The Hard Road to Truth (TaliesinxLady Alainn)

Darren's lingering depression was all that kept him from pulling at the chain between them like an overeager dog. The farther they got from the smell of vehicles and concrete the more he perked up. His excitement was far more muted than it would be in other circumstances but it was obvious that her intuition about what would help had been spot on. He almost forgot how he was bound and tethered to her as they stopped and he simply closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of nature. It was still far too close to avoid the taint of pollution but it was good enough for him. It was often better than he enjoyed during his time running amongst the humans.

For a few moments he savored the sound of the faint breeze before a less gentle sound distracted him. He opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to take her twisted visage. He brow crinkled in confusion and he turned to half face her. "Is...is something the matter?" He spoke ever so hesitantly, looking very much like he expected to be struck.
 
Myleen shook her head to clear it. One step at a time. She'd continue taking it one step at a time. "No, it's nothing." She pushed her fallen glasses back into place and glanced at Darren out of the corner of her eye. What she saw made her grimace again. "And will you please stop giving me those looks!" If he kept up with those abused puppy eyes, she just might pop him another just to get him to stop. She felt so... evil when he looked at her like that. She shuddered and plopped down onto the ground.

"This is a mess," Myleen groaned. "You are the single most complicated case I've ever had, you know that?" The young woman propped her knees up and leaned back the elbow of her free arm, appraising Darren all the while she spoke. "And you're what, not even 18?"
 
Darren really was quite confused, a not small bit concerned for several reasons. He wasn't particularly aware of the looks he was giving her because even before he had been tortured they were his MO to a point. Looking very pathetic allowed him to integrate himself with people he might otherwise not be able to and get into better places to hide or stay for a while. Of course now his fear was not of an imagined threat but a very real horror so she would be hard pressed to see that expression of his end any time soon. The best he could was look away and try not to be jerked down to the ground when she sat down.

He hastily caught himself and sat awkwardly a short distance away from her, his few moments of calm already lost and forgotten. He didn't like the way she looked at him either. "I'm sorry." He muttered, making a motion to hunch into himself and stopping it. "And I'm 22..." He looked even more awkward now. "Though for an elf..." He was fully grown, but could be considered to barely be a teenager otherwise.
 
He was apologizing again? Myleen huffed in frustration, not just with Darren this time but with herself as well. "Gah! I didn't mean..." Myleen's voice trailed off as he continued speaking. She blinked. He was 22? Only a couple years younger than herself, then. But in elf years, he was still quite the young'un.

"You certainly have the weak and vulnerable kid act down," she muttered to herself. She couldn't just roll over and go to sleep, she was too tired to sleep. Past the point of exhaustion, the agent could feel her inhibitions letting go and her vulnerability rearing its ugly head. If she wasn't careful, her emotions really could get tangled up in this affair. But at this point, she really didn't care. All she wanted was for Darren to stop freaking out for just a minute.

Myleen tugged her bag over and rummaged for a pillow. Retrieving her favourite fluffy pillow first, she looked at it for a moment before throwing it at Darren's chest. Then she proceeded to pull out the flatter pillow and pushed the bag aside. Rolling onto her stomach, she tucked the pillow underneath her arms and turned to Darren once more. With so much of what she'd seen of him so far an act, she was highly curious about the elf. Who exactly was he? Alarms rang in her head, 'Don't get too close! Don't get too close!' but she shoved them aside and hugged her pillow closer.

"Can you do me a favour, Darren?" she waited a beat before continuing. "Just for a moment, pretend there's no Dr. Bradley. Pretend the world is only this patch of grass and sky right here. Pretend you don't hate me-- that we just met. I know it's a lot to ask, but just try." She took a deep breath and gave him a shy little smile. "Who are you, Darren? When you're allowed to be you?"
 
Darren clutched at the pillow she threw with a bemused expression, somewhat awkwardly as he had to compensate for cuff. He shifted as she laid down, having to do pretty much the same or hold his arm out and up indefinitely. He was still very much an emotional maelstrom but now confusion was the dominating emotion. He could tell she wanted something from him but he was having a hard time figuring out just what that was, let alone whether he knew how to fulfill that need. The question that followed really did not help.

"What?" Darren's brow furrowed, the confusion no longer hidden. "I...what?" That was one of the weirdest questions he had ever been asked. Even worse, he honestly didn't know the answer. He hadn't really been allowed to be himself during half of his formative years so far, especially those years where personality started to really show. At least in humans. He ducked his head and squirmed down so it was resting against the pillow and tried to think of an answer. "You ask even harder questions than he does..." He muttered finally in frustration. "I'm just me." He added a bit desperately.
 
Myleen threw her head back and laughed. It was a good, hardy laugh-- the kind of which she hadn't divulged in years. It felt good. She scrunched her pillow between her arms and wiggled a bit closer to Darren to give their binding chain a little more slack before settling on her side, facing him.

"Never mind that, then. Sorry, Darren. I didn't mean to turn this into another session. This is supposed to be enjoyable for you," she sighed and gave him an apologetic half-smile. "No more questions, unless you ask them, I promise. Forgive me?"
 
Darren was honestly considering giving up on trying to understand Myleen at all. He didn't usually find it this hard to at least somewhat understand what was going on with humans but he hadn't had a clue pretty much from day one with this woman. He sighed himself and watched her for several moments before pondering whether sleeping would be a worthwhile thing. It would be a shame to waste this time outside on the grass.

He pulled his attention back to her and gave her a slight frown before his good nature asserted itself and he gave her a warm smile. It wasn't like she was trying to bother him all this time. He thought anyway. "It's fine. You are forgiven." He fell silent for a few moments before pushing himself up and surveying the situation with yet another frown. "Hold still for a moment, please." He said for a moment before taking the pillow and carefully crawling over her, at which point he looked back at her in consternation. Even if he changed sides one of them still had to have their arm crossed over their body. "Erm...you wanna turn over so we can look at the stars?"
 
"Thank you." Myleen plucked her glasses off her nose, folded them, and set them just above her pillow. Then she slid down a bit and laid her head on her pillow, her inquisitive eyes trained on the dark profile of the elf all the while. If he wouldn't--couldn't--simply tell her about himself, she would watch and learn. Such an approach could take months, years even, but waiting and observing was one area in which Myleen excelled. Obviously, or Darren wouldn't be here. She sighed again and realized the elf was staring at her intently.

"Hold still for a moment, please," he said.

"What--" she stopped. That was a question. She bit her lip and watched in amusement as Darren clambered over her, but the feeling grew short-lived. Her whole body tensed as his form darkened the stars above her. Myleen closed her eyes and fought the impulse to shove him off. 'It's fine, girl. He's not going to do anything.' A small voice deep inside her head protested at that thought. It shocked her. Confused her. What the heck did she want him to do?

Darren had mostly gotten himself over by this point and Myleen could feel herself relaxing again. "Erm...you wanna turn over so we can look at the stars?"

Myleen opened her eyes and nodded. "Sure," she replied, a little too breathlessly. Following his lead, she rolled over and dropped her cuffed hand between them, more to Darren's side than her own. She breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, then focused her eyes on the stars above. They were nothing more than fuzzy bright dots without her glasses on, but she didn't bother to correct her vision. She was just as likely to fall asleep out here as to pick out the constellations. Eyelids drooping, Myleen flitted on the edge between dreamland and awareness.
 
Darren sighed softly in relief, glad his brilliant plan hadn't turned into a disaster for the moment. He gratefully settled down on the pillow she gave him and looked upward. The sight of the stars did not magically cure the storm inside of him but as if in it's own pocket outside of that he was enjoying a small amount of contentment. Enough at least to insulate him from the effects of what was going on for a brief while.

After a few moments he registered the extreme silence next to him and cast a glance at Myleen. She was doing what he had thought of and he was a bit jealous. He wasn't sure he would be able to go to sleep for a while yet, as much as he wanted to. For a few seconds, he pondered trying to take advantage of her state but he had several reasons not to. For one, there was still the handcuff. Two, now that he had been caught the sense he had of being able to run forever was quite gone. And lastly...he didn't want to have to do that to her even if he could figure out a way. This situation was so overwhelming but if he managed not to snap again they might actually do something here.

It was so tempting though. He shut his eyes as tight as they would go before letting out a heavy sigh and setting up to crunch himself into the huddled position he was so fond of. The agitation within him was starting to take precedence again.
 
Strange dreams flitted in and out of Myleen's head, bursting forth from her subconscious in vivid detail only to be snuffed out by darkness and quickly forgotten. One dream in particular had her jerking her head back and forth across her pillow in agitation. The name Levi was muttered once or twice before that dream passed on like the others before it and left her in quiet slumber again.

Roughly an hour later, a sharp chill fluttered her eyelids open again as her body involuntarily shivered. She'd fallen asleep! Instantly she was alert and moving. Propping herself up on her elbow, she squinted her eyes to make out Darren's curled up form still lying next to her. Thank goodness. She leaned in closer to him, listening intently for the sound of steady breathing. If he really was asleep, she didn't want to wake him. She could easily remove the blanket from her bag and snuggle in without disturbing him.
 
Darren was not asleep, though up until she had started moving around he had been still enough to convince the unobservant. Even when she woke so suddenly he barely twitched. He was still struggling with himself and doing his best not to disturb her. The sensation of being stared at broke through the haze eventually and he slowly uncurled to her turn in her direction, giving her a strained look that tried to be curious. "I'm not going anywhere." He murmured. "You can go back to sleep." He tilted his head slightly. "Unless you need to talk about something?" Even in his turmoil he had not missed her own sleepy agitation.
 
He spoke, so obviously he was awake. Myleen shifted into a sitting position and leaned forward with one arm outstretched to reach her bag. Grasping one handle of the tote securely, she tugged it between her legs and began fighting with the zipper. No way was she going to inconvenience Darren by pulling her other arm away from him just to dig out a blanket.

"I didn't... I didn't think you would go anywhere," she said slowly. It was the truth, mostly. Her instincts were the ones on guard, for which she should be grateful, and fostering the distrust. "I was trying to judge if you'd fallen asleep or not." Why the hell did she feel like she needed to explain every action to the elf? "If you were asleep, I didn't want to disturb you by getting a blanket." The article mentioned freed itself from her bag. She kicked the tote away and worked on unfolding the afghan.

"I'm going to ask two... okay three... questions because I'm too tired to think of how to phrase this in a sentence." Myleen turned to face Darren again. "One, were you able to sleep at all? Two, are you cold? And three, what makes you think I need to talk about something?"
 
Darren listened to her explanation with his usual look of bemusement. As usual even with her explaining he wasn't quite sure what she was thinking but as soon as she started asking him questions he was completely diverted. He eased halfway into his protective ball again and shrugged uncomfortably. "I'm fine." He mumbled in a combined response to both of her first questions that didn't really say anything. He wasn't quite sure how to deal with the last question and heartily wished he hadn't so thoughtlessly asked his own. "It's nothing." He finally said, hunching his shoulders a bit more and pondering the benefits of turning around once again.
 
"You remind me of Levi." The words practically blurted out by themselves, catching Myleen off guard. Her gaze immediately dropped to the folds of fabric in her hand. Levi. It had been ages since the last time she'd let his memory loose, always so careful to keep it buried in the unreachable places of her heart. But the surprising thing was, the more she thought about it, the more she realized the memories had been forcing their way to the foreground ever since she'd sentenced Darren to the Shocker. And here she was confessing this to the elf before she'd even confessed it to herself. She smiled wryly.

Yes, the resemblance was there. That look in the eyes she detested. The vulnerability. The helplessness. Even the way Darren shrunk himself. Had she been so adamantly fighting to get him to stop those behaviours because of Levi? Myleen bit her lip and peered at Darren through her peripherals, his fuzzy profile barely visible in the dark. Well, she'd already said more than she ever intended to, and Darren had expressed a desire for friendship. Maybe being open for once, instead of closing herself off, would help hold her end of the bargain. If things went sour, if Darren tried to use her openness against her, she could always pretend this was all an act. That's what life was anyway. An act.

Myleen wiggled down onto her back again and tossed a corner of the blanket onto Darren. Whether he was "fine" or not, it was cold out. And he reminded her of Levi. Maybe if she talked about him, the memories would go away again. Breathing in deeply, she settled onto her pillow and in a hushed tone began telling Darren about Levi whether he wanted to hear it or not.

"I grew up Amish, the youngest of three girls. Daed wanted a boy. I knew he loved us, in his own way, but his desire for a son got in the way more often than not," her voice dropped off for a moment before picking up again in a stronger tone. "But that's neither here nor there. I did eventually get a brother. Levi. He was a weak baby, not expected to live the month, but my parents prayed and pleaded with God. Levi lived. Looking back on it, I wish he hadn't.

"Daed expected so much of him, being the son. Levi was always living in the shadow of that expectation. The older he got, the more he realized he could never make Daed happy. At least the rest of us were girls. We didn't have to live with the same kind of disappointment Levi did. It ate at him. He never knew a free moment... a time where he could be himself. I doted on him, the little darling, but I could only help him so much.

"Then came the shooting." Myleen paused to steady her voice. "There is nothing more detestable than exposing children to violence and pain like that. One minute, we were studying our lessons. The next minute, three of us were dead. Blood...everywhere. And the crazy man wasn't done. More shots. Chaos. I-I dove to the front of the school room, looking for Levi. I knew I was dead if anything happened to him. I got to him just as the bullet did."

Myleen squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block the haunting image of his eyes, the memory of his body going limp in her arms, and the last words he'd whispered as his eyes glazed over, 'Don't cry, Emily. I'm glad...' She turned a deaf ear to her father's voice shouting at her as he heard the news, turned a blind eye to the grief that painted his face livid. Myleen rubbed a fist across her eyes and rolled over to face Darren, her voice gruff to try to conceal her emotion.

"I prayed every damn night that God would rewind the clock. God, I felt so guilty. Of course, it never happened. Eventually I ran away from home, made a new life, got into hostage negotiations, and now I'm here." She meant to stop there, but her mouth kept moving well after her brain tried to cut it off. "They beat the heart out of you when we get this far involved, you know. Training's intense. You lose a part of yourself. I'd-- I'd forgotten why I'd started in the first place. To catch the bad guys. Save the innocent. The whole superhero thing. Then, you come along and stir it all up again. And when you look at me like that... like you expect me to turn on you... I feel like my dad. That's the last thing I want."

"I'm sorry I slapped you," she whispered.
 
Darren looked up at her sudden words, his brows drawing together in confusion. He absently took part of the blanket and watched her intently as she spoke, rolling her words over in his mind. He had had such a happy family, up until they died, that it was a foreign idea to him to have that sort of strife. Such thoughts were completely left behind as she finished her story though. He couldn't help the tears that started to brim in his eyes and just as she was turning to face him he ducked his head and let his bangs hang down low to conceal his soft heart lest it upset her more. "I-it's okay." He whispered in response to her apology, sounding suspiciously hoarse and within seconds he couldn't hold the drops back anymore and he felt the traitorous streams start to form down his face. He muttered something inaudible and quickly turned away, hoping she hadn't seen. "I'm sorry too." Though he didn't really have anything to apologize for.
 
Myleen sighed inwardly. The elf was crying again and it was all her fault for burdening him with things he just didn't need to know. Oh, he tried to hide it but that unmistakable quiver in his voice gave him away. Darren really was a pitiable creature, the agent thought to herself, and at this moment she wanted nothing more than to comfort the poor soul and wipe away those tears in a desperate attempt to ease his mind. Hell, why not? They were well out of sight of the compound and she'd already broke how many agency as well as self-imposed rules with Darren?

Rolling onto her side, Myleen reached out her unshackled hand to stroke his wet cheek and run her fingers through his hair. She resisted the urge to pull him to her chest and hold him, not wanting to scare him further. "Shh, shh, it's okay, Darren. It'll be okay. I promise, I won't let anything bad happen to you. It's okay."
 
Darren flinched at her initial touch, still very much on guard in some ways. It was hard to resist the soothing feeling of someone playing with his hair though and despite his best efforts memories of his mother holding him tight and moving her hand through his hair swam before his eyes. A great shudder wracked him before he unthinkingly threw himself at her, his slow stream of tears transforming into full hearted sobs. "I'm sorry." He would gasp occasionally but could not stop himself. The pain would not be denied this time, it had been waiting for so many years already.

After what seemed like hours of crying, though it had probably not been more than a half hour at the most, Darren finally sobbed himself to sleep. His exhaustion finally overtook his internal distress.
 
The elf flying into her arms caught her off guard and for a moment she was stunned that he would even turn to her for comfort. However, it only took a second to process the racking sobs and the elf sprawled across her before Myleen pulled him into a secure embrace, her movements a bit awkward with the limiting chain binding them together. Tucking his head under her chin, she gently rocked back and forth, rubbing his back, stroking his hair, letting him cry. The realization slowly dawned on her that this was what she wanted, what she needed. Someone to protect, to care for. Someone in Levi's shoes whom she could rescue to redeem herself.

Eventually, the sobs ceased and Myleen felt Darren's body go limp as sleep claimed him. His body was surprisingly light for someone so tall, but it grew heavy nonetheless. Myleen carefully maneuvered his head to her shoulder and shifted until he was no longer pressing against her chest. Holding him firmly, she laid there quietly until at last, she too fell asleep.
 
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