The Complicated Friendship.

[MiNaGi]

Julian was on her way to school. It was not just any kind of day. It was the last day in school before their Christmas holiday. She was wrapped in a warm, black coat and a red scarf, and her blonde hair had snowflakes in it. Her cheeks were flustered red and her hands were buried in her pockets. When she finally got inside, she took off her coat and scarf, leaving it in her locker at the school. She sought out her three friends Mike, Roman and Alyssa, also called Aly.
Her own name was actually Juliana, but she had asked to be called Julian instead, and thought of that as her name. She realized she had forgotten her books in her lockers and steered back to them, looking through all of the different books. When she finally found the right one, she sighed and slammed the door of the locker close. After that, she ventured back through the hallways to find Alyssa, since they were the only one who had the same class at this time. Roman and Mike were in other classes, so she thought it best to find her female friend first.
Luckily, she was early for school and decided to go look for her. She went through half of the school, passed the library, the infirmary, the gym hall, the lawn behind the school, everywhere she could think of. When she finally gave up, she sat down in the cafeteria with a heavy sigh. God, how annoying! She hated it when she couldn't achieve what she wanted. And she was stubborn, very, very stubborn, and thus decided to reclaim her search. This time she was more thorough, and when she deemed herself done she decided to wait near the entrance, looking in the direction of Aly's locker. She wondered where the other girl was. They always met up in the mornings. Of course it was a bit complicated after the talk they'd had after having got just a little bit too tipsy when they were at Julian's house. Julian had accidentally let it slip that she was gay, and it had created a bit of awkwardness between them. But Alyssa had never broken their promise of meeting up in the morning before. It wasn't like Julian could do anything to her in the open in the middle of a crowded high school hallway. But she had figured it to be her fault that Alyssa was possibly avoiding her.
Seeing as she had said it in a rather flirty way. God, she hated how perverse she began when she was drunk! She would always flirt and hit on people and sometimes even have a drunk affair with someone. That one was the worst. After she had... well, she was falling for Alyssa. So after this attraction had started, she had more or less avoided going out drinking. But Alyssa had been so persistent that they went drinking together, even if just at one of their houses, and had a little fun. And of course her being tipsy caused her to drunkenly slip out that she was gay and make it awkward.
She sighed as she walked towards the classroom, having almost given up on finding Alyssa. It made her a bit upset that it was her fault, all of it, considering that she had just wanted to do what Alyssa asked her to, which was having a drinking night with her. She hadn't intended for it to go that way. The way she would've told it should've been more graceful. She should have boxed around the topic, ask suggestive questions, subtly to figure out if she was against homosexuality or not, and then eventually, eventually she'd tell the truth. She would be slow and gentle about it, and of course remember to add that she of course wasn't going to hit on Alyssa. Well, that chance was more or less ruined by now, seeing as she'd made a fool of herself and was now possibly hated. The violent side of her came out for just a second and she slammed her fist into the wall, cursing at the pain and the blood that ran down one of her knuckles. Great. She was about just as violent as any man, and sure as hell she was strong. But she didn't care about any of that. She just wanted Alyssa to like her, to have those feelings for her.
But Alyssa obviously wasn't gay. She sighed as she went to the bathroom, washing the blood off with cold water. It was class soon and she still hadn't seen Alyssa anywhere. It was quite upsetting.

Michael, or, Mike, as he was called, was on his way to school. It was early on Friday just before the Christmas break. He was meeting up with his best friend, Roman, today. Though... they'd had a bit of problems recently. For some reason or other, Roman had been cold to him in the last while, and Mike was desparately trying to make sense of this. He wondered over it for long moments at a time. Had he said something wrong? Done something wrong? Had he done something that he shouldn't have? He thought through every conversation and anything else that involved Roman and he just couldn't understand it. He wondered if Roman was upset about something else.
Mike knew that he had broken up with his girlfriend not a year ago, and they were still best friends. Even if there was "no hard feelings" they still had a bit of tension. Mostly, the tension was caused by Juliana, or Julian, as she was called, had told Roman that she was gay and therefore it couldn't be them any longer. Of course, that was a bit of trouble considering that Roman might have something against homosexuals. But... in the end, Roman seemed okay with it. He always greeted her with a smile and even helped her when she needed romantic advice. Mike couldn't see any bitterness in him, and on the other hand, Julian didn't tell too many details about who she was in love with, or anything like that to rub it in his face that they had broken up. It was a very cozy relationship, straightly said.
So instead he began to truly wonder, what could be wrong with Roman? Was it really Mike's fault, whatever was wrong? Again, the dark-haired male thought over his options. Had he said anything particularly upsetting? No... Roman wasn't the sensitive type about teasing. What about something he had done? He didn't recall having done something to upset Roman in such a way. He hadn't done anything wrong, and yet... he felt as if he was responsible.
Mike was in love with Roman. It had been going on for a while, but he kept his feelings secret for the boy. Seeing as Roman had broken up with a girlfriend, Mike assumed that Roman was straight and not interested in guys at all. And Mike knew how guys usually felt about other guys who were gay. It would make Roman distance from him, and tell him that they could be friends as long as Mike wouldn't "rub his sexuality into Roman's face". But he knew it was just a matter of rephrasing "you can be my friend but you can't be gay around me" or something of the like. He didn't want that to happen to them and instead kept his feelings a dark, deep secret inside his chest. Unless Roman said he was gay, Mike wouldn't act on his feelings in the fear of being rejected and hated by someone. What if Roman abandoned him, called him a disgusting homo or something like that? Mike felt his heart break just slightly just thinking of it. It was so painful if he were to be left all alone like that by the person he truly, honestly loved with all of his heart.
But either way, he decided that it'd be a good idea to search around a little more to find Roman. After all, maybe it was just his imagination that Roman was in a bad mood. Maybe he just hadn't slept well, or forgot to do his homework and was annoyed with that. He tried to rationalize things like that so that he wouldn't feel even more upset than he already felt thinking about the rejection he would possibly get from telling Roman his true feelings. Though, he finally found the other male and ran over with a smile on his face. "Yo, Roman! Where were you at? I couldn't find you."

 

[Becky Nanase]

Alyssa woke up, got dressed and was walking to school that morning. It wasn't an ordinary day of school though, it was the last day before Christmas break. She walked into the building and to her locker. She put her black coat, hat and gloves into her locker and grabbed her books for the first class she had. She knew that her friend Julian would want to talk to her about what happened last night but she wasn't ready to yet. So she went to her secret spot, the roof greenhouse. She knew her friend wouldn't find her up here.

What happened? Well, last night she convinced Julian to go out drinking with her. They went to the biggest, most popular night club in town. They danced and drank with no care in the world. Aly wasn't a crazy drunk since she was used to going out every night and able to control herself. Julian was more of a flirty, bold drunk. Her friend started to hit on and flirt with her but she just rubbed it off thinking she was just messing around. She got extremely shocked though when Julian suddenly blurted out that she was gay. What made it worse for her was that she said it in a flirty way, like she liked her as more than a friend.

She's never had a problem with homosexuality, she accepted people loving the same gender. She was slightly bothered about her best friend was in love with her. She's had numerous boyfriends, unable to find the right one for her. So she knew there was no way she was gay. She's never thought about girls in that way, never being interested in 'experimenting'. Since that night, she has been avoiding the girl. She was scared of hurting her friend's feelings by rejecting her. She was scared of what Julian had to say.

She looks at her phone and notices the time. She grabs her bag and goes back down into the building. She walks to her first class, which she had with Julian ironically. She was hoping her friend wouldn't bring up last night. She walks into the classroom and takes her seat in the back. She didn't see Julian, assuming she was still looking for her. She takes out her notebook and gets ready for class. She just wanted to get through the day, meet up with her friend Michael - aka Mike - at lunch and talk about the whole situation.



Roman was on his way to school, excited for Christmas break to finally start today. This morning his best friend, Mike, wanted to meet up with him for some reason. He wasn't exactly looking forward to it though. He had been avoiding his friend for a few weeks now. He noticed Mike was different than he usually did. He heard the Julian recently broke up with him so he figured his friend was just having a tough time accepting it. It wasn't like he was mad at Mike or anything, he was just giving his friend time to heal from the break-up. Then he heard that Julian broke up with Mike because she was gay and in love with someone else. He knew how heart-break felt, he experienced it numerous times.

He had been out with Mike a few times last month and noticed that his friend was a lot more... friendly around him. He would catch his friend staring at him like a guy stares at their girlfriend. He caught his friend subtly flirting with him, at first thinking he was just messing around. He never had a problem with homosexuals, he accepted that love was love. He couldn't help but wonder if Mike was gay. Or even more, if his best friend was secretly in love with him.

That was one of the reasons why he was avoiding Mike. He was scared that his friend was in love with him. He never had an interest in guys, never had a want to 'experiment'. He wasn't sure though if he could accept his best friend possibly being in love with him. He had always been close with Mike, hell they were practically like brothers. He knew he wasn't gay. He started thinking about how close he had always been with Mike though, how sometimes people thought they were a couple. He always denied it, saying they were just best friends.

He remembered how close Mike always got with him. How his friend always seemed to get down when they were mistaken as a couple. He thought about how they always felt the need to give each other valentine's day gifts. Joking about how they loved each other. He remembered how, for some reason, his heart always sped up whenever they went swimming at the local pool and seen Mike in just swimming trunks. Everything he was thinking about, remembering, sounded like he was gay.

He definitely needed to talk about this unusual feelings he was realizing he had with Mike. If he was gay, he had to at least tell his best friend. He just hoped Mike wouldn't get any ideas about them possibly getting together now. He didn't even noticed he walked inside the school building. He walks to his locker, leaning back against it and runs his hands through his hair. He then hears Mike and looks at him as he walked over. "Hey Mike. I was just taking forever to walk here. I've been thinking about some stuff." He replies.

 

[MiNaGi]

And thus, Julian had been in love with Michael. Sure she had. They had been a sweet couple, always holding hands and kissing and smiling. And Michael was still nice to her after this. Actually, they made it more dramatic than it really was. Because they had both discovered their homosexuality, and Julian had just happened to be the first to bring up the topic. They'd decided to break up, and Julian had agreed that it was alright to say it was because she was gay. She knew how bad Michael were at hiding his feelings, at least compared to her who only let out her true feelings when she was tipsy.

Julian was fairly annoyed with herself. She hadn't thought that just going out drinking would cause such a thing. She hadn't wanted to say it, and she felt as if she was going to lose Aly as her friend if she didn't talk to her about it. Her heart wrenched in her chest at the thought, the thought of Alyssa never wanting to be with her again, never wanting to talk to her just because she wasn't straight. Many straight people who had gay friends feared that they'd be assaulted by them if this gay person is the same gender as them, but it wasn't true - Julian couldn't do that to Alyssa, ever. She couldn't tell about her feelings, and it was only because she had been drunk that she had said anything about it in the first place, and she knew it was her own fault.

Somehow, Julian knew that Alyssa wouldn't be that upset about the whole thing. She had heard the other girl talk about gay couples who were walking out in the public, saying things like "it's nice that they can show their love like this" and stuff of the same kind. It made her feel more reassured, but she had still hit on her friend for stupid, drunken reasons and she wanted to make it good again. She didn't want them to drift away from each other just because she preferred girls over guys. But she was also scared. Scared of what Alyssa would say.

When she came into the classroom, she cradled her injured hand that she had put a bandage on, walking over to Alyssa. "I... I want to talk to you... just... whenever you have the time for it." She said before hurriedly going to her seat. She kept hiding her hand but it was obvious that she had inflicted the injury herself, and with Alyssa who knew of her self-harming habits, there was no way she wouldn't notice. But how could she say anything about the anger she felt? About the fear? It was all so new to her, falling in love and actually talking it out with someone. How could she do it like a pro from day one?

Michael hadn't been particularly broken up, at all. He had been gay too at that time, and was just rather relieved that Julian was the first one to say it. But he begged her to keep it a secret from everyone that he was gay, because he was scared that Roman would get bad ideas about it. So Julian had agreed to say that she was the one who stopped the relationship because she was gay, and that Michael was heartbroken about it but taking it really well. He had been so thankful of her at the time, and they'd spent a lot of time together just talking things out. And recently, he had come to notice the longing glances that Julian was sending Alyssa's back, and he knew where that was going. He didn't mind it, as he knew what of a great person Julian was, but seeing his ex so broken up over his best friend, he couldn't help but want to put them together himself.

But Michael was an idiot at hiding his feelings. He was obviously, and pretty much openly, gay. But he just hadn't had the chance to tell anyone. He had tried a lot of different things with different guys, but never had he thought that he would fall for Roman. It was a bad idea, and he knew it, but he just couldn't help but showing Roman just that little bit more of his kindness and affection. Somehow he knew that Roman was seeing through his platonic act, and that he was probably pretty much on track with the fact that Michael was gay. Thinking about it, he felt like an idiot. He shouldn't fall for his best friend, for crying out loud!

He also knew that Roman was as straight as a board, too. He had never shown any romantic hints towards males, and certainly had he thought their little affections for each other when they were smaller, or drunk, to be friendly and never once flirty or even romantic. It was also stupid for Michael to hope for such a high goal. He jus wanted for Roman to accept him, really, but if he could have more than friendship, he'd gladly take the chance to become more with Roman. Something in him made him think that even if Roman was gay, then Michael wouldn't be his one. He'd have someone else he'd love and Michael would accept it gladly.

Still... he felt a bit sad about it. He was in love, for god's sake. He just wanted to have love. He had always liked Roman, but first really figured it out one morning after they'd fallen asleep on the floor being drunk. Michael had been slumped over Roman, and ended up waking up first. When he had raised himself onto his arms, there were Roman, lying beneath him with the hair illuminating his skin. Without thinking, Michael had pecked his lips, and left it at that. But he had also figured out how intensely he felt for the other male. He almost couldn't bear thinking that he'd be left alone.

He knew that they would need to talk about some things, about what they felt and didn't felt, about what they could become and couldn't become. There was a lot of things to go through, especially if Roman was gay too. Was Mike allowed to make a move on him? Or was that completely restricted area? Just because they'd been friends from childhood, did that mean that they'd have to be such forever? It made him feel extremely sad to think about. That was, until Roman answered him. "Uh... alright. Whatever. Think all that you want..." He said, slightly confused as he walked with Roman to class.