The Shit My Family Says

  • So many newbies lately! Here is a very important PSA about one of our most vital content policies! Read it even if you are an ancient member!


Original poster
Kind of like a spin off of "the shit my fathers say" but it is inclusive to ALLLL members of the family.

I was sitting upstairs on the computer waiting for my delicious cheesecake to be ready in consistancy, while out of no where, my mother says:

"You don't have a booby holder, do you?"

I ask why does it matter and she just starts giggling. My brother chimes in and And he says: "I don't have a boobie holder!"
dad: have you gotten your 14 in today?

mom: nope I'm only at about 10

dad: oh saving it all up for tonight? You're going to feel it from your (my) room

mom: she'll probably feel the earth vibrate and have to get out of bed

me: what are you talking about?

dad: I read an article that the average person farts at least 14 times a day

mom: yeah so now every time he farts I ask him what number he's on, and sometimes he has a really long one so I count it as 2 or 3

me: . . .

((true convo...))
Jinx: "Man, I don't know what I ate yesterday... but I know what I ate yesterday!"

My dad is just stupid. LOL

He complains the government is out to get him.
Also some days he complain there is no food in the fridge. (Which there is btw) and I'll offer to make him something but bam! "I'm not hungry now, forget about it!"
While I was innocently sleeping one day my mom burst through the door and wakesme up by yelling "I KNOW WHAT THOSE GAY FARIES DO!"

Turns out she was talking about the sex you could have in Dragon Age Origins. And she was talking about the elves. And then she proceeded to ban me from my game
Dad: *comes in with his wrapped christmas presents*

Me: What?

Dad: Look at these labels and tell me what you think

Me: uh...okay? *looks*

Dad: this one says to (insert mom's name) the Queen from (insert dads name) the King

Me: alright?

Dad: Tell me what you think this one says

Me: *looks and sees: to (insert mom's name) BTW or BB, from (insert dad's name) the nice* uhh to mom by the way or big bitch from dad the nice?

Dad: by the way? no BTW

Me: what the hell does that mean?

Dad: Big titted woman!

Me: *facepalm*
While we were cooking:

Step-dad(to my mom): Oh, 'scuse me, I just gotta pull my bacon out and I'll be out of your way.
Me: You're about 15 years too late.

Playing Left 4 Dedz

Brother: You either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.
Little Sister: You're goddamn right.
Me: I'm so proud of both of you. ;_;
(playing scrabble)
Me: -lays tiles down for "truck"
Dad: "Fuck, truck, fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo, finger-bang an orangutang, an orgy at the zoo!"
Me: *facpalm*
I was talking to my father last night, discussing my future and such and we come to the topic of electronics:

Dad: I've got a computer in the room, a mac.
Me: Oh, no, it's okay, I have my own I can use.
Dad: Well. If yours ever breaks down, you can use mine. Just don't look at any porn.

I had to face palm to that. It was extremely embarassing hearing that from him.