The Fallen

Discussion in 'ROLEPLAY GRAVEYARD' started by Lycealon, Dec 29, 2013.

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  1. It happen when the government fail. Anarchy started. People started to kill others, rape, stealing and the most of all surviving. People grouped with each others to become stronger. Those who are surviving alone is either joining a group from doing a task or killing for food and weapons. The three main groups are: The Shadows, The Rebels, and The Mutanted. The Shadows controlled most of the money and weapons. The Rebels controlled the food and water. And The Mutanted, was a group that is radioactive and made them evolve into ugly creatures, controlled the medicine for them. Some of the people had extra limbs and others had powers.
    The story starts in California. A group of survivors called The Renegades want to survive at any possible way. They encounter rogue members of the groups, but mainly from The Mutanted. Even the animals are surviving, killing humans to feed theirselves. Some are even mutanted which The Mutanted has them as pets. Using them to search, kill, and use in combat.
    The Renegades consists of three girls and two guys.

    Show Spoiler
    Charater Sheet

    Character Name:


    General Appearance:


    Current Goal/Purpose:
    General Personality:
    Inner Personality:


    General History:

    Present Life:

    Please use this character sheet. I need people that can write at least a paragraph. OCC will be deleted and you'll be removed from the story. You character will be automatically dead.
    #1 Lycealon, Dec 29, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2014
  2. ... Little piece of advice friend, If you want people to take your OOC seriously, try and clean up your grammar and spelling. A few mistakes here and there is fine, but make sure what you write down is still, you know, of literate quality.

    If English isn't your first language, ask someone to proofread your posts before you submit them.

    also, there is no 'n' in mutated.
  3. Put some titles, some information about the rp along with the intro, stuff like that! I can proofread it and make editorial changes if you want.
  4. Also remember: 'the highest form of flattery is to imitate'

    There is no shame in checking out the OOC threads of more advanced players and trying to emulate their style in order to increase your own skill
  5. The character sheet is far to complex and overly detailed. Also the general plot seems underdeveloped as a storyline....
  6. He wants a higher quality of people than what he wrote himself. I relate this to the 'Want Respect, Give Respect.' If you want some highly-detailed characters, and some good long posts with a good deal of details and etc etc etc, which is what I assume from the CS, then at least put the time to make the overall storyline, rules, etc, equal and interesting.

    As I say: "Spend twice as much time on your overall thread than you should by making a good character from the CS."
  7. I find it very interesting that he hasn't replied to us once since his thread went up, and seems to have immediately taken down the banner ad that brought me here to begin with (at least i haven't seen it again since).

    very telling.
  8. nvm, the banner's still in rotation, just saw it today
  9. [​IMG]

    Charater Sheet


    Character Name: Valience Lee Williams

    Gender: Male

    Species/Race: Human


    Birthplace/World: Massachusetts/ Earth

    Occupation/School/Grade: Graduate of MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology)


    General Appearance:

    Valience is a robust man; sinuous, corded arms--a barreled chest. But he isn't what you would call a "weightlifter", he's more athletic if anything. Beneath the leather coat and the plated vest, is a body virtually littered by scars. Some are large and unsightly, others small and obscured. Some only superficial, while still some have etched themselves into more than flesh and muscle. As for his face, well, no one can say for sure. Those that did know are long dead. Those that can count themselves as survivors have since forgotten his weary gaze. Now, all anyone can recall is a faceless black helmet that covers his entire head and visage. Valience used to be quite an attractive bachelor; piercing blue-grey eyes and short tousled black hair. Now his tresses have become grizzled, streaked with white and his face sports a beard. He does harbor a secret however, and it’s the source of why he hides his face. He's since begun mutating from the time of societal collapse, his left eye has already shown a clear indication of this with its pupil being more slit-like in comparison to the circular formation ordinary humans possess. Indeed, his is more reptilian comparable to a snake's.

    Strengths/ Talents:

    Valience has an eidetic memory, or what is often referred to as "Photographic Memory" or "Total Recall." It is an inconclusively disputed ability to recall images, sounds or objects in memory with great precision, and is not acquired through mnemonics that is, memorizing without the use of an aide of any sort. He can recall events and books he's read with such purported ability, its as though they are right in front of him. What use could this possibly be? Well for starters, any manual he may have come across he can easily memorize its contents and aptly remake it from its schematics or even make do with spare parts such as making silencers from bike clamps and PVC pipes.

    Valience may not be the strongest or the swiftest. He is strong and he is adroit; however, his intelligence is what truly makes him a deadly man. Rather than overpower or out run, he tends to out-think his opponents. That being said, he is a force to be reckoned with if backed into a corner or made to stand his ground. Nevertheless, he knows when to retreat, even if someone is being too stubborn to do so. He is more than capable of understanding that he is not a one man army but can defeat an army single highhandedly if the correct tactics are in place. In terms of physical strength, he pales in comparison to some and is superior to others. His physicality isn't so much raw brute strength as it is martial finesse and a quick trigger finger.

    Weaknesses/ Inabilities:

    Since Valience remains, for the most part, human--he is insufferably as weak as humans tend to be naturally. However with his 'blessing' of mutation gradually growing and stripping him slowly of his humanity it also imparts its own weaknesses. His body has altered such that it tends to quickly adapt to the surrounding climate. This can be a good and a bad thing. Like serpents, he's become cold-blooded and not just figuratively either. If in an arctic or frigid environment, he is less capable than if he were in the heat of the sun. That isn't to say he's entirely useless or that it’s a sudden onset, but rather, a gradual incline to a torpor like state. This is the reason he wears padded clothing; not only does it keep him warm, it laps up his perspiration continuously keeping him at a moderate temperature.

    If in a warmer environments, such as a desert he is much more prone to be active and tends to move around more. Not because he is hot per-say, but because of the biological changes in his metabolism and genome. He no longer feels cold like a human does, nor does he feel warmth like on either. Valience's left eye no longer sees in color. However, it is equipped with a combination of light receptors: rods that provide low-light but fuzzy vision, and cones that produce clear images. This eye has astounding clarity and depth perception, much similar to above ground serpents. On the other hand, he has to primarily use one eye or the other. The human brain was just not designed for the way a snakes optical senses in combination with that of a human's. It gets confused and distorts the image because it tries to overlay the two.


    Current Goal/Purpose:

    Fears: Losing himself to his mutation, much the way he lost his sister to hers.

    General Personality: Valience is a stoic character though at first, he wasn't. It is through numerous atrocities that he has become the austere man. He exhibits signs of disassociation, and when pushed too hard--signs of blatant lunacy which drive him to exceed what is 'necessary' and somehow blur it for 'reasoning'. He is a tormented man. He is guilty, not by the association of one single person, but of obsession itself. It is his obsessive nature, and the things that he has done that reproduce a startling savage man.

    In a sense, he's like a Trojan horse. He appears human enough, and it’s true that for the most part, he is. But a cocktail of psychiatric dementia and biological change have warped his sense of reality. Not to the degree that he is delusional, but to the point where he's become a sociopath. He no longer has a sense of moral responsibility or social conscious outside of the Renegades. However, this afflicts his dual nature; that of the calm tactician, and the cruel latent killer within.

    In this way, Valience embodies misology. He has such a strong hatred for reasoning because one side of him forces itself the endure the torments of this new world order, one without order at all and one without rules for the sake of his little sister whom he was forced to shoot. But another part of him learned to love killing the day that he did.

    Inner Personality:

    Inside Valience is a maze, a labyrinth within a man; turns and even more dead ends. It’s not often that he gives his trust but when he does, he is surprisingly trustworthy. He's devoted to those he can call his 'friends'; If there is actually such a thing in this new era. He finds it rather hard to believe when a husband would sell his wife for a loaf of bread and a wife would do away with her husband for something more 'worthwhile'. Valience can come off as abrasive, and very...opinionated?

    He means well, it's just between being a genius and insane and locked in the struggle that he can be readily snappy about things. He tends to look after the group overall, though by no means claims himself as leader. Intuition, intellect and instinct tend to lead him and he does very good with what he's been given, even if what he's been given isn't exactly...human.

    Secret: Is slowly mutating, also, he shot and killed his sister.

    More: "The ultimate consequence of misology is a kind of self-destruction in which what is destroyed is that aspect of the self represented by active reason." - David A. White


    General History:

    Present Life:

    (Rest will come soon.)
    #9 Mangekyō, Jan 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Hmm, I wonder if he'll respond to the application. Otherwise, he's just ignoring constructive criticism.
  11. lol, well, the guy was on as recently as yesterday at 10pm, but he hasn't actually posted in any thread since december 31st, so it's anyone's guess.

    i do feel bad for havok though. the character sheet is impressive even in its unfinished state. He clearly is a talented roleplayer. i woudl hate to think he put all this effort into making a character for nothing, especially one that needed to follow such a demanding template.
  12. Yup.
  13. If it turns out that way, I'll just edit it a bit and find another use for it. I rather enjoy making detailed Bios. :)
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