The Funniest Stuff Happened to Me Today! xD

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Akibahara, Jan 1, 2015.

  1. So, here's what happened. No joke. This shit is REAL:

    I work at a home health nursing agency in Denver, CO -- people with medical conditions, disabilities, etc -- are people I take care of. I had this one client at 11:00AM, we'll call him 'John', who was gay and I didn't know it. Yeah, whatever, I've had gay clients before; due to my agency's professional atmosphere, I act polite and kind... but this one dude, holy fuckballs... 11/10 phag.

    My care plan scheduled John for two things: A.) A shower. B.) Apply non-prescription lotion. It's a two hour visit. And I have to be there.

    The shower was normal -- I got the hint he was gay after calling me 'honey' and 'sweetheart' on numerous occasions. Whatever. But then I got to the lotion...

    First, he started commenting on my "big muscles" and how he likes big strong men to handle him. Second, when I applied lotion to his perineal area, he got the biggest hard-on of all time. Third, when I put on his boxers, he started admiring and rubbing my right arm up and down... and I swear, this is the exact quote he said: "Mmm, you've got good chizzled muscles. It's a MAJOR turn-on for me." Despite the fact my muscles aren't THAT big.

    I should've just said...

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    ... But I didn't. I simply smiled and acted calm and professional and said I go to the gym 5x a week.
    The whole shower/lotion combo took approximately 45 minutes. I had literally an hour and 15 minutes to spend with him. So we talked and talked... he told me the wonders of how a gay man should relax his asshole when doing anal, how cum can taste dependent on what a man ate before sex -- he said his favorite was bourbon from one of his male partners ... and he told me how warm it was. And since I told him I was a straight male he suggested we both go to the drag queen show so I can hook up with a shemale or drag queen.
    I almost died.

    But the worst part is...

    His final words, before I went, since he liked me SO much and thought I was bi-curious was: "Hey, I know we're not supposed to do this, but if you want, I'll let you FUCK ME IN THE ASS and we'll keep it our own little secret."

    Me:

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    A very unfortunate true story. D:<
     
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  2. OH MY GOD LOL xD

    I have no words.

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  3. I know.

    *secretly accepts his offer to bang a shemale tells noone*
     
  4. Customer Service:

    If it's not the 60 year old man, then it's the overly friendly gay stranger.
     
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  5. Not every day you get invited to do that.

    Would this fill the doctor/patient kink?
     
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  6. Man, if I had a patient's hot milfy mom say this, I'd be down like a cow.
     
  7. [​IMG]

    No.
     
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