a routine somewhere only to have to suddenly let go, but it helps to think that it's possible to stay in contact with people and that new things will eventually start to feel normal as well." She probably shouldn't mention the bad advice she herself used more often than not, which is drinking the night away.
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Ryan sank deeper into himself, somehow it being normal didn't help him feel better. Once Almeida continued talking, though, he felt slightly better. At least he was not alone in how he felt.
"The others looked to be taking it pretty well." he murmured as he rose his head a bit to glance at Almeida.
"I don't have many friends that aren't on the ship, you know? My parents taught me to be self-sufficient, but..." He sighed, frustrated
"Knowing I won't be seeing Prim, or Rose, or..." Ryan hid his face again
"Or Elisa, for who knows how long, it hurts. It's like I learned nothing" he clutched himself harder.
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The 'others' taking it pretty well was a tough comparison.
"They might all just be hiding how they feel. Well... except for Londo. I guess he might be one of the few people totally not bothered by something like this." As for the second part, Almeida only had cheap advise left to give him.
"You can always call or message them and they say that the longer you're away from someone, the nicer it is when you see them again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, is how I think the saying goes."
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Poking his head out of hiding again, Ryan shook his head.
"I wish I could at least do that" he thought out loud. When Almeida advised to stay in touch, Ryan stared at her, contemplating that possibility.
"I don't know. I spoke to my parents while they were away, but it's not the same. The letter I left them already hurt to be made. Besides, I'm sure Elisa is better off on her own. And I'm sure the other two will be mad at me because of th… reasons, because of reasons. Me, on the other hand" he extended one of his hands in front of him, and clenched it into a fist.
"I think I'd be better off forgetting." Ryan chuckled somberly
"As if that's possible"
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Truth be told, Almeida wasn't sure if she could argue against Elisa being better off on her own, as she knew the girl had her own situation to deal with. Saying that to Ryan might not be the best idea though.
"You shouldn't just assume the worst of yourself and others." She sighed.
"I won't lie. Some relations that you built up throughout your life aren't meant to last and some people are just around for the few years they're part of your life, no matter how important or close they may seem at the time, but there are always exceptions. Considering you can't know which of them are the exception beforehand, it's always worth to at least try to stay in touch with people, as finding the few that may stick with you for the entirety of the ride is always worth the effort and assuming they won't care at all only results in you giving them the idea that you're the one that doesn't care about them."
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Ryan realized that he may have done a wrong in assuming what Prim and Rose thought of him, he was rather convinced Elisa didn't care much for him though.
"Right, I'm sorry" At some point while Almeida continued speaking, Ryan stopped wanting to cry, but his expression remained sad. And by the end of it, Ryan was speechless. He uncurled and simply sat there, staring at Almeida, thinking of what to say as his mouth did a futile attempt at speech.
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As she finished speaking and was met by silent staring, she suddenly recalled she had a good example.
"Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I know at least one person that's going to stick around for most of your life, if not all of it and I also know that he's been trying to get through to you for most of the day. He may be a bit paternalistic at times, but I'm sure he means well." She figured she'd given Ryan enough to talk about by now and that she should listen to some of her own advice. She really needed to try talking a bit more with Valerius.
"I'll let you think on it, but if you ever need advice again, you'll know where to find me!" With that and a smile, she left.
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A stab of pure guilt just pierced Ryan as he heard those words. He turned away for a moment, visibly showing what effect those words had on him. Then Almeida gave this little conversation an end, and made her way out of his room.
"Oh, Almeida?" Before had the chance to turn around, Ryan used a Time Skip to teleport right behind Almeida, and hugged her. He pressed his forehead against her back silently for a few seconds, then uttering a quiet
"Thank you." When he let go, he turned and used another Time Skip to place himself back on the bed, facing away from Almeida.