Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by angrycactuar, Jul 9, 2013.

  1. Okay so

    I've been married for 2 years. When I met my husband, he was all ready friends with my sister who is a couple of years older than me. When we started dating, she started acting very strange and showed a lot of animosity, even took to sleeping with my husband's friends, which was.... weird and awkward when they bragged about it to him and then she later denied it.

    ANYWAY, I married him when I was 17 and took off to a different state that night. I've lived apart from my family ever since. My parents have taken it very very well, but my sister, not so much. Every single time we get into a little bit of a tiff, she brings up that it's "so fucked up that I married a guy she had interest in, who she was friends with first and then moved away" and how "I should have found a different guy that she wasn't friends with and stayed there." or when I gush to her about how happy I am and how long we've been together, she says "well you can thank me for that because I'm the one who introduced you two." even though she didn't, we met in a video game store and he just happened to know her.

    My mother has told me that my sister is still very angry about it and talks about it often, which makes me feel very uncomfortable because he's my husband, whether she approves or not. I'm in love with him and we have a wonderful life together and that's not going to change.

    The weird part is, they never even dated. They talked a bit, yeah, but they never dated or told one another that they liked each other, so I'm not really sure why she's mad. I know for a fact that he never had feelings for her outside of friendship, but I don't want to tell her that and start a war.

    What do I do to make my sister accept my marriage? I'm at my wit's end here, because as long as she doesn't accept it, I can never have an in-person relationship with her because she's always going to have animosity towards my relationship, which is awkward and very annoying.
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  2. My advice to you is to make some time, sit her down, and talk about things. Ask her about her feelings and why she's so upset, maybe even apologize since she obviously feels you stepped on her toes, even if he didn't like her. No need to bring up that he never liked her, that doesn't matter, he's with you now. And even if you feel like you did nothing wrong, it's obvious she feels hurt by it and might feel a little better if you take an empathetic stance.
    Almost forgot: don't forget to talk about your feelings, too! This is the man you love who loves you, this is something for her to celebrate. As much as it might suck for her to feel you swooped up someone she maybe had feelings for, she needs to give up on him and set her sights elsewhere. Don't let you understanding her hurt feelings allow her trample on the fact that you did nothing wrong and your relationship is consensually loving, you're happy, and she should support you.
    As I say, conversation. Give and take and trying to understand one another.
    That's my opinion, anyway. Hope things improve.
    #2 Kitti, Jul 10, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2013
    • Love Love x 1
  3. Fantastic idea. I think that's the one thing I've been avoiding for a long time with her because I'm scared of what will happen. But you're right, I've got to do it. Time for a long overdue Skype conversation. :p
  4. I think what you could also do, in addition to what Kitti said, is let your sister know that there are other guys out there who are a better fit for her. 7 billion people live on this planet, surely there is someone out there?
  5. Oh, she's had boyfriends since then, many actually. My sister is slightly mentally ill in a way that she fixates on certain things and never lets them go, she's been diagnosed with many disorders and whatnot, so I'm sure this is a symptom of one of them. This is just one of those things. I'm going to try to talk to her about it, I just hope it doesn't start problems. :p
  6. Well I wish you good luck then. ^^
  7. Why, thank you. We actually just talked it out and I feel that we've solved a lot of issues. She says that she'll probably never stop feeling weird about it, and that I shouldn't expect her to, so I'm just not going to do that. I know she's in the wrong here, but I'd rather we not keep beating a dead horse so I'm just going to deal with it. XD