The prefix of being me.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Luminas, Jul 3, 2015.

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  1. [​IMG]
    Okay let me give you the bigger picture about myself. I'm a nineteen year old autistic girl from California, I'm a huge irresponsible nerd who won't clean her room, won't do her laundry and fights with her grandparents at every single opportunity that she has and never wants to get along with anyone. I had only one friend when I was nine years old and her name was Alexis, and she is the one who interests me to this whole roleplaying genre and led my life to the living hell that it was today. She basically decided to never contact me again and that led me to having no social skills whatsoever, or at least that's what I think.

    Now that I'm nineteen things have gone slightly better and slightly worse

    slightly better
    • I joined this site and one other roleplay site
    • I can sing in japanese and have decided on what career I wanted to do
    • I am getting help with my social skills
    The Worser Condodrum
    • I have forever lost contact with my father and my mother passed away, my grandmother wants to leave or kill herself
    • I was diagnosed with migraines, vertigo and several other weird diseases
    • my social skills have reached an all time low and I feel slightly secluded almost to the point of severe depression at times
    • my parents want me sent away somewhere till I learn to behave
    • I fret about my partners not roleplaying with me and become quite hateful if they don't reply
    I doubt anyone is listening to this but if you are. HELP ME!
  2. I also have Autism, was lower functioning but got better through Therapy.
    So although I do fine socially now, I definitely understand/relate to what it's like to have issues socializing with others growing up.

    So I might be able to help more specifically with some of the social areas.

    For everything else I'll still aim to give some basic advice/support, but it's nothing I hold any special knowledge/expertise in.
    In regards to the father if you want any form of help or advice you're going to need to be more specific, like how did you lose contact?
    Was it distance? Did he consciously cut off contact? Knowing the situation can help think of solutions, coping methods etc.

    For your Grandmother when you say 'leave' do you mean from life?
    Or is she living with you or wants to move out?

    If the latter what's the motivation? Is it something the two of you can discuss or speak about?
    If it's the former, same questions again but also has she seen any sort of therapist/gotten help about it?
    Migraines the only thing I can suggest is have a doctor check out your eyes and nasals.
    I once suffered headaches, and those were two things my Doctor sent me to get checked.

    The Eye doctor because some people's vision although healthy put themselves through a lot of pain/stress to get such clarity, which can lead to headaches.
    In those cases people end up wearing glasses not to fix their vision, but so their eyes aren't hurting themselves.

    The Nasal Doctor because if you have a Nasal infection than can also cause headaches, and clearing those out can help give some relief.
    (Pre-warning with this, if this is your case you get prescribed on a salt water mix to clear it out. There's a risk that overtime your nose will dry up, suffer nosebleeds and then cause the headaches to return due to that).

    I have no experience with Vertigo so I can't suggest anything there other than "See your doctor".
    And then for the 'other weird diseases' there's nothing I can suggest without actually knowing what these weird diseases are.
    What kind of social skills are we talking about here?

    Reading people's emotions?
    Expressing one's emotions?
    Tone of voice?
    Body Language?
    Relating to other people/Empathy?
    Are there certain pressure limitations you have that when reached makes it harder for people to be around you?

    (Ex: Too loud noises, Too much pressure at your current task, too crowded, too much stimuli etc).

    Whatever the issue is one thing you can do is honestly just expose yourself to people.
    This could simply be online if you prefer, but somewhere where your difficulty socially is at least present.

    If you consciously acknowledge where you're struggling and put yourself in situations to practice improving it you should be able to slowly work on it over time.
    Now granted, a lot of the time we don't catch ourselves doing things that others may notice. So notifying the people if your difficulty in advance, so they can let you know if they spot it can also help as a safety net.
    And also help them be more understanding of the situation.
    Ok, I'll be blunt here. Your parents are being stupid.

    Everyone, diagnosis or not have issues in some areas, we grow and improve in those areas through hard work, dedication and through the support of others.
    Not by simply being sent away and being magically "fixed".

    And in regards to Autism specifically, all of the most successful therapy (at least for when the autistic person in question is a child) requires full-time parent involvement.
    Parents simply going "Go away and fix it yourself" is the total opposite of that.

    This being said though, at 19 (depending on the functioning level) the dynamics can change.
    Because at this point you are an adult, so if your parents dig their feet in and refuse to try to help you, it can possibly be substituted with self awareness and the assistance of friends (this could be online too).
    Watch for your own mistakes and aim to correct yourself, be aware of your own issues and work to improve them, have friends keep an eye out and let you know if they spot something.
    In all honestly this is nothing about you personally. The very nature of forum RP's is the majority of them die out.

    Everyone here has had to deal with it, you're not alone in this regard by any stretch of the imagination.
    That and people do also have life to worry about, it means they might sometimes be dropping out for a bit suddenly.
    Granted it'd be nice if they gave warnings/heads up, but that doesn't always happen.

    So someone not posting for a time doesn't always mean they've left, it may just mean something happened.
    By all means so if they are gone for a good amount of time send them a poke, remind them cause in some cases they might have just forgotten.
    It does help though to remember that everyone has gone through this, it's nothing that you or anyone should be taking personally.


    If you need any more help just say so and I'll do what I can.
    Or you can PM me if you'd prefer.
    #2 Gwazi Magnum, Jul 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2015
    • Nice execution! Nice execution! x 1
  3. @Gen. Gwazi Magnum PI

    I'm surprised that you replied when you did and your information was some good advice and some good points.

    The father situation is more of a "you were never in my life and then you decide to come back and shower me with affections and then decide to leave me on my own and not try to help me"

    The grandmother situation is both things you said. "she wants to move out and also wants to kill herself in order to not deal with me." We've argued about it on multiple occasions and nothing has helped on that point.

    As for migraines and vertigo. I wear glasses and have some hearing problems so that could be one of the cases, I also have a small, eh button sized cyst on the back of my right eye which could lead to the migraines, the vertigo....*sighs*. They said it from the building of lymph crystals inside of my ears..which turn cause the liquid or fluid in my ears to crystalize...if that makes sense.

    Body language and the tone of voice is the main route for me. I also have hygenine problems and was never taught some things. The body language is...I'm always slumped to myself more then usual...and use my hands more to talk then to talk to people as well as eye contact. I also have the habit of raising my voice way too loud when talking to my own peers and I get along with adults more then I do with people my own age group.

    The only parent in mind that helps me is my grandfather, but he feels "I'm making all these illness up for attention" and my doctor's think "I'm two low on the spectrum for them to help me".

    The roleplaying thing...*sighs*. Roleplaying and going online is my main terms of communicating with people. I rather be online then talking with someone. I am social...but tend too....well not communicate well.
  4. So essentially he wasn't part of your life until later, and then once he realized you had difficulties in some areas he backed out?
    Well if she wants to move out even afterwards then it might be wise to do so, gives both of you some distance so stress and anger isn't built up as easily.
    I would still aim to check up on her though, being suicidal is a dangerous thing, especially when left completely alone.

    Though I'm not actually there sitting in your situation, so I can only give advice as an outsider with limited information on the matter.
    Essentially your eyes have a cryst and your ears have a kind of liquid infection if I'm understanding this right?

    If so, I'd definitely suggest asking your Doctor about it, and see if they think you should be referred to an eye and/or ear doctor about this stuff.
    Or even just see what they think the odds of these causing migraines may be for you.

    If they don't think so you can still get your Doctor to at least look at the stuff and make sure it's ok, if anything else may be the cause etc.
    Hygiene should be fixable as easy as remembering to take a shower either every day or every 2 days.
    Or, simply taking a shower before you head out of the house anywhere and/or when you expect company.
    It doesn't need to be something you instinctively care about, just something you ingrain as part of a routine.

    +This does depend though on what you mean by "Never taught some things".

    Slumping over would depend on the cause. If it's your natural position then just practicing moving around straight up should fix it over time.
    If it's the result of a neck/back problem though, that is also something a Doctor should look at. You can only fight muscle pains so much without medical assistance.
    That being said though, I wouldn't let something like slumping over concern you too much. A lot of people (including me) have that as their natural state.

    Talking to yourself, once again this is something I've seen a lot of people (including me) do a lot.
    Though this is also reliant on the level of it, is this more of a "thinking out loud" sort of deal, or do you walk about having entire conversations with yourself?
    If it's the latter I can see the issue a bit more, and in that case the first step would be identifying why you're doing that, and then working on ways to ween off your reliance/need to do so.

    When you say "Use my hands more to talk than talk to people" do you mean you just naturally use your hands a lot while talking? Or do you mean you substitute words with physical gestures a lot?
    Cause the former is completely fine (and healthy) as long as it comes with verbal communication. The latter, you can try to solve that just by practicing speaking up a bit more, you don't need to stop the physical gestures, you just need to make sure there's also that verbal component.

    With eye contact? In all honesty people usually only do eye contact 30% of the time. And that's assuming there isn't any diagnosis. People with diagnosis's like ADHD, dyslexia etc. also have it lower. And those diagnosis's (along with Autism) are growing in frequency (if one wants to argue it's actual prevalence or awareness is for another time. Regardless the point is that it's a more commonly noticed trait among people now). So working on eye contact does not by any stretch of the imagination require you to look into the other persons eyes 100% of the time. Pauses, instances of looking elsewhere is perfectly fine. This is something where really you can afford to just do it in brief periods and then look elsewhere, it's common behaviour anyways. Just as long as there's *some* eye contact involved.

    By raising your voice do you mean like angry raising, or just volume raising?
    If angry I'd suggest asking yourself why you're getting angry, and thinking of ways to calm yourself down.

    If it's volume, honestly I'd go check out your ear doctors with the Doctor first then. Cause it could easily just be a case of you don't hear yourself well, so you feel the need to speak up.
    If your ear's aren't the issue, then start looking for what specifically causes it, like is it all the time around peers? Or is it something specific the peers do? Once you identify the cause, try to think of a technique you can use to monitor your own volume when that situation pops up.

    Lastly, getting along with different age groups is common with people.
    Often getting along with older people is a sign of maturity, not a sign of anything wrong with you.
    I'm assuming you're not immune to liking people your own age though correct? If they were your age, but acted mature and more like an adult you two would still get along?
    ... It's 2015, this mentality should not be around anymore. >.<

    Autism's a very well (and common) diagnosis in society.
    And also, judging from how we're interacting I'd easily say you fall on the Asperger's spectrum of Autism.
    Which is essentially the High Functioning end, it means you're doing well off with the Autism and being able to work on it should be a lot easier for you than it would be for people further down the spectrum.

    Especially considering you're self aware of your issues and actively seeking out help for it.
    A lot of people are that way. Including a bunch of people here on Iwaku.

    That being said being able to interact with people RL is an important skill to have.
    But you do not by any stretch of the imagination need to be enjoying it or prefer it.

    As long as you can function in RL social interactions, and sort out the stuff that needs to be sorted may it be work, school, shopping, picking up a delivery etc. then you're fine.
    Anything more than that honestly just comes down to personal preferences and one's way of living.

    So if you prefer your main method to be Roleplaying then more power to you.

    The best advice that can then come from that point forward then is honestly just how to keep RP's alive, making good RP's etc.
    And personally my ability/knowledge in that regard is simply average. If you want to get better at that stuff there's a Roleplay Institute section that offers guides, exercises etc to help people improve at roleplaying and sharpen there skills.

    And if you ever just want to expand your online social circle there's always General Chat. the Cbox, and the Teamspeak room.

    You can download the program here.
    #4 Gwazi Magnum, Jul 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2015
  5. Thank you.
  6. I can relate and understand some of this as well. Gwazi has even seen some of my rants about the people I live with, though I wouldn't really call it the same thing entirely. I just know and understand how it can feel sometimes when the people who are supposed to be helping you don't.

    I also know how it feels when your best friend stabs you in the back and completely cuts off all connection with you.

    I personally don't have any amazing advice in regards to you're rant like gwazi did, but I just thought maybe someone telling you that they can relate in some way would be helpful.

    Also this could have turned out better but Im typing everything on my phone so I can't double check all the posts so far and put in some more insight and stuff.
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