The Satanist Meets His Angel

  • Thread starter luvablelilmonster
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When Kat felt the hand on her wrist, she froze a bit, a small flashback playing in her mind of her father dragging her across the house by her wrist and grabbing a rolling pin to beat her with because she'd stayed up past her bedtime again. She began to pull away and scream out when she felt Dakota's warmth wrap around her, holding her close against his own body. Immediately every bad thought and memory passed, leaving her mind blank and calm. She rested her head on his broad chest, taking slow, shaking breaths as her arms slid around his waist, holding him back. It was nice to be hugged; she'd never been hugged. It was different, warm and soothing to her and she didn't want it to stop. It was as if in his arms she was invincible to the world. Nothing could hurt her as long as she was this way, being held by this man. He kissed her forhead, making her eyes widen and she blushed darkly, then she heard his stomach growl and couldn't help but giggle a bit, looking up at him so their lips were less than an inch apart. Her voice came as a gentle whisper carried on the breeze, much more relaxed and soothing than it had been before.

"We should probably get inside so you can eat..."
 
When she hugged him back Dakota felt relief, he was holding her in such a way that she wouldn't be able to move away from him but if she had tried he would have let her go. He never understood the importance of a hug or even a simple gesture of flowers and such. Though he got flowers for his mother cause he had always liked those flowers not because he understood what it gave in feeling to give someone flowers. He knew he was missing out on all the romance and caring for someone a non-satanist person would, one who believed you should love everyone no matter of what they believed in. Dakota loathed this thought, and he was alone and avoided people because of it. Because of this he knew some more than they knew themselves just by observing their demeanor. How they treated other people, how his life was different. Life was not to be wasted by a false sense of caring for someone. It clouded judgment. He tried to tell himself that but as he was holding Kat against his body he was beginning to disbelieve his own theory. This didn't concern him as much as it should have. He was a wonderful person if he tried to hide everything that made him, he would be nice. Though what he was feeling for her was not sympathy, he couldn't discribe what the feeling was. Once his stomach growled it seemed to release whatever was messing with her mind. And he gave a sigh of relief at this. At least she wasn't sad anymore but e took notice at how close her lips were to his. Within distance, he could feel the air on his chin when she breathed, it made him let her go. It was too early to be making any sort of move on her. And certainly when his stomach was growling he couldn't do anything. "Good I might have eaten your arm for a snack" he joked.
 
Kat felt Dakota's arms drop away and she smiled a bit, nodding. The thought of kissing him hadn't even crossed her mind, and now she laughed as he made a joke about cannimbalism. She rolled her eyes and poked his still-growling stomach before heading inside. Her heels clicked gently at the concrete of the parking lot as she made her eay inside, hair bouncing and her soft voice humming a slow tune as she tried to push the sadness away. She knew it wouldn't last long, it would be back perhaps in ten minutes, perhaps in a day, And when it did come back, she knew something bad would happen. She shook her head gently as she pulled the door of Taco Bell open and held it for Dakota. He was the hungry one, not her. He mattered more.
 
Dakota smiled and gave a chuckle, at least he made her happy at the moment. He gave a small meeting sound when she poked his stomach as if teasing it. It was clear by her demeanor that he had been the only one thinking about even kissing one another. At least he didn't say anything on the subject or else he would har been walking away and not towards her like he was now. His converse silent on the gravel and then the asphalt, but to him it sounded like he was leading a parade and stomping around. It bugged him, noise if he didnt want it bugged him. He was an asshole. He followed her in silence until she opened the door, he cooed and gave her a western accent the best he could "oh, well I feel like one of dem royal people that you hear about on the news!" He walked in gracefully. A few customers and even employees stared at him as he eyed the menu from a distance. But he just cleared his throat as if nothing happened. His hand in his pockets and a thoughtful eye. Once he made up his mind he gave a smile an ordered, turning to her for a brief moment "Want something princess?" He asked.
 
Kat couldn't help but smile as Dakota spoke in his funny accent and she followed him in, looking around at all the people and suddenly feeling self-concious. She didn't like big crowds of strangers. They made her feel uncomfortable. She looked to Dakota, who brushed them all off without second thought and she tried to do the same, but she just felt so out of place and so ugly... Her eyes fell to inspect the ground as they usually did when she was nervous and she tried standing as still as possible, hoping they wouldn't see her any more, but no such luck. When she heard Dakota call her Princess she looked up and blushed deeply, her eyes a bit wide and she shook her head quietly before forcing out a whisper.

"I don't eat... in front of people. It makes me... uncomfortable."
 
Dakota gave a nod and closed his eyes when she spoke in a whisper as if closing his eyes would help him hear her better. He moved next to her and gave her a kiss on her forehead. He could feel women talking about him while he was eying the menu, if they thought he was dating or rather in a relationship with Kat, they wouldn't have a need to keep pretending to refill their soda so they could try and glance at his ass. He did leave his jacket in the car, thought it would be best. But he whispered to only her while his lips were against her forehead "You can get something and then we can go anywhere you want if you don't like arrogant people.....whatever makes you more comfortable" he said as nicely as he could. He was not even remotely disappointed in any way. He hated people, all people, staying here and eating or leaving never gave him a care. But after her little episode she was the most important.
 
Kat kept her head down, looking to the floor, expecting him to laugh and tell her she was being silly, like everyone else had done. When he tilted her head up and pressed his lips to her forhead yet a second time she didn't stiffen, just let it happen. Her eyes drifted closed and she could feel the burn of tears as the voice in her head rang back what it had said earlier.

Don't get too close. He'll just break you the way the others did.

She said nothing, just stood there and nodded as he suggested they order and go somewhere else. She knew a nice place down by the river... No. No water. She didn't want to be near water at the moment. She glanced up at the menu then ordered something small and a water, then stepped back to give Dakota room to order. She pulled out a $50, ready to pay and everything and looked at him with a small yet wavering smile. She was fighting a battle in her head and losing, in public. She knew she needed to get out of the crowded area as soon as possible, but she hid it with a smile, the way she did everyone else, to keep Dakota from asking if she's alright again.
 
Dakota shook his head and took out his wallet. He easily paid for it and told her to keep her money, she might need it for gas anyways. Gas these days were at ridiculous prices, Dakota knew it more than anyone. His dodge was over $120 to fill up the whole tank, but it was his fault for wanting it with a lift kit. It made him feel dangerous and more or less a bad ass. He took a glance to Kat and he waited for his meal, his head low and his eyes closed and that half smile on his face. She couldn't cover up anything to save her life, he knew what women did to hide what they were feeling of thinking. He wasn't born yesterday. But she needed to be helped with this, more importantly she needed to know he wasn't one to easily be tricked. A proper satanist knew what to look for in people and knew how to get it. However getting her to pick him up and be here with him was not on his plans for the day, never was. But you can't change time and it was better than wallowing in the death of his mother and screaming to the trees at how much he would like top murder his father. He couldn't lie, he wanted to murder everyone.

His meal and hers came and he got his soda, a mix of Brisk raspberry ice tea and Sprite. It tasted like raspberry lemonade and he loved every second of it. The bing from the door as they left reminded him that he needed to call Taylor and have Jacob and her pick up his truck to drive it back to the dorm. He would kill himself before he left his truck anywhere he couldn't keep track of it. That vehicle was his child. "We can go anywhere, and its your car so you can go anywhere anyways."
 
Kat looked to Dakota as they left and she couldn't find words to say. This guy was actually being nice to her. He was talking to her and letting her be near him, unlike other people she knew. He had an air of mystery around him but... he was still kind. He was sad, she knew, but she wished the best for him, honestly. She looked down at her bag, the tiny taco salad swinging inside and she spoke, not wanting to see the look on his face when she said this.

"You're... very choosey about who you are around... You don't trust anyone and you don't like people. So... why be around me? I'm not anything like your other friends... And I know I can get annoying."
 
Dakota didn't answer for a while, she knew about him but didn't know enough. She only knew a fraction, more or less he only knew a fraction about her from what they talked and he only knew a fraction of what he got from her out of pure observation alone. Since she had a voice in her head telling her things, he knew that she would be doubtful whether he told her the truth or not. Since she was all for honesty, he should just talk as if he wasn't analyzing this in such a short time. Why did he allow her to stay near him? It was true he fled from any form of communication with the opposite sex and let alone the same sex. So what made him allow Kat to be around him. He didn't even know himself. So he answered the best he could "Why not? Curiosity got the better of me, and it usually doesn't lead me wrong"
 
Kat waited patiently for Dakota's answer, knowing darn well he'd be honest with her as he could. Of course her voice nagged, but she mentally bitch slapped it and watched his face as he thought. He was so... cute. She blushed as she realized this and blinked in a bit of shock for even thinking that, but she said nothing. He gave her a reason, a perfectly viable reason, and she nodded, not really sure as for what to say. She took a moment and thought of a response, but none came except for one. She leaned forward, her lips brushing against his cheek for a moment in a soft kiss, then she hugged him.

"Well, I'm happy to be with you, no matter what people say or think."
 
Dakota's eyes widened at the moment he felt the sudden warm spot against his cheek. He wrapped his arms around her softly just to return the favor, his heart aching more than it ever had since his mothers death. He was conflicted, trying to put his wall up she he wouldn't get hurt only to be smashed later by her actions. It was so foreign to have his feelings show. And now he was blushing, this was torture and confusing. Dakota nodded when she spoke finding it necessary to be a friend to her since he had found out more than one should about a person. But he couldn't help denying inside his mind that something was happening between them. She's probably heard some of the rumors and passed them by. She couldn't still want to be around him after that.
 
Kat pulled away, looking a bit awkward, then she sighed and bit her lip, wandering to the car and slipping into the drivers side seat. She wanted to bring it up to him, to ask if the rumor was true, to tell him that she honestly didn't care what he was because she thought he was nice. But, of course, she didn't. She looked out the winodw, across the street to a couple walking and knew she would never have that close of a relationship. As if she could let herself that close to someone. Anyone. She cringed as her heart ached and she looked back down to the wheel, her appetite disappearing. Starting the car, she waited for him to get in. They would go to the park, to sit on a bench and make fun of people as they ate.
 
Dakota grabbed his things and hopped into the car. He checked his phone, and frowned when he had missed three calls all from Jacob. With a message that said something he couldn't read. Just random letters in no organized fashion, maybe a mix of letters formed into a code that Dakota could not read with the life of him. He stared at it for moments then finally shut his phone down and shoved it in his pocket. He felt instantly afraid, and he hated that feeling. The feeling of dread, being defenseless. Satanists learned to never embrace fear. But give it to others and watch them writhe in it. That was as Dakota wanted it, but to have this fear that he hoped to forget was enough to make someone wish to kill themselves. Dakota folded his arms across his chest, his eyes staring out the window. He had done it eleven times, tried to end his own life on the account of what he believed in, what he heard. He could still feel the scars from it, even as he thought about the past he could feel his tattoo give a slight burn that made him clench his teeth.
 
Kat drove and she felt the depression well inside her. She hated thinking, being lost in her own head, because it made her insane. She'd begin remembering the bad things from her past. Past loves, people who'd left, being so alone through her whole life. She just couldn't stop thinking about things that broke her heart again and again. She shook her head gently, the tears stinging as they threatened her. She remembered her ex fiancee, the man she'd given her everything to. She remembered his smile, the way he said he'd love her until he died. The way he always said they'd be together forever, then the way he threw her away after getting what he wanted, leaving her behind and going back to his ex. She cringed as her heart ached and she thought of the burning scars on her upper thighs. She covered them with makeup, usually, or clothes of course. They were everywhere, criss-crossing and parallel, old and new. She let one hand drop to her leg, her thumb caressing the new patch she'd done the night of the dance. She'd do it again the moment she was alone, of course. The blood and pain reminded her she was alive, the burning reminding her how it felt to love. How far she needed to stay away from others. After today, she would tell Dakota she could no longer talk to him. It was better to lose him before she let herself fall too far. She looked over at him as she pulled into the parking lot by the park and said nothing, her eyes just lingering on his face.

"I don't care who you are. I don't care what you've done. I don't care what you will do in the future, I don't care that you're a Satanist. You're you. That's all I see."

Why had she said that? Because she meant it. She turned the car off and slid out, standing and heading to the bench by the lake. The beautiful, still, gray lake. Ducks were skittering across it, trying to get their families to their homes. She smiled softly, wondering how it felt to have an actual loving family.
 
Dakota didn't move as she spoke. So she believed it, she had too or else what came out of her mouth wouldn't have happened. He didn't know what to say, if she understood what he had been through. It was time to stop this before it got too far. He would only drive her into the ground, he had done it before. When she got out of the car he followed, like a lost puppy until she sat down on the bench. He refused to allow himself to sit down next to her, his hands in his pockets and his eyes seeming to get lost in themselves. He had to say something, he felt the need too. Though being brutifully honest with her was the best way for himself to bring his barriers back up. He had no choice, he cleared his throat as soon as he saw the midnight blue coupe stop near a parking space. His truck roaring behind the coupe. The radio blasting and the windows rolled down. A text message caught his attention and he answered the 'time to leave' note he got. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Thank you for being so nice too me. I know I don't deserve it, and these rumors, what I believe in with all my heart is why I don't deserve anything from you or anyone else." His eyes stared coldly at the water, his voice held a tinge of sadness and he refused to hide it "I have to go, but thank you for being there when I wanted someone to care about my problems. But you don't need to anymore, it would be best for you if you delete my number and my memory along with it.......Goodbye Kat" without another word he turned on his heel and walked quickly back into his car. The coupe and his truck drove away and it felt like his heart was being ripped. Dakota couldn't hold it anymore and as soon as the park was out of view, his walls fell completely. Tears came like a never ending rain and he never had the strength to push them away. It was reasons like this he never fell inlove, it made him want to end his life. He hated it.
 
Kat sat there, watching the water after he'd gone. He'd sounded so... empty and cold. She let her head fall, her face twisted into an expression of pain and confusion. So, this was the end? She felt the tears and let them fall, not being able to hold it in any more. Every time she let herself go, any time she showed any amount of kindness, this is what would happen. She suddenly stopped crying, something inside her clicking and she stood, heading back to her car and she opened the driver's side door, slipping in and starting it. She began backing out of the park, but something stopped her. The voice in her head was screaming at her, telling her what had to be- no, what needed- to be done. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before shifting the car into drive and gently pressing her foot down on the gas. She couldn't stop herself, it was like she was in auto, the car lurching forward, inching intself toward the water. She reached across herself, up to the seatbelt which she pulled down across her and latched, then she reached up and locked the doors as wheels touched water. She felt no more pain, she felt no more emptiness, just... nothingness. She knew it would happen. It wasn't like anyone would miss her anyways. At least she wouldn't be around to cause any more pain.
 
(reading that post made my heart skip, I must be too emotional when I roleplay))

The car ride back to Dakota's dorm was silent as if someone had died. Dakota's tears staining his jacket sleeves and his forehead still placed on the passenger dash, he felt like when he had gotten off drugs. In Withdrawl, his body was shaking as if he was freezing in cold water. His teeth chattered and his nails had dug themselves so far into his wrist that he was sure with all the blood trickling down into his sleeve that he must have reached bone. Jacob feeling nothing but remorse, said nothing the whole way to the dorm. He had seen Dakota like this, a mix of hatred and suicide. The best thing Jacob could do was remain silent, take Dakota home and let him do whatever he wanted. Let him harm himself, pour salt and whatever the fuck else he wanted into his open wounds and monitor from a distance. There was a reason Dakota had been using heavy drugs for five years. To get over this suicidal binge he put himself through. Jacob didn't know what was worse, Dakota doing Heroin, Meth and whatever else he was able to get his hands on, or the way he was without it in this current condition.

He only did this three times in his whole life, all over a five year period. The first time when his mother died, Jacob had caught him injecting himself in the bathroom. Second was when his girlfriend after thirteen years hung herself in the living room. And third was today. To Jacob's surprise, as soon as he opened the car door. Dakota walked in the cold to his dorm, opened the door, grabbed a bottle of whiskey and layed on his bed. Jacob had nothing else better to do, him and Taylor decided to spend the night, to make sure Dakota wouldn't try to hang himself. Jacob thought to himself, this woman must have made an impact.
 
Kat saw the water rise in the car, felt the icy hands grip at her, but she did not fret. She did not let the fear get to her. She closed her eyes, allowing the car to sink into the lake, water pushing at the windows until they broke and flooded the car, then she felt her lungs fill with water and everything went black. Her last thought was of Dakota. She hoped he would live ahappy life, she wanted him to be happy, that's what he deserved.

When she woke up, she was on the bank in the grass, staring up at a dark sky. She gasped for breath and realized just how cold she was. She was still soaked, her jacket and hair clinging to her face and body and she was admittedly extremely confused. Was she dead? Was this an out-of-body experience? What was going on? She tried to sit up, but the moment she did she threw up, rolling over onto her hands and knees. No one else was around, no one was there to claim they'd saved her, but she knew it had happened because as she looked out over the lake, she saw the tail lights of her baby, the car she'd built from the tires up, disappearing into the murky depths. She sat up, resting on her knees and she sat there for a moment, not able to feel any kind of pain or anything. She'd shut down. She stood, having nothing to keep her warm from the icy wind, and wrapped her arms around her as she began walking back to Cass. It was the only place she had to go, no matter how much it hurt. She made it back about the time that everyone was waking up and wandering around. She kept her head down as she passed people, people who asked if she was alright, people who commented that she looked like she'd gone swimming in all of her clothes... She ignored them all.
 
Dakota never woke up, occasionally to go to the bathroom or get another beverage but that was it. He would just go and lay back on his bed in a ball as if he would never wake up or move. This was a trainwreck and it confused him why he even cared about one woman so much when the last tried to kill herself. She knew he was a satanist and yet she stayed until he pushed her away. She would have still stayed if he hadn't and they would be eating by the water. That cold dark water, it was like his being. Cold and just there, his eyes opened to the darkness of his room. A single lit candle on his bedside table, that might burn the dorm down with how close it was to falling. He groaned and shoved the candle back away from the edge. He wanted the flame to consume him, but the thought of Kat falling into a horrible relationship with another male besides Jordan made him upset. It was his ego and he hadn't been able to fully be attracted to a woman in how many years. He curled into a ball, he'd stay here for the rest of his life if he could. Of course that would get him fired, unless he faked an illness. He didn't want to leave Kat to be all alone, not with that voice in her head telling her to end her life. He didn't want her to be with someone like him, and half wanted her while the other wanted her to leave him alone and never come back. And that side had been the one who pushed her away.
 
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