Swifties

H

Hope

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Honestly, I don't know if this thread belongs here or in Skill Building as a writing exercise, but fuck it. Someone feel free to move it if it needs to be elsewhere.

Anyway, if you've read Stephen King's On Writing, you already know what game I'm talking about. If you haven't, here's how it goes:

If you know much about Stephen King's writing, you know that, like all of us he has certain pet peeves in regards to writing. One of his biggest ones is dialogue attribution. Dialogue attribution are the phrases such as "he said," "She replied," and so on. Often times people use adverbs in dialogue attribution. I won't get into it but as the Master says himself, "the road to hell is paved in adverbs." An example of adverbs being used in dialogue attribution would be, "put that down! she shouted menacingly" - Menacingly being the adverb. Writers who try to avoid adverbs often times pump up their dialogue attribution full of steroids. Why? Because, like all of us, they are afraid the reader will not understand what they are trying to write without it. (Example: "How could you?" She gasped). Okay, now that you have the idea of what I'm talking about, here's the game:

Combine a sentence of dialogue (including dialogue attribution) with a pun.

Examples:

"You got a nice butt, lady," he said cheekily. (Stephen King)

"I'm the plumber," he said, with a flush. (Stephen King)

"I said I wanted blue cheese, not feta." The wife grated. (mine)


What can you come up with?

(Fun fact: Swities are names after Tom Swift. The author Victor Appleton II was famous for using tons of these in his works.)
 
“This stinks,” he sniffed.
 
"I don't expect you to understand how hungry I am." he growled
 
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"How dare you call me a bitch," she barked.