The Confessionary

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I might say that I don't watch my mom's terrible Asian dramas but the TV is right next to the computer and I just can't ignore old Asian dramas when they're right there.

I either don't read books for four months or read for four weeks straight in a reading hysteria. I am currently in the hysteria phase.

I enjoy living up to Asian stereotypes. It's hardly my fault when they're true.

Even in games with multiple dialogue choices, I either pick the nicest one because I somehow believe I will be able to offend a fictional character OR I pick the meanest one just because I want to antagonize something with a programmed response.

I have a lot of notebooks for a ridiculously specific purpose and I will not use/tear a paper for some other thing from a notebook that isn't the scrap paper notebook.
 
All of my sexual fantasies are part of an interconnected narrative that has been ongoing for 12 years. The story is an erotic soap opera set in the mansion of a dying billionaire and his devious, money-grabbing children. Additional characters, such as a nympho house maid, a personal tutor, a scheming lawyer and a saucy gardener, have been added over time. There have also been several violent home invasions and passionate murders during the course of the "show".
 
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I'm too tired to think of any confessions... That's my confession btw.
 
I make up fantastical and elaborate sex and murder scenarios (usually separate, sometimes not) about a lot of strangers I see. It's not an every day thing, but I can't recall the last time I went a week without doing it. They're not even an arousing or exciting, they're just a bunch of weird scenarios that play out in the back of my mind while I go through my day. I go over them and revise them a lot, so I guess it's like an odd mental scene building exercise where I use myself and some stranger as the characters? I dunno, it's kind of weird.

For some reason, I thought the uvula was part of the heart until I was 20 and decided to look up the medical name for the dangly thing in the back of the throat. The part of the heart that I thought was called the uvula was actually the aorta. Whoops.

I say horribly insensitive things out loud at work just to amuse myself. I work graveyard shift security, so nobody else is around. It's just me in the lobby of an almost empty building, throwing racial slurs and such around just because I can. I'm pretty sure this is exactly the kind of freedom that my American forefathers fought and died for. Freedom, fuck yeah.
Jerelin said:
4. I'm addicted to cleaning out my ears. It feels amazing.
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Also this. I get 500 count boxes of cotton swabs (and I use them to clean my ears despite the package saying they shouldn't be used to clean ears, I don't even care, see previous confession remarks about freedom), and I go through them in like 6 months when I'm the only one using them. That's 2 or 3 times a day I use them to clean my ears. It's excessive, but damn it feels good to be a gangster.
 
People often seek advice from me and I try to be nice about it but every fucking time I want to say--just fuck off and deal with it yourself.

That being said, I'm a very big meddler. I will meddle in someone's business when something goes awry, hoping to give them advice.

I use baby wipes to clean my ass after taking a shit.

I enjoy being very judgmental.

I also like to try to find people's celebrity lookalikes.

When I drink, I act like a crazy, lightweight drunk even though I'm a super relaxed, "let's just watch some movies on the couch" drunk just to give me an excuse to fondle my straight guy friends.
 
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Levusti said:
When I drink, I act like a crazy, lightweight drunk even though I'm a super relaxed, "let's just watch some movies on the couch" drunk just to give me an excuse to fondle my straight guy friends.
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1. I'm fucking terrified of roller coasters. You won't be getting me to ride one anytime soon.

2. I used to have a habit of biting my nails until I was like 13. I only managed to quit by replacing that with the habit of biting the skin around my nails. It usually isn't too noticeable until I take a shower and the skin for some reason gets all puffy and I can see, like, some sort of flesh cavern for every bite I made in the past week or so.

3. On tangential note, my showers are usually like 45 minutes long. I think I have a problem.

4. I spend way too much time imagining horrible ways to kill off my roleplay characters, even when I don't actually want to kill any of them off.
 
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I stare at strangers faces a lot (In public) and scan every nook and crevice of their heads. It's a strange thing I do. Probably why I'm so good at describing my character's faces.

I have a strange interest in women's fashion. I go on tumblr all the time and look at what real women wear.

Everything else I'm too embarrassed to say publicly. lol
 
Confessions... @-@

1. I am scared of falling.

2. I'm terrified of airplanes... I've never been on one. My logic: With cars and boats, should something happen, I can walk or swim... I can't fuckin' fly. See #1.

3. I truly wish invisibility cloaks were a thing so I can hide from my family the majority of the time.

4. I drink entirely way too much beer. And coffee. And I give zero fucks about that.

5. I am a disgusting nail biter.

That's all you get.
 
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1. I too have dealt with the habit of nose picking followed by booger eating. I went through a stint in BA (Boogers Anonymous).

2. I play most of my video games on easy or normal to divert my gamer rage as it leads to broken controllers... and man, controllers are expensive!

3. I once lost my temper, during a rough time in life, proceeded to split my scalp open with a sheathed short sword, then proceeded to unsheath and ram said sword into a
wall.

4. I broke my right hand punching a cinder block wall upon losing my temper, during another rough patch in life, then proceeded to walk 2 miles to where I was living before I
realized I broke my hand.

5. I have a horrible habit of hurting myself when I lose my temper. Though I think this is far better than lashing out at others in such situations.
 
I procrastinate my procrastination.

I'm a compulsive liar when faced with problems and/or negative questions. Honest to god, I can get out of anything with half-truths and white lies.

And I have to confess I skipped a lot of classes (particularly P.E), tests, group work and assignments by faking sprained wrists, headaches, colds and nausea. I could easily convince my teachers to let me go home any time I wanted to, with little to no collateral damage.

The most ridiculous of confessions:

I pretend I'm the Doctor/Master to make it easier to cope with my anxiety/phobias and my paranoid thoughts. It works rather well, the thing I don't like or want to deal with is my Dalek, and if the Doctor can defeat an army of Daleks, I can do the thing I don't want to do. Basically because the Doctor/Dalek thing applies to me/my problems. I'm about to get a fob watch or a sonic to help with the illusion and anchor myself in the present, too. As a last resort and fail-safe.

Through some rather well-placed lies, I can convince myself to take a step back and not let my bullshit get to me. And BAM, no panic attacks or general mayhem because I freaked out.
 
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I'm a compulsive nose picker though I've stopped doing it at school, but it has given me very good health actually.
I bite and pick at the skin until it bleeds, even after it does. When there's nothing to pick, I still try and find some dead skin to peel off. My lips are normally in bad condition.
I pick at my nails (different than biting mind you) and my nails are nonexistent and uneaven and gross looking. I get so many hangnails it isn't funny.
Also I bite the skin around my nails too, but not as often.
 
When I get really, REALLY pissed off at something I go home, get on Black Flag and go to Nassau and wipe out all the guards. It's possible.
 
I refuse to get a driver's license no matter how convenient it may be, mostly due to a huge fear that I have of getting into a car accident. It's because I can't multitask very well and I lose focus real easily, both of which would make the act of driving extremely difficult for me.

I will also confess that I have ridiculously low emotional stability and control. At times I struggle to feel any emotions whatsoever (like when my grandma died a few years back, I barely grieved at all until after everyone else had already moved on, and even then it wasn't much), but at other times I get overly emotional for longer than I need to; usually, but not always, concerning much small things.

And lastly I must admit that I have absolutely no clue how to be independent, all I've ever known was to depend on other people to take care of most of my needs. I grew up with overprotective parents, they didn't think I could handle anything on my own, so they never even gave me the chance. As a result I went through my entire life up until now expecting to be told exactly what to do or to have others do it for me. But now that I'm 18 years old, it's become a requirement of me to be able to handle things on my own and I simply just cannot do so. I feel like someone in open waters who can't swim, with an inner tube that had been keeping them afloat this entire time, only now it just suddenly decided to pop... Such is life...
 
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-I enjoy envisioning being some sort of terrifying monster and scaring individuals half to death, or torturing them.
-I often find myself imagining what it'd be like to suddenly wake up the next morning as a woman.
-If you can do it better than me, you can bet your ass I'm angry about it.
-I don't think you're entitled to claim rape if you willingly had sex while drunk.
-I pretend to be somebody I'm not for the majority of my days, to be more well-liked... but hey, it works.
-Bacon can kiss my ass.
-I like being patriotic about America, for all its faults, and still think it's the greatest country in the world.
-Korean girls be fiiiiiiine.
-I'm a sucker for roleplays with abundant aesthetics.
-I am of the belief that I've created the most powerful character of any series. Ever.
-I have a strange fascination with faceless males.
 
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I have the worst procrastination habit of anyone I know. I'm actually known for it amongst my friends, which I find horribly embarrassing.

I've read 50 Shades and Twilight, and didn't hate either.

I secretly enjoy pop music, which really doesn't fit in with my general alt-style and always surprises people.

I'm mildly superstitious and have a vague belief in the supernatural, which is unusual for a scientist and has earned me my fair share of criticism from my peers.

The stuff in the spoiler is all the really heavy grim-as-fuck personal stuff, which is probably only worth a read if you already know me and are curious about the reasons behind why I've acted the way I have over the years, or whatever.

I still regularly think about going back to self-harming and imagine cutting myself for hours.
I regularly deprive myself of sleep instead of self-harming. Didn't sleep at all last night, actually.

I have always achieved very highly academically, but through natural talent rather than hard work. It's the one thing I have talent for, and I'm so scared of having that taken away from me, of one day actually trying hard and failing, that I never put any work in so I always have an excuse in case I do poorly. I'm very lucky that it hasn't bit me on the ass yet, but it's come close a few times.
This is bad enough that I didn't revise at all for my American SAT exams or for my Cambridge interview, and ended up cocking them both up. I desperately wanted to emigrate to the States for uni, and fucked it up. The only uni of those I applied to I got into over there was Berkeley, and I couldn't afford the fees because, as a public uni, they had no financing available for international students.

I crave drama. I tend to stagnate and get very depressed and lacking in motivation when life gets too stable, and will often do stupid things or drag up old drama just to avoid that. It energises me. This includes enjoying it when my friends come to me with their problems, although I like to think that's also because I genuinely love to be supportive and help them. I rarely realise what I'm doing until afterwards. Luckily I've gotten way better at avoiding that reckless behaviour because it hurt others as much as it hurt me, but it means I spend a lot of time in that rut.

I have serious intimacy issues. I can't open up or be vulnerable to anybody else, because I feel I've been let down very often in the past. This is probably because I was raised have very high expectations of my friends, although I also hold myself to the same standard. In my experience, most people don't want to or can't give the sort of dedication and support I (often in bad judgement) do. So even with my closest friends it tends to be a very one-sided relationship, with them opening up to me but me always playing things close to the chest. This actually helps them to do it, though, because many of them view me as incredibly strong, experienced, and self-sufficient and, therefore, as being able to "take their burdens", so to speak.
Yet simultaneously, I resent the loneliness. I create a situation in which it's almost impossible for people to win my trust, then hate feeling isolated. And I'm very painfully aware of that logical flaw, and don't know how to start fixing it.
 
1. I have a weird issue where if I really like a movie YOU also have to love that movie or it bothers the shit out of me.

2. I alphabetize my DVDs and lose my shit when one isn't put back in the right place.

3. When eating gummy bears I'll take a handful but throw the last one back in the bag so it can tell all it's friends the horror of what is to come.

4. I'm a workaholic.

5. I get jealous when I'm not the BFF. @Muna ;)

6. I'll be talking to a group on Skype and after an hour realize why nobody is talking or responding to me. . . Mute. That fucking mute button. It's happened more times than I'd care to admit.

7. I am... chlostro... no.. claithro.... I am terrified of being trapped. @Razilin told me once what it's called.

8. I am praise oriented. I'll do anything for cookies.

There. No more. I'll give away too much.
 
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Hope said:
1. I have a weird issue where if I really like a movie YOU also have to love that movie or it bothers the shit out of me.

2. I alphabetize my DVDs and lose my shit when one isn't put back in the right place.

3. When eating gummy bears I'll take a handful but throw the last one back in the bag so it can tell all it's friends the horror of what is to come.

4. I'm a workaholic.

5. I get jealous when I'm not the BFF. @Muna ;)

6. I'll be talking to a group on Skype and after an hour realize why nobody is talking or responding to me. . . Mute. That fucking mute button. It's happened more times than I'd care to admit.

7. I am... chlostro... no.. claithro.... I am terrified of being trapped. @Razilin told me once what it's called.

8. I am praise oriented. I'll do anything for cookies.

There. No more. I'll give away too much.
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you still have purity points to lose

i got this big box over here. kinky shit happens in. dont mind the chains and padlock...
 
I've seen Bigfoot. My mom and I were driving down the road and we came up on it. We quickly turned around and went back, but there was nothing there. When we started talking about what we had seen, it matched what the other saw exactly. No one believes us.
 
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