- Posting Speed
- Speed of Light
- Writing Levels
- Douche
- Preferred Character Gender
- No Preferences
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
Four and a half billion years later, far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy, a small and utterly insignificant blue-green planet named Earth was unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
The primitive ape descendants who lived on this planet were rather upset by this, or at least as upset as you can be while a Vogon Construcotr Fleet is vapourizing you. However, the plans for the demolition had been on display at their local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 years, so they only had themselves to blame for not taking an interest in local affairs.
Sadly, this was not the end of the human race, because five minutes and twenty three seconds before the Earth was destroyed a number of ape descendents were saved by their best friend, Honda Civic, who was not, as they believed, from Cornwall, but in fact from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
It is also interesting to note that Honda Civic was a researcher for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a truly remarkable book which has already supplanted the great Encyclopaedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom. For though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.
First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
Luckily for the ape descendents saved by Honda Civic, their story and the story of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy can be told simultaneously.
Otherwise this would have been a very pointless introduction.
<table align=center><tr><td>NAME:
APPEARANCE:
WHAT YOU ARE DOING FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS:
HOW YOU KNOW HONDA CIVIC:
SKILL/TALENT: (You are not allowed anything useful, relevant or impressive)
THING YOU MISS MOST ABOUT THE EARTH:</td></tr></table>
NAME: Honda Civic
WHAT YOU ARE DOING FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS: Robbing a liquor store for Jack Daniels and peanuts.
HOW YOU KNOW HONDA CIVIC: I am Honda Civic, I think...
SKILL/TALENT: He is the only man who knows how to change the keypad tones on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
THING YOU MISS MOST ABOUT THE EARTH: How easy it is to rob liquor stores when you're wearing a snappy suit.
NAME: Anthony Horwitzer
