Discussion in 'REFINING WRITING' started by Zen, Jan 4, 2013.

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    A simple exercise where your character receives a shocking call. This could be both a good call or a bad one, it's up to you. All I ask is that you don't make your exercises completely about dialogue. There should be descriptions about body language thrown in.
  2. Re: Writing Exercise: The Call

    “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen from Fox news. It’s Friday night and President Obama has declared…”

    The TV rattled on, giving the darkened room an eery like glow. Laying on her couch beneath a yellow throw, the auburn haired girl’s stomach began to rumble. Reaching over towards the coffee table, Hannah grabbed the remote and muted the TV before tossing the throw aside and getting up. With a loud yawn, she reached her hands to air and stretched eventually scratching her backside as the itch began to irritate her. Fixing her overly large grey sweater which normally covered only one shoulder, she headed towards the kitchen feeling a breeze on her bare legs.

    It was common for her kitchen to be empty, Hannah was a terrible cook but she knew how to make hot pockets and noodle soup. Sadly for her, she was all out of those and with much disdain she grabbed the last pack of extra buttered popcorn making a mental note to go shopping in the morning.

    Riiinng, riiinng, riiinng…

    The phone droned on, becoming incredibly irritating as she tossed the bag into the microwave and slammed the door shut. “I’m coming, I’m coming…” she whined, although to who no one would know. With heavy footsteps, Hannah made her way to the phone kept in the hallway. By the seventh persistent ring, she picked up the phone and answered with a tone of annoyance, “ Hello?” She placed a hand on her hip and tapped her foot impatiently.

    The answer she received was a most unusual one indeed. Heavy breathing on the other end of the receiver left her confused. “Hello? Who is this?” She asked more agitated then before. Still she received no answer other than the raspy breath and the beating of her own heart. “Robert?” She questioned, “Is this you? Look, grow up. This isn’t funny you asshole.” And she slammed the phone down to the receiver.

    With a mumble that sounded like “asshole” she jumped as a loud BEEEEEEP! rang through the apartment. Placing a hand against her chest, she leaned against the wall in an attempt to calm her nerves before eventually laughing at her silliness of fright. Shrugging it off, she headed towards the kitchen.


    She stopped before making it to the kitchen and turned, her eyes watching the phone as it continued to ring loudly. It was moments before she realized her hands were shaking and with a fury of rage, she picked up the phone and shouted, “Robert! Stop calling me! Goddamnit, I’m not kidding. Call me again and I’m calling the cops!” It took her a moment to realize a woman was talking to her. Her friend, Amanda and a sigh of relief escaped her. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that, I just got a really weird call.” Feeling more relaxed, Hannah placed a hand against her neck and began to rub it. “Yeah, I’ll be in tomorrow. Yeah, I’m fine…I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay, bye.” And she hung up the phone. With an exasperated sigh, she shook her head, “Being ridiculous, Hannah.”


    Answering the phone with a smile on her lips, Hannah spoke, “Forgot something, Amanda?” And the heavy breathing answered her she looked at the phone yet for what she didn’t know. “Look, whoever the hell you are…stop calling me!” She could feel her heart in her throat and her palms were beginning to sweat, “I’m not kidding. You don’t know who I am!” And then finally…

    “I’m going to kill you…”

    Dropping the phone, a small shriek escaped her as the doorbell began to ring. She stepped back and eventually became frozen as the ring turned into knocking. Hannah never noticed the closet door behind her creep open and even when a hand clasped her mouth with a blade on her throat, she still found herself frozen in place. “I told you…I’m going to kill you.” The woman spoke softly before applying pressure to Hannah’s neck.

    Quickly her hands grasped the wound on her neck, soaked in crimson and the realization of who her killer was. “A-aman…d-gurgle-gurgle.” Amanda simply smiled and watched her die with an open bag of popcorn.
  3. Re: Writing Exercise: The Call

    The day was a bit glum already and Milly was at home while her husband was out running the errands. She had called a few of her friends already, trying to plan something to do, but most everyone was sleepy and just gloomy from the grey weather. So when the phone rang, she didn't think twice about it. Perhaps one of the gang decided to go out, finally. However, when she answers the phone, she hears a busy background filled with Sirens and yelling.

    "Milly Atkins?" The voice over the phone spoke out over the loud commotion and the voice was calm and serene.

    "Yes, this is she? Who is this?" Milly sits up slowly in anticipation and slight worry.

    "Yes, well, madam, this is the authorities. Your husband has had an accident and is headed over to St. Augustine's to the E.R. Do we need to send someone over?" The lady over the phone spoke with pure sincerity and sympathy.

    After hearing the cue words 'accident' and 'E.R.' Milly dropped the phone and began crying and screaming in panic and adrenaline as she hustled around the house trying to find what she needed for the drive through her tears. And just as the woman on the phone had heard the screaming, it only took a few minutes before a few officers were rushing into the home and trying to protect herself from herself. There needn't be another accident today, and in the same household.

    As soon as they manage to calm down Milly and get her in the car, Milly was on her way to the hospital with police alarms blaring and all. The ride over seemed long, drawn out, and never ending to Milly when in reality, it was only a 10 minute drive.

    Not long after her arrival, Milly was escorted to the E.R. so she could sit in the room her husband was in. He was unconscious and banged up with cuts, bloody bandages, and bruises with the most saddening look on his face, even in his state of unconsciousness.

    Nevertheless, after countless hours of reconstructive surgery, Milly's husband died and was laid to rest a few days later. Day after day she stares at the obituary while holding onto his photo.

    A week later, the phone rings, and Milly expecting another sympathy call, she answers but not to a call from her friends.

    "Hello. Who is this?"

    "..........." The voice was silent with only a silent and fragile breathe coming through the other end.

    "Hello? Please answer.. Who is this?" Milly began to get worried and tense up as she started reaching for her address book.

    "Milly.... I'm not dead..." The voice was a familiar one and then the phone clicked off on the other end followed by a busy tone.
  4. Re: Writing Exercise: The Call

    Kasumi was at School when she received a call from her father.
    The first time he called kasumi hunged up right away and sended a message "I'm At School right now, I can't answer, sorry! I'm turning off my phone"
    After five minutes the class was finally over and she turned on her phone, "Riingggg..... Ringgg... Ringgg..." Kasumi pushed the -Answer- Bottom and raised her phone to her ear, "Hello, Who Is this?"

    -"Honey, It's Me, David, Look, We've been discovered, the "Shadows" found us, I'm going to pick you up at School Right now, Mom's at the airport buying the tickets, the bags are alredy there, Get everything you need" Kasumi started to look around her, everything was growing darker and darker, "Dad.. It's too late, They're already here" Whispered Kasumi, and she was the only one to notice, She ran as fast as she could to the Exit but a shadow took her by the leg and made her fall to the ground, screaming with her last bit of strength "DAAD!!! They are taking me!!!!!!" Kasumi Reached her phone as she watched the shadows came closer to her, she started to crawl "Honey, I'm there, Just, Just go to the light!!" Replied her father.

    "Dad.... H-Help Me.. I'm Scared, They've never been this Close" Kasumi's Phone was thrown away by one of the shadows was Still Crawling her way out, this time the shadows were so close she could see their faces, They were inhuman, no way to describe them, their faces seemed to be stained by blood, they had eyes totally black, and each step they took made her look at them cleared, now they did not only seemed like shadows with eyes, she could see their faces, they had teeth, sharp ones and their lips were so dry, they were grinning at her, looking at her like food, one of them opened it's mouth and screamed, It chilled her blood, "We found you." Said one of them.
    Then Her phone started ringing "Ringgg... Ringgg.... Ringg" It must be mom or dad... "Farewell... I love both of you" Whispered kasumi ready for her death when suddenly something pulled her, Her new friend, he could see the shadows as well, and they ran to the light and lived again... This Time.

    "Ringgg.... Ringgg..... RINNNGGG...,. RINGGGGGGGGGGGG....... RINGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    - It's your turn this time.