The Mad Queen (Character Help)

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Xerxes, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. Ok so...never actually posted anywhere on Iwaku related to world building and all that. Guess i'm just kind of nervous...but anywhooooo. I would like to ask for some advice regarding the big bad villain to my story Guardians. Its a anthropomorphic fantasy story that can be related to other similar works such as Watership Down, Warriors, Guardians of Ga'hoole or Kung fu Panda and ect...just much more 'fantasy'. And since it's a fantasy there is a lot of crap that i need to explain so the reader does not go reading into the story like 'Wtf did that tiger just summon fire?'.

    So, about the villain. Guardians has a large cast of villains, but i'm mainly here to talk about the three primary ones. The Queen, Vaati, and Providence. What i am mainly asking is if...well. If my villains are good? Are their motivations well done and are their struggles something the reader will be able to connect with? Far to many times do i read stories with antagonist who i almost constantly roll my eyes at. And yet i can't even say anything because i for one know exactly how hard it is to create a villain everyone loves. Movies, anime, and games do it all the time but for writing...seems a bit more complicated to create a likable antagonist in my eyes. Look at Hunger Games and President Snow...Pretty 'meh' in the books but on the big screen he is visually appealing and easily disgusted. Only 'good' antagonist i can really think of in literature is Voldomort from Harry Potter, Kludd from GoG, a few characters from Game of Thrones and maybe a character from warriors. #Scourge.

    Buuuut thats all subjective so i can say stuff like that and you can...disagree xD. At any rate, now that i'm done ranting i'm gonna go ahead and post the queen first and then add the second and third antagonists afterwards. I don't...have any art for any of my antagonist. Something i should really work on getting x_x. In any case, major spoilers ahead.

    "They have stolen something precious to me...and i will take it back!" - Queen Aurelia

    The story of Aurelia is a sad tale that very few characters in the main storyline know of. She is the Etherian of Darkness, much like how the greek gods had a god based off certain aspects of life and such, Etherians in GoE are great spirits that each represent an element. The two elements that keep the world in balance is Light & Shadow, much like yin & yang. Surrounding these elements are the classic ones such as fire, water, each air, lightning, ect. Now within the story, Aurelia is considered one of the lesser Etherians since her representation normally brings negativity. She is shunned by her fellow Etherians and even more so by mortals. Each Etherian is responsible for a clan that is built in their name, the Umbra following the lead of Aurelia. However, this clan is dwindling and dying off because of the false rumors often drive others away from them. Each Etherian has a Clan that is located on different parts of the world, and in the middle is the Kingdom of Etheria. Where clans will often mix in harmony.

    Aurelia lives most of her life on the outskirts of the land with her people, living mostly in seclusion with her loyal worshippers. Deep inside she feels lonely...unable to go to the place she was born and unable to come into contact with others like her, she grows attachment issues and low feelings of self worth. And over time, she slowly becomes the very thing that everyone thought she was...bitter and gloomy. Her clan began to cause trouble with their neighbors and conflict arose, forcing the King of Etheria to keep the peace. The king made his way to the Garden of Shadows, a place Aurelia was often found in.

    Upon first meeting, Aurelia was untrusting of the Etherian of Light, since each Etherian was always on edge around their counterpart. Caesar was known as 'The White King' given his pure white pelt and gold markings. He was a fair king, mindful of the feelings of those around him and compassionate of those less fortunate than others. And when he laid eyes on Aurelia he saw a lonely woman who had been treated unfairly. Despite the hundreds and thousands of years of being alive Caesar never really realized just how much Aurelia was effected by what others thought of her. As a result of this, he naturally tried to appeal to the female. Inviting her to the kingdom for a feast and overall attempting to pull the Umbra Clan out of the slums they found themselves in. Aurelia, while hesitant. Slowly came around and began to act more friendly. And after a few months of meeting with Caesar the two began to get more and more friendly. And sooner of later, the two fell in love...little did they know that such a love was more than forbidden. It was forsaken. Etherians were tabooed from even harboring feelings for another Etherian in fear of causing a rapture in the balance of elements that tied the world together. They were even incapable of producing young with one another, for there were a set number of Etherians, only one for each element.

    But despite this, the two felt drawn to one another. Their love turned to lust, and their lust resulted in the impossible. Aurelia became pregnant with Caesars pups...the two panicked, not knowing how it was even possible. Not only were Etherians incapable of producing young, they were forbidden from coming into such close proximity with their opposite element. So why were they able to? As it turned out, unlike opposite elements such as Fire & Water of Earth & Ice, which would cancel one another out. Light & Shadow were spiritually balanced, one could not exist without the other and thus created a loop. This loop resulted in the two being able to not only be close...but reproduce.

    Caesar, fearful of what would happen seemed hesitant that the pups be born. His reputation as the king would not only be ruined, he'd be dethroned and would face the wrath of everyone around him. It would destroy him...however, Aurelia had a different perspective. The feeling of life within her made her feel far more sensitive about the entire thing. Emotions taking over her as Caesar simply stuck around to make sure everything was ok. But a few weeks before the pups were born, Caesar left. Heading back to Etheria and cutting contact with Aurelia. Leaving her to birth their children on her own, having to keep this a secret.

    Aurelia, who went through hours and hours of pain, was nearly broken when she saw that every pup that she had birthed had been stillborn and disfigured. She became depressed and was ready to give up half way through from the emotional impact. And as the moon lifted into the sky Aurelia watched steadily as the moon blocked out the sun. An eclipse taking place on that very day. Aurelia's eyes went wide as at that very moment, she gave birth to the last pup in the litter...and this time with much different results.

    One child had survived, born during the eclipse. Exhausted and shocked at this, she dragged him up to get a good look at him...making sure he was ok before setting him back down and letting him feed from her as she cried herself to sleep from the loss of her other young. And upon waking in the morning, she buried her lost children under a large oak tree...heading back into the den and sitting with her first born son, waiting for Caesar to return.

    Days turned to weeks...and it became apparent that he was not coming. Looking down at her son who appeared to be the spitting image of both her and Caesar, she found herself growing more and more attached to her child. Every breath was one of love and for once in her life she felt worthy...realizing that this small defenseless thing looked up to her...that she was his entire world. Unconditional love...the feeling was indescribable to Aurelia, and thus she took her son back to the clan. Fabricating a story that she had a 'fling' with someone from the clan. Etherians were able to mate with mortals, so she figured she would be able to use that to aid her secret.

    Some time passed, and eventually she began to grow worried after not seeing Caesar contact her. So she left to Etheria to request council with the 'king.' But once she arrived, she discovered that she was no longer welcome to the kingdom, and her entire clan had been banished from the land. Aurelia was taken back from such a statement, demanding that she see the king, she made her way in. Fighting past everyone to get to Caesar...but when she arrived she saw him with another female...someone from the Lux Clan and pups running around them. Her heart dropped upon realizing that he had been unloyal. Unable to even react accordingly, she felt herself begin to crumble as Caesar called in the royal guard and chased her from the land. Exiling her and her people forever.

    Aurelia was heartbroken...the only male she had ever had genuine feelings for betrayed not only her...but their child. Anger boiled inside her, and as she went back to her clan she called a meeting, having to tell them of their banishment. Many words were shared...many harsh ones. And as she sat with her son she had a young warrior named take her son outside until the meeting was over. Hours passed, and eventually the meeting ended with everyone rather sour from the news.

    Upon leaving to regain her son, she soon discovered that her son had gone missing while under the care of her clanmates who were knocked unconscious along the border. Panic quickly set in as she wandered around aimlessly trying to find her son. And when the guards regain consciousness, they inform her that they were infiltrated by members of the Lux...and that her son was the intended target. Furious, she realized that Caesar must of sent them to make sure the secret was buried. Fear corrupted her mind at the thought of what they would do to her child. Unable to chase after him because of their exile Aurelia felt stuck. Unable to even do anything about it.

    But Aurelia refused to let her first born be stolen from her...fury and anger burned in her core. Deciding to retaliate, Aurelia went to other lands that were considered the 'rejects' of the land. Bandits, pirates, loners and ect were all gathered underneath the idea that Etheria needed to fall...that the Etherians had been around for far to long and needed to be sacked. Steadily over the pace of a year Aurelia built an army that rivaled that of Etheria. And immediately launching their brutal assault on the kingdom. Aurelia, driven to get her son back, lead this attack. Flying past the frontal forces and making her way directly to the royal hall...bursting in like a bat out of hell she saw only Caesar, standing there waiting for her. Aurelia demanding her son, viciously attacked him. Caesar claimed that he killed the boy, telling her that her invasion was all for nothing. Aurelia, who took this news literally felt something in her mind snap...and in her mind what started as a rescue mission turned into a quest for vengeance. Wasting no time, she murdered Caesar...her army easily taking the rest of Etheria, the once powerful kingdom fell. And with the death of Caesar, the balance of the world was thrown out of whack, and the world fell into an eternal state of chaos and darkness.

    Aurelia, feeling nothing but fury did not know what to do anymore...the loss of her son and the death of her mate had left her feeling empty. However, shortly after the siege took place the scouts of the clan came to inform her that they located Caesars mate and pups who were attempting to flee the land. Aurelia, still having much more anger to let out demanded that they be brought to her. And when they arrived the young female scolded Aurelia, telling her that she'd never find her son...and with this stupid statement, she had informed Aurelia that not only was her son still alive...he was being hidden. With this in mind Aurelia took aggressive action...demanding the location of her son. The female simply laughed at her...Aurelia, no longer playing games, had her and her pups all beheaded as well as Caesar. She had broke...she was done. She wanted her son back and at this point she was willing to do the unthinkable to get him back. Taking the heads of the old royal family and setting them in a line before her as their fallen subjects watched in horror, Aurelia took the title of Queen, and began her conquest of the land. Anyone who could not be rehabilitated was enslaved, and those who refused were killed. Spreading her forces wide to search every piece of land and take over every clan, Aurelia quickly became one of the most hated enemies of every clan. Starting one of the first world wars in her quest to find her son.

    Years passed and the world plummeted into despair. Most of the clans being killed off or enslaved the balance of the world began to crumble and fall. Small groups of creatures rebelled, seeking to destroy the queen. But her forces were far to great and her power only grew with each day. Aurelia, who was slowly losing hope on every finding her baby boy feel into depression...this depression turned to madness. And this madness turned into insanity. She was becoming a monster and everyone feared her. Including her son who had to watch this war rage as a child well into his adolescence.

    Her son who was taken by a clan known as 'Sanguine Blade' as a child after being found wandering the dunes and named Julius had to grow up watching everything around him burn...watching loved ones die by Aurelia's ruthlessness. Julius eventually developed a burning hatred for the queen and her empire since he grew up on the opposite side of the fight. Joining the rebellion and climbing through the ranks, becoming a guardian.

    Eventually, Aurelia caught wind that a child with golden markings had been causing trouble for the empires conquest. In excitement, Aurelia immediately made her way to his last known location. Eventually discovering that he was apart of the Sanguine Blade Clan, she brought her royal guard to their lands and had a little 'talk' with their leader...demanding that he give up 'Julius' without a fight, or she would kill him and add their territory to the rest of the empire. Out of fear and intimidation, he agreed. Only wanting to protect his clan he handed over Julius to the Royal Guard.

    Julius, who was absolutely frozen in fear to face queen felt compelled to run. However, upon gathering him all Aurelia could do was stare at her son in awe...all grown up. Happiness swelled in her. She had finally found her baby, she could finally stop the war. However, Julius seemed to have no idea who she really was to him, and thus foolishly attacked her. The Queen simply laughed and fought with her son...easily outmatching him and taking advantage of his sensitivity. Julius, who was furious simply yelled at her. 'Ok you win! I know i can't beat you, why the games!? I'm the last son of Caesar...congratulations you found me! Just kill me and get it over with."

    Aurelia stared at him for a long while...realizing that Caesar must of stolen him away and then tricked him into believing that he was only the son of him and his other mate...and with a smile as replied "Are you now? Or are you the first son of Aurelia?" This causes confusion in the boy, and Aurelia explains to him everything. How he was stolen from her, how his father betrayed them, and how now that he found her they could rule the empire together as mother and son.

    Julius, taken back from this sudden rush of information denied it. And in a fit of fury, he called Aurelia out, telling her everything she did was wrong. And in anger, he rejected her as his mother. Simply referring to her as a monster.

    This...did something to Aurelia. It was as if her entire universe had been shattered in a single moment...she did not feel anger, she did not feel fury...she felt anguish and sorrow. She broke down, begging her son to forgive her. Pleading that she'd give it all up if he just not hate her like everyone else. Willing to give it all up just to have her son back. But Julius denied her, believing she was beyond redemption. He disowned her, vowing that she had wronged him and the world...and it was up to him to make it right.

    Aurelia, her mind heart and soul not broken beyond repair. Watched as her own son turned his back on her. Words caught in her throat as she spiraled down into the dark abyss. That was it...everything she had done up to this point was for her baby and now that he had rejected her what was she to do now? Her conquest was was at that moment Aurelia realized just how meaningless life was. The only hope she ever had was ripped from her and now there was only darkness.

    Aurelia turned into something ugly that day...deciding that she was not wrong, that is was the world! Doing the unthinkable, Aurelia sought out the sacred temples and stole each spiritual artifact that kept the world alive...and with each one she stole, the world began to go haywire. Earthquakes, tornadoes, and forest fires came from no where and the world was thrown into the chaos era. The fabric of their reality tearing itself apart...and with the last artifact stolen. She had halted the miracle of life. Things could no longer be born into the world...plants died, but never grew. Creatures fell, but couldn't be born. Aurelia was single handedly planning on destroying the world...hoarding the artifacts as she watched it all wither away.

    But soon, Julius and the Guardians struck...invading the royal palace she had taken for herself. Aurelia was once again faced with her son...but this time as mortal enemies. And as the final battle ensued blood was shed. And as Aurelia laid there bleeding and broken, looking at her own son as he loomed over her. All she could do was shed a single Julius dealt the final blow.

    And that is the story of Aurelia, The Mad Queen.

    Thoughts on her as an antagonist? Does she push the plot well? Does she do her job in pushing the main protagonist? How is she as a character 'Herself' and based on your personal opinion how likable is she to you? I would like a full detailed review/critique please, i can't really improve on comments like 'THis is cool' or 'She sucks'. While they are appreciated and keep me motivated, i need constructive criticism here.
  2. Okay I'm no expert but guess I can drop my two cents here.
    She's... well she's not bad but...ever heard the word edgy? Well yeah that's how I'd describe her. Adding just so much sad situations to a character just makes it go from sad and depressive to fun and comical from a reader's view. I mean... When the reader sees something like it, they won't be like "Awww so sad", they'll start just making jokes about it because it's so sad it's hilarious. Now I'm not saying that characters like this are outright bad or just not-realistic at all, hell Horacio Quiroga is the live (Well, dead) of an edgy person (He's a real person, but his life was just so sad and depressive it makes you laugh, just like most edgy characters).

    My recommendation would be... not to tone down the sadness, but to tone up the hope. Give her beams of hope every now and then, because what you have right now is someone that just falls deeper into the vacuum (Again, not saying this isn't realistic, just not pleasing to the audience) when you could make someone that falls and stands up, just to fall even harder.

    There are writers who've been able to make pleasing sad characters, but this is very hard to pull off and I can't do it, so I can't give you an example :/

    Now leaving that aside (THis goes more to all villians). Ask yourself this, you want your readers to like your villian? Or you want them to relate to your villian? Imo this is the first question you should make. When you want your readers to like your villian, you end up with something like The Joker, when it's the second one... you end up with average anime villian #41325 (JUst added that because I have no examples about it honestly :p but it's pretty common). And what you have here at the moment looks very much like you want your readers to relate to your villian :p

    Well that's all I can say, again, I'm no expert.
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