The Satanist Meets His Angel

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Kat stopped only when her legs gave out, only when she could no longer breathe. She gasped for air, her lungs and throat burning as if it were on fire. She clawed at her throat and doubled over, hand on the cold gravel beneath her, nails digging in gently as she felt the beautiful, scorching pain sear through her. She whimpered, but a smile graced her lips. She loved feeling the pain to remind her that she was alive, to remind her that she wasn't entirely numb to emotion. She'd began numbing herself years ago when her mother left and she had no one. It was the only thing that kept her sane when others decided to make fun of her and ruin her day altogether. She had days where she would be entirely numb, ignoring everyone and everything and just sitting in her dorm and sleeping, but there were days when the numb-ness was only a fog over her, dulling things down a bit. She hasn't had real emotions in years. No, she had. She'd felt real happiness when she was with....

No. She stood and put a hand to her chest, feeling the fluttering of her heart beneath the skin and she closed her eyes. She heard the door of a truck and her head snapped around, looking to a truck with none other than Dakota getting in. She began to wave, but her hand would not move. Like a frightened deer for some reason she took off, sprinting away in the other direction. She didn't want him to see her. Didn't want him to see her collapse in pain. She did so the moment she knew he wouldn't see her, curling into a ball on the cold ground and closing her eyes. In the distance, thunder rang like a sweet drum.
 
Dakota pulled out of the parking lot and simply drove. Only one place to go on his mind but he made tons of different stops along the way, the gas station to fill up his beast of a truck, get a few snacks and a bottle of chilled wine with a clean wine glass. He had spent what seemed like an hour in a florist trying to get the perfect flowers for his mother. She deserved every single flower in the shop, every single one. Once back in the car he was ready to go and most likely get caught for being in a graveyard when there is no caretaker. A bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers, people might mistake him for a person who belongs in the psychotic ward at a mental institution. But he just wanted to give his mother the best. It was all he ever wanted to do when he thought about seeing her. For all of nature knows the woman deserved it for all the shit Dakota and his father put her through. At least he's making up for it.
 
Kat stayed on that sidewalk for what seemed like eternity, or at least until the frosty air bit through her damp hair. She knew she could get sick, but she didn't really care. She stood slowly and headed back to the dorm, deciding to dress a bit hippie-ish today. Once there, she brushed out and straightened her hair, put on her bell-bottom jeans and her mid-riff brown leather tank top with the dangling beaded fringe around the bottom and she put a matching brown leather headband around her head, letting her now straight blond hair hold it carefully. She found a pair of wedge heel sandals and slid them on before finding a huge peace symbol of a necklace. Last but not least were her circular lens rose-tinted glasses and a heart perfectly painted onto her temple, right by her eye. She sat on her bed until it was time for everyone to wake up and start moving, then she remembered her leather armband, slipping it on and pushing it up to her bicep, letting it snugly hold her arm before she adjusted the matching beaded fringe. She looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't help but smile widely. She loved dressing this way. It was so... different. She laced a silk scarf through the belt loops of her jeans and tied it before heading out, allowing everyone to take everything in.
 
Dakota told his mothers grave everything, how the rituals worked and about Kat. The flowers next to her grave shining colors onto the wet misty sky. The glass half full of wine in front of her grave stone. Dakota sitting cross legged on his jacket, feeling the cold air give him shivers. He was a contradiction, a satanist in a graveyard speaking to a woman the funeral prayed to go to heaven. But it was his peace, the more he drank the bottle of wine, the more buzzed he got, and the more likely he was not going to show up at work today. His deceased mother was far more important at the moment. He had spent days in the graveyard when she died, hoping and praying to Lucifer that he would wake up to see his mother there again. Or at least digging her way out of the ground. Taylor had been around to see him in all his wonder, staring into the mist and whistling as if Dakota was seeing the hell hounds that walked the graveyard as ghosts. Sometimes, he had, Dakota believed in ghosts more than he believed in his feelings. Then he remembered that he had left his number in his tux jacket which he gave to Kat. How interesting. He didn't even understand why he had left a slip of paper with his number on it. Must have been on purpose.
 
Kat wandered about, the sky looking grey and she took deep breaths as people began buzzing. 'She dresses so weird.' 'She's such a damn freak.' She loved it. She didn't care what people thought, as long as it was about her. She smirked, going back to the room to grab the tux jacket. It was the first thing she saw and it was a bit nippy outside. She swung it on, happy that she didn't have work today. It was a weekend, so she could wander about and do whatever she wanted. She was pushing her chap stick into one of the pockets when she felt a slip of paper and she pulled it out. It had a number on it. She shrugged, brushing it off as belonging to one of the many girls Dakota much have pining over him. It took her a bit of self-persuasion to skip back into the dorm and calling the number to see who's cell phone rang. She sat in the chair below the phone, twisting the curly cord in her free hand as she listened to it ring. It was odd, though, because she didn't hear anyone's cell phone go off.
 
Dakota shifted on his grassy seat, trying to find his phone and cursing half the way cause his phone was missing in action. But he quickly found it, squinting at the unknown number but he answered it casually "Yellow?" he said with a smile, he hated the color yellow, but it was fun to say. He rested on his elbows and wondered if it was really Kat who called or one of Jacob's stupid little pranks because he was angry that Dakota jsut left him half naked in his dorm. But he wouldn't hold a grudge to Dakota, he was far to loved for that nonsense. He eyed a spider that crawled across his mothers grave stone and bent forward to flick it off. Until it moved more and Dakota backed away as fast as he could. He hated them, they were gross, had hair everywhere, and had too many eyes. It scared the crap outta him and when they moved, ugh it was like heaven opened up. It was the worst thing ever and they never will become extinct. Dakota pushed his knees to his chest and frowned, holding the phone with his shoulder to his ear as he hugged his legs. He was like a scared child, but he was scared to death of spiders.
 
Kat couldn't help but jump a little as a deep voice sounded on the other end. Dakota? Was this his own phone number? She laughed a bit, not really knowing what to say at first. What was she supposed to do, start with 'well, I was searching through your jacket pockets like a creeper...'? Oh yeah, that would go sooo well. Wait, he sounded... buzzed. If not entirely drunk. Worry crept into her voice as she remembered him gettng into his truck and driving off somewhere. Was he safe? Where was he? Would he be stupid enough to drive drunk? She nibbled her lip, her fingers toying with a fringe on her shirt, twisting it around her finger. She hoped he was alright, though by the sound and tone of his voice, he wasn't. She decided to play it cool instead of jumping to conclusions.
"Yeah... Hey, Dakota... It's Kat... what's up?"
 
Dakota smiled, though he was still in his protective bubble and staring at the small black dot that was moving back and forth on the gravestone. He was such a child. Taking a few more swigs of the half empty wine bottle returning to his relaxing position, leaning up against a tree, his legs outstretched and crossed. Laying on his trench coat. "I see you had been searching through my pockets or you asked someone for my number. It's interesting that it is about........hmm" He removed his phone from his ear to check the time "5:37 in the morning." he chuckled a little bit and eyed the sky, turning his gaze back to the spider once he thought it moved. What's up? What is up? Dakota thought for a few moments "I'm visiting my mother." his voice stopped, and he shook his head, why should he act like she was still alive when he knew she wasn't? Because of what he believed? Or was saying that she was alive in a form on the phone was some sort of comfort. Dakota sucked in air to prevent from tearing up.
 
Kat couldn't help but blush. He saw right through her. This was all a trap, she'd known it! She bit her lip to keep from saying anything out of anger and... embarrassment. He didn't even know her and he already knew her too well. This was crazy. When there was a long pause, she raised an eyebrow, worry nibbling away at her until he spoke again, telling her that he was visiting his mother. Well, at least he was safe. But why did she care? She shouldn't. She looked down to her fidgeting fingers and closed her eyes for a moment, her voice coming out gentle yet still worried.

"Do I need to come pick you up? You sound... Drunk, to be blunt. You don't need to drive in your condition."

She almost smacked herself when she realized she was hoping he'd say yes. Why did she want to see him so bad? Was it because when she was with him, she was stronger, more herself than when she was anywhere else?

"Oh, I broke up with Jordan."

Why'd she tell him that? Why would he even care? She had no idea, things were just spilling from her mouth.
 
Dakota shook his head as if he could be seen. Once he realized this he cleared his throat and answered "I only have had half of a wine bottle. And I can walk unless you find it necessary to be around me when I'm this way" How the hell did she know he was drunk? Did she hear something in his voice? He thought his voice was fine, it was ashamed to be thinking of his mother as alive. Or ashamed to be seem at a graveyard when most likely she heard the rumor and truth of him being a satanist. He was brutally honest when he was drunk, another downfall he did not enjoy about himself. If she were to pick him up, he wouldn't be able to handle talking cause he would tell her everything. Taking the last few sips left in the green bottle he set it down next to him and listened to her speak. Her voice was so calming, it almost made him wish he could be with her. Dating her would work as well, but that wouldn't happen in a million yea- did he jsut hear her correctly. She broke up with Jordan? He suddenly felt happy and pleased with himself for considering it to her. "That's excellent, I told you, you could do it. Or at least I think I told you. I'm not so sure at the moment." he cleared his throat once more, he sounded way to happy about the situation.
 
Kat sighed gently and closed her eyes as he admitted being drunk. Half a bottle of wine? Walking? She rolled her eyes and cocked an eyebrow. As if, drunky. She spoke gently, her voice soft and caring through the phone as she rejected his idea of walking. She didn't want there to be any chance of him getting hurt.

"No, you will not walk, Dakota. You could get hurt, and then who would I harass and make awkward sexual advances toward? I'm coming to get you then when you sober up I'll take you back to get your truck, alright? Now where are you, I'll be there in a moment."

She knew she'd have to change. She didn't want to go off-campus dressed the way she was. It was her peeve. She didn't mind people on campus seeing her dress oddly, but out in the real world, outside the bubble of Cass, she wanted to at least look normal. She figured if she looked as though she fit in, maybe somewhere down the line someone would hire her. If they saw her dressed like she was from the era of free love and drugs, then she'd have no chance. His voice changed as he reassured her about her break-up with Jordan and she couldn't help but smile. Not even she remembered what he'd told her, she was so focused on finding him now.
 
Dakota gave a small smile which faded back to a frown once she asked him where he was. He couldn't lie to her under his alcoholic binge he was on "The cemetery halfway across the town. I could just call Jacob and have him pick me up, its fine. You don't have to babysit me" he didn't want to expose his half teary eyed self to a woman who wanted to sexually harass him while she was taking him home. But he couldn't deny that there was worry in her voice, he couldn't deny it either "But if you are that worried about me getting harmed then you can drive me home. Or Taco Bell, that sounds fabulous right now" he had to shut himself up before he rambled on about random crap. "Thank you" he ran his fingers through his hair and rested his palm on his forehead. To his relief and extra worry, he could no longer find the spider. "Be warned I'm going to talk your ear off" he warned ahead of time.
 
Kat's worry turned to realization as he said the word 'cemetery'. Visiting his mother. Drinking. Cemetery. For some reason this broke her heart and she felt tears sting at her eyes, but she could only nod, blinking them away as she responded, trying to sound as if she wasn't about to start sobbing like an injured child.

"Don't worry with Jacob, love. I'll get you and treat you to some Taco Bell. And you can talk as much as you like, I don't mind."

She smiled and bid him a farewell, assuring him she would see him in a few moments then she hung up the phone and made her way to her dorm room in a daze. She undressed from and shimmied into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, slid a black tanktop on, and stepped into her mid-calf high black stiletto boots, tucking in her jeans before pulling the headband from her hair and brushing it out. She pulled on her black peacoat with the big black buttons as she walked out the door, grabbing her keys and fixing her hair, pulling it from under the coat and letting it fall in gentle waves around her face. She made her way across campus, walking with a determination to get Dakota. She didn't even notice when guys began making comments on how she was dressed. She got to her black 1970 Plymouth Cuda 440, sliding her hand alond the side as she made it to the driver's door, pulling it open and slipping inside. She'd built this car from the ground up, but no one but her knew that. She smiled as she turned the key in the ignition and listened to her baby roar to life then purr, trembling beneath her. In moments she was on the road, heading toward the cemetery.

When she arrived at the cemetery, she pulled up near Dakota- the only person on the ground at a headstone- and turned the car off, slipping out and approaching him. She didn't run, just walked, the light wind blowing her hair back and making it bounce as she moved. She stood beside him silently for a moment, then spoke gently to the headstone.

"Hello Missus Lane. I'm Kat, Dakota's friend."

Her voice had no hint of sarcasm in it, no feeling of jesting, just a soft, gentle seriousness. She did it as if it were normal, as if she did it every day, talking to a headstone as if it would respond, when in all actuality she had done it before. Her best friend, her only real friend had died years ago, before she'd moved, and she'd spent nearly every day leaning against a tree, having conversations with his headstone. Laughing and crying and sometimes even just sitting there in silence. She looked down to Dakota and pulled her hand from her deep pocket, holding it out for Dakota to take, her voice now directed toward him. It was soft, caring. She asked no questions, didn't pry into his life, she was only there to support him, and that's what she would do.

"Come on, kid. Let's go get something to eat."
 
Dakota gave a short lived smile when Kat confronted his mothers grave. He could tell it hit her hard once he mentioned it, she had grown silent over the phone and he felt horrible for saying everything about it. He refused to move even as she held out her hand, he had something on his mind and he wanted to share it with her whether she wanted it or not. His voice was low and it was if he wanted to cry "She would have loved you, the way you act, your just so nice to everyone.....That's what she wanted for someone. To find another person who would make them feel like they belonged. She just fell in love with the wrong person........... I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this." he stood up without her help, grabbed his jacket from the ground and shook it out. Walking towards her car and throwing away the empty bottle of wine into a nearby garbage can. This was all too emotional for him. He never liked showing his feelings and he was alone because of it.
 
Kat listened as Dakota spoke, a soft smile on her face but she was still worried for him. He seemed so upset, so depressingly sad and she hated it. When he declined her help to get up she let her hand drop and walked after him as he went, watching him with a quiet air about her. This was definitely not the time to act silly. This was far too serious. She managed to jog over to him, stepping in front of him to make him stop and, without saying a work, she slid her arms around his torso, hugging him. He was right, she was nice and he needed a bit of comfort right then. She rested her head on his chest and spoke, her voice soft as she quietly pleaded with him.

"I know I'm nearly a stranger, Dakota but... I give you my word, no matter what you say or do, I'll never tell a soul."

She let him go but reached up, brushing some of his hair from his face. His eyes were so dark and deep, holding a million painful secrets from the world. She rested her hand cupping his face for a moment then she let it drop away and she gave him the kindest smile she could muster.
 
Dakota gave a small gasp in surprise, he was definitely not expecting a hug from anyone and no matter how much he wanted to push her away and tell her to go home and leave him alone, he couldn't bring up the muster to say so. He refused to put his arms around her, that would be pushing the boundaries that he himself had made to prevent him from getting hurt again. When he finally allowed himself to wrap his arms around her she was already parted ways with him. She was just full of surprises. Hearing her words, his walls went back up, he wanted to tell her what he was sure she wanted to know. But that would lead him to lower his walls and surely he would collapse and wake up one morning to find her dead, hanging from the ceiling fan. His heart lurched and his eyes closed in pain from the thoughts. "There are some things that need to be kept secret. It's for your own good if I kept them to myself, but thank you for giving me the comfort." He opened his eyes once he felt her palm against his cheek, he felt so cold and her hand was so warm. But she moved it away from him once again and left him wondering why. Was it this moment, him being drunk and the whole scenery. Was this sympathy? If it was Dakota didn't want it.
 
Kat felt the coldness radiating from him. She could see his eyes flash, changing to a deeper shade. He didn't trust her. Of course, why should he? He barely knew her. She felt hurt for some reason and she backed away, feeling as though she'd been slapped.Without another word, she allowed herself to hide away in the darkest corners of her mind, the voices whispering in her head as she made her way to the driver's side and yanked the door open, sliding in and restarting the car. Fine, if this was how he wanted it, it was how he would have it.

You love him.
No I don't, go away.
You know what they do when you begin to love them.
It's my head, now stop!
You know you're lonely, Kathrine. You've been lonely for years. Everyone needs someone to love them. At this rate, you'll die alone and scared. You may as well just kill yourself.
Stop. Please.
You know I'm right.
Please.
You can't run away from the darkness. From the empty loneliness that's ripping you to shreds inside. You may smile on the outside, you may act kind toward others, but what have you done for yourself lately? You hate yourself. Others hate you. You're unlovable, just like your daddy said. That's why your mother left. That's why you were beaten as a child. You were a mistake, Kathrine. You were never meant to be alive. Your mother tried to abort y-

"STOP!"

She yelled the words, tears streaming down her now pale face, her body shaking violently, trembling hands gripping the steering wheel with death-white knuckles, her eyes clenched shut. The voices were silent. She opened her eyes slowly and her head moved as if on a slow mechanic chain, turning to Dakota and she looked to him with wide, terrified eyes. She spoke, her voice hoarse and shaking.

"I'm sorry... That wasn't... supposed to be out loud... I just... I wasn't talking to you. I'm sorry, Dakota..."

She turned to look back out the window, over the headstones, over the brown grass, over the re-budding trees. Life. Death. Both in one big place, working together in harmony. Her grip loosened on the steering wheel and she quietly backed the car out the way she'd come, heading into town to take Dakota to Taco Bell. She wouldn't ruin his day because of her own problems. The voice was back.

He'll reject you and throw you away. Just like the rest of them did.
 
(It's like you know my mind inside and out)

Dakota was shocked, he even jumped a little. It was so weird and yet he felt at home, this little outburst of hers made him concerned. He had watched her get into the car and frowned at her viciousness about it. He hurt her, he knew he had when he told her what he did. She wanted to help him, clearly she still does but it was for her own safety if he didn't allow her to help and hold the secrets he did. They were his problems and he would not allow another woman he was interested in carry the burden that was his to bare. He was saddened by making her upset, but her comment made him raise a brow. As if she was talking to someone in her head. Couldn't be him, he hadn't said a paragraph to her. But he followed her into the car "Are you okay?" He asked not sure if it was safe at this point in time to touch her for comfort. He never took his eyes off of her during the ride, making a few glances to other sidewalks or people. His mind trying to scan what might be wrong with her. Though it was none of his business, he was worried.
 
(How so?)

Kat felt so... embarrassed. Never had she had an outburst like that. Not since she was younger and didn't understand that no one else heard her voices. She let her tears fall freely, her hands still shaking and gripping the steering wheel as if it were her only link to sanity. She knew if she wiped her tears away, it would be like she was giving in, like she was breaking down and admitting her weakness. Dakota was staring. She kept her now steel-gray eyes locked on the road in front of her as she drove, her mind in a daze as she tried to hide from the darkness. It was a battle raging inside her and she was terrified. She was going through this alone, with no one to help her. It had never gotten this bad before, and she was scared that this time she would lose. Lose her mind. Lose her life. She stoped at a red light and finally turned to look to Dakota. He was worried. He possibly could have asked her if she was okay, but she'd been so deep in thought everything but her driving had dropped away frm the world. She spoke, deciding to trust this man, this near-stranger with her deepest darkest secret. At least there would be some trust between them, even if it wasn't his.

"I hear voices. Voices that tell me to kill myself. Voices that tell me I'm nothing, that... that remind me that everyone I've ever gotten close to has left me behind and hurt me. Remind me that I was never wanted, never loved. I'm sorry, Dakota. I don't know why I let it out."

Her voice was like a hoarse whisper, dull and emotionless as it hung in the air between them. No longer was she the kind, fun, light-hearted Kat, but she was now the Kathrine that looked at the world as how it was; dark. Evil. Nothing but pain. Why was she alive if she had nothing to live for?

The light turned green and she pulled into the parking lot of the Taco Bell. After turning the car off she sat there, feeling more alone than ever. She felt so... cold. Cold inside and out. So broken and alone with not a single shimmer of hope that perhaps one day something might go right for her. She closed her eyes for a moment then silently got out of the car.
 
Dakota felt like he wanted to cry, seeing a woman cry and one he was closer too than Taylor oddly enough, seeing that what she said was in close response to how his mind worked, her words hit him right on the doorstep. Dakota didn't know how to act about this, he didn't want her to cry and he wanted more than anything to hug her and tell her that it was okay. Simply because that's what humans wish to do, they long for someone to hold and they long for comfort. Maybe he only wanted the same for her. Maybe she wanted to bring him happiness cause thats all she ever got as a child was torture and pain. Once Kat got out of the car, it seemed that Dakota wasn't drunk anymore. But his mental state was lacking some. For when she tried to move he suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a tight hug. Wrapping his limbs over her arms and grabbing her shoulders. Pulling her towards him in a gripping hug she would never be able to escape from unless he wished it. He kissed her forehead and just let himself breathe in her calming scent. It was comfort, his mind asking for some thing he could do to get her mind off of whatever was going on inside. His stomach growled slightly and he blushed and smiled against her forehead.
 
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