The Goldman Sachs Guide to Being a Man

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Most of these I don't find myself agreeing with at all... :/

They seem way too reliant on the "Be Masculine, Cater to women, Business life is best life, Alcohol is cool" mentality.
  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
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  • Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
... Or they're an attractive human being who wants to have some time by themselves?

Like, I'm not going to go all "Hitting on a woman is harassment" here, but at the same time people just assuming all women = want attention is just as harmful a mentality.
  • Do not use an electric razor. 

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  • It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
  • If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
  • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it. 

  • Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
These are the only four on the entire list I can just simply say I agree with and leave it at that.
The rest I either disagree with, or there's some sort of clause, clarification or 'what-if' involved.
 
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But alcohol and women are yucky! D:

I guess I'll never be a true man of manly manliness then. I might as well go curl up in the horrid dusty corner of unmanliness and die now.
 
But alcohol and women are yucky! D:

I guess I'll never be a true man of manly manliness then. I might as well go curl up in the horrid dusty corner of unmanliness and die now.
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You need not fear Finhawk!
The world of unmanliness is a beautiful and wondrous place!
Come! Let me show you!
 
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If you guys need a more concrete reason not to listen to anything Goldman Sachs has to say, go dig up a list of their controversies and brew a pot of coffee, because you are going to be balls deep in a lot of slimy business practices. They're basically your prototypical dickfaced investment firm who profits from people's misfortune.
 
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If you guys need a more concrete reason not to listen to anything Goldman Sachs has to say, go dig up a list of their controversies and brew a pot of coffee, because you are going to be balls deep in a lot of slimy business practices. They're basically your prototypical dickfaced investment firm who profits from people's misfortune.
That explains the nature of most of the advice on the list perfectly. XD
 
I didn't see 'Always be kind to animals, children, and the elderly' on that list. That should have been number 1!!!!
 
If you guys need a more concrete reason not to listen to anything Goldman Sachs has to say, go dig up a list of their controversies and brew a pot of coffee, because you are going to be balls deep in a lot of slimy business practices. They're basically your prototypical dickfaced investment firm who profits from people's misfortune.
At last, someone who knows the deep irony (and therefore the true comedy) behind the list.
 
At last, someone who knows the deep irony (and therefore the true comedy) behind the list.

I'll admit, when I first saw this when I woke up, I couldn't place the name other than "Isn't that some rich, old Bernie Maddoff type?"

Then it came back to me and I was like, "Why the fuck did a bank write this shit? Did they make a well-dressed intern write it? Did Goldman Sachs suddenly get bought out by GQ magazine?"

It was a very confusing time in my life. Also, for the record, there's a number of things on the list I agree with, although I doubt many people can pony up the tens of thousands of dollars for a handcrafted shotgun. I've seen some of those beasts going for like 85-100 grand, easy.
 
I didn't see 'Always be kind to animals, children, and the elderly' on that list. That should have been number 1!!!!

But elderly people sustain themselves on the blood of our youth. :(
 
I doubt many people can pony up the tens of thousands of dollars for a handcrafted shotgun. I've seen some of those beasts going for like 85-100 grand, easy.
Sure they can!

They just need a small loan of a million dollars.
 
I'll admit, when I first saw this when I woke up, I couldn't place the name other than "Isn't that some rich, old Bernie Maddoff type?"

Then it came back to me and I was like, "Why the fuck did a bank write this shit? Did they make a well-dressed intern write it? Did Goldman Sachs suddenly get bought out by GQ magazine?"

It was a very confusing time in my life. Also, for the record, there's a number of things on the list I agree with, although I doubt many people can pony up the tens of thousands of dollars for a handcrafted shotgun. I've seen some of those beasts going for like 85-100 grand, easy.
Aye, the list isn't half bad. A lot of it has to do with maturing and using your money maturely (albeit through the lens of western masculinity at times).

But then we get to the part where it was written by literally the people that caused the financial crisis in 2008 and, well...

(And before we play the semantics game, not the literal literal, but the same kind of people).
 
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If you guys need a more concrete reason not to listen to anything Goldman Sachs has to say, go dig up a list of their controversies and brew a pot of coffee, because you are going to be balls deep in a lot of slimy business practices. They're basically your prototypical dickfaced investment firm who profits from people's misfortune.
Oh man.

That's embarrassing.
 
Sure they can!

They just need a small loan of a million dollars.

Sign me up!

Aye, the list isn't half bad. A lot of it has to do with maturing and using your money maturely (albeit through the lens of western masculinity at times).

But then we get to the part where it was written by literally the people that caused the financial crisis in 2008 and, well...

(And before we play the semantics game, not the literal literal, but the same kind of people).

"Oh, I'm sure you have a lot of money after we were forced to foreclose your new home after pressuring you into a sketchy mortgage. If you aren't spending that money on a home, then by golly, I have a list of things for you! You're a real man, aren't you?"
 
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But elderly people sustain themselves on the blood of our youth. :(
Actually, that's a myth. They can't him through skin. >_>
 
Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
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But yeah pretty much. I like this list... Ish. Sort of.
 
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Originally I was typing up a small novella on why the list sucks, but then I realized it wasn't worth the time.

Short story: 3/10, needs more cowbell
 
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Aye, the list isn't half bad. A lot of it has to do with maturing and using your money maturely (albeit through the lens of western masculinity at times).

But then we get to the part where it was written by literally the people that caused the financial crisis in 2008 and, well...

(And before we play the semantics game, not the literal literal, but the same kind of people).


>Steals your house, your money and your wife
>Calls you a pussy whilst doing it

Goddamn, it's like the 80s high school movie villains took over Wall Street.
 
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