Discussion in 'REFINING WRITING' started by Asmodeus, Aug 17, 2010.


    Okay, hopefully this one won't be as tricky as the last....

    I want you to create a simple scene for a story and write it according to Aristotlean Form. You can choose a typical post like you would write for a roleplay, or even a section of character dialogue. You could even deliver a rant about current affairs.

    I don't really mind about the content, as long as your demonstrate the structure.

    1. Divide the sections clearly, putting a space between each of the stages. Open by establishing the Situation.

    2. Put the Thesis Statement in capitals, bold and underlined, and keep it as short and punchy as possible.

    3. Use at least 1 Rational, 1 Emotive and 1 Ethical point, and colour them accordingly. If you can get two of each, that'd be good. Ensure that each point starts with a Con which is then knocked down by a Pro. Also, put a number next to your Point to show its strength. I'd like to see how you arrange your strongest and weakest points.

    4. Restate your Thesis in bold, capitals and underline.

    5. Put a final new world statement that can link you to the next part of the story.

    Here's an example:

    Finally, after all these months of searching, Andrew had found his sister's rapist in the warehouse. The man was bleeding and half-conscious as Andrew stood over him, a crowbar in hand, pondering his next move.


    (6) The rapist was barely 16, but this same kid had stolen Laura's innocence - taken the light that Andrew's sister once knew and loved.

    (3) Murder was a sin - Andrew knew that - but a line had to be drawn. There was too much evil in this world, and rapists like this kid had to be taught that retribution would find them.

    (2) It's possible someone had seen them come out here. But the abandoned warehouse was the best place for the murder. The body wouldn't be found for years. No one came out here anymore, except vagrants, but they would never take the time to report a corpse.

    (4) There was probably a better place to hide the body, like in the woods, or beneath the lake. But it was fitting that this kid should die in a place like this warehouse. For he had brought only ruin and degradation into this world, and he now would die in the ruins of the town he had tormented.

    (5) Andrew had thought about showing restraint - maybe just breaking the kid's legs or cutting him up a little. But now the boy had seen Andrew's face, and if he left him alive this kid would always be looking for revenge. It had become a choice of kill or be killed.

    (1) He knew he would regret what he was about to do... but at the same time, when Andrew gripped that crowbar.... he felt like he was the king of the world.


    Andrew lifted the crowbar and brought it down upon the rapist's head and shoulders, striking once, twice, three times, four times, not resting until the boy's whimpers had faded and his body had ceased its twitching.
  2. Uhm, I tried to do it in a post, since I couldn't think of my own situation but I'm pretty sure it is a total fail...

    His eye closed and he sniffed the air briefly, smelling blood, bread, chaos, and for a moment, a lingering scent of a man who had perished long ago. A lone silver eye stared up at Jumi and Tegan before his weak limbs shifted closer to the bed, closer to Asmo as if it would make the two adults calm down in a situation where, certainly, there could be nothing to panic about?

    However, he chose to say nothing.

    [2]Ethically, he should worry for the lives of those around him... but did it really matter? He could always find a way to slip out of the situation, it was his house after all. There would always be small places for him to hide away.
    [6]He also had no desire to speak with them... they terrified him in a way he could not quite explain, he seeking mental nourishment where there was nothing but blood and war.
    [4]If he opened his mouth to speak, who would listen to a child's words? They were adults.
    [3]Even if he had something useful to communicate, his lack of ability with his lips would make the process agonizing and the others may not even understand his words.
    [5]They were probably outnumbered but as far as he was concerned, they had survived thus far and could continue to live, the cycle has willed too much to let them die now.
    [1]He may speak, and be correct and end trouble before it starts... or he could be wrong, and write down the end of them all as delicately as pen on paper.

    He chose to say nothing.

    The boy seemed to make a soft noise of distress at his own thoughts, as if they were not his. They were too analytical, surely they were something else. Clutching his head in a minor headache, he rested his upper body on the bed of the curled ex-angel, head resting in the folds of long abandoned sheets.

    EDIT: I wasn't sure if it was numbered by importance or just the way they were written ;A; I chose the former... I hope this is ok?
  3. he gripped the rifle tightly, watching the crosshairs slowly bob up and down on the back of the mans head. He slowed his breathing, watching as the scope became motionless, and a man's life was in his hands. He relaxed his hands, and slowly pulled applied pressure to the trigger.

    The Man would die for the pain he had put upon him.

    [4] This Man has changed since he killed Ducadi, but not enough, the old angel was still deep within this man.

    [1] He has saved Iwaku so many times, this fallen angel. But he still killed Ducadi, and countless others. He is long past redemption.

    [2] These people needed him though, he could lead them through this. But that is the marvel of man, everyone is expendable, everyone can be replaced.

    [3] Men can change can't they. But redemption is needed, everyone must pay in blood sooner or latter.

    [5] Maybe this former angel did not deserve what was coming to him, but how was this man to find rest?

    The Man would die for the pain he had put upon him.

    The shooter pulled the trigger, the rifle buckled in his hand, and the glass shattered. People dived for cover as the window came crashing down. Except one. The Man looked at the wall, seeing the bullet hole inches from his face. He nodded to the shooter, and turned to leave. The shooter sat down, he couldn't do it. His brother would not want that of him.

    Eh not bad I think, and I do plan on doing the other challenge sooner or later.