The Real Reason Why Asmo Is Never Around.

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Blind Hemingway

Ancient Iwaku Scum from 2006.
Original poster
Posting Speed
  1. Slow As Molasses
Online Availability
Writing Levels
  1. Adept
  2. Douche
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Primarily Prefer Female
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Now we have to come up with random guesses as to why he's really gone all the time now.

I believe he joined the circus.
He joined Britain's attempts to land on the moon, kick over our flag and plant their own
Is a transvestite dominatrix in training.

He. Must. Practice. Every. Day.
I sent a highly skilled seduction robot direct from Japan to seduce him. SHE'S NOT REAL!
Clearly my prolonged absence has gradually been driving him mad, guffaw!
He lost a fight against a Scot and is in the ER now.
He gave someone a piggy back ride in the pub...further details must be dug up. Though, we suspect a kidnapping of this unknown person occured. It is also believed that Asmo is keeping them in his basement for torture with nightly readings of his novel.
He suffered a paper cut, was taken to the hospital and for reasons unknown (They think he's an alien) they have kept him for research
Asmo has been secretly stalking Diana due to his final realization that he reciprocated her frivolous flirtations in a more serious way. Partly, he's been in the hospital every time Gibs sleep boxes.
He has become the polar opposite of the crazy cat lady. The Emotionally unstable dog man
He's busy trying to free Tibet because white people think that's important.
I'm going to guess hes out buying goth clothes and make up because his unicycle broke only hes in England where such things are frowned on over a mug of hot tea and thus is biding his time until no one is looking.
He was kidnapped by the ghost of Joan of Arc and is slowly being tortured until she is satisfied with revenge against the English.
He pressed that button I told him not to press in the AdminCP and now the authorities are currently trying to scrape him off the ceiling. >:[
Asmo got kidnapped by aliens and is getting probed by drunk alien phrat boys.
Diana got tired of him stealing her shoe. The left one. Always the left one.