The Little One

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Kira was actually shocked to get apologies, and didn't seem to know how to deal with them. He'd never gotten any before… All he could think to do was nod a little, his pale, feathery hair swaying over his downturned eyes. How could they accept that he was to be treated equally if he himself did not? That was the dichotomy of his mind, which heard what William said but could not comprehend that it actually applied to himself. He had spent so long being told he was nothing that he truly believed it. Only the tiniest speck of self worth remained buried under years of debris.



When William stepped away from him for a moment to speak with Gladis, he couldn't help hearing what was said. His elf ears missed little, after all. William would have had to be a few rooms away first. Not that Kira understood any of it, not really, except that William seemed determined to change the kingdom for the love of someone called Henry. And that Gladis seemed to be this Henry's older sister. But why Kira should be specifically drawn to William's words even he didn't know. He seemed to hone in on that voice now….



One of the servants suddenly approached the elfling, seeming more determined than the others at getting and keeping his attention. It was a young woman, with a scar on her lip. It looked to be very old, so unless she had been here a long time, she had not gotten it in this house. Kira watched her warily, but she didn't seem angry or reluctant, just….kind of odd. There was something in her eyes that seemed familiar, but he didn't know what it was until she spoke. Her voice was soft, so as not to carry to the other servants, but his ears would pick up what she whispered to him.



"I'm Magda…I was a slave once, too. I escaped. The others don't know I was a slave, but Gladis got the prince to give me a job here, and I never had to go back to the slavers." Her hazel eyes flickered to William, as he spoke with Gladis, then back again. "Stick with him, Kira."



The elf had only time to blink at her, suddenly realizing what he'd recognized. Only slaves had that haunted darkness in their eyes. But there was no chance to speak anymore, lest they draw attention, and she pulled back, talking in a more generally audible tone.



"I'm sorry you weren't treated better, Kira." When he still didn't know how to respond, she whispered, "Say 'thank you'…"



"Thank you." Apparently, this was the socially acceptable response. Another female servant apologized, and looked pleased when he said the same thing to her.



"You have such beautiful hair." she said. "Do all elves have white hair like yours?"



Kira's eyes met hers for an instant, then looked away. He didn't know… Magda bustled the younger servant off to one side, casting a sympathetic look toward him. However, there was work to do, and the servants were all being shepherded to return to their duties. Kira remained behind, near William but still by himself in the middle of the foyer, almost wishing he'd had guts enough to talk to Magda. It would take time before he could speak with anything like freedom to anyone.



(William really is so sweet. XD)
 
((I want to make him slightly gruffer. But I think that will only come out with him anger. ))
William went back over to Kira and said, "Has enough socializing for today?" He did not wait for an answer but turned to a different direction. "Let's go to the library in the castle next. It is quiet and we will be alone. You have probably not talked to that many people in a long time," William said as he started to walk off. His mind was preoccupied on what Gladis had said. Then he remembered something his mom had said that morning: "your father and I will be gone for three entire weeks. In that time, do not let this slave turn into another Henry for you. I know how you are so caring. I admire that just do keep in mind your father may decide at sown point he wants to resell the thing." His mind slowly connected the dots between the two.

His mother and he had always been a lot closer than he and his father. She never really did understand him. The servants of the house barely understood back when they were mostly male. He thought it was funny how one simple relation could change a house hold so much. It also drove him up a wall at time trying to understand it. Just as his mother failed to understand him, he failed to understand her. They had always kept a close relation though no matter what happened. She would always love him for she was his mother. He had always wished his father could feel similar. He had never really needed his father'a love with all the servants to love him though.

His mind reeled at the connections between Gladis's and his mother's words. He wonder if his mother had told Gladis to keep an eye on the two of them. While likely, it did not frighten him. He knew Gladis was on his side. No matter if she has always been or not.
 
(You make him however you want! But we all know he's a softie on the inside ^_^)



Kira followed in his wake, only nodding slightly to his statement. Slaves were not meant to interact verbally, though if he'd had to deal with that many individuals in a 'physical' way, he would have seemed surprisingly adept. It was a skill he would rather have burned from his limbs, but that was neither here nor there.



As Kira was beside the prince, he took the opportunity to watch his expressions, and the way he moved. He seemed to have gained some tension in his limbs, an outward sign of his troubled thinking. Kira wondered at first if William was troubled because he was thinking about him, then scolded himself, because why should the prince be thinking about him at all? Certainly, his attention to the elf seemed almost wholly unwarranted in its length and scope, but William had already proved himself strange. He drew Kira's thoughts to himself without meaning to, and Kira couldn't help wonder how his mind worked. Now he had a true desire to know, since he had never come across anyone like the prince.



Kira watched him from under his fringe of white hair all the way to the library, when his attention was distracted for a moment. He had spent little time in libraries, only going if his masters dragged him along, but he was always struck by them. There was something solemn, almost holy, about these repositories of knowledge. Yet, the forest of books that lined the many shelves in this huge room were as much a mystery to him as his new master. If he had ever learned to read, he had forgotten how long ago. Only the sense of the holy remained to him as they walked in and the door was shut behind them.



After several moments of looking at the sheer number of books, and the cavernous dimensions of the room, Kira turned his attention back to his master. There was a tug in his chest that always seemed to bring him back to William, though he didn't know why. As Kira watched him move, noting yet again the way his troubles seemed to make him tense, the slave decided he wanted to do something about it…or at least to try.



With a hesitant hand, he placed his fingertips against William's left shoulder. His touch was a brush of skin against fabric, light and ready to pull away again if the prince should suddenly turn and strike him. Somehow, Kira didn't think he would.



"Master?" he breathed, head turned up but eyes not meeting William's. "Master….you are troubled. May….may I rub your shoulders for you?" Unlike their first encounter, when he slipped into his training, Kira was thinking only to ease the tension of muscles. Perhaps he wished to thank William, but didn't know how else to do it.
 
William walked the library thinking many thoughts of Henry. How he missed him. If Gladis knew he was in the library, she would be proud. He had not put his feet on the carpeted floors of the library much in a while. The books glared at him and mocked him in his mind. He had always loved to read though. Things were just different now. Somehow, with the small elf by his side, he felt he could conquer at least this beast. He picked out one of his favorites and sat down.

When Kira touched him softly, he almost gasped. His heart definitely leapt. Kira words almost cut him. Not understanding it was not out of training but out of gratitude. "Please, enough with the act. I do not care if you sit way far away in disgust. Just stop trying to please me as a master. I am not your master in that way at least. I demand you call me William as the others do," he said everything rather sternly out of frustration.

He flipped through the pages of the book frantically trying to find a page. His shoulder really were tight worth the rest of his muscles. It was causing him great pain to be in the room let alone pull the book he had out. He then found he had flipped too far to the back cover. There was a note scribbled out on it and as soon as he saw it he shut the book and dropped it. He immediately out his head in his hands and shut his eyes.
 
This rejection actually stung, which surprised Kira. A master's rejection never hurt that way before; it was always external, felt in beatings, or just in being sent to his cell. Why, then, did William's tone cut through him?



"Forgive me..m….William, I didn't mean…..it wasn't...." Kira stammered, hurt flashing in his eyes for a moment, before they went dull again and he hung his head. Inside, he cursed himself- he should not feel this way at all, though to be so misunderstood in his intentions was, for the first time, something he wished he could fix. But why did he want William to know that last moment was not an act at all? Feeling the tiniest hint of anything for a master, other than feigned emotions, was too dangerous. William had told him the night before that he didn't care if the slave hoped or not. It was early enough in their dubious relationship that Kira just closed himself off again, deciding the master would not want any 'help' he could give. What could a slave offer, anyway?



The elfling sat on the floor near one of the bookshelves, far enough away that he could not have touched William. Strangely, it was as far as he was willing to get. However, in spite of himself, Kira still couldn't look away from his master, especially as he rested his head in his hands. The slave was not yet in a place mentally where he would act on his own, against a master's orders, so he stayed where he was, trying to figure out why he even felt like he wanted to get up and soothe William's tension.
 
William peeked up and saw Kira sitting and staring at him. Something ran down his spine and danced through his stomach. It made him slightly sick. He stood up and sighed. He went back to the shelf where he had gotten the book from and put it.he whispered to himself,"This was a mistake." He meant trying to come in the library and be alright. Also he felt stupid for thinking that book was a good choice. He knew what he would find in it. As his hand went to put the back on the shelf, he stopped himself. He looked down in defeat and let his hand and the book drop to his side. He tried all his might to stop his actions in front of Kira. They were not easily stopped though. He just hoped Kira had stayed out and was not qatching. He did not dare look up.

He collapsed to his knees in front of the shelf and held his head to the ground. He opened the book again with limp looking arms. His emotions had taken all his strength away. He was just trying his best not to cry or make a fool of himself. In his mind, all the memories danced around. He kept seeing his younger self pulling books and running back to the one servant to have them read togther. He kept remember the calm and collected servant giggle at him and casually discuss the books with him. He remembered all the time he once spent in that place and now he had trouble stepping foot in it. He felt weak and defeat as his eyes read over the words, "Happy 16th birthday to the one who was and will change everything." He took in those words and drew in a breath. He dared not to read on.
 
Kira was alarmed and confused by this behavior, so much so that he sat up in spite of himself, almost as though he would get to his feet. For a long while, he remained in this posture, hesitation and fear keeping him in check. None of this made any sense to him; he only knew that William was suffering because of something in the book at his knees.



For awhile, Kira found he couldn't move, caught between William's earlier, angry rejection, and what he now saw as his master being in pain. What was he supposed to do about it? His training would have told him to do whatever his master desired, and in this case, William had told him to stay away and not 'pretend'…. But Kira hadn't been pretending, not that last time.



Had he?



If he was honest with himself, the slave wasn't sure what was real or an act anymore. He didn't know how he felt about anything, without the taint of his past and his training. A slave wasn't supposed to think, that was not their function. What, then, was he to do when his thoughts and desires went against orders? Not that it hadn't happened before, but such quiet rebellions had long been beaten out of him. To feel any now was a surprise to the elf.



Even more surprising was when he found himself on his feet, edging toward William with a hand outstretched. It didn't make contact, as he was still too afraid of his master's anger. Kira honestly didn't know what to do, or why he should even care that his master was in pain….except that he did. That warm feeling in his chest had woken, and it would not leave. Perhaps it fired the boldness of self-thought, long dormant in him.



"William?" he murmured, fingers close enough to radiate warmth, but not to touch yet. If the prince listened closely, he might hear more feeling in the slave's voice than before.
 
William had not felt the elf easing closer for he was so deep in thought and trying to read the words he knew he had read at least 50 other times. He had never once finished them. He knew not why today he felt he had to. As he was about to try to read next part, he heard his name out of Kira's mouth without a stutter of a my or master before it. Something was different about it. He did not look up in fear of shedding tears in front of another.

"Ye- yes?" his voice shook lightly. He cleared his throat out softly and then questioned timidly,"What is it you need?" He wondered why Kira had gotten up and walked over to him. He also wondered when. He hoped that Kira has not seen his actions and come to his aid. He did not want the aid of another. He wanted to finally be happy and independent from the pain again. His mind scream to put on a mask but he could not manage to at the moment. He had out himself in a vulnerable situation. He was not getting out of it easily.
 
For some reason, this attempt at not showing his tears or emotions in front of Kira ended up breaking down more barriers between them. It wasn't a huge demolition, but a soft breaking away of walls, as if they were being dismantled, stone by stone. Kira bit his lip, starting to draw his fingers away, afraid he might be stepping too far out of his boundaries. However, the tremble in William's voice strengthened his resolve, such as it was.



"You…..are in pain." It was all he could think of to say, as his fingers just brushed lightly against William's shoulder. In his large blue eyes was everything behind that statement he could not say- you helped me when I was in pain, let me return the favor.



(If William would push him away and be angry, go ahead. Whatever you think!)
 
((Thank you. UuU I think William is a little too.. upset to be angry though.))
William nodded softly. He knew if he made any attempt to push Kira away at the moment he would lose it. Besides, he heard something in the small elf's voice he did not think he had heard before. He glanced up at him and looked into his blue eyes. For a moment, he got lost in swimming in them. His eyes quivered lightly as if was about to cry. Then he took another big breath. "I am sorry you have to see me like this," he said softly,"It is really a shame that I am so weak." His green eyes spoke of just how weak he was. If one could read deep into his eyes, they would see all that he had been fighting and suffering through by himself. They would give him away as not the strong young man everyone thought him to be, but just a child trapped in his past wishing to go back.

He then quickly looked back down at the book and ran his finger over the scribbled out words of a hand not used to writing. He felt his everything tremble. He waited for some question or some words from Kira. He did not want to have to explain himself though. The past actions he was remember were viewed as mistakes by everyone, but him so far. He did not want anyone else to hear of his dishonor that he so desperately longed to be committing again.
 
(Awww, poor bb *pets him*)



Kira was so startled by the sorrow in William's eyes that he forgot to look away at first. He had never known a master could be that sorrowful about anything. Part of him wanted to say that William didn't have to be sorry, but a slave saying that to a master was strange, to the point of being wrong. Just as it was wholly uncomfortable for Kira to be apologized to, like he had any feelings. Yet, William's eyes had betrayed a suffering Kira didn't expect. It wasn't the sorrow of a slave, abused and neglected to numbness, but certainly more than someone of his wealth and status should have felt.



As William's finger almost seemed to caress the page below him, Kira couldn't help but catch a glimpse of what was written there. He didn't really understand what it meant, but it was clearly something that made his master feel weak at heart. That was what drew out a fragment of Kira's true nature, long-buried but still there.



Slowly, almost shyly, his fingers began to stroke William's shoulder, wanting to soothe him. After a few moments, the prince might notice a strange thing happening, as even through so light a touch his pain was being dulled. It wasn't enough to feel if he was too distracted, and Kira wasn't strong enough to do more at the moment, but his simple desire to help fueled the healing. If Kira had stopped to ask himself why he should give a care, it wouldn't have worked at all. But in this strange, imbalanced world, the slave suddenly felt sorry for his master.
 
William felt his shoulders and arms regain strength as Kira rubbed his shoulder so delicately. He wondered the thought Kira must be having. In that moment, he put his thoughts to work. He put himself in the small elf's position. After a few moments, he realized he would want some sort of answer if he were the other person. He cleared his throat softly.

He read aloud hoping the words on the page might answer a few questions,"Happy 16th birthday to the one who was and will change everything. You have brought much light to my and my sisters' worlds over the past three years. You have done so much for all of us around this house. Thank you. I love you, William. I hope you enjoy this book by Damascius. I know he is one of your favorites. I hate to inform you in such I way, but I will be leaving the castle." William stopped as his voice had faded with the last few words.

He glanced at the rest of the words on the page and took a deep breath. He had never managed to read past that point. Something had always stopped him. Not only did he feel Kira needed answers, but he felt he needed them to. He closed his eyes for a moment and waited for any comments before he did what he knew he had to do.
 
Kira was slowly putting things together, though not in a very clear way. Something about the words, and the brief talk William had with the head female servant. The loss in William's eyes seemed crushing, but only a dim memory of similar emotions came back to Kira for mutual understanding.



Kira continued to stroke the other's shoulder with a bit more pressure, taking more of the pain from him unconsciously as he did so. His eyes, while not quite meeting William's out of habit, silently asked him to continue if he wished. The slave almost felt like speaking nhow would be a secrelige.
 
After q few moments of silence, he took another quiet, but deep and rough breath. Then he read on, "I wish I could stay. I would do anything to stay. The queen has informed me the king has sold me off though. I wanted you to hear from me. But I knew not how to speak it to you. I want you to know that all the times we have spent to together no matter what we were doing were the best moments of my life. I do not think I will ever have better. Stop telling yourself your knowledge comes from me. You do not need me to achieve the great things you will. Also, do not give up on love. I may be gone, but another will come. -Yours Forever, He- Henry." His voice trembled with the last of his words. He understood more now. It felt like some sort of closure to him, but he felt if he closed the book everything would disappear. He never wanted any of it to disappear from his mind.

He looked down at the page and stared at the words. He started to question why he had read that to the elf. It did not make sense anymore. It should not effect the elf. The elf could have lived forever without knowing and been find. That is what William thought at least. He questioned what had come over him to read it.
 
There was that name again, and now the word love, and the last piece fell into Kira's mind. Suddenly, he understood- at least in his own, dim way- why William had suddenly collapsed under his own emotions. Kira had never felt love for or from anyone, but he had seen its effects when thwarted, how those lovers who were parted seemed almost to wither and die. Had that happened to William? It must have, or he wouldn't have been so…..shattered as he was right now. It almost seemed like a deep wound had been reopened.



At the same time as understanding dawned, Kira began to wonder the same thing as William. Why had he been told? What was the purpose? Maybe he was the only one William felt he could unburden himself to, since he was not likely to go tell anyone else. Perhaps the prince had been holding it in so long that he felt like he would burst if he didn't let it out. But Kira felt also like he had stumbled upon something almost sacred, and had no right to be anywhere near it. He could never understand such love….he was not made for it, with his dead heart and unwilling body. Love was something totally unreachable for something like himself.



"How may I ease you?" he murmured softly. It was the only way he could think of to sympathize with the prince, but he meant it. This was not just his training kicking in. His wide, blue eyes showed that plainly enough.
 
William looked confused up at Kira. "How can you help me? You cannot. No one can simply undo what was done. If you think it was as simple as what was written, I will be the first to tell you. It was not," he said in a rather rough taken back tone. He stood quickly and brushed himself off. Just then the dinner bell sounded. With a sigh, he said,"Let's go eat. Just forget what you heard. It is not a simple child's story." He had already started to turn and walk out as he spoke leaving the book open to the back, where all those words saw the light. He did not want it to be closed yet. He thought for a moment maybe in these three weeks he could manage to reach the buyer of Henry and purchase him back. He knew that was a foolish thought. In his mind, he related how foolish that was to how foolish it had been to share something like that with a simple elf who only had enough to care for himself. His mind then reeled again on why he had been moved to give Kira understanding on something he may not have even been wondering about. He did not notice all the greetings to him throughout the hall as he pressed forward towards the dining area.
 
William probably didn't mean it as harshly as it sounded, and was speaking in the anguish of his heart, but his words cut the little elf to the core. They shouldn't have- Kira was so used to being belittled and treated like he was unable to grasp even the most basic things. Being a slave had made that a self-fulfilling prophecy, in some ways. Yet, William had completely misunderstood the slave, both in words and in motives. If anyone knew the permanence of deep emotional scars, it was Kira. If anyone would not even think to try and diminish another's pain, it was Kira. William had taken the gentle desire to comfort and commiserate as something almost flippant, which it was not. Kira had seen someone in pain and wished to do what he could to ease it, even with a simple touch to the arm. He knew these things didn't go away, but instinctively felt like William shouldn't be alone in his grief.



Apparently, he had been wrong. But then, Kira reflected to himself, didn't the prince have the right to talk to him that way? He had been stupid to think there was any comfort to give to one who came from so different a world than himself. Kira couldn't even remember his own right name, much less what had come before he was a slave. How could he even be a comfort to the prince, little as he was in heart and spirit? He could not. He could not even understand the concept of love; why taint William's memory with ill-judged touches and words? If that was what the master thought Kira was doing, he must be right.



Kira sealed himself up once more behind his walls again, even more than before, feeling he had no other choice. Just venturing out as little as he had did nothing to aid anyone. He didn't know how to be in this new world, or how to act without making his new master angry, so he retreated into himself.



The dining hall was a large room, hung with tapestries and lit by long windows on both sides. It usually stood empty, except during banquets and festivals. The more usual place for William and his parents to dine was in a smaller, but rather lavish room to one side, whose windows faced north and west. Here, the prince and other family and visitors usually ate their mid-afternoon and evening meals. One was already set up for the prince, and a few servants stood by to see that everything was taken care of.



Kira followed his master with a more subdued air than ever. The servants let him alone as he passed, more concerned with the look on their prince's face. Obviously, something had happened between the meeting in the foyer and now, but it was not their place to ask personal questions. They would take their observations to Gladis later on, since she always wanted to know if the prince was out of sorts. Kira was ignored because they didn't know what to do with him, and didn't care too much when they were so concerned with their prince. Kira didn't care that much either way and stood behind the prince with his head meekly bowed. As it had taken little to start to draw him out, it took little to send him back again.
 
As they got close to the dining area, William realized how he let his anger get the upper hand. He wanted to apologize, but found now was not the time. When they entered the dining room, he saw how empty it was and frowned deeper. He did not know what to do though and took his seat. He sighed then turned to Kira, "Take a seat at the table and start eating. I will be right back." William got up and walked into the kitchen area.

As soon as the first person saw him the room went quiet. As usual, all the staff was gathered in the kitchen eating where they could find a spot. Some were just standing up. "Everyone go eat at the table. It does not look right empty," he said and motioned them to get up. They all looked at each for a moment as if asking "is he kidding?" or "is this a test?". Then slowly they trickled out to the table and filled the large table. They sat down and watched him silently as he went back to his seat. They all had worried expression. No one had to say it for everyone to know something was off about the prince. He stopped on his way to his seat and turned to the mass. "What? Go back to your conversations," he said in a slightly commanding way.

Then one maid stood up and made her way over to him. She was one that had not been seen around yet. Her appearances was very similar to Gladis's but much fairer and easier on the eyes. She made her way over to William. As she did, he wondered why she had chosen today to give him hell as she always did. Instead of going back to his seat and ignoring her though, he waited for her to reach him.

She stopped right in front of him. She talked in a very high and mighty tone with lots of sass,"Now, William, you are worrying everyone in here with that look. Stop it. You look like you did after he left. He is gone and it has been 8 months. Move. On. I'm his sister and I'm not sulking about. No, I have not forgiving you, yet for getting him sent away, and frankly don't care if you hate yourself forever, but. You are effecting the staff. Stop." Her words hit William and woke him again. He nodded and returned to his seat without a word to her. Her words had done just as she had planned them to.
 
Kira did as he was told, sitting silently and eating without really tasting anything. If that kept William satisfied, he would do it, but whatever slight warmth the prince had drawn out of him seemed to be gone for now.



He was mildly surprised when servants started to file in and sit down, but observation told him they were not used to being here. They looked decidedly uncomfortable and worried, and even cast a few glances in his direction. Some were not exactly friendly- apparently they blamed the prince's strange behavior on him. This was nothing new- he'd been falsely accused of 'casting spells' on others in the past, when a scapegoat was needed. If they'd known anything about elves, they would not have jumped to such conclusions. Elves who were as abused as he was barely had their own latent magic left in them. Was it that likely an elf who could do more powerful magic would still be a slave in the first place?



He knew it wasn't their fault, and just went back to his quiet eating until the prince came back, at which point he went a bit stiff and set his food down. It was hard to eat with the tension in the air, and the prince looking so….almost frightening. William had gone into a commanding tone and mein, which was why the sudden defiance of one of the female servants caught him so off guard.



Kira looked up at her in shock, his eyes flickering back and forth between her and his master. Honestly, in spite of everything he'd seen today, he expected her to be dismissed and flogged. When that didn't happen, and the prince even seemed to acknowledge her words meekly, Kira felt like the sky had fallen in on them all. Was the world truly so upside-down? Now he really didn't know what to do but stare at his half-eaten piece of bread with confusion. Henry's sister….and she knew the secret, apparently. She had said something about it being the prince's fault Henry got sent away in the first place. But why? How?



Then, it hit him. Masters were not supposed to love their servants, not even their pleasure slaves. The prince must have done something to make it clear that he felt differently for Henry than the accepted casual sex between master and slaves.
 
(Warning- once Kira falls for Will he'll be absolutely, hopelessly devoted to him XD)
 
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