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I stood basking in inner anger at what I had done and everything happening to me. I never once asked to become what I was and didn't want any of it. My mind continued to swim up untill Galya began to speak to me after Raven said somthing that seemed to distance me even more from what was going on. Never once was I upset with either of them but everything came together like a raging storm as in that moment my mind swam and processed things that would make the average person kill themselves several times over due to the stress I was putting onto myself.
In a split second I felt my heart sink to the lowest point it had ever been. My skin instantly became clamy and sticky as I began to think back to parts of my mind that were better left destroyed and long forgotten. Brought back by Galya talking about hardship and me getting everything I had wanted. Although true in some aspects my life had been far from easy. It had been so difficult that at times I questions my position in it. I was treated horribly by everyone due to my differences..... everything began to make sense with what my father had told me only a week ago. Everything! Everything that anyone had ever done to me made sense!
---------------
The early morning bell rang as I walked into my class room early in the morning. Everything seemed colorful and I look down to see my hands a very strong tinge of orange. Stronger than it was now... It was then that it dawned on me what was going on... where was I what was I doing? Who was I... I was me... I am back... No... not this.. Everything around me seemed to be as real as it ever was. It was then that a boy came over and knocked me out of my chair causing me to hit the ground hard. I felt the pain and I cringe before looking up nearly crying.
The boy stared down at me "Hey carrot! Don't you belong in a garden and not in school!" I heard him say making me tear up even more before tears began to stream down my face. I remembered being called carrot all elementary school and always being left out before of my skin color. I was so different form all the others but... I just played it off like nothing ever happened. Every day I was harassed but I grew stronger from it while falling apart emotionally! Oh god, is this what I have become! I am a fucking mess!
-----
The flashback fades as another begins. I stand alone in the hall way of my Middle school 7th grade year. I was really skinny but abnormally tall for my age then. I remembered walking down the hallway and coming across a group of people that did nothing but stare at me all year long. I thought nothing of it untill one of them came over with a look of anger on his face. He pushed me against the lockers making me groan in pain. I looked up at him and shook my head as it was happening again. I was going to be beaten again because I was different. I hardened my emotions and didn't give him the pleasure of seeing me cry like all the other times.
The fist connected with my stomach making me grit my teeth and hand my head low. "Weirdo... What do you keep coming here for! Your Orange! You are not like us!" I heard him say as he punched me in the stomach again. I have a policy of non-Violence no matter what but it began to push the limits as he wouldn't let me go unlike the others after the first punch. He swung again and hit me in the chest making me cry out and fall to the ground. My books and papers flying everywhere like a whirlwind of paper.
When I hit the ground he raised a knee up and hit me in the chest again. Tears began to stream down my face at the pain before I looked up and began to laugh. It was then that I remembered that was the day I finally snapped out on someone. I don't remember what I did but it wasn't good... So much pain... so many people hurting me its a wonder why I didn't kill myself when I was younger... it was then I remember that I had tried but.. somthing didn't let me do it.
------
High school sophmore year was the single worst year of my entire life that was capitalized by one single event that set the standard for the rest of the year. I remember... I see it so clearely... the girls locker room was always empty and I found myself there between classes as I was afraid to leave there in the case that I was attacked by anyone. Luckily my skin began to clear out of the orange tint and now was moderately orange much like it was today. But, people now had Biology class and looked at me like a mad scientist.
Boys wanted to have me because I was different... I was beautiful and I was smart... a combo that most didn't like but my beauty outweighed the intelligence to most of them. Every guy was friendly to me now but every girl no matter who it was seemed openly hostile to me. It was then that I remember it all... The day I was nearly assaulted in the girls locker room.....
The 2nd bell of the day had rung and it was study hall for me finally. It meant that I could go and finally relax without being harassed by guys or made fun of by girls. I knew now it was no longer my skin but jealously that I got all the attention by everyone. I didn't want it and I just wanted to float through school for once without making any friends. I made my way back to the girl locker room and slumped down in the corner to take a small nap where it was quiet. Although it smelled rather bad it was better than falling asleep where I could be openly messed with.
Everything seemed to be going well but the door opened maing light enter the dimmed room. Six girls entered and looked around before spotting me which was that hard due to my tall stature. They all looked at me and began to laugh "Hey slut! We knew we would find you in here.. Good your finally alone without any of your boy toys around to protect you.. to think they all made fun of you for so many years.. now you are a jaw dropper and they all adore you... they want to get into your pants and not know you..." The lead girl said before I just shook my head.
"They aren't my boy toys... please leave me alone... I just want to be left alone.." I said slowly knowing full well what was coming up. I had grown stronger but never stfuck anyone since I defended myself in middle school. I knew how to oh so well now... my father had no idea what was happening to me every day but I went to martial Arts gym's and was even trained by several mecenaries working with my father to protect certain assets and cargo transports of high value material. I knew so much and I felt so good about it all... but it never healed the scars and pain left by people... I don't know why I cant hurt them... I never could.. no matter the pain.
The attack lasted less than six minutes and ended up with me on the floor bleeding from the mouth and the nose. I felt like I was hit by a rifle round as I laid on the floor covered in my own blood. The girls laughing cleared up and I simply looked up before curling up on the floor in the strongest pain I had ever felt. I think I had two broken bones and my skin was torn up. I took out my phone and dialled up my father ot explain what happeend. He offered to take care of all of it but I told him not to... they had their reasons to hate me...
----------
The last flashback began and brought me back to the alleyway only a day before. The sounds of machine gun fire and muzzle flashes causing me to scream out and curl up like a cat sleeping. I was so terrified that I was going to die that day. No matter what I wasn't going to hurt them! It was then that one of them ran over and tried to not only grab me but level a pisotl at my head. The fear passed through me as my eyes flashed around to see more of them surrounding me. I couldn't.... I... No!
Was all I could think as fear drove a blue light to errupt out of my eyes. The looks on their faced scarred my mind immediately and I felt my heart explode in horrific despair. No... he.. hes dead! They are all dead! What am I! was all I could think as time continued to flash by before everything went black. All of this happening as Raven connected with me. The two way bridge reflected completely as the horrific despair was passed onto her. The feeling almost overwhelming even to a girl trained as much as she was.
The pure feeling of a human giving up on themselves hit her before it was washed over partially by the feeling of serenity that was almost drowned out by the ink like taint of despair. The two balanced out making me feel slightly better. I opened my eyes and looked at raven. She looked on edge... I did all of this and... there was nothing I could do to change it... well there was.. if it would work I would be able to change it and make sure it would never happen again.. but I am afraid to do it... I was always afraid...
It was then that Raven asked about the clothing and I just nodded slowly "Yeah.... Just... Uhm... If you can hold on a minute I will get you some money to buy all the clothes you will need..." I said before going over to a large bag and taking out sixteen one hundred dollar bills wrapped up neatly in my normal fashion. I turned back towards them and walked over. Being sure I kept my distance as they looked like they were ready to attack me if I did anything out of the ordinary.... huh.. ordinary would be beautiful for me right now but it... was so lost.
I handed it out before Galya began to speak again. I just nodded slowly "Yeah... I hope everything is alright with you... I will be here if you need anything.." I said. My voice was monotonic and my eyes carried a strong sense of despair within them. Their normal brillant blue seemed to be drowned out and almost shadowed over by somthing internal. Their luster gone and no longer gleaming with the beauty that they were hours before. It felt like everything for me was coming to a final close. What better way to bring everything to a Climax than to relieve your lifes most horrid momments.... I may have been given everything.. but I suffered my entire life because I was different.. I miss being able to control my emotions like I was able to.
With them still in the room I turned and made my way outside. The suns rays striking my body normally made me feel better but now seemed to only do a little to make feel better. The entirety of it all drowned out by the bleak serenity that I finally felt. It was a double edged sword... they balanced each other out creating a horrific beauty within me. It was able to think clearly with the mind of a overly depressed individual. Death, Despair and Abandonment were on my mind as I rest my hands on the railing of the balcony. All I could do was stare out into the far horizon wondering what else was going to happen to me.
Images of my past continued to flow into my mind as I stared out blankly. "Maybe I am a monster.... I mean... if they can see through this disguise... I was to foolish to know when I was younger.... People knew I was different... I mean.. I am orange! I am a carrot....." I said before beginning to laugh again. I couldn't get the thoughts out of my at all as one word began to repeat 'Monster..... Monster... Monster... Over and over again without it ever ending. It was horrible... but I didn't lie to myself... But... what of where the wild things live.... those monsters were nice... maybe I can do the same.... but I already killed.... I am tainted...
In a split second I felt my heart sink to the lowest point it had ever been. My skin instantly became clamy and sticky as I began to think back to parts of my mind that were better left destroyed and long forgotten. Brought back by Galya talking about hardship and me getting everything I had wanted. Although true in some aspects my life had been far from easy. It had been so difficult that at times I questions my position in it. I was treated horribly by everyone due to my differences..... everything began to make sense with what my father had told me only a week ago. Everything! Everything that anyone had ever done to me made sense!
---------------
The early morning bell rang as I walked into my class room early in the morning. Everything seemed colorful and I look down to see my hands a very strong tinge of orange. Stronger than it was now... It was then that it dawned on me what was going on... where was I what was I doing? Who was I... I was me... I am back... No... not this.. Everything around me seemed to be as real as it ever was. It was then that a boy came over and knocked me out of my chair causing me to hit the ground hard. I felt the pain and I cringe before looking up nearly crying.
The boy stared down at me "Hey carrot! Don't you belong in a garden and not in school!" I heard him say making me tear up even more before tears began to stream down my face. I remembered being called carrot all elementary school and always being left out before of my skin color. I was so different form all the others but... I just played it off like nothing ever happened. Every day I was harassed but I grew stronger from it while falling apart emotionally! Oh god, is this what I have become! I am a fucking mess!
-----
The flashback fades as another begins. I stand alone in the hall way of my Middle school 7th grade year. I was really skinny but abnormally tall for my age then. I remembered walking down the hallway and coming across a group of people that did nothing but stare at me all year long. I thought nothing of it untill one of them came over with a look of anger on his face. He pushed me against the lockers making me groan in pain. I looked up at him and shook my head as it was happening again. I was going to be beaten again because I was different. I hardened my emotions and didn't give him the pleasure of seeing me cry like all the other times.
The fist connected with my stomach making me grit my teeth and hand my head low. "Weirdo... What do you keep coming here for! Your Orange! You are not like us!" I heard him say as he punched me in the stomach again. I have a policy of non-Violence no matter what but it began to push the limits as he wouldn't let me go unlike the others after the first punch. He swung again and hit me in the chest making me cry out and fall to the ground. My books and papers flying everywhere like a whirlwind of paper.
When I hit the ground he raised a knee up and hit me in the chest again. Tears began to stream down my face at the pain before I looked up and began to laugh. It was then that I remembered that was the day I finally snapped out on someone. I don't remember what I did but it wasn't good... So much pain... so many people hurting me its a wonder why I didn't kill myself when I was younger... it was then I remember that I had tried but.. somthing didn't let me do it.
------
High school sophmore year was the single worst year of my entire life that was capitalized by one single event that set the standard for the rest of the year. I remember... I see it so clearely... the girls locker room was always empty and I found myself there between classes as I was afraid to leave there in the case that I was attacked by anyone. Luckily my skin began to clear out of the orange tint and now was moderately orange much like it was today. But, people now had Biology class and looked at me like a mad scientist.
Boys wanted to have me because I was different... I was beautiful and I was smart... a combo that most didn't like but my beauty outweighed the intelligence to most of them. Every guy was friendly to me now but every girl no matter who it was seemed openly hostile to me. It was then that I remember it all... The day I was nearly assaulted in the girls locker room.....
The 2nd bell of the day had rung and it was study hall for me finally. It meant that I could go and finally relax without being harassed by guys or made fun of by girls. I knew now it was no longer my skin but jealously that I got all the attention by everyone. I didn't want it and I just wanted to float through school for once without making any friends. I made my way back to the girl locker room and slumped down in the corner to take a small nap where it was quiet. Although it smelled rather bad it was better than falling asleep where I could be openly messed with.
Everything seemed to be going well but the door opened maing light enter the dimmed room. Six girls entered and looked around before spotting me which was that hard due to my tall stature. They all looked at me and began to laugh "Hey slut! We knew we would find you in here.. Good your finally alone without any of your boy toys around to protect you.. to think they all made fun of you for so many years.. now you are a jaw dropper and they all adore you... they want to get into your pants and not know you..." The lead girl said before I just shook my head.
"They aren't my boy toys... please leave me alone... I just want to be left alone.." I said slowly knowing full well what was coming up. I had grown stronger but never stfuck anyone since I defended myself in middle school. I knew how to oh so well now... my father had no idea what was happening to me every day but I went to martial Arts gym's and was even trained by several mecenaries working with my father to protect certain assets and cargo transports of high value material. I knew so much and I felt so good about it all... but it never healed the scars and pain left by people... I don't know why I cant hurt them... I never could.. no matter the pain.
The attack lasted less than six minutes and ended up with me on the floor bleeding from the mouth and the nose. I felt like I was hit by a rifle round as I laid on the floor covered in my own blood. The girls laughing cleared up and I simply looked up before curling up on the floor in the strongest pain I had ever felt. I think I had two broken bones and my skin was torn up. I took out my phone and dialled up my father ot explain what happeend. He offered to take care of all of it but I told him not to... they had their reasons to hate me...
----------
The last flashback began and brought me back to the alleyway only a day before. The sounds of machine gun fire and muzzle flashes causing me to scream out and curl up like a cat sleeping. I was so terrified that I was going to die that day. No matter what I wasn't going to hurt them! It was then that one of them ran over and tried to not only grab me but level a pisotl at my head. The fear passed through me as my eyes flashed around to see more of them surrounding me. I couldn't.... I... No!
Was all I could think as fear drove a blue light to errupt out of my eyes. The looks on their faced scarred my mind immediately and I felt my heart explode in horrific despair. No... he.. hes dead! They are all dead! What am I! was all I could think as time continued to flash by before everything went black. All of this happening as Raven connected with me. The two way bridge reflected completely as the horrific despair was passed onto her. The feeling almost overwhelming even to a girl trained as much as she was.
The pure feeling of a human giving up on themselves hit her before it was washed over partially by the feeling of serenity that was almost drowned out by the ink like taint of despair. The two balanced out making me feel slightly better. I opened my eyes and looked at raven. She looked on edge... I did all of this and... there was nothing I could do to change it... well there was.. if it would work I would be able to change it and make sure it would never happen again.. but I am afraid to do it... I was always afraid...
It was then that Raven asked about the clothing and I just nodded slowly "Yeah.... Just... Uhm... If you can hold on a minute I will get you some money to buy all the clothes you will need..." I said before going over to a large bag and taking out sixteen one hundred dollar bills wrapped up neatly in my normal fashion. I turned back towards them and walked over. Being sure I kept my distance as they looked like they were ready to attack me if I did anything out of the ordinary.... huh.. ordinary would be beautiful for me right now but it... was so lost.
I handed it out before Galya began to speak again. I just nodded slowly "Yeah... I hope everything is alright with you... I will be here if you need anything.." I said. My voice was monotonic and my eyes carried a strong sense of despair within them. Their normal brillant blue seemed to be drowned out and almost shadowed over by somthing internal. Their luster gone and no longer gleaming with the beauty that they were hours before. It felt like everything for me was coming to a final close. What better way to bring everything to a Climax than to relieve your lifes most horrid momments.... I may have been given everything.. but I suffered my entire life because I was different.. I miss being able to control my emotions like I was able to.
With them still in the room I turned and made my way outside. The suns rays striking my body normally made me feel better but now seemed to only do a little to make feel better. The entirety of it all drowned out by the bleak serenity that I finally felt. It was a double edged sword... they balanced each other out creating a horrific beauty within me. It was able to think clearly with the mind of a overly depressed individual. Death, Despair and Abandonment were on my mind as I rest my hands on the railing of the balcony. All I could do was stare out into the far horizon wondering what else was going to happen to me.
Images of my past continued to flow into my mind as I stared out blankly. "Maybe I am a monster.... I mean... if they can see through this disguise... I was to foolish to know when I was younger.... People knew I was different... I mean.. I am orange! I am a carrot....." I said before beginning to laugh again. I couldn't get the thoughts out of my at all as one word began to repeat 'Monster..... Monster... Monster... Over and over again without it ever ending. It was horrible... but I didn't lie to myself... But... what of where the wild things live.... those monsters were nice... maybe I can do the same.... but I already killed.... I am tainted...
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